Foreword: This story is a 'fanfiction journal' of a nightmare I dreamed of, as with most of my literary creations. When I woke up I hated how the nightmare ended and a therapist suggested journaling these life-like nightmares. Well I couldn't write down all of the terror that occurred in the nightmares for my own mental health and so these 'fanfictions' of my nightmares were born. Keeping the trauma to a minimum because otherwise the whole book would be a trigger warning. Also, writing the feelings I felt in the nightmare really helped with my own healing from experiencing the nightmares and my own personal struggle with my own past sexual trauma. I hope my story helps others heal as well. Author Notes
***WARNING: This story has sexual assault scenes that may be uncomfortable to some readers. To help protect your mental health, I have marked the trigger scenes so you can skip them if you feel like they may be too much. I hope my retelling of my nightmares helps anyone who might be struggling with similar scars on this journey of self love.***
Author Devotion
To my loving, beautiful and very supportive wife. This book is an ode to you and my love for you. I know I have already told you, but every moment I spent in these nightmares was torture away from your side. That hole I felt from your absence in my heart was very deep and just remembering that feeling trying to convey those feelings in this book would make me cry. I love you with all my heart, my love, and I am very grateful I have you in my life every single day.
Chapter 1: A Strange New World
My wife and I were riding in our truck driving to go on our weekly "Fridate" where every Friday we go out (or maybe stay in depending on the weather or our moods) and do something like either leisurely swimming laps in the pool at the gym talking as we go back and forth catching up on all the things we missed from each other's lives during the course of the week. I usually smoke CBD before going, so my wife usually drives, so I can vibe. Sometimes we will go to a restaurant, other times maybe a trampoline park. It all depends on what we are feeling that week.
Most of the time, swimming won the battle. This Friday was another swimming Friday. We are currently driving to the pool singing along to different jams of varying genres from "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston, "Hero" by Skillet, "True Colors" by Tupac, "Let's Do it Again" by J Boog, etc. Our Pandora goes from pop, alternative, hip hop, to reggae, all within the span of our drive. Bop to bop to bop. As we near one of the last turns on one of the busiest streets we drive on, I see a flash in the corner of my eye. A white pickup truck is flying towards the passenger side where I am currently. I reached over reflexively to protect my wife, and then everything went black.
Am I dead?
Is this what death feels like?
Is my wife ok?
Was she able to survive the truck?
I really hope so, though, if my soul moves to a new body. I would be sad that we couldn't reincarnate together. As I think about this, I feel something very warm and comforting, and I suddenly feel completely content in all circumstances with this presence. I look up and see a very beautiful woman, and by the feeling I feel when I look upon her, I know she must be a goddess. I kneel automatically when I see her, though my form isn't completely physical here in this place, I still have the capability to kneel. She immediately tells me to rise and that kneeling is unnecessary. I immediately said, "It felt necessary when I felt you were a goddess. Am I dead?" I ask while I look around and at myself.
She smirks and replies, "I am called many things, and that is actually one of them. Goddess. To answer your question, yes. You died in an accident while trying to protect your wife. Your reaching to shield her was just enough to save her life. Would you like to see where she is now?" I feel so happy that my wife did not die. It would have broken my heart to know she died as well. I only wanted her to reincarnate with me for selfish reasons. I shake my head, "I don't think I am ready yet. It will probably break my heart." The goddess says, "If you ever change your mind, just ask me."
I then said while examining my ethereal form, "If this is death, it isn't that bad. I can bask in your presence. I like how I feel when I am with you." The goddess, with her interest piqued, asked, "What exactly did you feel when you saw me? Everyone feels different in my presence." I responded truthfully, "The moment I felt your presence, I yearned for nothing more. I felt like all I needed was you and your warm and comforting presence. Being with you feels like you are hugging my soul." She looks surprised yet thrilled, with the cutest blush and a slight smile on her divine face.
I do not know what it means, but after a very short moment, after she realized I was done speaking, she asked me, "How would you like to help me with a project?" I ask, curious about what kind of project a goddess like her would have: "What kind of project?" "A project of world peace." She replies as she shows me a vision of a world inhabited by many different races (not just humans) living in harmony and happiness.
