You were born within the last remnant of humanity, the three walls of Maria, Rose, and Sina, built to forever stand against the final threat of humanity. The Titans are enormous monsters that wander the Earth and devour humans in gruesome ways. They are the final enemy of humanity and have so far managed to be on the winning side. Attempts by humans to regain territory are met with bloody failure. The Survey Corps, who are tasked with this impossible mission, are ridiculed and insulted as the 'Suicide Corps.'
However, with the protection of the walls, you did not have to worry about such things, at least, not during your infancy and early childhood. All that you had to go off were the tales of the outside world, from oceans that you would never see, to animals that could only be seen in picture books. Life within the walls was harsh but fair; if you had food to eat, a roof over your head, and lived within the safety of the sunlight, then you were doing well for yourself.
That was the world you were raised in, a birdcage humanity called salvation. Within this birdcage, you live your life completely unaware of the role that you would one day play in this ongoing war against extinction.
For now, let us go to the basics. Where were you born? Where did you grow up? Did you live within the luxuries reserved for the inhabitants of Wall Sina, or did you scrape by in the Underground? Perhaps, perhaps you lived within Wall Rose's District of Trost or within the more peaceful districts of Wall Maria?
Pick 1
[X] Wall Sina: The innermost concentric wall, where most of the nobility, generals, and rich merchants live their lives in relative peace. However, even within Sina, there are political troubles, and always one or two runts of the litter that don't fit entirely within the polite society of the inner wall.
[X] Wall Rose: The second wall that holds all classes in relatively equal amounts, life is relatively normal. Meat is raised and produced within the wall, blacksmiths set up businesses, and merchants buy and sell products. The exterior walls are but a faint memory to the people living within Wall Rose.
[X] Wall Maria: The outermost life, life is similar to the rest of the walls, but far slower and agricultural. Mining camps, quarries, farms, and breeding pens litter the territory. It is in the southern districts that the safety of being inside the walls becomes apparent, as most Titans seem to approach from the south. It wouldn't be unheard of for you to have seen a titan or two in your short lifetime.
[X] Underground: Beneath Mitras, the Capital within Wall Sina, exists a city without sunlight. The poor and desperate live here, scraping by a living in what little space exists between support pillars. It is a brutal place to live in, and surviving here requires more than just luck. It requires grit and the knowledge that the only one you can trust is yourself.
-x-X-x-
You were born in Wall Maria, in the Shiganshina district. A place at the southern edge of human territory, where the sky was brightest and largest, here the land was most abundant but also more precious. Here, humanity had to be most vigilant. The wind carried the scent of fields, wheat, mostly, and the constant sounds of urban life. As the population grew, food became more expensive; however, crime was always harshly punished. Humanity had to stay united after all.
As a kid, you used to lean against the walls looking for shade as your mother bartered with the merchants. The stone was always cool against your back, even when the sun beat down on everything else. You'd watch the Military Police walk by in their pristine uniforms, faces set in the same bored expression they wore every day. You wondered if it was all meant to be this way? All the while, your mother would come back with her groceries, and you'd help her carry them home, listening to her hum a tune she'd picked up from somewhere.
This was your childhood, boring and simple beyond the education that was provided at school; however, you always had something that made you something more...Made you special. What was it, exactly?
Pick 1 Archetype
[X] The Action Hero: Your body was naturally gifted beyond others. You could run faster, jump higher, and carry more than your peers. Your parents were proud of your physical gifts, though a little unnerved at how you were so easily able to carry what some adult men struggled with. Kids in the playground did not want to mess with you, and even some adults decided that it was best not to tease you too much. [Prowess]
[X] The Silent Hero: You were always quiet, but it was your mind that was your true weapon. Quick to figure out when something did not feel right, with a mind as sharp as a tack. You had a quiet confidence about you, which, together with your mind, made you seem older than you were. Adults came to you for advice on problems they couldn't solve, trusting your judgment without question. [Mental]
[X] The Popular Hero: You were born to one of the few noble families living in Shingashina. Your family was well-liked due to its down-to-earth attitude and their acts of charity. Even the soldiers felt the need to treat you with some respect. But this life of privilege came with its own problems. You were expected to always be on your best behavior, to lead others, and to be a model citizen. [Charisma]
-x-X-x-
You were born stronger than usual. It wasn't something you chose. By age five, you carried water buckets meant for a grown man, the handles digging into your palms just enough to remind you they were there. The other kids stopped asking you to play tag; they knew they couldn't catch you. They settled for watching you sometimes, from a distance.
