For humans, disrobing is a prerequisite for bathing—a tedious, illogical custom distinct from his own methods. Sakurai typically employed a specific Superpower user called 'Cleaning' to maintain bodily hygiene; he had an innate distaste for the sensation of being wet.
'...'
Having removed the cumbersome fabric, Sakurai unlocked and pushed open the changing room door.
"..."
He tilted his head, a motion of pure, unadulterated curiosity.
Outside the door, Fujiwara Chika, who had just arrived in response to the message, mirrored his action, her head tilting in perfect, bewildered synchrony.
One large, one small. Two figures stared at each other in a silent standoff.
'Sakurai-kun's younger brother…' Fujiwara Chika's brain processed the image. Black hair. Pale skin. Familiar eyes. Her gaze traveled downward, and the processing stalled. '…Why is he not wearing any clothes?'
'A carbon-based lifeform,' Sakurai's internal classification system supplied. He blinked.
A beat later, Chika-chan's social programming overrode her shock. "LITTLE BROTHER! WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES?!" Her shriek was one of pure, unadulterated scandal as she bodily blocked the doorway to the men's changing room, as if to shield the world from the spectacle.
"..." Sakurai, utterly unfazed, peeked around her frame to survey the hallway. So this is the external environment. The sensory input was overwhelming—a riot of colors, crude and garish compared to the austere data-streams he was accustomed to. It was as visually offensive as the oil paintings he'd occasionally been forced to observe.
"Clothes?" he inquired, the concept seeming genuinely novel.
Chika didn't have time for existential questions about textiles. Risking being seen, she manhandled him back into the changing room. "Didn't your brother teach you not to run around naked?!"
"Brother?" The word held no meaning. Like 'sister'—a relational construct for biological units. He had no such designations. He was a singular entity.
"Isn't Sakurai Saki your brother?" Chika pressed, a sliver of doubt creeping in. Had she horrifically misidentified a random, feral, naked child?
"Who is 'Sakurai Saki'?" His voice was flat. "What a revolting codename. Any entity adopting such a designation should be terminated. It is tens of millennia too early for such a being to claim fraternal relation to me."
"How are you this much of a chuunibyou at your age?! Kids shouldn't let their imaginations get so out of control!" Chika lamented, scrambling to gather his discarded uniform from the floor.
"No~" Sakurai protested, squirming as she attempted to dress him.
"You must wear your clothes properly!" Fujiwara Chika activated her full 'Responsible Secretary' mode, a force of nature honed by years of herding political hopefuls.
Something in her tone—a frequency of pure, unyielding authority—caused Sakurai to go still. "…Understood."
Damned carbon-based lifeform. Once I ascertain why my Superpower users are non-functional, I shall designate you as a primary specimen for experiential analysis.
Chika looked down and caught the distinct, plotting glint in his unnervingly calm eyes. She reached out and pinched both his cheeks, pulling them outward. "No. Pranks."
"…I will endeavor to mimic human behavioral protocols," Sakurai mumbled, rubbing his assaulted cheeks. Later. You will be my tactile stress-relief toy. Nightly cheek-pinching shall be your fate.
"Oh dear…" Even the indefatigable Fujiwara Chika felt a wave of exhaustion. Saki-kun's little brother is… a handful.
"What's your name?" she asked, realizing she'd skipped the basics.
"Zero One."
Sakurai tugged at the clothes Chika had wrestled him into. She'd rolled the sleeves and cuffs, so they weren't swimming on his smaller frame.
"Sakurai Zero One?"
"Who is that? My designation is S01. Thus, Doctor-Sister refers to me as Zero One. All other units refer to me as Son of God." He explained this as one might recite a technical manual.
"I see… so this is part of your 'setting'?" Chika sighed, the weight of the world on her shoulders. She looked him over again. "Want to hold hands?"
"Negative. I am not a juvenile specimen." Sakurai stated with grave seriousness. "Doctor-Sister indicated that only human young require guidance via physical tethering."
Chika-chan deflated visibly. "You're… pretending to be human right now, correct?"
"Affirmative."
"And your current physical manifestation is that of a human child, correct?" she coaxed, deploying logic.
"Correct."
"Therefore, to maintain your cover, you should hold my hand, correct?"
Sakurai shook his head. "Unnecessary. I possess teleportation capabilities. Locomotion is redundant."
