The sun was very bright. Too bright.
I stood in my new Black Bulls robe. It was clean. It did not have blood on it. That was different.
Around me, the other squad members looked strange in clean clothes. Asta kept pulling at his robe. "This feels bad," he said. "I want to move. I want to fight something."
"Stand still," Yami said. He wore a nice coat. His cigarette was gone. "You are a Magic Knight. Act like one."
We were inside the palace. The Wizard King's palace. The walls were gold. The floor was shiny. A man in fine clothes walked past us and looked away. Nobles always looked away from the Black Bulls.
But not this time. Today, we were important.
"This is very good," Charmy said. She had her cotton sheep on her head. The sheep wore a little hat. "The nobles will see us and think, 'These Black Bulls are good.' And then we eat the good food they have here. I can smell good food."
"You can smell good food from anywhere," Magna said. His sunglasses were new. Not broken. His eyes looked bigger without the cracks.
"That is my magic," Charmy said.
Noelle stood next to me. She did not look at me. But she stood close. I could hear her breathing. She was nervous.
"You will be fine," I told her.
"I know," she said. "But the nobles will watch. They will judge. That is what nobles do."
"Then give them nothing to judge. Be cold. Be strong. Be a Blue Rose Knight wearing a Black Bull robe."
She turned and looked at me for one second. Then she looked away. But her face was different. Softer. "You learned how to give advice."
"I learned from you."
The ceremony started.
The Wizard King was tall. His eyes were very smart. He looked at us one by one. When he looked at me, he stopped. His eyes moved slow across my face. Then he smiled. A small smile. A knowing smile.
"The Black Bulls," he said. His voice was loud and clear. "You went into a dungeon. A dungeon that no other squad would enter. You came back with two captured mages. You cleared the space. You worked together. This is what makes a true Magic Knight."
He gave us a medal. A small gold medal. Asta held his and looked like he might cry.
"You have sixty-one merit stars," the Wizard King said. "This is history. This is the biggest increase we have ever seen. Some people will say it is impossible. Some people will say someone helped you. Some people will say the Wizard King made a mistake."
He looked at me again.
"But I did not make a mistake," he said. "I gave you the stars because you earned them. Every one. And because..." He paused. "Because I saw someone do something very hard. Something very good. Something no one will ever know about."
The room was quiet.
"Power without heart is evil," the Wizard King said. "Heart without power is sad. But power and heart together? That is a Magic Knight. That is what I saw in this mission."
He was talking about me. He knew what I did. But he did not say it out loud.
When the ceremony ended, people clapped. The nobles clapped, but their faces were angry. They did not want the Black Bulls to be good. They wanted us to be trash. Trash was easy to ignore.
But we could not be ignored now.
---
In the evening, I walked in the palace gardens. The flowers were red and yellow. They grew in lines. Everything was controlled. Nothing was wild.
Luck found me. He walked fast and jumped over a flower pot.
"Ouga! Fight me! My lightning is stronger now. I need to see if your lightning resistance went up!"
"No," I said.
"Why not?!"
"Because you need to talk to me about something else."
Luck stopped. His smile fell. "What?"
"When we were in the dungeon, you said your father hurt you. You said he burned your body."
"Yes."
"Does it still hurt?"
Luck looked away. "Lightning burns never go away. The pain is still there. But my body is strong now. My magic is strong. So I do not think about it."
"Do you think about hurting him?"
"Every day," Luck said. His voice was very quiet. "Every single day. I want to make him understand what he did. I want to make him feel it."
"And after you hurt him? What then?"
"Then he will be sorry. He will know he was wrong."
I sat down on a bench. Luck did not sit. He stood and looked at his hands.
"When I came to the squad," I said, "I had no one. I had no feelings. I had only power. And I thought power was enough. I thought if I was strong, nothing could hurt me. If I did not care about people, people could not hurt me back."
"Were you right?" Luck asked.
"No. But I spent a long time believing it. And when you believe something, even if it is false, it becomes true inside you."
Luck sat down next to me. His leg bounced up and down. He could not sit still.
"Your father will never say sorry," I said. "Even if you hurt him, he will not understand. People like that do not change. And if you chase him, you will become like him. You will burn people with your power instead of love."