Nonetheless, your mother worried. Only for the doctor to check you over, poke at your arms and legs, and declare that you would make a good soldier when you came of age". That was that. The world moved on. You, however, became more careful. You'd hold back, pretend to struggle with heavy crates, and let others win sometimes. However, when someone asked for your help in moving something heavy, you couldn't refuse. You could never say no to a genuine plea for help.
On one ocassion a workman let go of a large wooden beam. It fell toward a little girl, no older than you, who just stood there frozen. You didn't think. You heard her mother scream, saw the wood tumble, and then you were moving. You crossed the distance in three strides. The beam slammed into your shoulder, and the force of it made your teeth click together. You grunted, muscles straining as you held it above your head. The girl stared up with wide eyes. You pushed the beam aside, letting it crash into the street. Wood splintered. Dust rose.
"Thank you, thank you!" the mother cried, grabbing your arm. Her fingers dug into your bicep. "My girl... I... thank you."
You didn't reply. Just watched as the workmen ran over, their faces pale. They took over, their own grunts of effort filling the air. You stepped back, rubbing your shoulder where the beam had hit. No pain. Just a dull pressure. You walked away then, ignoring the stares, the whispers. You went home, where your mother took one look at the dust on your shirt and the way you held your arm and shook her head.
"One of these days, that strength of yours is going to get you into real trouble," she said, but her hands were gentle as she brushed the dirt from your sleeve. "At least, you are alright."
You nodded. Then at night, the mother, father, and siblings of the girl came to your house. They brought a basket of apples, the reddest ones you had ever seen. The girl herself hid behind her father's leg, peeking out at you with those wide eyes. You took the basket. The apples were heavy in your arms. The girl's father clapped you on the shoulder, a bit too hard.
"Thank you again, son. You're a real hero."
The word stuck with you. Hero. You didn't feel like one. Just someone who was in the right place at the wrong time. Or the wrong place at the right time. You couldn't decide. But perhaps it was a good thing to have. Maybe being a hero wasn't about feeling like one, but simply about doing what needed to be done. You thought about the doctor's words again. "A good soldier."
Maybe that's all heroes really were. Soldiers with a different name.
Nonetheless, while your family did appreciate the gifts you brought home through your "deeds," your mother would still scold you when she found out. It was always the same lecture, about being careful, about not drawing too much attention to yourself. She would say that the walls were not kind to those who stood out too much. You listened, though, you knew that would not stop you from helping next time around either.
It was a time like this that you took a good look at your family. A mother who worried too much, a father who worked in the quarries and came home with dust under his fingernails and in the lines of his face. They were normal to you; they were part of your world, but to others, perhaps they were foreigners.
Pick 1
[X] Oriental Blood: Your family wasn't from around here. They came from lands far beyond the walls, from places whose names you could not pronounce. They were descendants of those who came over before the walls were fully built. They were a rarity within the walls, and as such, your family kept to itself. The locals often stared, but your father's stoic demeanor kept most troublemakers at bay.
[X] Foreign blood: Not even Oriental, but further away from a land that even the most ancient of history books had no record of. A different skin tone, different hair, different eye color; your family was a living, breathing piece of history, a remnant of a world that no longer existed. They were a curiosity, a talking point for those with nothing better to do, but they were citizens nonetheless.