Fujiwara Chika was momentarily speechless. The urge to simply walk away was powerful.
But the text from Sakurai Saki had been clear: 'Please take care of my younger brother.'
What do I do?!
"Then… follow me," Chika surrendered, opening the door once more.
Sakurai surveyed the threshold for a moment, then stepped through, entering the world as if it were a new and poorly designed simulation.
The journey was an interrogation.
"Are those carbon-based units preparing for a mating ritual?"
"…That's just hugging."
"This apparatus. I am familiar. One inserts currency to procure weaponry."
"…That's a vending machine. It sells juice."
"Why is this vertical transit structure built in a helical pattern? Inefficient. Why not a direct vertical shaft?"
"…Mountain roads aren't straight either."
"Why is every visual sensor unit focused on my position, Large-Mammary-Sister?"
"…Because you're cute. WAIT. 'LARGE-MAMMARY-SISTER'?!"
"Doctor-Sister stated that human females with pronounced mammary tissue have a 73% higher difficulty finding compatible mates than their flat-chested counterparts. She also asserted that 'flat is a scarce resource.' Is this data accurate?"
"…Your 'Doctor-Sister'… she's flat-chested, isn't she?"
"Her thoracic region possesses the structural integrity and tactile feedback of reinforced steel plating. It is not an optimal sensory experience."
"ZERO ONE! YOU CAN'T JUST TOUCH WOMEN THERE!" Chika's lecture was automatic, her soul slowly leaving her body.
"I possess a Feminization Protocol! I may conduct self-experimentation!" Sakurai retorted indignantly.
"Is… is that also part of your setting?"
"It is a Superpower User!"
"But isn't your current setting 'human child'?"
"Negative! It is 'Superpower User Disguised as Human Child'!"
By the time they finally reached the sanctuary of the Student Council Room, Fujiwara Chika's usual radiant smile had been replaced by the thousand-yard stare of a seasoned war correspondent.
She pushed the door open with the last of her energy.
"EVERYONE! I'VE BROUGHT SAKI-KUN'S LITTLE BROTHER!"
Inside, the assembled Student Council members fell into a dead silence.
When Fujiwara Chika had bounded out ten minutes prior, she'd been a whirlwind of glee, thrilled at the prospect of meeting Sakurai Saki's mysterious sibling.
The woman who now stood in the doorway, hollow-eyed and accompanied by a disturbingly placid, small boy, looked as though she had just returned from the trenches. The contrast was so stark, so profoundly tragic, that for a moment, no one dared to speak.
Sakurai's gaze swept across the Student Council room with the clinical detachment of a lab assistant assessing specimens. His finger rose, pointing at each occupant in turn as he delivered his verdicts.
"A salted fish in its terminal throes." (Shirogane Miyuki)
"A baseline organism interfacing with a primitive entertainment module. A minion." (Ishigami Yu, mid-game)
"Cryokinetic Superpower User! High potential!" (Kaguya Shinomiya)
And finally, his escort… "Large-Mammary-Sister."
A profound, deafening silence descended upon the room.
"…This gremlin is Sakurai-senpai's brother?" Ishigami Yu finally broke the quiet, his voice dripping with disbelief. "Has chuunibyo evolved to be vertically transmissible to elementary schoolers now?"
He had envisioned a quiet, polite child—a miniature, less intense version of Sakurai Saki. Instead, he'd gotten this… this insult-generating machine. And a minion? Did he really project that much of a henchman aura?
"Minion, silence your audio emissions!" Sakurai commanded, glaring at the being he could theoretically obliterate ten thousand times over with a flick of his wrist (if his protocols weren't currently locked). He offered no quarter.
Shirogane Miyuki, valiantly fighting a losing battle against his own expression, attempted diplomacy. "Ahem. Sakurai's… younger brother. Where has your brother gone?"
"Salted Fish, your vital signs appear critically low. Should you not be initiating a hibernation cycle? Do you possess a death wish?" Sakurai's tone was one of feigned, clinical concern.
Why does this child weaponize concern?!
Kaguya Shinomiya observed the scene with icy poise, awaiting her own appraisal with the stillness of a queen anticipating tribute.
