"Here's your veil, Aryan."
We had finally reached Shanxi.
More than a week had passed since Renshu and I last argued, yet the distance between us felt no smaller. If anything, it had hardened, like ice that refused to crack, no matter how long it was heated.
If I had believed the canal journey to be unbearable, the land proved far worse.
The terrain was uneven, dry, and endlessly yellow, stretching into the horizon as though the earth itself had been drained of life. My legs, already crooked and weakened, made walking impossible. The cold had seeped deep into my bones, dull yet persistent, a pain that never truly faded.
I had been ordered to ride double.
With Renshu.
As I was helped onto the horse, his presence was unmistakable, yet his attention never once settled on me. He neither glanced back nor spoke a word, as though I were nothing more than excess weight to be carried. Strangely, I preferred it this way. Silence was easier than confrontation.
The waters ahead were too shallow for further travel by boat, forcing us onto land. Knowing that did nothing to ease the unease that settled in my chest as we rode together. Instead, it only sharpened my self-blame.
If I had healed faster… if I had been stronger… none of this would have been necessary.
"We'll be meeting General Wei Fang soon," Renshu said flatly, addressing the group. "His forces traveled through the imperial post walls and should have arrived here sometime last week—"
"Commander Wei Fang is coming here?" I interrupted before I could stop myself.
Every gaze turned toward me.
The surprise was obvious, too obvious. It was as if I had just asked something I should have already known.
"You sound as though the Mongols are at our gates," Renshu replied coolly, barely sparing me a glance. "As I was saying, Wei Fang has arranged his forces efficiently. If fortune favors us, we'll reach them by tonight."
Something tightened in my chest.
Why did everyone know this… except me?
I replayed the thought again and again as we rode forward. Had Renshu deliberately kept this from me? And if so, why? It wasn't strategic information I couldn't be trusted with. So what was it?
The question lingered, unresolved.
My thoughts drifted backward, to a different time, when Renshu had stormed into Gao Ming's residence late at night to bring me back after I had worked longer than expected. He had been furious then, his presence sharp and imposing. I had feared that anger would linger.
But it hadn't.
He forgave me quickly. Easily.
This time was different.
Weeks had passed, yet his anger remained.
---
"You'll stay with me, Aryan."
Renshu's voice cut through my thoughts as Rong Xu helped me off the horse. "Hopefully you won't interrupt my sleep this time."
For a moment, I wondered if I had misheard him.
Was he mocking me?
If we hadn't been surrounded by soldiers and officers, I would have said something, anything, sharp enough to cut back. Unfortunately, discretion was the wiser choice.
We hadn't reached Wei Fang's army after all, which meant the night would be spent in tents.
"Why were you so surprised about Commander Wei Fang's arrival?" Rong Xu asked quietly once Renshu walked away.
"I didn't know about it," I admitted. "How did everyone else?"
"General Renshu mentioned it earlier. Perhaps you weren't present." He paused, then added carefully, "I'm surprised he didn't tell you personally, considering you're together most of the time."
I stiffened.
"Oh, he must have forgotten," I said quickly. The lie slipped out too easily. I would rather swallow my pride than let anyone suspect discord between us.
Rong Xu nodded, though his expression remained thoughtful.
"It would've been better if we were closer to a loess cliff," he continued. "Commander Wei Fang's army often uses them—"
"What's that?" I interrupted.
He blinked. "You truly don't know?"
I shook my head.
"You've seen the yellow earth everywhere, yes?"
"Yes."
"That soil can be dug into, used as storage, even as living quarters."
I paused, imagining it. "I never knew such places existed."
To my surprise, a small spark of excitement stirred within me. Everything here felt unfamiliar, raw, and strangely thrilling. I could almost understand why merchants chased distant lands despite the danger.
If only—
"It's time to rest!"
The command echoed across the camp, firm and unmistakable.
"Well," Rong Xu said, offering a polite bow, "good night, Aryan."
I watched him leave before turning toward the largest tent, the one reserved for Renshu.
As I approached, an unwanted memory surfaced, another tent, another argument, another night thick with unresolved words.
Inside, silence stretched between us.
But I wasn't willing to let it remain that way.
"Why didn't you tell me about Wei Fang's army?" I demanded.
"It isn't my fault you don't listen," he replied coldly.
"Or maybe you should admit you've been withholding information from me."
"As if I have any reason to—"
"Of course you do!" The words burst from me. "You're angry at me for reasons I still don't understand. You ignore me, you avoid me, you act like I don't exist."
"Do you even care…?"
The question was barely audible.
He stepped closer and gripped my shoulders, his hands firm—too firm.
"Why do you act like this?" he demanded. "Why can't you just—just—"
He stopped himself.
Then, without warning, his arms slid around my back and pulled me against him. The contact was sudden, overwhelming. He held me tightly, as though afraid I might vanish if he loosened his grip.
"What are you—?" I tried to speak, but the pressure stole my breath.
Strangely, I didn't feel empty anymore.
Was it relief? Or something more dangerous?
"Renshu," I gasped, forcing the words out. "What are you doing?!"
The moment the words left my mouth, his hold vanished.
He stepped back as if burned, his expression unreadable, then turned toward the tent entrance.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I thought what I did would make things clearer," he said quietly. "It seems I was wrong."
"Go to bed, Meilina," he added. "And stop giving me false hope. It would be better if you simply thought of me as your general."
Then he left.
---
Sleep refused to come.
I lay still with my eyes closed, pretending, hoping exhaustion would claim me eventually. Yet I found myself waiting, listening, for the sound of his return.
Footsteps.
Soft.
I opened my eyes just enough to see him kneeling beside me, a blanket in his hands.
Warmth settled over my body as he draped it carefully around me.
Why…?
He brushed a few strands of hair away from my face, movements gentle, reverent.
Then, barely there, he pressed a kiss against my skin.
I didn't move.
He didn't know I was awake.
And I decided, selfishly, to keep it that way.