So that is what it was about.
"What a virgin way of thinking."
"…You do not have the right to say that. You are a virgin too. And an ultra-otaku virgin at that!"
"Hah. That is only because I have no interest in real-life girls!"
"So… is Maya two-dimensional?"
"Voice actresses do not count! That is a magical girl's incarnation in the real world!"
"…."
Sigh…
Watching Kohei get all worked up beside him, Kamishiro let out a long sigh. Every single one of them was an idiot.
Especially the one lying on the floor. That one was the biggest idiot of all.
Kamishiro looked down at Iori. After soaking in the hot spring for too long, Iori had completely fainted.
Kamishiro and Kohei were currently dragging him back to their room, one holding each leg.
During this process, the three of them had attracted the attention of every passerby.
After all…
Dragging someone like a dead pig was already suspicious enough.
And Iori was not wearing any clothes.
No matter how you looked at it, this resembled the scene of a murder.
Unlike in television dramas, these two "criminals" were being far too blatant about it.
The inn owner, alarmed by the scene, let out a shrill scream.
If Kamishiro had not reacted quickly to stop him, they would probably have ended up at the police station again reuniting with those "beasts" from that certain high school.
After five full minutes of explanation, they finally convinced the owner that the idiot on the floor had simply fainted from soaking too long.
"…."
Looking at Iori's steadily rising and falling chest, the owner reluctantly believed them.
Still… what kind of idiot faints from taking a hot spring bath?
He truly could not understand it.
In fact, not only the owner Kamishiro and Kohei could not understand it either.
Who would stay submerged in the hot spring out of fear of being mocked for being too small?
If Iori had not been muttering about the size of his "little brother" even while unconscious, they might not have noticed at all…
It could only be said
A true virgin mindset.
They had already seen each other naked countless times. They had long finished teasing him about it.
After settling things with the owner, Kamishiro and Kohei continued dragging Iori toward the room.
Such an embarrassing story absolutely had to be shared with dear Azusa.
...
Inside the room
"Hahahahahahahaha!!!"
Just as Kamishiro had expected, the moment he finished explaining, Azusa burst into laughter.
Her gaze kept drifting toward Iori's lower body.
"Iori has grown up too~"
Off to the side, Aina and Chisa covered their faces in agony.
What exactly was this idiot doing?!
Compared to Kamishiro, wasn't fainting even more dangerous?!
"He just lacks training!"
"I heard drinking and watching videos can help promote growth!"
The two senpai stood there solemnly, holding alcohol in one hand and discs in the other, staring at Iori on the floor.
Miraculously, even though Iori was still unconscious, he grabbed both the alcohol and the discs with perfect accuracy.
And with terrifying strength veins bulging on the back of his hands.
"..."
The room fell completely silent.
This idiot… was beyond saving.
Kamishiro now seriously suspected that even if Iori ever had a chance to lose his virginity, he would run away out of fear of finishing too quickly.
He deserved to stay single forever.
"Let us drop this topic. We still have the game, right?"
Blushing, Aina tried to redirect everyone's attention, saving the last shred of dignity for the one she liked.
The transition was a bit forced, but the word "game" immediately triggered Kamishiro and Kohei.
They had not forgotten what happened before the hot spring.
The two exchanged a look. Fighting spirit blazed in their eyes.
They would settle this with a game.
"Alright, alright~ The equipment is ready!"
At the mention of a game, Azusa's eyes lit up. She shoved two ping-pong paddles into Kamishiro and Kohei's hands.
"We were worried that three players would not be fair, but now Iori has voluntarily forfeited~"
The game had been decided before the trio returned.
After coming to a hot spring, the first entertainment activity that came to mind was, of course Ping-pong!
Since it was a two-person sport, and given PAB traditions, three people would indeed be unfair.
They had considered changing the game, but Iori's collapse solved that problem.
Looking at his dazed state, there was no way he could participate anyway.
He would simply be awarded third place.
Which meant
Now it was a battle between Kamishiro and Kohei!
"Ping-pong!"
"PAB-style ping-pong!"
Holding the paddle, Kamishiro's expression gradually turned smug.
His grin was almost impossible to suppress.
Ping-pong?
This was walking straight into his territory.
His soul came from a country that ranked number one in the world at table tennis!
Across from him, Kohei was equally fired up.
Perfect timing.
He was quite good at ping-pong too!