She says, "This is my dream for my world, Gaos. I say 'my world,' but I share it with my sister because we created it together as a project. In this dream, all the races live together in harmony and thrive together. This was our dream for this world, but my sister's followers are misconstruing her words and teachings on harnessing negative emotions, and this world has become quite dangerous. People behave strictly out of negative feelings, not out of intention or a good heart. There are still people who commit crimes and the like in this dream, but they are necessary for balance and harmony between good and evil. Our dream was 'balance'. This was as close to a utopia as a world could get while maintaining balance, and this is my dream. A world where very different beings can get along and live and love one another without fear of enslavement, torture, or other sick things these mortals may think of. Gaos right now is a dystopia full of hate between races, and it breaks my heart that my creation has turned out like this."
Though when I think of this Gaos world she is sending me to, I have a feeling the race making everything worse is most probably the human race. As it is on Earth, humans are not only destroying the planet but disrespecting nature and ecosystems that harbor endangered species. Just disrespecting all non-human life. I have a feeling it will be the same situation. Just a gut feeling. The goddess stops the vision and tells me, "This is what I want for this world I am sending you to. To see this mission through and make my dream a reality, you will need some special ability. Do you have any ideas of what you might like?" I think about it for a second and ask, "Before I share any ideas of mine, will there be magic in this world?"
The goddess says, "Yes. All beings in this world can use some sort of magic, though not all have a high affinity for it. Humans, bears, wolves, birds, all life can use magic, though not all actually tap into it without the necessary instruction, though some have a natural talent for it. Like humans, animals can either have a high or low affinity for magic, and you might come across mighty beasts who can use very powerful magic. Is there an affinity you prefer?" I think, and honestly, I have always wanted healing magic. To be able to touch someone and heal them. I think that it would be most useful to be on a quest for peace, too.
So, without much hesitation, I say, "Whichever affinity allows me to heal someone with magic." The goddess then says, "That would be light magic. Light magic pulls directly from me, and those who love me strongly will have the strongest of light magic. When you told me what you felt when you saw me, I had a feeling you might choose light magic if given the choice. I could have changed it if you'd wanted, but that might have changed how you felt around me. You will now bear powerful light magic in your next life in my world."
She snaps her fingers as if making it so and continues, "Have you put more thought into the ability I asked you about earlier, Zoe?" I think about it more. A mission for world peace. There are many places around the world with diverse people and races. I think I know what I want to ask for, "Goddess, would it be possible to grant me either the ability to speak all languages or maybe an innate translation ability for speech and hearing. Traveling the world will mean coming across many people who might not speak my language, and it will be hard to negotiate world peace if I cannot speak to them." The goddess replies, "You will have the ability to understand and communicate with all life and read all languages as well that have a written form. As for your first mission, I want you to blindfold yourself and sing a song that reminds you of your wife and not remove it until you finish singing the song."
I nodded in agreement, taking the blindfold in my hands and putting it on my head. Without a doubt, I know exactly what song I want to sing. The song I thought of when I first kissed her. The first time I kissed her felt different from any other kiss, and I knew that was the moment Kelly Clarkson was talking about in her song "A Moment Like This," and so without delay, I started singing the song. I feel clothes on my body now, and I also feel as though I might be in a different place. I think I hear other sounds that may be people and confusion in my surroundings, but I continue with my mission for the goddess, singing my song for my wife. Knowing I would never see her again, I started crying as I sang this song, and before I knew it, it was over.
I take the blindfold off, and I am in a throne room, and there is a royal family up on their thrones. The king looks mighty. Whether he is good or not is yet to be determined. His hair is brown, and he has a well-groomed beard. He looks like a king. The queen sitting next to him looks formidable but in the best, most beautiful way, with her blonde hair flowing ever graciously off her beautifully exposed shoulders. Next to her, a princess who looks strong-willed and spunky yet graceful, with beautiful light brown hair like her father, in an up-do that was very pretty, and beautiful blue eyes. She clutches her chest with one hand.
Next to her were the two princes. One looks like he would grow up to be a good king, with brown hair, but he was clean-shaven and just seemed noble of character. The other prince has blonde hair with a well-groomed beard. Just looking at him, I can get a feeling that he cannot be trusted. I get the heeby jeebies from that prince. My legs feel weak after realizing this embarrassing situation that I was just singing in front of strangers and important ones at that, and I instantly kneel, realizing the situation.