"Cryo-Sister. I deem you… acceptable." A small, satisfied nod followed the proclamation. She would make an excellent primary specimen for behavioral experimentation. Two viable toys acquired in one day! Efficiency was optimal.
Kaguya Shinomiya's glacial composure thawed instantly. A genuine, dangerous smile touched her lips. She was beginning to develop a profound appreciation for the General Affairs Officer's sibling.
"What about me?" Fujiwara Chika piped up, leaning in.
"You engage in repetitive lecturing protocols. You are hereby downgraded to 'disliked.'" Sakurai scrunched his face in theatrical disgust. A being of fickle preferences, he had already shifted his focus to the new, shiny toy.
Chika wordlessly guided him to the sofa, her spirit taking another hit.
Sakurai immediately began a tactile analysis of the furniture, poking and prodding. "Is this material derived from processed human dermis?"
"It's synthetic leather," Ishigami Yu muttered without looking up from his game.
"Your processing speed is adequate, Minion. Superior to the obstinate carbon units present." It was the highest praise he'd offered so far. "Do you wish to be promoted to 'Primary Lackey'?"
The music from Ishigami's game console died abruptly. "…Lackey?"
He was now conducting a forensic audit of the Sakurai family's parenting techniques. What environment could possibly incubate such a creature?
"Doctor-Sister's directives state all baseline units are subordinate to my function. Upon my ascension to global hegemony, the quantity of subordinate units will increase exponentially!" Sakurai's voice rose with grandiose ambition. "Do you accept the position of Primary Lackey? And you, Salted Fish—do you wish to be Secondary Lackey?"
Kaguya Shinomiya glided over, having prepared a cup of tea. "And what is my designation?"
"Cryo-Sister, you are a Designated Toy. Lackeys are expendable and face high attrition rates. You will be preserved in the Toy category."
"Oh my. What an… adorable hierarchy." Kaguya's smile widened, her eyes glinting with pure, unadulterated amusement.
Shirogane Miyuki & Ishigami Yu exchanged a glance of pure despair. Adorable? Where? The only thing remotely 'adorable' was the fact he shared Sakurai's facial structure. The personality was a biohazard.
Fujiwara Chika, ever persistent, leaned in again. "And my new designation?"
"You have been deprecated! I have recalibrated my aesthetic preferences! Flat thoracic plating is the superior standard!" Sakurai declared, a creature of brutal, shifting loyalties. His interest was now firmly locked on Kaguya.
Chika: "…" The betrayal.
Kaguya Shinomiya glanced down at her own modest chest, then back at the child. Her fondness for him increased another measurable degree. It was a tragically beautiful alignment of values.
"Ah, little brother," Kaguya said, settling gracefully beside him on the sofa, "what is your designation?"
"Zero One." He swung his short legs, feet not touching the floor.
Sakurai Zero One? An unusual name, but not the strangest thing about the current situation.
"Zero One-kun," Ishigami Yu tried again, desperation creeping in. "When is your… brother… coming to retrieve you?" Please, Senpai. Reclaim your eldritch progeny. The council is not equipped.
Sakurai's response was delivered in a tone so flat it vacuumed all emotion from the room. "I possess no familial units."
A wave of sympathetic concern washed over Chika and Miyuki. A family dispute? A runaway?
"Did… did you have a fight with your brother?" Chika asked softly, her secretary's heart aching.
It was then that she remembered. The lifeline. She pulled out her phone, her thumb hovering over the LINE icon and the last message from Sakurai Saki. Salvation, or at least an explanation, might be just a tap away.
Chika pulled out her phone, fingers flying as she sent a message to Sakurai Saki: [Saki-kun! Where are you?! Your little brother is here!]
Ding-dong~
A cheerful notification chirped from Sakurai's own pocket.
He fished out the device, turning it over in his small hands with a critic's disdain. "What primitive interface is this? The design efficiency is abysmal."
"Senpai's phone? How could he forget that?" Ishigami Yu's gaze flicked between the phone and the baggy uniform hanging off the boy's frame. A strange suspicion dawned on him. "Wait… what you're wearing… it couldn't be…"
"Probably… just a spare uniform?" Shirogane Miyuki ventured, grasping for the most rational straw. None of them dared entertain the supernatural truth—that Sakurai Saki had physically regressed. The human mind excels at constructing palatable lies in the face of the impossible. They had all collectively chosen the most comfortable delusion: this was just a bizarre, chuunibyou younger sibling.
