Our journey was nearly at its end.
Nearly.
Almost three weeks had passed since we left Yunnan, and Shanxi now lay just ahead of us, close enough to feel real, yet distant enough to keep me restless. Somewhere along the way, caught up in my conflict with Renshu, I had lost track of time itself.
The poison lingered at the back of my mind like a headache that can't be moved.
I couldn't stop thinking about it. Whether the extraction would work as intended. Whether we had done enough. Whether the sacrifices we made along the way would matter in the end.
This was my first time in Northern China, and if I was honest, I doubted I would ever wish to return.
Everything felt… yellow.
The land, the air, even the light itself seemed tinted with dust. Grit clung to our clothes and settled into our hair, forcing us to wear face veils just to breathe comfortably. Storms swept across the plains without warning, sharp, unforgiving winds that stripped warmth from the body in minutes. They weren't as catastrophic as the first storm I had endured, but they were relentless in a different way.
Speaking of my legs, they had worsened.
The biting cold gnawed at my bones no matter how many layers of thick sheepskin I wore. I hadn't even known such garments existed until we unpacked them from the boat. My knee throbbed constantly, pain blooming with every change in temperature. The scars along my skin cracked and burned in the dry air, refusing to heal properly.
Now I understood why Rong Xu and Gao Ming had urged me to rest.
Winter had claimed the north, and Shanxi, I suspected, would be no kinder in any other season.
"Rough, isn't it?"
I turned toward Rong Xu, surprised by how often we'd begun speaking again. After my argument with Renshu, he had become my primary companion, someone to plan with, someone to talk to when silence was all around.
"Yeah," I admitted. "I can barely manage guarding at night."
"You guard at night?" he asked, frowning slightly. "I thought General Renshu did. Just like before."
"No," I replied smoothly. "After his injury… he asked me to take over."
A lie, but a necessary one.
I couldn't let them think we were at odds. That kind of speculation invited questions. And questions led to consequences.
"That makes sense," Rong Xu said after a moment. "But the cold must be worse for you now. Your skin looks dry all the time. I can't imagine your scars are healing well."
"They aren't," I said quietly. "But there's nothing to be done."
I sighed, staring out at the endless stretch of pale yellow land. The pain was constant, dull but persistent. The only solution would have been to ask Renshu to take over night duty again—
The thought alone made my stomach twist.
There was no way I would ask him for anything.
"Actually," Rong Xu said, interrupting my thoughts, "there is something you could do."
I looked at him. "And that would be?"
"There are three of us sharing a boat," he explained. "But another officer and I hate sleeping with the colonel there. He snores terribly, don't tell anyone I said that."
Despite myself, I almost smiled.
"So we usually stay up until early morning, then rest afterward," he continued. "What I'm saying is, since we're already awake, one of us could come over to your boat and keep guard."
My heart skipped.
"You could rest in the cabin," he added carefully. "With General Renshu. Or stay on our boat instead. We don't mind."
My thoughts froze at the mention of sharing a cabin with Renshu.
Absolutely not.
"I can't do that," I said quickly. "That's too much to ask of you."
"It isn't," Rong Xu insisted. "You should be resting, especially after everything you've been through. You've done more than enough."
"You're giving me too much credit," I muttered.
"No," he said firmly. "You did a lot. There's no need to be humble. The last thing we want is for your healing to be delayed. The journey ahead will only get worse."
"I really don't—"
"I don't care," he cut in. "Even Colonel Gao Ming agrees."
With no strength left to argue, I nodded.
---
A sharp bang echoed from the back of the boat.
I turned just in time to see Renshu emerge from the cabin.
"Rong Xu," he said coldly, his gaze flicking between us. "What are you doing here?"
Rong Xu straightened immediately. "Sir, I wanted to request something, if you'll allow—"
He explained everything: the cold, the blizzards, my worsening condition. He offered to take over night guard duty on my behalf.
I stood there in silent panic.
Why was he telling him this?
Rong Xu wasn't oblivious. He knew how distant Renshu is. He had told me so himself.
Throughout the explanation, Renshu's expression hardened, brows furrowed, jaw tight. I could feel his displeasure radiating outward.
"You are quite bold," Renshu said finally. "All these plans. All these assumptions."
He turned his gaze on Rong Xu sharply.
"If Aryan felt this way, he could have told me himself. Instead, you come here as though I were deliberately making him suffer."
"No, sir, I didn't mean—"
"Enough." Renshu exhaled sharply. "I'll keep guard at night. Since he is too weak to do so."
The words struck like a slap.
"Now leave," he added. "And don't return for such… useless concerns."
Anger surged through me.
Was this how it was, simply because he was a general?
Renshu turned away, then gestured for me to enter the cabin. Once Rong Xu left, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"So you agree," I said coldly, "that I'm weak?"
He paused, but didn't turn back.
"Answer me," I ordered.
"I have no desire to," he replied flatly. "Nor do I need to. I am a general."
"You said we were equals."
"We are," he said. "And as your equal, I have the right to remain silent. I don't have to follow your orders."
My chest burned.
"Then I shouldn't have listened to you," I snapped. "I could've stayed with Shuyin. Stayed as a maid. But you pulled me out of that life, kept me here, and now you treat me like this?"
"I treated you well," he said quietly, stepping closer, "because I thought of you as someone else."
My breath caught.
"Now I don't," he continued. "Did you expect me to be kind to you forever?"
He stopped directly in front of me, eyes dark, voice dropping.
"I never wanted to treat you like the others," he whispered. "But you… you don't understand anything."
"You never did."