[X] Normal Blood: As normal as could be, in the end. No strange features, no exotic backgrounds, no unique histories. Your family had lived within the walls for generations, working the land, paying taxes, and living their lives. They were the backbone of the walls, the silent majority that kept everything running.
-x-X-x-
Your family wasn't like the rest within the walls; they boasted hair color between gray and silver that could not easily be explained by stress or age, and their skin tone was olive rather than the fair complexion common within the walls. As far as you were aware, your people had crossed the seas long ago and made it to the island that humanity now called its final bastion. Your father, a man of few words, would sometimes trace lines on maps he'd drawn from memory, showing coastlines and mountains that existed only in his mind's eye. He told you stories of a place called "Carlota," a city by the sea, where the sun set over water that stretched beyond what anyone could see.
Regardless, your people could almost easily pass as tanned, but it was their features that made them stand out from the rest. Regardless, beyond the occasional odd glance from others, no one gave them much trouble. Your family had proven their worth, and your father's diligence at the quarry had earned him a quiet respect. The family kept to themselves for the most part, and the community respected that.
Beyond your more superficial traits, you soon made friendships with other people your age. Who were they? They were the people you would spend your childhood with, the ones you would learn to trust and rely on. They would shape your worldview and, in turn, you would shape theirs.
Pick 2
[X] Your sister: Almost your twin, but with the same prodigious strength and skill that you had. You two were inseparable as children and shared everything. You trained together, fought together, and got into trouble together. Though she had the features of your mother rather than your father, beyond the silver hair, her looks were not that different from yours. Her name is Emelina.
[X] The girl you saved: A sweet girl, a little shy around others, but she always made sure to have a small gift for you. A drawing, a flower, a piece of candy. Small things that she would press into your hand before running off, her cheeks flushed. She was the daughter of a baker, and her name is Adeleide. You were her hero, and she was your... something. You weren't sure what. But she began to take her friendship with you more seriously, rather than just running away. Everyone in Shingashina liked her, and she was a ray of sunshine that brightened up your life.
[X] A rich kid: But one who took matters of the nobility more seriously than most, with a sharp mind and a sharper tongue. The son of a well-to-do noble who had taken up residence in Shiganshina for some reason. He saw your potential, even before you did. He was obsessed with honor, justice, and the proper way of doing things, and while he could be a bit preachy, he had a good heart. He saw your strength and thought it should be used for a greater purpose. His name is Hassolt. He would constantly lecture you about the proper use of your strength, but he would also be the first to defend you if anyone spoke ill of you.
-x-X-x-
Your friend group was composed of your sister, Emelina, and Adelaide, the girl whose world you had quite literally held up. Emelina was your mirror, not just in appearance with that same silver hair that caught the sun like metal, but in strength. The day you'd saved Adelaide, she'd been there, her fists clenched, ready to leap into action right alongside you. You enjoyed her company. You didn't need to hold back when you played with her; both of you were quite the menace, but behaved well enough to not be considered troublemakers.
"You are still playing? How do...you....not...get tired," Adelaide said, hands on her knees as she caught her breath. She was watching the two of you play competitive tag near the well. Her cheeks were pink from the exertion of running between you, trying to keep score.
"...Heh...Mama's not even sure," Emelina laughed, easily vaulting over a low fence. "But I can still beat this dummy." She pointed a thumb at you.
You merely fixed your hair and blew a little air at her, a little challenge.
"Maybe, maybe...One day! I can be as strong as you both!" Adelaide declared, her hands balled into small fists.
"I am sure you will," You both said in unison. Adelaide's face lit up at that.
Emelina had always been your partner in everything. But she had her own ambitions; she always studied and carefully inspected the people's expressions as they talked. She noticed lies, the subtle shifts in weight when people were uncomfortable, the way their eyes would dart away when they were about to say something they knew they shouldn't. Her confidence was displayed more openly than yours, her eyes bright and big, always making you feel as if she already knew everything about you or the person next to you. Sometimes...she could be quite cruel about the people she did not trust or like, but most often than not, she had a confident smile, one that would make even the most stubborn of people change their minds.
