Chapter 55 — Fester Addams
Margaret let out a piercing scream and flailed her arms wildly, trying to shake off the severed hand. She jumped about as if having a seizure, clearly terrified out of her wits.
Aside from Morticia, every member of the Addams family wore the satisfied smiles of pranksters whose scheme had worked perfectly.
"Mother, behave yourself," Morticia said sternly.
At once, Esmeralda wiped the grin off her face and sat up straight, looking slightly wronged.
"Hmph, even you are being naughty today," Morticia muttered, glancing at the hand on the floor before placing the statue in front of Wednesday.
"Wednesday," she said, motioning for her to continue the séance.
Wednesday recited in a voice far too grave for a child her age:
"To redeem you from the authority of the underworld—
Tonight, O Death, where is your calamity?"
Next, Esmeralda blankly stroked the crystal ball and intoned in a hollow voice,
"I sense that… he is nearby."
The piano music grew faster and more intense.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Three thunderous knocks echoed from the front door.
Thing immediately dashed down the corridor, leapt up, and yanked the door handle.
Outside, in the pouring rain, stood a bald man with a ghostly pale face and heavy dark circles under his eyes. He wore a fur-collared coat and was drenched from head to toe.
"Fester."
"Gomez."
They embraced.
A moment later, a middle-aged woman stepped out from behind Fester. A plastic bag was tied over her head as a makeshift hood against the rain, and she smiled cheerfully at everyone.
"Hello. I'm Dr. Pinder-Schloss."
After hearing her explanation, Russell found it absurd.
Discovering Fester tangled in tuna-fishing nets?
That was ridiculous even by Addams standards.
"This is too absurd," he muttered.
Margaret seemed to agree, though Tully stopped her before she could voice her opinion.
Gomez and Morticia, however, appeared to accept Dr. Schloss's story without hesitation. Russell glanced toward Wednesday and found her completely indifferent.
Which made sense—how could she feel anything for a relative she'd never met?
Esmeralda showed little enthusiasm as well. She was calmly eating a plate of mushrooms. Russell felt those fungi had powerful hallucinogenic properties—he hadn't even tasted them yet and could already hear them screaming.
Morticia invited Fester to stay, but he explained he could only remain for one week.
He still had "important work" in the Bermuda Triangle.
At that, Russell noticed a strange light flicker in Wednesday's eyes.
The moment the Bermuda Triangle was mentioned, Gomez and Morticia embraced again.
"Pardon us," Gomez said proudly,
"our second honeymoon was in the Bermuda Triangle."
Just then, Russell heard a strange sizzling sound.
He turned—and saw Pugsley had burned the lock clean off Fester's suitcase.
Morticia also invited Dr. Schloss to stay, but she politely declined.
Russell was assigned a guest room.
He had secretly hoped to try sleeping in the old prison wing—
Sadly, his dream went unfulfilled.
Silence filled the night.
Fester appeared to settle into life with the Addams family with surprising ease, and Russell gradually lowered his guard around him.
"Russell, come on—come with us to a charity auction," Morticia called, pulling him away from his disarming-spell practice with Lurch.
"A charity auction?"
It wasn't prejudice on Russell's part—he simply felt that the Addams family and charity did not naturally belong in the same sentence.
Their contribution to the auction was a double-headed dragon-shaped metal antique inlaid with rubies and fifteen emeralds. According to Gomez, it was an imperial finger trap dating back to the era of a famous king.
The opening bid was five thousand pounds.
Russell thought the price was rather low.
Gomez clearly agreed.
He watched in shock as Gomez and Morticia began bidding against each other with unrestrained enthusiasm, until the final price soared to fifty thousand pounds.
They had just bought back their own donation.
Russell stared in silent disbelief.
On the drive home, Fester played with the artifact curiously when—
Click.
Both of his hands were suddenly trapped inside.
No matter how hard he pulled, he couldn't free them.
"How do I get my fingers out?" he asked, staring at the object in confusion.
Gomez and Morticia exchanged a stunned look.
A dark expression crossed Gomez's face.
"How do you take it off?" he growled around his cigar.
"That's an outrageous question."
"That finger trap was a birthday gift I received when I was ten. I wore it for two years. In the end, my mother had to teach me how to eat with my feet."
In front of him, a miniature railway filled the room. Dozens of tiny trains thundered across the tracks, making the entire mansion shake.
Elsewhere, Morticia was calmly reading to Wednesday and Pugsley, utterly unaffected by the vibrations.
"Gomez is playing with his trains again," she said serenely.
Meanwhile, Esmeralda sat chewing something thoughtfully. In front of her lay two books:
The Joy of Cooking
and
Gray's Anatomy.
Russell stood beside her slicing vegetables as they discussed culinary experimentation—
such as Cornish Pixie hotpot.
"Yes, cut here," she instructed while reading,
"remove the organs first."
At the same time, dust rained from the ceiling.
Russell quickly raised his wand.
"Scourgify."
The dust vanished.
"Don't worry," Esmeralda said calmly.
"Gomez is just playing with his trains.
It seems he's begun to suspect Fester's true identity."
"Grandma Esmeralda," Russell asked quietly,
"if he suspects something… why doesn't he just use Legilimency?"
She looked unusually serious.
"Out of respect, child."
"Legilimency pries directly into another's thoughts. It is an indecent form of magic. Everyone has secrets—if we used such spells freely, the world would fall into chaos."
Russell thought for a moment.
"Then what about Veritaserum?"
"That is acceptable," she admitted.
"But there is one problem."
"What if… he really is Fester?"
Her concern was not without reason.
---
Christmas finally arrived.
Snow fell quietly outside, blanketing the world in white.
The fireplace had burned all night and was now extinguished, though warmth still lingered in the air.
By Russell's bed stood a mountain of gifts.
In addition to the presents from the Addams family, he had received packages from Cedric and his two dormmates as well.