While I do that, the king and the rest of the royal family begin applauding. The king says, "That was a great performance. You quite literally came out of nowhere and started singing for us as if the goddess herself descended. It quite startled us." The queen says, "That song was very moving and was just splendid! I have never heard that song before, and you sang it so well. When you started crying, tears escaping under your blindfold, I really felt you were singing about someone, and it just made the song even better. Goodness me, the moment that came out, I realized how it may have sounded. I hope I do not bring you offense with that remark. I just wanted to convey that the sorrow was felt in the lyrics, and it really moved me."
I fidget a little, uncomfortable with the compliment and with the sympathy for me. I do not like it. "Thank you for the kind words, your highness. You are partially right, your majesty." I turn to look at the king, "You might not believe me, but I was sent here by the goddess. I am so sorry if this was an intrusion. The goddess played a prank on me, it seems." The queen looks intrigued and asks inquisitively, "What do you mean by playing a prank?"
I responded feeling nervous all of a sudden, "Long story short, your highness, I died, the goddess gave me a quest, I accepted the quest, and then she told me to put the blindfold on and sing a song that reminds me of the wife I left behind in the world I came from. So, I did, and here we are. In a personal nightmare of mine, singing in front of a bunch of strangers, and very important-looking strangers at that. That is why she made me wear the blindfold; otherwise, I would not have been able to finish the song out of embarrassment and anxiety. I really do not like singing in front of others, your highness." After saying that, I take a deep breath.
Hearing me speak, the royal family all seemed intrigued by what I had to say. Whether the intrigue came from an innocent or not-so-innocent place, I do not know, and I hope they believe me. This could end very badly for me. I just got dropped into a throne room with royalty. What if they deem me a threat and kill me? I probably should keep the fact that I used to be a soldier in the army a secret. If they knew I had any kind of martial experience or knowledge from another world, they would try to exploit me and obtain knowledge I have personally deemed forbidden here. I glance at the guards here, and it seems that guns and explosive weapons do not exist here, and I would like to keep it that way. I would also like to avoid telling them about gasoline as a fuel source or anything that burns fossil fuels, for that matter. Humans of Earth destroyed Earth out of greed.
There was one conspiracy theory I always 100 percent believed in, and it circled around powerful corporations that profit from the oil industry and target clean-energy inventors or innovators, who suddenly and very suspiciously come up either missing or dead or sabotaging their projects. The oil business makes a lot of money, and inventions like that would have destroyed their empire. They don't care that their decision is destroying the ozone layer with carbon emissions. They just care about the money. It is all about money for some people. Money and Power. Even though I knew all of this on Earth, I still drove a truck that ran on gasoline. Mainly out of convenience. Convenience drove many in the modern world to make the choices they did.
I cannot judge them because I made the same choices myself for convenience's sake. I know my truck is, or should I say 'was', terrible on the environment, but I still loved it because I could carry so much in that thing. Moving from place to place was a breeze because of that truck. I wouldn't be able to haul a U-Haul trailer with a Prius. Just imagining it is kind of funny, to be honest. Before anyone says it, yes. Yes, I know I was part of the problem back on Earth. I sigh as I think of my poor baby. It got totaled, and my wife now doesn't have a working vehicle. I sure hope she is doing ok. I miss her so much.
All of that said, I am an agent of peace in this world. I could easily be the bringer of calamity if this knowledge gets out. I need to ask the goddess later about maybe sealing this knowledge in my head or making it so people can't influence me or force me to divulge it with a charm/spell resist barrier on my mind, or something like that, if something like that exists in this world. I could be just going on a really long bunny trail of fantasy from all the video games I played. That may not be possible, so I just need to wait until I can talk with the goddess again.
The king doesn't really know what to make of what I said and says, after a long pause of thinking, pulling me from my thoughts, "While we get more information about you and who you are and where you are from, we ask that you remain here under our supervision in our castle. What is your name?" "My name is Zoe, your highness. Though I do have a family name, they do not exist here in this life, in this world, so I guess I am just Zoe." I look down at my body and realize I am wearing a very revealing outfit and that my arm tattoos are gone. I mean, I get it. I did die. That body is dead. Of course, a dead body can't just come back to life in a different world. The goddess probably just did a "reload," if you will, on my body. Though I haven't looked at my reflection. It is very possible I will have a different face now if I am not in my same body.