Apparently, in Kohei's mind, the concept of being athletically hopeless simply did not exist.
Of course, the senpai had taken that into account.
If it were just normal ping-pong, it would indeed be unfriendly to someone like Kohei.
But
PAB-style ping-pong was different.
Thinking about the custom rules they had prepared, the senpai's expressions turned eager.
Their gazes drifted toward Aina and Chisa, clearly hoping they would join too.
Three players were unfair, but four would not be.
However, having heard the rules earlier, both girls shook their heads frantically.
With those rules, someone might actually die.
The senpai could only withdraw their hopeful looks.
Chisa and Aina were still too shy.
"Let us go!"
"Ping-pong!"
"Ohhh!!!"
Amid cheers, everyone moved to the inn's recreation area.
As for Iori…
Leaving him alone for a bit should be fine, right?
...
Ping-pong area
Perhaps Kamishiro and Kohei's overwhelming aura of resentment was too strong nearby guests automatically cleared a path.
Swallowing nervously, they stared at the two "demon kings" occupying the ping-pong table.
Most of them had witnessed their brutality.
Dragging a naked boy through the inn it was physical and psychological humiliation combined.
Although the owner had explained it was just playful banter between friends…
Who would believe that? No matter how close friends were, that level of "play" was impossible.
Bullying.
It had to be bullying.
To avoid becoming the next victim, they decided to observe from a safe distance.
It was hard to imagine that such vicious criminals would play ping-pong.
They had assumed criminals of this caliber would spend their free time boxing.
How unexpectedly simple.
At that moment, Nanaka and the others smiled warmly at the guests who had yielded space.
"Chisa, look, everyone is so polite. They even gave us their spot. Should we bow and thank them?"
Nanaka clung to Chisa's arm with a lovestruck expression.
She talked about the guests, but her eyes never left her sister.
Chisa, however, felt nothing strange.
Just… the softness pressing against her arm was hard to ignore.
How could something be that soft?
Why did hers not feel like that?
She subtly tried to pull her arm away.
The result was even tighter contact.
Her face turned red.
Glancing at the guests' fearful expressions, she twitched slightly.
This did not look voluntary at all.
Especially when the senpai bowed to thank them their expressions grew even more terrified.
From their eyes, Chisa realized the source of fear was
Kamishiro and Kohei.
What exactly had those two done earlier?
With a puzzled look, she turned toward them.
And saw
Two huskies pressing their foreheads together.
No.
A golden retriever and a husky.
Knowing them truly felt unfortunate.
"Hahaha, great spirit!"
Azusa laughed, separating them to opposite sides of the table.
If she let them continue, they might start hitting a different kind of ball.
"Alright~ Before we begin, do you have anything you want to say to your opponent?"
Azusa suddenly produced a microphone from nowhere, clearly hinting at trash talk.
What began as a small post-bath activity now felt like a boxing match.
Kamishiro smirked at Kohei across the table.
Whether boxing or ping-pong
He would not lose.
Glancing at the onlooking guests, he said,
"Not surrendering yet? There is still time. Otherwise, do not blame me when you cry later."
Kohei scoffed.
"That is my line. The one crying will be you."
"If we are talking pure technique, I am only one sheet of paper away from a world professional."
Kamishiro froze.
Professional warrior?
An athletic disaster could not possibly be near professional peak level.
Even Kamishiro knew his own skills were only good at an amateur level.
Against a true professional?
He would lose seven out of ten matches.
His confidence wavered
Then he calmed himself. This had to be psychological warfare.
Kohei was definitely bluffing. After intense self-hypnosis, Kamishiro steadied his resolve.
He would not lose easily! Just as his fighting spirit ignited
Clink. Clink. Clank.
He glanced sideways. And instantly froze.
The senpai were building a tower of "Water of Life."
"…What is that?"
Kohei turned pale too.
"Oh, this? It is alcohol!" Kotobuki-senpai answered cheerfully, continuing to stack bottles.
"I know it is alcohol! But why is alcohol involved in ping-pong?! Since when are sports connected to drinking?!"
Kamishiro roared, trying to suppress his rising dread.
The senpai smiled innocently.
"Sports should not involve alcohol… but this is a game."
"And when you think of PAB games, you think of this."
They lifted the liquor. Their smiles slowly turned demonic.
Only then did Kamishiro and Kohei realize
They had boarded a black car.
And it was already in motion.