As for Adelaide? Or well...Addie, as you both called her. She was your shadow. Where you went, she followed, keeping a respectful distance unless invited closer. She was your biggest supporter, the one who'd cheer the loudest when you won, and the one who'd be the first to offer a hand when someone fell. She was a good friend, perhaps the best friend one could ask for.
Your little group was a strange one. The two silver-haired siblings, one a stoic pillar of strength, the other a charismatic manipulator, and the baker's daughter, a ray of sunshine in the dreary reality of Shingashina.
Of course, you were not the only kids in the district. Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, along with Armin Arlert, were also kids who attended the same school as you. You knew them, of course. Everyone knew Eren. He was always shouting about something, usually about how he was going to beat the Titans and see the ocean. His friend, Armin, was always crying because someone picked on him. And Mikasa...well, Mikasa was Mikasa. She was always there, a silent, watchful presence at Eren's side. She had a scarf around her neck, even in the summer, and her gaze was unnerving.
The question was, did you ever approach them? Did you ever speak to them?
Pick 1
[X] Of course. You were all kids in the same district. You would occasionally play with them or talk to them. Eren and you would sometimes compete to see who was stronger, though you would always win, forcing Mikasa to intervene to save her friend's pride. You and Emelina were a bit too much for Eren and Armin to handle, but Addie's sweet nature allowed her to become friends with the trio, often talking with Armin about the outside world. Mikasa, however, remained a mystery to you. [DANGER]
[X] No. You kept to your own group. You saw them around, of course, but you never really interacted with them. They had their own world, and you had yours.
-x-X-x-
Of course, you knew them. Eren's father had been the doctor who'd declared you a future soldier, after all. Eren, though... Eren was a walking, talking declaration of war. His knuckles were always scraped. His jaw set with a conviction that was both admirable and unnerving in a boy his age. You'd crossed paths more than once, usually over something ridiculous.
"Bet I can lift more than you!" Eren had declared one afternoon, puffing out his chest in the town square. A crowd of other kids started gathering, their whispers filling the space.
You glanced at Emelina. She gave you a small, almost imperceptible shrug.
The contest was the usual: lifting crates from the baker's delivery cart. Adelaide stood behind her father's counter, twisting her apron in her hands. A bit nervous about this competition, after all, it was her father's product that was at risk here.
"Please, be very careful, alright!" Adelaide said with charming and blushing cheeks. She looked at both of you, but her eyes lingered on you. Eren, meanwhile, slightly blushed at the sight of her, but then he turned away and faced the challenge ahead. Mikasa was not amused. She stood behind Eren, one hand resting on the back of his neck. She watched you. Not Eren. You.
"You will hurt yourself," Mikasa said. Her voice was quiet but cut through the other kids' chatter.
Eren grunted. "I won't! I'm training to kill Titans!"
He grabbed one crate. Grunted. Lifted it. His arms shook, face turning red. The other kids cheered. He set it down with a thud, puffing out his chest. "See! Your turn!"
You stepped forward. You didn't bother with one crate. You put your hands on two. The wood didn't even creak. You lifted them. Straightened up. Held them there. The square went quiet.
"See?" Eren said, but his voice had lost its fire. He looked at the crates, then at you. "That's... not fair."
You set the crates down carefully. They didn't make a sound.
Eren's face went from red to pale. He balled his hands into fists. "I'm still going to kill all the Titans! You'll see! I'll be stronger than you!"
"You already are," Emelina said. "At talking."
A couple of the boys around snickered. However, Eren blushed even more than before; it seemed that the careful words of Emelina had much more of an impact than yours. He stammered. Mikasa put a hand on his shoulder. She looked at your sister then, her eyes narrowing just a fraction.
Adelaide came around the counter. She had two sweet buns in a napkin. She offered one to Eren first, her smile soft. "Good try, Eren."