I blush when I see my outfit, but I try not to let the royal family notice. The princess noticed immediately and said, "Zoe. It appears you are surprised to be wearing that. Did you not put it on yourself?" I blush even harder, "No, your highness. As I told you, after I died and was talking to the goddess, I was actually naked in her presence, but it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, though it is hard to explain. I am not a pervert that likes running around naked, actually quite the opposite, I am pretty modest." I am totally word-vomiting now because I am so nervous in this very stressful situation, and she caught me flustered. I continue word-vomiting, "I am just glad she put some clothes on me before she sent me here. Just thinking about the possibility of showing up naked, singing in front of you all sounds even more nightmarish." I say as I laugh nervously. The whole royal family starts laughing at this point.
Apparently, my response humored them. That is good. It means they are less likely to kill me now. Still, I need to be on my guard. Especially that one sketchy-looking prince. I don't like him one bit, and I know he will give me trouble by the way he looks at me. When I used to be a corrections officer, there were some inmates in for twisted shit, and those inmates would look at me as he is doing right now. I can see his lust for power in his gaze. Though I can fight back, should I? I am here on a mission for peace, and if I hit him, that is more than enough reason for them to kill me, and though I would much rather prefer that ending than him torturing me, I do not know what the goddess will think. I haven't had a chance to fulfill her quest. The quest has barely even started, and I am thinking of ending it already.
Holy fucking shit, I am a coward.
I just realized they never introduced themselves, but to be honest, I don't blame them. They either don't want to tell me right now, or maybe they don't believe my story and think I already know who they are, or maybe they forgot in the surprise of my appearance. I do not know. One thing I do know is that I really want to be out of this throne room. I am really embarrassed having sung in front of all of them. I do not like singing, and I know that is probably why the goddess had me blindfolded. She probably knew I would have stopped singing if I knew there was an audience besides my Liz. She is crafty. Why did I need to sing? Why couldn't I have just talked to them like normal? I have so many questions for the goddess.
The prince that I do not like makes an even more disturbing face, and my hair stands on end. The princess then giggles, bringing my spiraling thoughts back to 'Gaos' and says, "That would surely have been amusing. I would love to hear more about that feeling you were talking about." She says, winking at me. Her mother rolls her eyes, and the princess continues, "That outfit you are so embarrassed about, I think suits you quite well. It looks like something I would make a concubine wear." The noble-looking prince interjects, "HA! Says the only one currently without concubines. Though I do feel your sentiment. I will have to see about getting garb like this for my concubine." The princess clicks her teeth at her brother in attitude, and the other prince, whom I dislike, looked like he agreed, though he did not say a word and just bore the most disgustingly perverted grin. I look at the princess still in my kneeling position since no one has told me to rise yet, "You flatter me, your highness."
The outfit I was wearing was by no means lingerie, but it was very revealing. My breasts were covered with a top, and my whole stomach was bare, and I had on a beautifully extravagant loincloth-looking garment on my lower half. I had extravagant-looking underwear underneath (THANK THE GODDESS), so I wouldn't have to worry about anybody sneaking a glance at my lady bits in the breeze or when I walk. The underwear she put on me is something I normally wouldn't wear. I normally wear boxers, but these were more on the feminine side.
My muscular legs are all on display in this outfit. The sandals I am wearing seem almost like a slightly more glamorous bible sandal if I had to describe them. The straps wrapped around my leg, and they were actually kind of cute, but not too flashy. The whole outfit was on the feminine side, though it also showed off my muscles and abs. I definitely would not have chosen this outfit for myself. I am more of a jeans-and-hoodie type of girl, or a crop top, or a regular old T-shirt kind of girl.
I wonder if this is some kind of proposition from the princess. I still miss my wife, so I am not really looking for a romantic relationship, but drowning my sorrows with lust might not be so bad. I know there is that saying, the best way to get over a person is to get under another, but I can't just get over my wife like that. She was amazing, and I loved her with every fiber of my being. It feels like a chunk of my own being was stolen from me, and I am forever a fragment of myself. I miss the feeling of her lips on mine in a tender kiss. I miss her lectures when I would do something stupid or something that didn't make sense to her. I miss her giggles and laughs when she is having fun playing video games with her friends in the next room. I miss seeing her really messy hair when she has a good night's sleep.
