Episode 20 - Halfway Honest, Somewhat Strong

←Year 3 Class 7 Lee Minjun

Year 3 class 7 Lee Minjun

Hi!

You went quiet before. Are you okay?

Only 2 were real, if that means anything.

23:13

Rather than responding, Taehyeon puts his phone in his pocket. His mom is still awake and watching TV with Taeri. Seeing the two of them wearing sheet masks has Taehyeon feeling left out.

"Where's dad?" Taehyeon asks as he drops his backpack on the living room floor. Wordlessly Taeri points over her shoulder towards the cramped little laundry room. Taehyeon follows the direction and leans against the door whilst his dad empties the washing machine. When his face emerges from the drum, he's wearing a sheet mask too.

"Is there a reason you've got a face like a smacked arse?"

"Am I ugly, dad?" Taehyeon asks.

"Yes!" Taeri shouts from the living room. If the little alcove where the washing machine lives was big enough, Taehyeon would love to shut the door. As things stand, that's not viable. Instead he just glowers at his dad. It doesn't really help his case against having a face like a smacked bum.

"Did something happen?" Taehyeon's dad asks. He sits back on his heels and smiles up at Taehyeon.

"No. Nothing happened," Taehyeon mutters. "How many relationships should I have been in by now? What's normal?"

"Surely the answer is zero. You're a student so you should be studying."

That isn't quite the response Taehyeon wanted. He doesn't know what else he expected from his dad. Taeri wouldn't help him out either because she would probably say a number higher than eight. There aren't many other people he can ask unless he is brave enough to put the question to a public forum.

"Would it definitely be zero because I'm studying and not because I'm ugly?"

"Taehyeon, do you want to come with me to the shop?"

The offer is one Taehyeon isn't going to turn down. He isn't sure that he is actually going to open up about things but he would appreciate some ice cream all the same.

Taehyeon's dad throws on the thick cardigan Taeri calls his 'old codger cardigan' and shuffles his feet into his work shoes. He doesn't even give Taehyeon the grace of walking all the way down the street before questioning him.

"Has someone at school been giving you grief?"

Taehyeon knew a question like this was coming at some point, but now that he has been asked he isn't sure how to answer it. For some reason his dad doesn't tend to believe him a lot of the time.

"Nobody is calling me ugly," Taehyeon says awkwardly.

"Of course they shouldn't," his dad agrees cheerfully. "Anyone who would say such a thing would be lying to make you feel bad about yourself. I'm not just saying this because you're my son; you're almost as handsome as Bada."

"You know, mom would have worded that differently."

"She can have her opinion, I can have mine," his dad replies flippantly. He sends a grin Taehyeon's way and gestures for Taehyeon to pick up the pace. "Why didn't you ask your mom to talk to you in the first place? Taeri teases you a lot but she worries about you too. She would have let you talk to your mom in peace."

Taehyeon hadn't really thought of talking to his mom. He tends to avoid the parent Taeri is nearest to at any one time so the decision was made without thinking. His mom might have spent a long time telling him in exact detail why he is the most handsome boy in the world but that wouldn't have helped. Taehyeon already considers himself pretty confident in his looks. He's happy with everything he was born with. The issue is that other people don't seem to mind him much. His Valentine's day was decidedly uneventful and none of the boyfriends Taehyeon has had online ever saw his face. Taehyeon is handsome in a useless way. Nobody else cares.

"I need to ask a stupid question," Taehyeon eventually says. For once his dad doesn't quip about every question he asks being stupid. Taehyeon isn't sure whether he appreciates that or not because he still feels the biting edge of something in his gut. "Let's say that hypothetically, I like someone but they have been out with eight people. None of these eight people look like me, so I'm not their type. What do you think my chances are?"

"Hopefully your chances are zero because you're a student with exams coming up next year."

Taehyeon tries not to look too put out at that response. He fails, as he notices in the mirror dark window of the convenience store.

"Look, you're young. You don't see it now, but the things you're agonising over right now couldn't be further from being important. In five years time, you'll look back and wonder why you were such an idiot who cared about the opinion of some girl you hardly know."

Taehyeon makes a mental note never to ask his dad for advice again. The ice cream does not sweeten the ordeal of listening to his dad complain about his grades for the disappointingly slow walk home.

Desperate, Taehyeon drags his mom away from her second time through watching Green Mothers Club to ask her advice. She is more than happy to give her opinion.

"You study enough as it is. Imagine if you kept doing all-nighters like those unfortunate looking children I see going to the really expensive academy across the street from work," she says whilst smoothing down Taehyeon's hair. "It is too early to be giving yourself wrinkles and eye bags. You know, I heard that one of those ugly kids down the street, Ki-something I think, begged his mom for a nose job and a jaw shave to help his mental health before his exams. Can you believe that? I'm so lucky you wouldn't ask me something as stupid as that."

Taehyeon has no idea who Ki-something is meant to be but that isn't the only thing confusing him.

"Didn't you say last week that I should be studying?"

His mom scoffs and presses her palms against his cheeks. "With this beautiful face, why should you waste your life with your nose in a book? Everyone should get to see you. What do you think about becoming a flight attendant?"

"Isn't that a bit…" Taehyeon's next word was going to be 'gay' but he is a bit worried that that would make the career a more perfect fit in his mom's eyes. Luckily, the missing end of the sentence doesn't bother his mom in the slightest.

"I had to hear that snotty cow in payroll bragging about her precious Duwon and Dusik both getting good enough grades to become doctors all day today. Who cares if her children are smart when mine are beautiful? If you don't want to be a flight attendant, how about a model?"

"I… so you're saying that I'm not ugly, right?"

"Stop being so shy," his mom says, pinching his cheeks for good measure. "Of course you're not ugly. Will you only do it if you have a friend? Shall I call Bada's mom and get him to join you?"

Taehyeon shakes his head. He doesn't want to get ahead of himself. He is checking whether he is too ugly for someone to be interested in him in real life. A career as a top model isn't exactly an immediate concern.

"I should probably go and do some homework or something," Taehyeon says. He ignores his mom's offer to join her and Taeri watching TV. He goes to wash and change into the loungewear his mom got from the department store last month. It's comfortable and cosy and if Taehyeon lies to himself really well, he can convince himself that he can just immediately fall asleep if the situation with his messages gets any worse.

← Year 3 Class 7 Lee Minjun

Year 3 class 7 Lee Minjun

Sorry

I must have made everything weird by assuming you didn't reply because of me.

23:33

Year 3 class 7 Lee Minjun

You must be busy. I don't mean to disturb you. Just in case you haven't seen the other messages, I just wanted to check whether you'd want to join us all on Saturday.

23:37

Year 3 class 7 Lee Minjun

I don't know anybody else so I would feel awkward without you there.

Oh.

That must sound like I'm pressuring you.

If you don't want to come, that's fine too.

Whatever you want to do will be great!

23:39

Year 3 class 7 Lee Minjun

Good night, Taehyeon. Sweet dreams.

23:52

Taehyeon can't reply to any of these messages. He read them all, so that's terrible enough, but he doesn't know what to say. He shouldn't have looked. He should have simply gone to sleep without checking his phone. Sleep is going to stay beyond his reach for a while seeing as guilt will be expanding until his skull is ready to burst.

These messages can wait a moment. Taehyeon takes a look at the group chat which has seemingly been renamed. He skims over the first few messages and scrolls to try to see what everyone has been talking about.

← Nice to Meat you 😆

Choi Siwoo

I'm not athletic so I don't think I can join in.