Eren took it. He looked at the bun, then at the ground. "Thanks."
She held the other out to you. Her fingers brushed yours as you took it. You felt the warmth of the bread, the slight stickiness of the glaze on your skin.
"You're amazing," she whispered.
You took a bite. The bread was fresh and sweet. You watched as she went back behind the counter, smiling once more at Eren's group, though that smile was different. Tighter.
Armin stepped forward, trying to mediate between the two friend groups, "Eren, he's just... strong. It's a good thing! We need strong people to fight the Titans." He wrung his hands, looking between you and Eren. Eren's face lights up, but still has a bit of blush.
"Armin is right! You are going to join the Survey Corps when you grow up, right?" Eren said with a renewed determination, "I'll make sure you won't get all the credit for killing the Titans, you know!" He says that with a competitive tone.
Your sister Emelina merely chuckles, "Oh no...no...no, MY brother will be joining the Military Police. We will be eating steak every night. No need to get your boots dirty."
Eren's face became even redder than before. He stomped one foot on the cobblestone. "The Military Police are cowards! They hide behind the walls while the Survey Corps dies for humanity!"
"They also don't die," Emelina countered, leaning against one of the bakery's wall. Her posture was relaxed, her smile sharp. "Seems like a smart trade to me."
"They're pigs!" Eren shouted. "They're corrupt and lazy and they—" His voice cracked. He coughed into his fist.
Mikasa tugged at his sleeve. "Eren. That's enough."
"No!" He pulled away. "It's the truth! You know it is!"
You finished your sweet bun. The glaze left your fingers sticky. You wiped them on your trousers. Adelaide was watching from behind the counter, smiling once more at you.
She was truly a mystery to you.
"Hey, Eren!" A boy called from the end of the street. It was one of the delinquent kids, the ones who thought throwing rocks at stray cats was sport. He was grinning, showing a gap where a tooth should have been. "Come on! We found something cool!"
Eren's head snapped around. "Where?"
"The old bell tower! Come on!" The boy waved and ran off.
Eren looked back at your group. At Mikasa, who shook her head almost invisibly. At Armin, who was already looking pale. At you. "We're going. You coming?"
"No," Emelina said before you could speak. "We have better things to do." But then you give a subtle nod, and she stops talking.
Eren's eyes lit up. "Mikasa? Armin? Let's go!"
"I guess we can go," Emelina said as she looked at you. Addie, however, was hesitant. "Uhm...Uhmmmmm, I think I will stay. I still need to help Papa with the bakery."
"I think it's better if you stay here, Addie. We will be fine." You say as you pat her head.
Adelaide's cheeks flush. She nods, her eyes following you as you walk away with Emelina, Eren, and the others. The bell tower loomed at the edge of the district, its stone dark with age and weather. Vines crawled up its sides, thick as a man's arm. The door was a heavy wooden thing, reinforced with iron straps, now slightly ajar.
One of the boys calls you by your name...Which you remember as.
Conrad.
The name that your mother and father had given you, you guessed that your mother had won naming rights with you and your father with your sister. Such were the little compromises in their marriage. He wanted to name her Emelina after a name from an old city that his grandmother used to tell him about. Your mother had a simpler choice for you.
"We will have to climb," One of the boys said, pointing up the crumbling stairs that coiled around the inside of the tower's wall. The steps were narrow, some missing entirely. Gaps showed the dizzying drop to the stone floor below.
The climbing was easy, and you were somewhat glad that Emelina did not complain much, though she did not hide her annoyance very well either. Eren led the way, his enthusiasm making him careless. He scrambled over a missing step, his foot landing on a loose stone that skittered away into the darkness. Mikasa's hand shot out, grabbing the back of his shirt, yanking him back.
"Be careful," she said, her voice flat. As if she were commenting on a sort of common weather.
"I am careful!" Eren protested, pulling free. Clearly, not wanting more embarrassment after the incident at the bakery.