I miss her so much.
I can't even think of having another person who would fill that giant hole she has left in my heart. Just because I won't find love doesn't mean I can't be physically intimate with another woman. I would just like to know more about her before taking that step. I know I will probably not find love in this world. I was lucky enough to have found my wife, Liz, in my first life. I would be greedy to ask for love again. Especially when so many people go their whole lives without knowing the feeling of true love. I was really lucky.
The king then addresses me after a brief silence, interrupting my thoughts, "You mentioned 'why you were sent here' and earlier a 'quest'. What did you mean by those?" I think for a brief moment. I do not think it is wise to tell them the whole truth about my mission. More specifically, I do not want that one devious-looking prince to know the true reason I am here. Men like him would oppose and prevent me from achieving my goal. Chaos and hate are profitable. Just look at the slave trade. People sell for a lot of money, and it is a really deplorable business, and men like him look like they would be all up in that sort of business. With the mission I received from the goddess, slavery most probably is a normal occurrence in this world, and most probably needs abolishment, and that prince will probably be an obstacle for me.
I need to be careful in how I proceed, "I am sorry, your highness. I do not feel comfortable divulging the whole truth just yet. You see, my life could be in danger depending on your goals or ambitions. With that said, I would like to get to know you all better as people before I open up more to you. It is a very important mission that I must try to see to completion with the best of my ability for the goddess. I do hope you understand, your highness." The royal family looks at me, and the queen says, "That was a very regal answer. Were you a part of nobility in your previous life?"
I laugh at that question and respond, "No, your highness. What makes you say that?" She responds with elegance as she brings her hand to her face in amusement, "Just the way you composed yourself with that refusal is something not many people would do in your situation. You also did it very eloquently whilst still showing respect. I want you to teach my daughter a few pointers while you are here. She is graceful in her movement, but her speech is another matter." She giggles, and the princess yells, "HEY, Mother, that is rude!" "It is the truth, though." The queen retorts, while the princess, who was once sitting very gracefully, now had the slightest pout added on top of that graceful posture.
I giggle lightly as the weight of some of the tension of being in this stressful situation lifts from the princess's refreshing behavior, and the queen looks at me and says, "With all that said, Zoe, you are a brave one, definitely. Most people come into this throne room and agree with everything we say without question, but you didn't. You say it is fear for your safety, but I think there is more to it than that. You seem refined, yet you also seem rough around the edges at the same time. You seem to be an oxi-moron, if I were being honest. I would love to hear more about you, but you are probably exhausted and need some rest. I will get one of my chambermaids to show you to your living quarters while you stay in the castle. I do apologize again that you will need to stay there unless you have permission to leave. Until we are done with our investigations, I do hope you understand."
As she says those words, she waves her hand to one of the ladies to the side, and they approach me. I say, "I will do my best to cooperate with your demands, your highness. They are very reasonable considering the circumstances." Then I turn to follow the beautiful, pale, thick chambermaid with long, dark brown hair tied up in a ponytail to my new room. She has curves in all the right places and reminds me of the squishy cuddles with Liz.
As we are walking, a thought crosses my mind. I am not even that smart by Earth standards, but here they might think I am some kind of fucking oracle or sage. That would be way too much attention and faith in me from people, given that I have forgotten a lot of things from school and am most definitely NOT a sage or oracle. I am just a woman. A woman who struggled in grade school due to being neurodivergent. I have to be careful about what I say about my previous life. I will try my best to be cryptic and vague until I feel like I can divulge certain things. If they learn too much about me, they might not want to let me go, preventing me from completing the mission I was sent here to complete.
I laugh to myself (in my inner monologue, not out loud) as I recall the queen asking if I was nobility. NAH. I worked in customer service at an IT call center in one of my old jobs before I went into teaching. I just hit you with that old customer service reply to keep the tension low. We had to be good at that since so many people called in already mad, so we had to be great at de-escalation. I also developed good de-escalation skills from my time as a corrections officer. That was the most valuable tool on my toolbelt. Not my pepper spray, not my radio, just my de-escalation. I am sure these skills will come in handy here. I am really surprised that I was able to pull that call center de-escalation skill out while in that very nerve-racking situation. That was probably the most nerve-racking situation I have been in with multiple people who could have killed me without a second thought.