"It seems we might not be able to reach Sakurai-senpai today," Ishigami sighed, the weight of responsibility settling in.
"And if he doesn't come back even late into the evening?" Shirogane fretted.
Kaguya Shinomiya took a serene sip of tea. "Then we shall take him in, of course."
"T-take him in?!" Fujiwara Chika sputtered. The mental image of this tiny terror loose in her home was the stuff of nightmares. Yet… it was a request from Saki-kun. Her sense of duty warred with her sense of self-preservation.
"Do you propose we leave the child here alone?" Kaguya's arched eyebrow was a masterpiece of condescension.
They all silently agreed that was untenable. But this was a contingency plan. Surely, surely, Sakurai Saki would return.
"This aqueous solution is acceptable!" Sakurai declared, happily clutching the teacup Kaguya had given him.
"Zero One-kun, you enjoy black tea?" Kaguya observed, intrigued. His brother was a militant black coffee purist with an aversion to sweetness.
"Affirmative! I also have high approval ratings for cake and sugar-based constructs!" Sakurai beamed. Doctor-Sister's clandestine dessert deliveries were a highlight of his existence.
"A shame the daifuku from lunch is gone," Kaguya mused, shooting a glance at Chika, who had inhaled the last two pieces with shocking speed. They had looked delectable. It made sense, she reasoned; if the family ran a wagashi shop, the younger brother's sweet tooth was the norm. Sakurai Saki's ascetic preferences were the statistical outlier.
As they drank and made stilted conversation, the sky outside bled into crimson.
Shirogane Miyuki frowned, hanging up his phone. "I just checked with the teacher and the Nakano quintuplets. Sakurai didn't go to tutor them. Where on earth could he have gone?"
A person doesn't simply vanish. And he wouldn't abandon his phone… unless something was gravely wrong.
"Let us table the mystery of the missing General Affairs Officer for now," Kaguya interjected, her gaze sliding to where Sakurai was annihilating Fujiwara Chika in a card game for the thirteenth consecutive time. "The immediate issue is the child's custody."
Chika stared at her losing hand in despair. Losing to Saki-kun was one thing, but to his little brother too?! She'd even tried a subtle cheat. Nothing. Were the Sakurai genes her kryptonite?
"Request: independent reconnaissance of the external environment," Sakurai announced, bored of his victories. He'd traveled temporally via Superpower user; he couldn't return with only a cursory scan of one room.
'Superpower user accretion rate is accelerating… problematic…' he thought, a rare flicker of internal concern. Doctor-Sister warned his power was intensifying, risk of critical instability rising. All his core protocols were accessible before, but in this future epoch, they were inexplicably locked.
"I will take responsibility for him," Kaguya stated.
"But… Saki-kun asked me…" Chika whispered, a flicker of possessiveness in her eyes.
Kaguya sighed, a sound of practiced patience. "You may accompany us. A sleepover at a friend's house during Golden Week should not be an issue for the Fujiwara family."
"Oh! That's right! Golden Week starts tomorrow!" Chika's mood instantly flipped. Her eyes sparkled with visions of "Girls' Night!"—cute pajamas, whispered secrets, a forbidden adventure in the Shinomiya manor. She snatched her phone, sent a swift plea to her father, and moments later, beamed. "He agreed!"
The Shinomiya name opens every door, Ishigami Yu thought dryly. For a politician's daughter, this was less a sleepover and more a strategic alliance.
"I am to be relocated to your domicile?" Sakurai tilted his head, his face a mask of innocent confusion. "Is this a pre-mating ritual? Doctor-Sister's data indicates human females often incapacitate desirable males for transport to their nests."
The question hung in the air.
Kaguya Shinomiya reached out and delivered a gentle, precise tap to his forehead. "Such vocabulary is unsuitable for a child."
"I now register a 'dislike' for you!"
"You are not permitted to dislike me."
"…"
Sakurai's eyes drifted to Ishigami Yu. Ever fickle, he now coveted the minion's habitat. But his silent plea for asylum was overruled.
Ten minutes later, a small, scowling figure in an oversized uniform was ushered into the opulent, silent interior of a black luxury sedan destined for the Shinomiya estate. The door closed with a sound like a vault sealing, swallowing the day's last strange light.
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