Dark Lord's POV:
God damn it. This is not my day.
I had thought I had made the correct move when I told my in-laws of my Noxy's engagement. I thought that if I could convince them that the rice was already cooked, they would have no choice but to accept our engagement and possibly even try to pressure Noxy into doing so as well. Unfortunately, as it turns out, my Noxy's family has no care for common sense and are nearly as crazy as her to boot.
"PREPARE TO DIE!"
"AI! WAIT!"
"Okay, so where do you think she went off to?"
My Grandmother-in-law had lifted up my entire capital and was about to drop it on my head. My grandfather-in-law was frantically trying to stop her while in his dragon form. Meanwhile, my father-in-law was having a conversation with some sort of apparition I can't quite make out.
"Your majesty?! Who are these people?!" Asked the biggest nuisance tonight.
I had nearly managed to talk down my crazed grandmother-in-law when this fool of a general attempted a sneak attack on her, breaking down any chance I had at negotiating with this lunatic.
*Sigh*
"Grandmother-in-law! Please, calm yo-!"
"CALM THIS, ASSHOLE!" She shouted as she threw the city at me.
Mustering almost all the qi in my body, I managed to catch it without destroying it completely. I used wind and fire qi techniques to slow its momentum. A spatial technique to fold the spaces to increase the time I had before impact. Then I used earth, water, and lightning techniques to keep it from crumbling apart as I magnetized certain parts of the structure while using water qi to mold certain parts together, before hardening them with earth qi.
I finally let out a sigh of relief after I managed to stop its momentum completely. I then moved to try and place back down where it was supposed to be, but.
*BOOM*
Just as I had managed to line the city up with the crater it was pulled from, I was sent flying by a direct hit from my grandmother-in-laws qi-infused punch, causing me to lose focus and drop the city straight to the ground rather than the gentle descent I had intended.
"THAT IS IT!" I shouted as I came shooting out of the crater I had been shot into.
"OH CRAP!"
*BANG*
First, I punched her with the full force of my 1st stage aura combined with the collapsing chaos fist technique I stole from the now destroyed spatial chaos sect, which gravitates my target towards my attack.
*BOOM**BOOM**BOOM*
*BOOM**BOOM**BOOM*
Then, I released the power of the forbidden arts of the asura fist I uncovered in the frost palace, which lets me create new appendages out of pure qi, to unleash a devastating barrage of attacks of whichever elements I may choose. I chose to use fire for all of them, as I was too mad to bother picking out different ones, resulting in giant balls of red plasma forming in the sky with each strike.
*BANG*
*SIZZLE*
Then when she tried to counterattack, I tanked the hit before grabbing on to her arm and used the molten magma defense technique to encase me and her whole arm in a ball of lava which I quickly froze and hardened for what came next.
"Hey, let go of me! What are you-! Oh shit!"
*CRACKLE*
*BOOM*
I used the thundering-heaven technique I pillaged from the lesser divine kingdom, to summon a lightning storm, that would continuously summon down tribulation lightning on my location, which if one was not careful could cause qi deviation on top of the damage of the lightning itself.
*Huff**Puff*
"You must feel real good about yourself havin done this much damage, but I got you now!" She said as she smashed open the crumbling magma rock, only to find that she was only holding on to a torn piece of my clothing as I finished teleporting above her.
*POP*
*BOOM*
By the time she noticed, it was too late, and I hit her directly on the head with a double axe handle infused with half the qi in my body, which sent her shooting down into the ground below leaving a rainbow trailing behind her, as she ended up being buried in a crater as big as the capital she threw at me.
"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! EVEN IF YOU ARE MY WOMAN'S FAMILY! THERE IS A LIMIT TO WHAT I CAN TAKE AND YOU HAVE LONG SINCE CROSSED THAT LINE!" I shouted at the ragged woman with a cracked face looking up at me with bloodshot eyes.
"OH, NOW YOU'VE DONE IT BOY!" She screamed back at me, as I could sense a dangerous amount of energy building up beneath the earth.