The chambermaid walks me through the castle during her tour, pointing out places, which brings me back to this moment as she guides me to my room. We pass by a mirror, and I take a look at my reflection.
I am a new person!
I stop and gasp at my reflection while touching my face all over in disbelief. The first thing I notice is my eyes. Instead of a mellow brown, they are amber instead. My hair is light brown and very short, almost blonde, and my skin is very tan. The chambermaid stops and looks at me with confusion, causing her dark brown pony to sway, "Is something wrong?" I look at the details of my face, and though it's similar to my old face, this one is 'prettier' than my last. I was not ugly by any means in my first life, but I am not entirely sure I am happy about this new face. I liked my old face. It was a very handsome face. I feel a pang in my chest for some reason. What is this pang feeling? It was my face, but I guess this is my face too. Both are my faces.
I reply, "This face is a little prettier than my last one. This is my first time seeing it since arriving here in this world." The pang in my chest lessens. The chambermaid then says, "So you really are from another world. The more you speak, the more I believe it. I would love to hear stories sometimes! What kind of place was it?" I want to be honest yet not say too much, "It was a comfortable world. Very convenient even. You could buy things very affordably and have them even delivered to your door." She looks at me with awe, "Really?! What kind of things?" I replied, "Pretty much anything for the most part within reason." She looks like she is still reeling in this information drop, "When you say anything, does that mean like horses or carriages?"
I respond, knowing it will blow her mind, "Yes, I guess we could. Even more so, you could have a house delivered. People usually just get miscellaneous things delivered like household items, food, gifts, etc." She looked like she was about to fall in exaggerated disbelief, "There is no way you could deliver a house. HOW? With magic?" I then tried my best to describe a mobile home, leaving out the more complicated bits like having a septic tank installed at locations and information like that. I explain, "There was a specific type of house that had wheels on the bottom. We called them mobile homes. You couldn't just move it wherever you want, though. You would need a truck big enough to pull it."
She looks at me with confusion, "What is a truck?" Shit, I totally forgot they don't have vehicles here, "Think of them like powerful, big horseless carriages that can go really fast. I can try to draw what they look like for you if I ever get things to draw with." She looks so fascinated, "Powerful horseless carriages? Now that is something I would really love to see!"
I continue with my vague explanation of Earth, "We were very entertained too. We had these things called video games that you could play using a device, and they were displayed on a screen. These games came in all kinds of shapes and sizes and had different storylines. Some were romance games where you had to try to romance your way to a happy ending. Some were racing games. We also had a variety of strategy games, varying from war to puzzles. While in other games, you were the chosen hero destined to save the world and fight a big bad villain using magic. OH YEA! The world I came from did not have magic. It was but a thing of fantasy lore." Before I could continue, the chambermaid interjects, "That is crazy! NO MAGIC! How did you survive?! I can't even think of if I was without my water magic. It really helps with my work as a chambermaid."
I chuckled, "We used our wits and technology. We actually had pretty advanced technology because we didn't have magic to rely on. I have a feeling if planet Earth had magic, it would not be a dying planet right now." SHIT! I said too much. The moment it left my lips, I knew this was going to open a door. She asked the question I was now dreading, "What do you mean by a dying planet?" I sigh, trying to think of a way to answer without divulging any forbidden knowledge. I do not want to tell them about anything that could possibly bring calamity to this world.
I give her a vague response, "The humans of our world destroyed our world with greed. It will be several hundred years in the future, but the planet will die if things keep going as they are. I can't go into details because there are certain things I don't want to bring into this world. I do not want to bring calamity to this world." I say as I look back at my reflection, still in shock at how pretty I am, it almost feels wrong.
I look at my teeth, and they look perfect. I don't want perfection. I liked being unique and different. When I said that, the chambermaid said, "I do not know how greed could destroy a world. That seems far-fetched to me." Just thinking about how in society on Earth, they use entertainment to keep the populace happy and satisfied, which is intentional by the government and powerful corporations to keep us occupied while they do messed-up things to stay in power. They knew that those very things were destroying the planet, but didn't care. Like the oil business. Cars are destroying Earth, and anyone who comes up with a clean, reusable solution or one that will save the populace a lot of money, those projects never succeed, and it is very suspicious. I never had proof that these corporations were responsible, but they had the most motive to make those projects and/or people in charge of them disappear. They don't call them conspiracy theories for nothing.
