Today is your birthday, and you posted on Weibo your picture with your pet dog, holding him in your white hoodie and grey shorts, whom you love so much. You wrote that today you turn 30 and gifted yourself something that you really thought wasn't necessary before. You also said that you do wanna do some more new things.
I hope you will always be happy, and as always, my Yuan Yuan is so dedicated that even on his birthday, he is shooting. The hard work you put into every character is clearly shown. You even treated your fans, who were waiting for you on your set, to some food and drinks. I hope you got proper sleep on your birthday.
You know, while scrolling down, I just saw the video clip where your Maama came with your pet. In that video, some of your fans were calling her their mother-in-law and you their husband. After reading that, I felt jealous, too much jealous. But then I thought, I am just one among them, nothing different, isn't it? Why am I getting jealous? I really don't need to.
I know time flies, and with time, we will both move forward in our own worlds and lives. I may also get busy, and you may also do some new projects and dramas, but I'll cherish this period always, remembering how much you made me feel loved, even from far away.
Who said that love can only happen between two people? No, because love knows no boundaries. It can happen without knowing, and falling for you is the most beautiful process I have ever gone through.
Time will definitely heal my wounds, I know. But nowadays, I cry a lot because making myself understand the reality that our fates are already written is something I can't do anything about. You are meant to make me fall for you from far away, and I am born to fall for you and love you from far away.
But these tears are not stopping. It's just like an ocean filled with water. But sooner or later, they will stop, I know, and they have to.
Actually, I did have many crushes before, but you made me understand what love really is. And now, for me, love means pain, love means sacrifice, and love means finding your happiness in them.
You know what? I am used to living without you, so I can live without you. But you have to stay with the one who cannot live without you, who has always had the habit of living with you. And I am meant to love you through screens.
I know sooner or later, this too shall pass. But, Xu Yuan, my Yuan Yuan, you'll always remain my first and last love of my life, till my last breath.
But at least, whenever I feel down, I'll imagine our life together because, in my imagination, you are mine, and I am yours. So, at least, I can live a happy life with you, the life I have always craved for. In my imagination, I do have you.
Today, during your livestream, when you said that you don't have age anxiety but still wanted to remove the 3 from thirty, you really made me laugh. I know how much you love that rice bowl of yours, which you waited a whole long year to eat, and now you are so happy to have it.
And then I think, how dare I think so highly of myself? Didn't I look at myself? I don't deserve you. You are a star, and I am just an ordinary fan girl of yours. There is no match between us. I don't know why I think like that.
Before falling for you, looks didn't matter to me, but now they do because I wanna look my best for you. But all these wishes will go in vain. Your eyes will never be able to see me. How pitiful is this thought? But I need to understand it. I have to.
You know what? I always look at myself in the mirror, and then I put your photo in front of that mirror with me to see how we both look together. But then I realise that your eyes will never be able to see me, ever, and reality hits me harder than anything.
Please stop making me fall for you more and more. I don't know why I have found my safe zone, my comfort place, in you. I am really ridiculous, really. How can a person who is so far away from me affect me this much? But you really did. Only my Yuan Yuan can do this.
So, as your birthday ends today, I wanna say that I really hope that when I come back next year to write about your birthday wishes in 2027, I'll be stronger than I am today. Because right now, I am not. I really am not.
But still, happy birthday, Yuan Yuan...