The higher you climbed, the more the air changed. It grew cooler, carrying the scent of dust, wet stone, and the old brass of the bell itself. Light filtered through narrow slits in the tower walls, creating shifting patterns on the curved surfaces. Many of the kids could not reach and they stayed at the roofs of the buildings instead.
Mikasa made Eren stay behind after he scraped his knee on a particularly tricky section of the climb. A small line of blood appeared on his skin.
"It's nothing!" Eren insisted, brushing away Mikasa's concerned hand. But she persisted, tearing a strip of fabric from the hem of her own shirt to wrap the wound. But by then, you were already at the top of the tower, alongside Emelina.
The view was... something else. You could see the entire district of Shiganshina spread out below like a map. The roofs, chimneys, and smoke, and the fields beyond the houses. And then, beyond that, the wall. Wall Maria. It stretched across the horizon, impossibly tall and wide. You reached it.
Emilina stretched her back and leaned against the bell, "I could get used to this view. The whole district beneath my feet." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"I bet you could," You replied, spotting a small chest box that was probably the thing that the kids had found. You walked over to it. It was old, the wood dark with age, the iron straps rusty.
You opened it. Inside, nestled on a bed of straw and oilcloth, was a single book. Actually, it was much smaller than a book, but you opened it nonetheless, the dust on the cover coming away in a cloud. The title, stamped in faded gold leaf, read: "Expedition Journal: Griffin Ilzos."
"Is that a book?" Emelina asked, peering over your shoulder.
"It's a journal," You said, flipping through the pages. The handwriting was neat, precise. The pages were filled with drawings of trees and animals you'd never seen before, and notes about the weather, the terrain, and the people he met.
"He must have been a Survey Corps soldier," Emelina said, her voice soft. "Or at least, someone who went outside the walls."
"Maybe," You said, your fingers tracing the lines of a drawing of a waterfall. The water crashed down into a hastily drawn pool.
It is then that the others began to climb, and by others, it was Eren and Mikasa. Eren was out of breath, but his eyes were wide with excitement as he looked around the top of the tower.
"So this is what you found!" Eren said, his voice echoing slightly. He reached for the journal. "Let me see!"
You held it back. "Be careful. It's old."
"I'm always careful!" Eren said, grabbing for it again. This time, you relented, but you were about to give him the journal, the wood around the bell cracked. The great brass bell, which had been silent for decades, let out a single, booming note that echoed across the district.
The sound vibrated through the floor, up your legs, into your teeth. Eren stumbled back, as did Emelina and Mikasa, until finally, the wooden floor below you cracked and splintered.
Then, you were falling. The world spun around you. The journal flew from your hands. You had a scarce few moments to grab onto something before the fall. You could easily reach for one of the beams, but the journal would be lost. You could try to catch the journal, but if you didn't catch it on time, you would most likely get injured and lose the journal.
Your curiosity got the better of you. You twisted in mid-air, your fingers brushing against the leather cover of the journal. You caught it. The momentum spun you around. The ground rushed up to meet you. But then you grabbed one of the beams from below, and as dust and splinters fell on you, your arm pulled taut as the full force of your fall was arrested.
"Conrad!" You heard Emelina shout from above.
"I'm fine," You called up, holding onto the beam with one hand, the other clutching the journal to your chest. You looked down. Eren and Mikasa were staring down at you, their faces pale.
Eren's mouth was open. "How... how did you do that?"
You didn't answer. You only had a single small cut on your right arm from one of the splinters, not even a scratch. You were more concerned about the journal. You looked down at it, and its pages had been splayed open during the fall to a particular page. One in which a portrait was drawn.
It was a man in his late twenties, probably a self-portrait made out of charcoal, but right below the portrait was a message. "To all future cadets of the survey corps and especially, to my students, please use this knowledge to further humanity's cause. I have placed what little I know about their weakness into these pages." -Griffin Ilzos.