"So what do I do?" Luck's voice was angry. "What do I do with all this pain?"
"You use it," I said. "You use it to grow. You use it to help people like me. People like Asta. People like Magna. You take your lightning and you make it something good instead of something bad. You become what your father could not be."
Luck was quiet for a long time.
"Is that what you did?" he asked. "With your pain?"
"I am still learning."
"That is a bad answer."
"I know," I said. "But it is an honest one."
Luck stood up. "I will think about this. But I still want to fight you later. Fighting helps me think."
"Later," I said. "Not today."
---
At night, Asta found me on the balcony again. He was loud as always.
"OUGA! Did you hear?! The captain said we are going on a special mission! A special mission with other squads! The Golden Dawns! The Blue Roses! Us! All together!"
"What kind of mission?"
"I do not know yet! But it is special! And I am going to show everyone that the Black Bulls are the best!"
"You will lose. The Golden Dawn is stronger."
"No way! I have you now! And my power is growing! And Noelle can make big magic! We are going to be the strongest!"
He sat next to me. He was out of breath.
"Ouga?" he said.
"Yes?"
"Why did you give up your treasure? I know you did. The captain would not say it, but I could tell. You gave up your gold and your jewels for our stars. Why?"
I did not answer right away.
"Because," I said finally, "you are my friend. All of you are. And I did not know that before. I did not know that friends were more important than gold."
"We are friends?" Asta's voice was small. "Really?"
"Yes. Really."
Asta did not cry. But his eyes were wet. He looked up at the stars.
"When I was small," he said, "I had no one. Just Yuno. We were poor. We had nothing. And I said, 'I will become the Wizard King. Then everyone will have to like me. Then I will not be nothing.' But that was a lie. I learned that people do not like you because you are strong. They like you because you are good. Because you care about them. Because you make them feel less alone."
He turned and looked at me.
"I think you are learning the same thing," he said. "And I think it is making you stronger. Not in magic. But in here." He pointed at his chest.
"That is sentimental," I said.
"Yes!" Asta was happy. "Sentimental is good! Sentimental is human! You are becoming human, Ouga! Before you were like a machine. A very fast machine that could fight. But now you are a person!"
"I am not sure that is good."
"It is the best!" Asta jumped up. "Now let us go eat! Charmy made a big meal! And after we eat, we can plan for the special mission!"
He ran inside before I could say no.
---
Later, when everyone was asleep, Noelle came to my room. She knocked three times, very soft.
"Come in," I said.
She opened the door. She wore her night clothes. Her hair was down. She looked younger this way.
"I could not sleep," she said.
"Why?"
"Because I keep thinking about what you gave up." She sat on the chair. "Eight tons of gold. Do you understand what that is? That is a fortune. That is a life. That is everything."
"It was the right choice."
"It was not about right or wrong," Noelle said. "It was about what you wanted. And you wanted us to be happy more than you wanted to be rich. That is different. That is big."
"It is just weight," I said. "I was carrying it anyway."
"Stop," Noelle said. Her voice was sharp. "Stop hiding. The ceremony is over. We are alone. You can say what you feel."
I looked at her. The light from the window made her hair silver.
"I feel scared," I said. "I feel scared that if I care about people, they will hurt me. Or I will hurt them. And I do not know which is worse."
"Both are bad," Noelle said. "But that is what being human is. You care about people and you risk pain. But the other way—not caring, being alone—that is also pain. It is just quieter. It is lonelier."
"How do you know this?"
"Because I was like that," she said. "I thought noble was better than human. I thought being cold was better than being warm. But Asta showed me I was wrong. And you are showing me I was right to change."
She stood up.
"Thank you," she said. "For the stars. For caring about us. For becoming human."
She left before I could answer.
---
The weight pressed down that night. But it was different. It was lighter. Or maybe I was just getting stronger.
The wheel was turning. And I was still standing.
But now I was not standing alone.
**END OF CHAPTER 42**
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Author note (hey guys! I am back. Well, not really i saw some comments that people were still waiting for the chapter so i uploaded a chapter. as u know i am going through physical therapy as apparently a fucking ceiling fell on me when i was in shower so..... )