Azusa's voice sounded behind them.
"Now then~ Let me explain the rules~"
"The rules are actually very simple~
It's still just table tennis. Only, while playing, you also have to play a small game.
We call it 'Ancient and Modern, East and West Ping-Pong!'"
"Ancient and Modern, East and West Ping-Pong?"
Iori and Kohei looked at each other.
They knew the "Ancient and Modern, East and West" word game.
They knew ping-pong.
But how were those two things supposed to combine?
Wasn't this supposed to be PAB-style ping-pong?
They had already mentally prepared themselves to play while drinking.
(Ancient and Modern, East and West: one person names a category for example, "colors." Then everyone takes turns naming something in that category until someone repeats, makes a mistake, or can't answer.)
"Ancient and Modern, East and West Ping-Pong means you have to play table tennis while playing that game at the same time.
Fail to return the ball or fail to answer, and you lose~"
Kamishiro and Kohei nodded in realization.
That did sound a little difficult.
But…
"What's with all that alcohol?"
Kamishiro pointed in horror at the "mountain of liquor" in front of the senpai.
There was so much that even the surrounding guests were beginning to question reality.
Kamishiro even spotted the inn owner frantically yelling into his phone. Judging by his mouth movements, words like "alcohol" and "poisoning" were involved…
Kamishiro had a rough idea who the owner was calling.
He fell silent.
No matter how much they drank during the match, there was no way they could finish that much.
And it was all "Water of Life."
If they drank all of it and went to the hospital for a blood test, would it show alcohol mixed with a bit of blood or just pure alcohol?
They had class normally, sure but tomorrow they were attending a wedding!
"Oh, this? Like I said, it's PAB-style. Of course alcohol is included~"
Azusa blinked playfully and popped open a beer.
Pshht
Glug glug glug
"Haah! Nothing beats a beer after a hot spring!"
Kamishiro's eyes twitched.
For a moment, Azusa looked like a middle-aged uncle.
Why did this feel so familiar?
Almost like Kiyoko possessed her.
Azusa nee… have you been hanging out with Kiyoko too much lately?
While Kamishiro was lost in thought, Kohei was busy processing the rules.
"So… we drink while playing Ancient and Modern, and we have to keep rallying the ball the whole time?!"
His voice rose.
Right hand holds the paddle, left hand holds alcohol, mouth keeps talking nonstop?
Was this ping-pong or multitasking hell?
Kamishiro pictured it would eventually devolve into hitting the ball with a bottle and biting the paddle?
"Hahaha, of course not. That would be too demonic."
Azusa waved her hand.
Even PAB took games seriously.
Bang!
A bottle of "Water of Life" slammed onto the table and senpai grinned viciously.
"For fairness, the person who wins a point drinks a cup of water~"
Kamishiro: =????(??? ????)
He stared at the so-called "water."
"Senpai! Did you say that wrong? Shouldn't the loser drink?"
Since when did winning come with punishment?!
"Well, it's for fairness!"
They had specifically designed this rule because of Kohei's athletic incompetence.
"And besides, it's more like a reward, right?"
Tokita-senpai casually opened a bottle and chugged half of it.
If not for the heavy smell of alcohol in the air, the onlookers might have believed it was actual water.
Kamishiro covered his face in despair.
Great. Now the determining factor wasn't ping-pong skill it was who could survive 21 cups of 96% "water."
All because of this athletic idiot.
He shot Kohei a resentful glare.
The senpai were way too biased toward him.
Meanwhile, Kohei also glared back.
"What a lucky bastard."
Kamishiro: ???
His fists clenched.
This idiot had no idea whose fault this rule was.
Fine.
"Azusa nee! Announce the start already. I can't wait to have a man-to-man showdown with this bastard!"
Kamishiro grinned fiercely.
Whether drinking or ping-pong, he refused to lose.
"You're really impatient, Kamishiro."
Azusa laughed but complied.
"Alright match start!"
This time, there was no flashy announcement. She simply tossed the ball to Kamishiro and winked before stepping aside.
As if proving she favored him.
Unfortunately, Kamishiro had no room for worldly desires right now.
Ball in hand, his eyes locked onto Kohei.
"Hope your skills match your bragging."
He tossed the ball high. As it rose, he came up with his first question.
"Names of AV actresses! Shiina Sora!"
A powerful backspin serve shot toward Kohei along with the question.
Simple enough.