You clutched the journal and then let go of the beam. You landed on your feet, the impact barely jarring your bones. Dust rose around you. You brushed it off your shirt. Emelina was already halfway down the stairs, moving with a speed that would have been alarming to anyone else. She reached the bottom in seconds, her silver hair flying behind her.
"You're impossible," she said, but there was a grin on her face. "Next time, try not to break a historical monument."
Eren climbed far slower and he seemed worried as he climbed down. As he got to the bottom, he ran over to you. "Are you alright?! That was incredible! You fell like...like a cat!"
Mikasa followed him down. She looked at the broken floorboards, then at Eren. "We shouldn't have come here. It was dangerous."
"So what is it? What did you find?" Eren said, trying to see the journal. Given that you almost got injured getting there was no point in hiding it now. So, you simply showed him the book.
Eren's eyes lit up. "A Survey Corps journal! I've never seen a real one before!"
"Eren!" Mikasa said, but he ignored her. This time, she grabbed him by the ear.
"Ow! Ow! What was that for?!" Eren shouted, trying to pull away.
"For being reckless," Mikasa said, her voice dangerously quiet. She let go of his ear. "We need to go."
"But! The journal!" Eren protested.
"We will talk about the journal later," Emelina said, a strange smile on her face. "I think we have caused enough trouble for one day."
You all leave the bell tower, the afternoon sun casting long shadows across the cobblestones. The walk back to the town square was quiet. Eren kept glancing back at you, then at the journal tucked under your arm. "I will be at your house to read it!" He declared, before Mikasa pulled him even harder, making him yelp.
"We need to get home," Mikasa said, her grip on Eren's arm tightening.
"Bye, Conrad!" Eren shouted over his shoulder. "Don't forget!"
You watched them go. Eren's shouts echoed down the street, Mikasa's steady presence beside him. You turned to your sister, who seemed a bit tired from the whole affair.
"Let's get home, Conrad," She said, her smile a bit tired now. "Mama will be angry if we are late for dinner."
You nodded, and you both walked back home. The walk was quiet, and when you arrived at home, you put on a candle and began to read it. It detailed all the days of the expedition, including the supplies that they brought with them, and the people that he met. There were parts that made you laugh, parts that spoke of danger, and parts that made you feel sad. You saw how the Survey Corps soldiers lived and died, how they fought, and how they hoped. You saw how they saw the world beyond the walls. You saw... humanity. In all its flawed, beautiful, and terrible glory.
And then, you found it. At the back of the journal, tucked between two pages, was a folded piece of paper. You unfolded it. The paper was brittle, andthe ink almost faded, with many dark spots as if rain had touched it. You could make out the words. They were messy, desperate, and written in a hurry.
"I am sorry, Otto, Alban, Hanna, Angelika... I could not save you. I ran, like a coward, I may not make it home. If this letter is ever found, know that I failed them all. I was too weak, too slow, I can only hope that..."
The letter cuts off, the rest of the letter unreadable. The journal left a bitter taste in your mouth. You expected a victory, not this. Still, you read on, and on the last page, it was completely empty. You shook your head, and the next day, you were not in a good mood; both Adelaide and Emelina noticed.
'What was the point?' You thought. What was the point of all this death? For what? So that they could feed the Titans more humans? The doctor's words echoed in your head. "A good soldier." A good soldier died. That's what Griffin's journal taught you.
Others may have been scared, but you were just... angry. The journal sat on your nightstand, and it reminded you of their failures, but you...Refused to acknowledge such cowardice, and that is when you started to train. You ran every morning, lifting whatever you could, pushing yourself to the limit. Your mother watched you, her face a mask of worry, but she didn't say anything. She knew she couldn't stop you. Your father just nodded when he saw you carrying logs from the woodpile, one on each shoulder. He understood.
"Better to be strong and angry than weak and scared," he said one evening, his hands stained with quarry dust.
