A week later, inside the guild hall.
Kana's parked solo at a table, looking more solemn than a funeral in a thunderstorm. She lights three skinny incense sticks with the care of a bomb tech, blue smoke curling up like it's got places to be. Then she jams them into a half-broken booze bottle stuffed with dirt like it's some sacred urn.
Next, she whips out a card—flash—and a bottle of top-shelf sake materializes, the kind that costs more than most people's rent. She sets it dead-center in front of a palm-sized wooden carving like she's presenting tribute to a warlord.
Deep breath. Hands together. Eyes shut. She mutters, "Hands are clean, offering's set—O Great God of Chaos, bless your most loyal follower with some fucking legendary pulls this ten-draw!"
Laxus, who's been side-eyeing the whole circus, finally twitches so hard his jaw nearly locks. "Yo," he deadpans, "this 'God of Chaos' you're yapping about… that's Roger, right?"
"Since when the hell did he ascend to godhood?"
"And you carved a statue—"
"You didn't fry your brain after too many shit pulls, did you?"
Kana doesn't even flinch. She just smirks like she's sitting on the secrets of the universe. "Tch. Plebs like you wouldn't get it."
"Day after we got back from Edolas, I remembered some dusty old scroll—people worship gods for luck, right? Roger's 'god' title was bullshit we made up to scare people, sure, but the dude's luck is insane."
She jabs a thumb at the carving and sake. "So I copied the ritual like a goddamn pro."
"Guess what?" Her eyes light up like she just pulled Excalibur. "Last ten-draw? Three gold cards. Three. I've never been this lucky in my life. That day, I officially converted to the Church of Chaos."
Laxus palms his forehead so hard it echoes. "Church of Chaos? That name screams 'I made this up in the shower.'"
"Bet you're the only damn member."
"Wrong!" Kana puffs out her chest like a smug peacock. "I told half the guild! After they saw my pulls, most of 'em signed up and bought the mandatory Roger statue from me!"
Laxus: "…"
"You're a scammer."
Kana's grin turns crooked and dangerous. "Nah, this is resource optimization. Spreading the god's brand!"
"Who knows—the more people know, the more luck Roger gets, right?"
She ignores him, claps her hands again, and pours most of her magic into the draw spell.
BZZT—!
The sky above the table explodes with light. Ten glowing cards spin into existence, backs up.
One of them? Blinding gold.
Laxus stares like a deer in headlights. His mug slips—clack—shatters on the floor. He doesn't even notice.
A few seconds of stunned silence. He bends, picks up the shards, face cycling through shock, disbelief, suspicion, and finally—resolve.
He locks eyes with Kana, dead serious: "Kana."
"Hm?"
"That Church of Chaos… still taking applications?"
"Hell yeah—" Kana's already reaching for another statue when a crimson magic circle pops above her head.
THUNK!
A chunky wooden mallet nails her skull.
"OW, FUCK!!" She clutches her head, spins around, furious. "WHO—"
The rage freezes. A painful grin stretches across her face. "H-Haha, hey… Roger. When'd you sneak in?"
"Right around the part where you were evangelizing your little cult."
Roger leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, staring like she just tried to sell him oceanfront property in the desert.
"Been wondering why everyone's giving me that look the past two days. You're running a goddamn pyramid scheme with my face on it."
"This isn't heresy!" Kana protests, flailing. "I'm expanding your influence!"
"Think about it—even that psycho Zeref has followers. You're the youngest, strongest mage in Fiore—hell, maybe the continent. You deserve a loyal flock!"
She's mid-rant when her precious sake bottle lifts off the table and floats toward Roger.
"My BOOZE!!" She lunges—then freezes under his flat stare. Deflates like a sad balloon.
"Uh… you don't even like drinking—"
"This bottle," Roger interrupts, swirling the amber liquid like a smug bastard, "isn't this… an offering?"
Kana's face twitches. "B-But usually, after the god's done, the follower—"
"Tsk tsk." He shakes the bottle. Her eyes track it like a starving dog. "Your devotion's weak. Half-assed worship gets half-assed luck."
She stares at the gold card. Then the sake. Then the card.
Finally, she throws her hands up like she's sacrificing her firstborn. "FINE. Take it. Make the god happy. Whatever."
Lucy, who's been watching the trainwreck, snorts so hard she nearly chokes. "Pfft—caught red-handed!"
"I told her not to hawk those statues in the guild."
She shakes her head at Levy and Wendy. "Roger's not a god. That gold pull was coincidence—"
"Uh…" Levy raises a sheepish hand. "Actually, Lucy… I joined."
Wendy, face red as a tomato, squeaks: "M-Me too…"
Lucy: "( !▽ )??"
She blinks. Then screams. "SERIOUSLY?!"