I face the chambermaid again, "Powerful people will do fucked up things to remain in power. Sometimes they will do fucked up things just because they can get away with it." She then looks at me like she sort of understands, "People in power can be terrifying." As she says this, she shivers ever so slightly, and her skin gets a little pale. I know that reaction. That is personal experience. I nod and reply, "They certainly can be." With that, she continues the tour, dispensing with the pleasantries. I know she doesn't want to talk anymore. We hit a sensitive topic for her, so it is best to just stop the conversation here, and I do not mind. I need to focus on the layout of the castle anyway, and she looks like she needs to be distracted by giving me this tour because she still seems pale to me.
We soon finish the tour, and when we get to my room, she says, "Here is your room. We ask that you stay here until one of us comes to get you or unless you have special permission." I replied, "This is the most beautiful and luxurious prison cell I have ever seen." I say as I look around my new digs in amazement, noticing the balcony. The chambermaid giggles, "I know what you mean. Since we are not letting you leave and everything. We have a chamber pot over there where you can relieve yourself. I also have a pitcher of water there with a glass that you can use throughout the day. If you ever run out, just knock on your door and tell one of the two guards outside, and they will flag one of us down when they see us pass by. I can just come in here and use water magic to fill it up for you."
I gasp excitedly, "You can just summon the water? Like out of thin air? That is so cool! I would have thought that you would have needed to draw the water in from a natural source in the environment." She looks at me in amazement, "You are actually right, but it does seem like it comes out of the air. Water magic uses the moisture in the air and surroundings in a pure form. At least that is what my teacher told me. I don't quite understand how water can be in the air when it isn't raining. Though I do not need to completely understand it to know how it feels to use it." When she says that, I had the thought that nearby clouds in the sky are probably a good source of water for water magicians, and they probably pull from those. It would greatly affect nearby plant life if water-magic users used their magic in drier climates.
I briefly looked out the window at a fluffy cloud and responded, "Probably from the clouds in the sky." She looks at me and says, "How can those fluff balls have water?" When she says this, I know just how shitty the education system is in this world. I tell her, "The more water collects in the clouds, the darker they become, and when they fill up and get really heavy, they rain. That is where rain comes from. Clouds are made up of a bunch of tiny water droplets. Water comes in many forms, too, so you can probably use steam and ice magic, too. That may not be the case since I do not know the limits of the magic in this world yet. So maybe that might not be the case. Assuming the same principles apply with magic as well, I would assume so. Now I am really fascinated by the magic of this world."
The chambermaid looks at me in astonishment, "Are you a scholar or something?" Crap, I got a little carried away in my excitement about magic. Getting too carried away might give people an opening to forbidden knowledge. I responded, "Some might call me one. I have gone to university in the world I came from." She looks at me inquisitively, "What is this university?" They might not have institutions for learning here. I try to think of a way to explain it, "It is a word for a place where adults can go to learn a variety of different things. There are different degree paths people can choose depending on the knowledge they seek to acquire."
She looks at me like she understands, "OH! Like the magic academy! Only those with money can afford to go, though. I was lucky enough to unlock my magic myself without the need to go to school." When she says this, she looks around like she might have messed up or something and says, "Oh no, I got too carried away and chatted with you for too long. Her royal highness is waiting on me, so I must be going now." She says this as she leaves the room with a curtsy, "Pleasure making your acquaintance, Zoe." Before she leaves, I ask, "Wait! I never got your name." She giggles, "Oh, silly me, my name is Natalie, but the people I like call me Nat. So, to you, I am Nat." She smiles as she leaves with haste.
She likes me, which is good. At least it seems I found someone whom I can somewhat trust around here. Though if I learned anything from watching K-dramas and other shows set in royal courts, it is that palaces are usually filled with people who want to get ahead, gain more power, and/or social standing. I will need to try to stay vigilant, but I can be very naïve and gullible, taking people's words at face value because they said them without considering the intentions behind them. This stay in this castle is probably going to be very rough. When I was a kid, it took me forever to understand sarcasm, but once I understood it, I fell in love with it. The same reason sarcasm was hard for me to understand is the reason I can be so gullible. Taking words at face value.