*Dixie Horn Sound*
Just as I was about to make a preemptive strike to try and stop whatever she was about to do, a loud horn could be heard playing in the distance. Looking over, I could feel all the anger of having my capital trashed melt away as I couldn't help but laugh at the pirate woman standing atop my new aircraft.
"ARGH! THIS BE THE FIERCE CAPTAIN NOX SPEAKING! NOW ALL YE LANDLUBBERS BE OCCUPYIN ME AIR SPACE! YA BETTER MOVE YAR BOOTY, OR FACE ME MIGHTY CANNONS!" I heard her say over the announcing system of my new aircraft.
"Pft! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I let out a laugh at the silly girl pretending to be a pirate again. I had reflexively tensed up when she disappeared but had quickly put it out of my mind after reassuring myself, she would eventually return now that she had agreed to our date on the 3rd continent. That said, out of all the things she could have been up to while I was fighting my in-laws, I was not expecting her to personally go and finish my new aircraft herself. After seeing what the last aircraft she made was capable of, it sends pleasant tingles down my spine as I am practically giddy with excitement at what this one might be capable of.
"SEEMS YE HAVE NO FEAR OF THE MIGHTY SKY PIRATE! NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THESE FEARLESS FOOLS, VICE CAPTAIN LIL B?!"
"ARGH! WE BLOW EM A NEW BLOWHOLE!" The jester with a hook hand and an eyepatch said over the speakers.
"HARDY HAR, HAR! NOW AIM THE CANNONS!"
Just then, balls of white energy surrounded by black lightning manifested, the power of which was aw-inspiring even from this distance. Though, I was wondering, why are my ship aiming its weapons towards me.
"FIRE!"
"HOLY SHIIIT!"
I rushed to muster all my qi and aura to try and block the overwhelmingly strong energy beams that suddenly came flying in my direction.
"UGH! SHIT! FUCK! NO! GOD FUCKIN DAMN IT!" I cursed as I struggled to hold my ground.
The energy beams moved too fast for me to dodge, and they kept distorting the space around me making it impossible to escape through a spatial distortion. Even with my flames of destruction acting as armor, I can't fully disperse the energy as I can feel the skin of my hands begin to dissolve. My control over the elements won't let me interfere with whatever these beams were made of, and my qi alone is barely keeping it at bay. What's worse is that the energy beams aren't stopping, in fact, they seem to be getting stronger. With how little I have left in the tank already, I might not be able to survive this.
"ARGH! WHO SHUT DOWN THE CANNONS?!"
Just as the flesh melting laser had burned their way into the bones in my palms, the seemingly endless energy beams suddenly stopped, as I heard another voice over the speakers.
"THIS MUCH COULD KILL HIM YOU IDIOTS?!"
"AH, ME LITTLE BARNICAL CRYBABY! DO I HEAR YEE WANT TO WALK THE PLANK?!"
"HEY, NO! QUIT IT! I SAID, NO! I'M NOT PUTTING THAT ON! HEY!"
"OH! HERE WE HAVE A FRESH MAIDEN TO OFFER THE GOD OF DEBAUCHERY! NOW HEAR OUR PLEA AND GIVE US BACK THE PLAYBOY SMITING CANNONS, SO WE MAY-!"
"THAT WAS NOT FUNNY NOX!" I shouted at her as she seemed to be conducting some sort of speech with my court mage dressed in a white dress and a yellow wig.
"YARGH! ENEMY HAS BORDED OUR SH-!"
Before she could get a chance to poke me with that glowing saber, I grabbed her by the head, slapped the sword out of her hand, and looked her dead in the eye.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"
"Yargh! We be hunting for worthy pray on these windy sees, and only the hardiest of playboys would do!"
"Alex! Explain!" I said, as it seemed my woman was having too much fun as a pirate to speak understandably.
"They wanted to test out the new aircraft's weapon system! Then my master mentioned how, your body was super durable! Then my uncle had the great idea of betting money on whether or not my master's upgraded magic cannons were good enough to injure you! One thing led to another, and they dawned the pirate costumes and here we are!"
