I wake with a heavy throb hammering against the inside of my skull, every breath I take feels like a fresh impact, matching the very agony that knocked me out.
I let out a low, ragged groan, forcing my hand upward to claw the back of my head, half-expecting to feel shattered bone or the sticky heat of a cavernous wound. I need to confirm if I'm still in one piece, that my head hasn't actually split open the way it felt when Cain's torch found its mark.
Another groan rumbles in my chest as I try to bury my face in the crook of my arms. "It hurts," I wheeze, my words thin and brittle, and yet carries the weight of an agony one could even hear from miles away. "Why does it still hurt?"
"Abel?"
Amidst the whirlwind of pain and other things I'm feeling at the moment, a familiar voice muffles from within, soft and gentle like the kind of voice that guides a man out of a very dark tunnel.
"Where am I?" I manage, my eyelids feeling as though they have been stitched shut.
"You won't find out unless you open your eyes, Abel."
I slowly peel my eyes open, and then the memories of last night's accident flashes back to me in hot waves; Luther lying lifeless on the ground, his neck torn open with blood smearing all over it. My own ridiculous attempt to rescue the Night child out of her shackles, and then... Cain.
"Stay away from him!"
And then the sickening blow he threw at her – I hadn't just watched it happen, I felt it too. The impact had been magnified tenfold, it was a blow that had turned my world to black.
I force my eyes to focus, the blurred edges of the room slowly sharpening. There, standing by the entrance is the silhouette I know better than my own.
The moment my gaze locks onto hers, my suffering doesn't just fade, the air in my lungs turns cool, and the pressure tightening around my head simply loosens.
I look at her, truly looked, and the breath I had just found leaves me again. She's transformed.
In her worst state I still called her beautiful and now... draped with the finest clothes and furs meant for kings and queens alone, carrying a scent that could drive even the gods mad. I'd say she looks breathtaking.
She's healed too; her skin that was once thorn and blistered from the endless journey and merciless beating are now completely healed, replaced by a flawless skin that men would bleed or die to caress.
"Abel?" She says gently, taking a step forward. "You're awake."
That name again.
"Yes, I'm awake."
I shift my gaze away from hers to register my surroundings; I can't say I'm happy to be here, can't say I'm disappointed either. It's just... I thought that blow I took to the head was powerful enough to knock me back to my world, instead it transported me – us, to another....realm – location, where things are completely different and... eerily comfortable.
I get to sleep on a more comfortable mat than on a solid rock. The room isn't entirely empty like the previous hots I've been living in, it looks more like a room – a living person's room.
And if the Night child just addressed me as Abel... then... It means I'm still stuck in this body – and that no amount of blow to the head can bring me back home, unless... maybe Raziel calls me back I guess.
"Unfortunately." I murmur to myself.
"I can't believe I'm saying this but," she steps forward until she's seating beside me. "Thank goodness."
"Yes," I look down. Thank goodness indeed.
"Just when everyone was starting to get worried about you."
I slowly look up again. "Everyone?"
A smile blooms on her lips, but it's a weak one. "Yes; the villagers, Edad, the children... and those white-headed weasels who had the nerve to name a new chief at the slightest chance."
"They named a new chief?"
"I won't blame them, everyone thought you were dead again."
Again? What does she mean by again?
How many other times have I died?
"But, they would've at least waited until your body was lowered into the ground or burnt or... but now you're awake."
"Yes," I let out a scoff.
This is ridiculous, I mean... I know being a chief meant nothing to me, but to Abel it could've meant a lot – and this hurt I'm suddenly feeling must be his. The Night child is right, they should've at least waited until they're sure that I – that this body was dead.
"And Cain? I bet he thought I was dead too." She pauses, eyes suddenly looking down, avoiding my gaze. "Wait... Cain thought I was dead too, isn't it?"
"I... I should probably go... and let the village know you're awake and out of danger. But, for now, you should rest more." She turns to leave.
"Wait." She stops but won't turn around. I don't need Abel's body to know that she's hiding something. "Why are you in a hurry to leave? Is it Cain?"