Even a hardcore otaku should manage one or two answers. They had literally attended an AV actress meet-and-greet earlier that day.
Kamishiro wanted to test him. He didn't believe Kohei's skills were as strong as he claimed.
But Kohei looked relaxed.
Come on.
Show me your skill.
"Momoki Nanaka!"
Kohei roared and swung.
His golden hair flew dramatically.
For a split second, Kamishiro thought of Ryoma Echizen.
The confidence. The pose.
Except
This was ping-pong, not tennis!!!
The ball rocketed off in a completely exaggerated arc.
Sure, it had power.
But Kamishiro's serve had heavy backspin.
The direction was off by miles.
And the height? Not even aimed at the table.
Also how do you forget the name of the person whose meet-and-greet you just attended?!
The confidence in his voice had nearly fooled Kamishiro for a second.
Well.
Test complete.
Whether it was the word game or ping-pong skill, Kamishiro now knew the outcome.
All he had to worry about was surviving 21 cups of alcohol.
This was boring.
He would end it quickly.
First, though
Where did the ball go?
Kamishiro looked toward its trajectory.
His pupils shrank.
The ball had landed squarely on Aina's forehead. It stuck there for a moment from the force.
Silence.
Even the nearby guests didn't dare breathe.
Plop.
The ball fell.
Black aura seemed to rise behind Aina.
A red mark glowed on her forehead.
She looked like a demon crawling out of hell.
"KOHEI! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
She tackled him to the ground, eyes bloodshot, hands strangling his neck.
Kohei: (??`)
Only then did he realize what he had done.
"Wait! It was an accident!"
"I don't care!"
"I'm still in the match! Let me finish!"
"I don't care!"
"It's Kamishiro's serve's fault!"
"I don't care!"
In berserker mode, Aina ignored all explanations and pummeled his face.
If she didn't beat him into a pighead, it would dishonor her forehead.
Kohei mentally longed for his 2D world. At least there, waifus listened to explanations. No galgame had prepared him for soothing a raging beast.
Kamishiro instinctively stepped back. She looked like Iori Yagami mid-super move.
Poor Kohei.
But as Kamishiro retreated he bumped into something soft. Turning around
Azusa and Nanaka smiled warmly.
If not for the "Water of Life" in their hands, it would have been very comforting.
I'm the real victim here.
...
Ten minutes later
"1:0."
The senpai acted as referees.
Azusa and Nanaka continued gently feeding Kamishiro alcohol.
It was supposed to be one cup per point.
But under their "gentle" care, he had no idea how many he had drunk.
Still
He was entering the zone.That's how alcohol worked at first you resisted. Then what's 21 cups of 96% water?
I can still drink more! It tastes good! Love it!
Meanwhile, Kohei's beating had concluded.
"Match resumes~"
They returned to the battlefield.
Kamishiro looked at Pighead Kohei with pity.
"You sure you're okay?"
"I only hit his face, it will not affect the match!"
Aina answered before Kohei could.
She shot him a warning glare. Kohei nodded meekly.
Then glared at Kamishiro.
All your fault.
Kamishiro: (???)
Why blame me?!
Kohei bent down to serve.
"Hmph. How despicable. You investigated my weakest serve in advance."
"..."
"But this time you won't be so lucky! Prepare for judgment!"
Kamishiro just looked at him with disdain.
With that tennis-style swing, no serve would land properly anyway.
Unless the question was difficult, Kohei had zero chance through skill alone.
As for questions
What could a hardcore otaku ask?
Probably 2D stuff, voice actresses
Kamishiro knew enough.
He just had to finish him before running out of answers.
"Take this, Kamishiro!"
Kohei tossed the ball high.
"Ancient and Modern! Rarako movie titles!"
"Dissolving Magical Girl Rarako: The Theatrical Agricultural Final Edition!"
Smack
The posture was cool.
Kamishiro could easily smash it.
But
"WHO THE HELL CAN ANSWER THAT?!"
He froze.
He expected Rarako questions.
He could name a few characters.
But movie titles?!
Who memorizes movie titles?!
He didn't even remember One Piece or Conan movie titles!
The ball drifted past him.
"1:1!"
"Praise Rarako!"
Kohei cheered, pigface grinning obnoxiously.
At that moment
Kamishiro finally understood how to play this game.
A cruel smile spread across his face.
Oh? That's how we're playing? Fine. You're dead.