"Yargh! Do not listen to the fair maiden! Her tears will feed our mighty cannons! Now away with ye, so I may claim me gold doubloons!"
"Pft! God damn it! *Giggle*" No matter how angry I am, I can't stay mad at this weirdo stroking her fake beard.
Still, I can't let this slide. That was seriously dangerous. Had Alex not stopped them in time, I might have been in serious trouble.
"Nox-!"
"Oho! What is this! I spy with my lazy eye, a burn on this playboy's hand! Now pay up lil b!" Nox said throwing off the pirate costume while pointing out my injured hand that is healing slower than normal.
"Hm? What is this?"
Whenever I got injured in the past, my bloodlines healing factor would usually fix wounds like this in mere moments, but for some reason, nothing is happening. My wound is neither closing up or healing, as trickles of blood from my burned veins are trickling out while the burned flesh and bone remain the same. Something seems to be inhibiting my bloodline abilities.
"It's not poison! NOX!" I shouted, cutting off the trio making a fuss behind me.
"In a minute, playboy! This guy needs to cough up the cash he owes me first!"
"I still say that doesn't count! That was barely an injury! Hey, back me up here Alex!"
"Maybe if you were firing it at someone like master you might have a point, but its not, so I say it counts!"
"NO WAY! Betrayed by my own nephew! How could you?! After all that we have been through together!"
"I think you mean after all that you put me through, like how I almost had my head chopped open and my entire candy supply destroyed! And that was just the last hour!"
"NOX!"
"I SAID, IN A MINUTE! NOW COUGH UP TH-!"
Not in the mood to sit and wait for her attention, I grabbed her head again to make her look me in the eye, as I hoped my other bloodline ability might work on her this time. It was a form of hypnosis that requires eye contact. It happens to be an ability that is also common amongst vampires, hence I had Fuji teach me it. In the past few days, I had been trying to use it to seduce her, but this time I wanted to see if it might help her focus.
"Boop!"
"Ouch!"
Unfortunately, as usual, she just poked me in the eye the moment I tried it.
"Nox?" My father-in-law said as he landed on the ship's deck.
"I said in a minute! Now cough it up, before I use you as a piñata!"
"You meany! I already gave you all of Alex's savings earlier! If I pay you now, I really will be broke!"
"YOU WHAT?!" Alex shouted.
"Good! Then maybe you'll learn to respect your elders! Now cough it up!"
"HEY, PLAYBOY! I AIN'T DONE WITH YOU YET!"
Just as Nox finished mugging her own brother, my crazed grandmother-in-law suddenly appeared in the sky followed by a tsunami of earth that was parting the clouds as it headed towards my new ship.
"NOX! DEAL WITH YOUR FAMILY!!!" I shouted as I was afraid of my new aircraft getting destroyed on its maiden voyage.
"Hm? Hey, granny! Sit!"
And just like that, the whole earth tsunami, along with that maniac plummeted towards the ground.
"Now! Roll over!"
"…!"
Using my enhanced vision to look at the earth immortal who had nearly destroyed my capital, rolling on the ground from a simple command from Nox, I was at a loss for words.
"Nox?"
"Oh, crap! Who let the dumbass aboard me ship! This be no place for the dumbest of asses! Yarg!" She said, putting her beard back on as she finally noticed her father.
"LASS! YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO?!" her grandfather said as he landed on the ship.
"Yarg! There be too many phonies on me new ship! Away with ye! Yarg!" Nox said as she waved around her saber.
"Ugh! Can I get out of this dress now?" Alex asked.
"WAAAH! My magic stones!"
"Your majesty? What is going on here?" My subordinates asked as they entered this chaotic scene.
With my court mage dressed like a woman, my woman acting like a pirate, the jester crying like a child, my in-laws in a tizzy trying to understand the garbled mess Nox was spouting through her fake beard, and the earth immortal rolling around in the dirt below, I was unsure how to even begin to answer that question.
"Where do I even begin!"