Back to her discussion earlier, she said CHAMBER POT. That is so gross, I am already missing indoor plumbing. Though I wonder, since I have light magic now, does that mean I have a purification spell or something? Depending on the limitations of it if it exists, I might be able to clean my body or more specifically on this thought train clean my ass after shitting. I will definitely have to ask the goddess whether light magic has purification capabilities and what the spell's limits are. This is all assuming I can talk to her again. Maybe there's a rule that prevents me from talking to her here. Since that place was in a weird, dimension-like space, I probably will have to wait until I sleep or something. I will ask the goddess before going to bed in case she can hear me, so she knows I want to talk with her.
While chilling in my new digs, I look around now more closely in my room since I was distracted by our conversation earlier. The bed looks pretty nice. Actually, looks nicer than the bed I had back on Earth. I sit on the bed, and it is so fluffy yet supportive. I really like this bed.It is nice. There is a window with a balcony. I step out, look down, and see we are several levels up. If I wanted to escape, this would not be the best solution unless I had a long rope or something. There are some tall trees kind of near the window, and I see a little gray squirrel. He is a really cute little guy. He looks like he is trying to get a nut of some kind out of the tree to snack on.
I speak out to him, "Hey, little one, are you trying to get that nut there for a snack?" He stops and looks at me, and then I hear, "WOAH! You can speak squirrel?!" I answer back, "Apparently, I do. To be honest, I wasn't really expecting a response from you that I could understand so clearly. This ability is quite new to me. Do you have a name, little one?" He looks at me and asks, "What is a name?" I then ask, "Do you call yourself something, or do other squirrels refer to you as something?" He then looks at me and says with a sad face, "The other squirrels do not like me much. You see, I can use magic and am a different color. I was too different, and they were scared of me. I accidentally hurt another squirrel with my wind magic, so I do understand." He says this, and his body shrinks back, as if he is ashamed of the accident.
I say, "I think it is really cool that you can use magic. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Your fur is also really pretty. I love that gray coat. It looks so soft and fluffy, and I just want to stroke your fur if that isn't a weird thing to ask. If you are able to get over here, that is. I might have to wait until they let me outside to be with you." The squirrel then perks up, "Oh! Don't worry, with my wind magic, I can use the wind to help carry me over there to you. That and a hop should be no sweat for a squirrel like me."
With that, he ran and leapt into the air with gusto and then looked like he was flying. A regular-looking 'flying' squirrel. If we become friends and I get the items, I would need to make this squirrel a flight suit. Since he isn't a flying squirrel like on Earth, he doesn't have the natural wings on his body to help him glide through the air. Having a suit or wings might make it easier for him to fly. He arrives on the balcony and runs up to me. "Hi, miss lady. You said you wanted to stroke my fur?" He said, wagging his tail with excitement. "I sure did," I say with a huge smile because I just cannot contain how cute this little guy is.
He comes up to me, and I start petting him, and he is just the fluffiest little guy, and HE IS SO SOFT. I can pet him all day, and he would totally let me, too, it looks like from his reaction. As I pet him, he says, "This feels really nice. Nobody has ever stroked me like this before. They were always scared of me." MY HEART. This little guy has officially won me over. He is mine. I will be his friend, stroke him, and give him positive affirmations forever. It has been decided. I tell the little one, "So, since you do not have a name, do you mind if I help you out with that?" He looks at me, shocked, "You really would name a squirrel like me? An outcast among my kind?"
I earnestly look at him, "I sure would. How do you like the name Ash? When you fly through the wind, how you move kind of reminds me of a piece of ash through the wind, and it matches your fur color too." He starts crying, "I love it! I will treasure this name you have given me forever. Thank you for putting so much thought into it, too." While continuing to pet him, I say, "Well, obviously we are now officially friends."
His happy cry earlier just got more intense, "I have never had a friend before. Those I thought were friends only ended up being really cruel to me and deceived me." I continue to pet him through all of this and say, "Well fuck those guys. I think you are really sweet and I really like talking with you. I am imprisoned here at the moment, so I am not free to leave this room as I please. So you will have to come here most of the time to visit me for a while. I do hope that is ok." He looks at me with sad eyes, "Why are you stuck in this room?" And then I proceed to give him the whole, unfiltered story and officially introduce myself.