Her shoulders slumps down as she lets out a long sigh.
"Don't go. We're hardly alone together, and we're alone now."
"Abel, we could be alone if we want."
"Yes, in hiding, in the dark, when Cain isn't hunting you down –"
"Abel, we can still be alone as we are now, whether Cain wants it or not –"
"So then why are leaving me –"
"Because I'm going to get Isha, Abel!" She spurn around swiftly, eyes wet with tears. "I'm going to get the physician that has been treating you, because I obviously believe that if you haven't lost your mind then you won't be speaking of Cain."
"What? Why shouldn't I?"
She wipes tears off her cheek. "It hasn't been easy with everyone, Abel. And you might not know that because you've been lying there, going in and out of consciousness, but I'm tired of constantly repeating everything to you over and over again."
"What are you talking about? And why are you getting so worked up about Cain? What did he do to you in my absence?"
She scoffs again. "This is new," she says, wiping more tears away. " I'm sorry, Abel, but this is the farthest that I can go. So, I'm going to go get Isha, maybe she can help sort this... problem out." She turns to leave again.
"Where is Cain?"
She stops by the entrance and then turn slightly. "I'll be back, so please, stay put until I return. If you can do that."
•••
Sooner later the Night child returns with a pale skinned woman whom I believe to be Isha. She is just as pretty; dark perfect brows, curly gold hair, tiny hands, and a smile that doesn't die.
"It's true," she says, looking at me, her bright ember eyes filled with relief. "He's awake."
"I want to believe so too, Isha." The Night child says, crossing her arms as she leans against the wall.
"Why not?" Isha asks, joining me on the mat.
"Because the last few times I did that, I got very disappointed."
"Well, not this time, I hope," Isha says, turning to me, smiling. "He waited for you to return just as you asked, he didn't fall unconscious again. I'll take that as a sign that he's finally awake." She turns to the Night child. "We should probably get the others."
"Agreed. But shouldn't we be sure that he is... himself first?"
"Right..." she nods before turning back to me again. "Hello, Abel," she waves. "Remember me?"
I look on, and then at the Night child and back at Isha. "Change... so many changes in such a little time," I mutter, and the astonishment in my voice matches with the expression on their faces. "Exactly how much of events have I missed?"
She rests a hand on my shoulder. "Abel, do you know who I am –"
"Of course I know who you are, Isha, do you even need to ask? But since when did you two become close?"
The room falls quiet and finally... finally, Isha stops smiling, but it seems this body isn't used to it, so it got chills instead.
Isha sighs and then takes my hand. "Okay. I will explain everything but first, you have to tell us exactly the last thing you remember; either the fight between you and Cain or before it."
Fight?
Cain and I fought?
But when? And why?
"Abel, stay with me." She gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "Give me anything, anything at all."
"I was hit, with a torch," I say, and then the Night child straightenes, her expression softening.
"Who hit you?" Isha asks softly, carefully.
"Cain. Well, I'm sure he didn't mean to – I mean... I don't even know how it happened either but," my gaze travels to the Night child. "Cain hit her, and... I blacked out."
"Is there anything else that you remember?" Isha asks.
I bring my gaze back to her. "Yes... I awoke and I'm given the shock of my life; you two are in one room and none of you is at each other's throats – what happened to both of you, did my near death perhaps forced you into working side by side?"
Isha's smile resumes. "You're still the same –"
"He is not the same, Isha." The Night child slices in, voice hardening into iron and fire. "You weren't there, so you wouldn't know the difference."
She turns to her. "You want to teach me my own job, then be my guest. But this is Abel, this is our chief."
"Uhh, not anymore." I point out, but Isha continues anyway.
"He must have locked up some painful events of his life, but I'm sure there's a reason and I'm happy because that way he gets to finally move on. And you won't have to go to bed every night blaming yourself any further."
"Isha?" I take Isha's hands and she turns to me. "Everything, remember? So tell me everything , what happened? And where's Cain?"
"Abel, there's a reason you don't remember what happened, perhaps you don't want to. But I can't put you in that misery knowing how much you fell apart because of it –"
"Cain is dead."
