Cohen's letter was addressed to Voldemort.
Of course, it wasn't about giving him the Count as a gift. It was to ask about Voldemort's attempt to steal the prophecy in the Department of Mysteries.
Cohen had just overheard Umbridge mention that Fudge had told her the Unspeakables in the Ministry had developed a way to deal with Dementors, and conveniently, Voldemort had just created an opportunity for Cohen to waltz into the Ministry.
So, whatever they'd come up with to deal with Dementors was surely not going to last the year.
"I'll just copy Hermione's tomorrow," Harry said, giving up on finding the counter-curse for Flitwick's assignment in the stacks of books. "There's no way I'm going to find the spell in these dozens of books I've never even looked at... I bet Hermione could find it without even opening a book."
"If all else fails, we'll just write down Finite Incantatem," Cohen said, dropping the Count, who was peeking out of a snack bag, back out the window. "Professor Flitwick never gives a zero to someone who's at least written an answer down."
Done with their homework woes, Harry and Cohen returned to the dormitory.
Professor McGonagall had moved Seamus and Neville's beds, and Neville's attitude was clear from the moment he walked in.
"My Gran says the Ministry's all rubbish," Neville said. "I've always—"
"Neville, we're not... like that anymore," Harry said, scratching his head. "Seamus and I only fell out because he called me a liar first..."
"And you already told me that on the train," Cohen said.
"Right..." Neville chuckled sheepishly. "Well... could I ask you something? The thing Cohen said in class... about the Dementors? I want to write to my Gran about it too..."
"The Dementors really did all get away," Cohen said. "It'll be in the paper in a few days. The Ministry can't cover it up for long, but they'll probably try to pin the blame on Dumbledore."
"That sounds about right," Ron grumbled.
"Professor Dumbledore isn't going to get in trouble, is he?" Harry asked, looking up at the hangings above his bed.
"Given Dumbledore's utter contempt for Dementors, I don't think that plan will fly," Cohen said. "And besides, no one can catch him anyway."
"It feels like everything's changed since You-Know-Who came back," Neville said, shrinking a bit.
---
The boys spent the next few days trying to get information out of Cohen, hoping for a heads-up on what Umbridge's next class would bring.
At breakfast on Wednesday, the Count flew back with a letter.
"What took you so long?" Cohen asked, chewing on a jam tart.
"'Cause he wasn't there," the Count replied.
Cohen glanced at Voldemort's reply. It was just one sentence.
[Christmas night.]
"Umbridge hasn't shown up for two mornings in a row now," Ron said, looking at the staff table. "What in the world did you do, Cohen?"
"You said the same thing yesterday morning," Cohen replied. "Just wait two more classes and you'll see. Don't be so impatient."
With that sort of bait, Harry and Ron could barely focus during their next two lessons.
As soon as the second class was over, Harry and Ron dragged Cohen and Hermione to the second floor, desperate to get to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.
"You look like you're actually excited for Umbridge's lesson..." Hermione said with a sigh.
"We just want to see her make a fool of herself," Harry said. "Since Cohen won't tell us what's going to happen—"
"I don't want it to seem like I'm the mastermind behind it all, do I?" Cohen said quietly.
"Look at the door!" Ron said, pointing to a huge crowd of people blocking the entrance to the classroom.
"Reporters? Why would they be at Hogwarts?" Hermione asked, frowning. "And it's not just the Daily Prophet—"
"They're here to interview Umbridge," Cohen said. "About her new position as 'High Inquisitor of Hogwarts.'"
"But it's class time!" Hermione protested.
"They're not going in," Harry said. "They're just waiting outside. Probably for the class to end."
Harry was right. The reporters with their cameras were waiting just outside the door, occasionally grabbing a passing student to ask them questions.
They were, unfortunately, also grabbed.
"What do you think of Dolores Umbridge's lessons?" a wizard with curly brown hair asked Hermione. "You and your friends seem to—my goodness, you're Harry Potter!"
The wizard exclaimed in shock when he noticed the scar on Harry's forehead, and his focus immediately shifted from Umbridge's class to the "motives behind spreading the rumor of Voldemort's return."
"I'm not lying," Harry said coldly. "You can ask me a hundred times, and I won't change my story."
"You're blocking our way to class," Hermione said, just as displeased.
"Wait a moment—if you're Potter..." The wizard's gaze moved to Cohen and Ron. He had clearly concluded that Harry Potter's dark-haired friend was the one who had spread the "Dementors escaped" rumor.
He became just as frantic in his attempts to get Cohen to explain why he was spreading such a lie.
"I don't have time to talk to people who have no brains right now." Cohen used a little trick of a Dementor's frightening nature, and the chattering reporter immediately lost all interest.
"Cohen!" Hermione whispered to him as they entered the classroom. "You shouldn't just casually suck the happiness out of people like that—"
"Some things I just can't help," Cohen said. "That man had absolutely no sense of personal space."
"Leave him be, Hermione," Ron said, siding with Cohen. "If I were Cohen, that guy would've been screaming for his mum. He came right up to us and called him and Harry liars—who interviews like that?"
"Professor Dumbledore would be very upset if he found out..." Hermione said worriedly.
"He might have been before," Cohen said definitively, "but he wouldn't be now."
Before long, the classroom was filled with students.
Having learned their lesson from the last class, everyone reluctantly put their wands away and laid their copies of Defensive Magical Theory on their desks.
The bell hadn't rung yet, and Umbridge was at the front of the room, taking questions from a few reporters.
"What is your assessment of the current state of education at Hogwarts?"
"Students have pointed out that your teaching style is very different from previous professors. What is your response to that—"
"Regarding a rumor in your classroom about a mass Dementor escape, as the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, could you please give us some insight..."
"Ahem, ahem." Umbridge cleared her throat and said in a very official tone, "During my time here, I have come to realize that the education at Hogwarts is disorganized and is in desperate need of a complete, comprehensive, effective, and positive reform..."
"...Furthermore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts has been absent with an alarming frequency in recent days, which is clearly a most irresponsible behavior..."
She spared no effort in slandering Dumbledore as Fudge had instructed, and she casually mentioned that "Dumbledore often travels north, towards the sea," which was where Azkaban was located.