"That name sounds like a tax scam! Why would you join this sketchy-ass 'church'?!"
Wendy hides in her arms. Levy scratches her head, grinning. "The statue was cheap. Figured it's just a luck charm."
"But get this—since joining, I've been finding rare ancient texts like they're falling out of the sky."
"And it's not just us. Natsu's in too."
Lucy's jaw drops. "NATSU?!"
Levy nods. "Kana said, 'Worship the Chaos God and get jacked for the S-Class exam.' He bought in instantly."
Lucy: "=_= How is he that gullible—"
She pauses. "Wait. Where is Natsu? Haven't seen him all week."
Levy blinks. "You didn't hear? The S-Class exam's any day now."
"Makarov picks candidates based on strength and job performance, so everyone's grinding missions like maniacs."
She scratches her cheek. "Even I finished six jobs this week—mostly research, though…"
Lucy's eyes bulge. "S-CLASS EXAM?! The one Natsu never shuts up about?!"
She glances at Kana, who's now chugging straight from a barrel like her life depends on it. "Wait—Kana's not freaking out? Didn't she say she's taking it?"
Levy waves it off. "Kana's a veteran. Four attempts. She just has to ask Makarov and she's in."
Wendy pops up, head full of question marks. "FOUR TIMES?! And she still hasn't passed? Who beat her?!"
Levy tilts her head. "Only heard bits. One year, Mira barely won with some weird strategy. Kana trained like a beast after."
"Another time, she crushed the competition but failed Makarov's final trial."
"After that… she kinda gave up. Started piggybacking on S-Class and SSS-Class jobs instead."
Lucy frowns. "Piggybacking? Only S-Class can take those jobs. And SSS-Class are insane. Who's she teaming with?"
Levy slaps her forehead. "Oh, right—you wouldn't know."
"Gildarts. He's her dad."
Lucy and Wendy: "DAD?!"
Lucy whips around. "Kana's father is the Gildarts?! The guild's walking nuke?!"
"Did he take that 'Ten-Year Job' like Laxus?"
Levy shakes her head. "Worse. Century Job."
Lucy chokes. "A job so hard no one's finished it in a hundred years?!"
"Yup—"
DONG! DONG! DONG!
The massive bronze bell on the roof booms. The guild falls silent—then erupts.
"GILDARTS IS BACK!!"
Lucy's eyes nearly pop out. "No way—right when we're talking about him?!"
"Why's there a special bell for him?!"
Levy smirks. "Go look outside."
Lucy and Wendy bolt to the doors.
They scream in unison: "THE TOWN'S SPLIT IN HALF!!"
Roger strolls up, grinning. "Gildarts' magic is Crash—rare, stupidly strong, turns anything to dust."
"He zones out when he walks. Accidentally nukes buildings and terrain in his path."
"Hence: Gildarts Mode."
Lucy stares at the canyon-like crack bisecting Magnolia. Sweat drops. "Reminds me of Edolas… Happy said the same thing when the country split."
Five minutes later, a scruffy dude in a travel cloak and five-o'clock shadow trudges in.
He scans the freshly renovated guild, brows furrowed. Spots Lucy. "Hey, kid. Where'd Fairy Tail move to?"
Lucy: "=_=||"
Kana stomps over, smacks his back. "Dumbass dad! This is the guild! We just remodeled!"
She blocks his attempt to glomp her with one hand. "Kana-chaaan! I missed you!!"
Flowers literally bloom around him.
"Did you miss Daddy? Daddy missed you so much!"
Kana shoves him off. "I'm not five. Stop hugging me."
"You just got back—go report to the Master about your damn Century Job."
Gildarts deflates like a kicked puppy. His massive frame shrinks. He pokes the floor with his good hand. A tiny mushroom sprouts on his head.
"Kana-chan's so cold… Daddy's heart… ouch…"
He sneaks a glance. Sees her unimpressed face. Pouts harder.
"We talk on the comms crystal! It's not like we haven't seen each other in years."
She squints. "You didn't lose the crystal card, right?"
"Course not!" He looks away, muttering. "But it's not the same as hugging my little girl…"
Kana sighs, rubs her temples, and—awkwardly—hugs him. Cheeks pink. "Welcome home, Dad."
BOOM. The mushroom cloud vanishes. Pink flowers and sparkles explode around him.
He grins like an idiot, gently hugs back with his one good arm. "Yeah. I'm home."
Then he shoves a massive, bulging sack into her arms. "Local snacks! And—" whispers "—some weird-ass booze I saved just for you."
He waddles off to Makarov, still grinning.
Lucy's jaw hits the floor. "Kana… chan?!"
She stares at Gildarts' retreating back. "That's… nothing like the other S-Class mages."
"Total dad energy. And a walking natural disaster."