"What?" I grimace, taken off guard.
Isha's gaze shifts abruptly from mine to the Night child. "I can very well see that you do not wish to move on."
"What does it matter? I have told him tens and thousands of times and yet he chose to forget every single time."
"But he has never lasted this long awake before and you know it, so don't traumatize him all over again. It's pointless –"
"You two realize that I'm caught in the middle of this, right?!" I yell, and just like a king commanding his armies, both women stops talking. I could almost swear that Abel has a lot to say to both of them but can't help it because of this sudden anxiety, and this sudden anxiety is now also bleeding into me.
My heart skips a beat once, and then twice, like the feeling one gets when faced with fear. My gaze drops down to my hands to find them clamy, moist despite the gentle wind gusting into the room, and also trembling slightly.
What is this feeling? Usually, when a loved one dies, the heart breaks, the eyes weeps and the soul mourns the deceased. So why am I suddenly feeling anxious instead of grief?
I take a deep shaky breath and exhale softly.
"Abel, are you okay?" Isha asks softly.
I slowly look up to meet the Night child's gaze and just as it came, in a heartbeat, the anxiety is gone.
"What happened to Cain? He was fine just last night."
"Abel, you were unconscious last night," the Night child says. "You were unconscious the night before and the night before that. Don't you understand? You've lost your memories."
"They are not lost –"
"Then explain to me why he doesn't remember, Isha!"
"Abel is keeping them that way! How much do you want?!"
"It's not fair!" She pause to breathe but the tears falls anyway. "He should know how his brother died, why should Edad and I be the only people that remembers?"
"I'm sorry, I thought we were both looking out for him, for his well-being? You saw him, he was devastated each time you told him the truth. And now he's awake without that pain and guilt, why can't you just let it be that way?"
"You don't get it, Isha. And like I said, you weren't there, you didn't journey with us, so I don't see how you could possibly understand –"
"So enlighten me, because I must have also forgotten how everything went out at Sands –"
"I'm not talking about Sands, Isha! I'm talking about Talva, before the journey, before everything! I need Abel whole, I need him to remember because that way he'd know that it's all because of me and that the more he keeps choosing and wanting me, he won't stop losing the people he loves!" She storms out of the room before i could stop her, before any of us could stop her.
Isha lets out a long sigh, and so do I – but only inwardly. Right now, I feel like a deer caught in the headlights, like an intruder spying on a family matter. I don't like this feeling, and I don't like the fact that I can't even jump out of the body to give the owner the liberty of handling the matter.
"Isha?" She turns to me. "Did she kill him? Did she kill Cain?"
"No, Abel, she didn't."
I let out a sigh of relief, but then before I could sum up my next question, Isha delivers the most gut wrenching truth.
"You did. You killed Cain, at Sands, because you couldn't afford to lose Ganya."
Sands? So we did made it to Sands?
I tilt. "Ganya?"
She nods gently. "But don't call her that, she hates it, and... that's pretty much why I hardly call out to her. I don't know what to call her except that."
"You two seem very close... so I gues you already know what you're dealing with?"
She brings her lips to my ear and whisper. "She's from the lost garden, I know."
"You're sure that's all you know?"
"I also know that she's cursed – poor thing. That's why she's afraid, afraid to touch you."
I clear my throat, but even so, it's already too late as her words already made their way to places. Places I didn't even know I have places.
"Why?"
"Why? Because whatever she touches dies, Abel and so will you if neither of you are careful. God cursed her for a reason, and whoever tampers with the cursed, will be cursed too."
"So you think I'm cursed?"
She look on, her smile still on. "Not yet, but, you are already tampering, Abel. She's trying to warn you, she's trying to stop you from making a mistake. She's trying to protect you –"
"She's pulling away, Isha. She's running away from who she loves, that's not what protection is, that's cowardice."
Now... now her smile dies, and again I feel that sudden unease rolling down my spine.
"Abel, do you even realize what you're saying? Cain is dead, for merely interfering between you two. If you don't see that as a warning, then maybe you are the coward."