The mood was incredibly relaxed on Cohen's end, but the same couldn't be said for Umbridge.
She awoke on the cold floor and immediately got up to check if any strange new limbs had sprouted. That little brat had said he'd turn her into "the thing she loathed most"…
A wave of relief washed over Umbridge when she confirmed that she hadn't grown any peculiar body parts.
That little scoundrel still didn't have the guts to do anything to her…
But what about the scene of her being bitten by the snake… had that been a dream?
There wasn't a single scratch on her, and no lingering bloodstains on the floor. Blood could be easily cleaned away, but scars from a magical beast couldn't.
Regardless, since she was still alive…
That little monster would have to pay for his foolishness!
A vicious smile spread across Umbridge's face.
She would expose his terror attack on a Ministry official and his blatant contempt for authority. She would make sure everyone knew. She could then pin the Azkaban breakout on… no, it was this evil little rascal who had done it—
She stood, picked up her short, stubby wand, and intended to tidy up her messy appearance.
But nothing happened when she waved it.
Umbridge's face darkened.
She cleared her throat and said aloud, "Scourgify."
Still, nothing. She just stood there waving her wand like a baboon.
[A Muggle? A hag with the limbs of a different animal? Just think of what Fudge would say if he saw that you were actually one of those things…]
Cohen's words seemed to echo in her ears again.
She couldn't do magic anymore?
Umbridge tried every spell she could think of, refusing to believe it, but without exception, none of her spells had any effect. The wand felt like a stranger in her hand.
"No… no…" Her eyes widened, and the hand clutching her wand began to tremble uncontrollably.
It must be some kind of magic-inhibiting potion. She needed to go to St. Mungo's and get checked out…
"Dolores." Fudge's voice rang out from the portrait on her desk outside.
Umbridge didn't move. Her mind was racing with other thoughts.
"Dolores!" Fudge was growing impatient.
Umbridge quickly shuffled to the desk. The portrait showed the upper half of Fudge.
"Did you get any information out of that Cohen Norton?" Fudge asked with a frown, seeing that she was finally in front of him. "The reporters are going mad. Maybe it was Dumbledore—I know he's always wanted my job…"
"I've got it," Umbridge began. "That Cohen Norton—"
She suddenly fell silent. Her mouth closed without her permission, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't say another word.
"Got what?" Fudge said urgently. "A bunch of reporters are coming in a few days to ask about Azkaban! You can't expect Barty to tell them the Dementors just went on holiday… People in Northumberland are already saying they saw a great black swarm flying overhead—"
"I mean—" Umbridge started, but stopped again. She clenched her fists. That little beast had used some sort of curse on her; her body felt like it was no longer under her control.
"Do you have anyone from Hogwarts there?" Fudge said coldly. "If so, I must warn him—spying on a private conversation between senior Ministry officials is a serious violation. I will immediately punish Hogwarts' treachery by…"
"No," Umbridge bit out. "Minister, I need to arrange a safety inspection."
"At Hogwarts?" Fudge said. "I'll have a team of Aurors arranged tomorrow—"
"No, for me," Umbridge said. "That—"
The next part of her sentence vanished into thin air.
"I need a health check," she only managed to get out the second half of her words.
"Fine," Fudge said impatiently. "So you didn't get anything out of him, did you—"
"…" Umbridge still couldn't say what she wanted to, which made her look absolutely monstrous.
"What about Dumbledore? Has he been up to anything suspicious?" Fudge pressed. "If we have to, we can just make Dumbledore the scapegoat. I've already bought off the Wizengamot, thanks to the Galleons Lucius contributed in the past…"
"Dumbledore's rarely at the school," Umbridge finally managed to get a full sentence out.
"It sounds a bit far-fetched, but it's better than nothing," Fudge said. "If we can pin the blame on Dumbledore this time, you need to be careful with your attitude towards that Cohen Norton. I had hoped to deal with this dark creature first before tackling Dumbledore, but if we can't…"
"That little beast?" Umbridge said through gritted teeth. "What kind of attitude am I supposed to have towards that monster?"
"Just for a little while," Fudge waved a hand. "The Unspeakables have told me they've found something that can deal with dark creatures like Dementors. They've been growing a huge tank of… well, brains. You know, they're disgusting to look at, but they can hurt things that aren't physical. The Unspeakables say these things only need a few more generations of selective breeding to reach their ideal effect… When that happens, Dumbledore and Norton won't be a problem for us anymore…"
"…"
"And Dolores, another wave of reporters will be coming to Hogwarts to interview you this week," Fudge continued. "Remember to criticize Dumbledore's 'absences' in front of them so I can set the stage for Dumbledore plotting some sort of secret rebellion…"
---
Meanwhile, in the common room.
"Cohen? Are you writing Professor Flitwick's counter-curse?" Harry asked drowsily from a nearby table.
They were the only two left, along with Earl, who was digging through Cohen's belongings for a snack.
"No, I'm writing a letter," Cohen said, pulling the parchment closer to him, a polite hint for Harry not to peek.
"He's got a new admirer," Earl said, pulling a bag of "Mini-Exploding Vegetables" out of Cohen's bag. The packaging showed a chili pepper about to burst. "Maybe a cute little Dementor."
"You'll be the one delivering it in a minute," Cohen said, finishing the letter with a few quick strokes of his quill. He waved his wand, rolled it up, and tossed it to Earl. "I've sent some food to that cute Dementor, and the food is you."
"I don't believe you," Earl said, nose in the air. "You must have another package."
"Nope," Cohen said.
A hint of genuine dread began to show in Earl's eyes.