You soon began to write your own journal. It wasn't about expeditions or Titans. It was about you. About your training, your thoughts, your anger. You drew the faces of the people you wanted to protect. Your mother. Your father. Emelina. Addie. After all, you wanted for one day for someone to read it and not feel the shame that you felt when reading Griffin's journal.
When Eren came for the journal, you gave it to him, and he took it all in with a strange sort of reverence. He read it cover to cover in a single afternoon. You saw him sitting under a tree, his brow furrowed, his finger tracing the lines of Griffin's drawings. You saw the way he looked up at the sky afterward, at the clouds that drifted over Wall Maria. You saw the fire in his eyes. The same fire that you felt in your own chest.
"We're going to join the Survey Corps," Eren said, not asking, but stating it as a fact. He was standing in front of you, the journal clutched in his hand.
"I will," You told him, and then you shook hands.
The next day, your mother and Eren got into an argument about whose fault it was that the idea to join the Survey Corps came from. In the end, it was your mother's fault for letting you climb trees, and Eren's father, Dr. Jaeger, for letting him read books that gave him such crazy ideas. They argued for a good hour, and in the end, they both agreed to get those ideas out of their son's heads.
Later, when you sat near the bakery, Emelina came to sit down next to you after checking on Adelaide for a bit.
"You made Mama angry," Emelina said, handing you a piece of bread. "But don't worry, I will drag you to the Military Police if I have to."
Then you saw the door of the bakery open. It was Adelaide, and she had two steaming mugs in her hands. She approached slowly and carefully, and you were about to smile at her when you heard a thunderous noise. The ground shook. The mug in Adelaide's hands wobbled. Hot liquid sloshed over the rim, onto her fingers. She flinched as the wind blew hard against the entire plaza, carrying with it the smell of... something. Like lightning after a storm.
A collective gasp rippled through the square. People stopped, heads turning toward the gate. Toward Wall Maria.
A plume of smoke rose into the clear blue sky. Dark. Unnatural. The ground trembled again, a deeper, more sustained vibration this time. The mugs in Adelaide's hands rattled against their saucers.
"What was that?" Emelina was on her feet, her hand moving to your arm. Her fingers dug in, not in fear, but as if to anchor herself. You stood up. The half-eaten bread dropped from your hand onto the cobblestones. Your eyes looked at the wall. You saw it then. The face. Peering over the wall.
A Titan. It was unlike any drawing in Griffin's journal, far larger than even the wall itself. It had no skin, only the red muscle beneath, an expression of serene cruelty on its face. It leaned forward. Then it kicked.
The sound of stone giving way was a drawn-out, grinding shriek. The gate of Wall Maria exploded inward. Dust and debris filled the air. Rocks began to fall from the sky. Adelaide screamed, a thin, high sound that was followed by the screams and cries of others.
One of the rocks fell on top of a man, killing him instantly. Your eyes began to blur for a moment as you saw the guts spill out. People began to run. Panic. A wave of it, crashing through the square. Pushing. Shoving. Trampling. You saw a woman fall, her child crying beside her, before the crowd swept over them both.
Emelina's eyes widened for the first time. The calm, confident mask she wore cracked. For a fleeting second, she looked exactly as she was. A child. Fear poured into her face before she got it under control.
"Conrad...?" Adelaide dropped both mugs. They shattered. The hot liquid spread across the cobblestones, a dark, widening stain. She was frozen, her eyes fixed. Then you spotted a single piece of rock, a brick really, falling straight down towards her head. It was fast, almost too fast.
Emeline yanked your arm as she wanted to go back home, but you had to save Adelaide.
Just like that one time.
You moved.
The world narrowed to the space between you and her. Three strides. Your feet slammed against the cobblestones. You threw yourself forward, arms wrapping around Adelaide's waist. You twisted, pulling her with you, your body hitting the ground hard. The brick smashed into the spot where her head had been a second before. It shattered into pieces, fragments skittering across the stone.
Your sister screamed your name, but her voice was swallowed by the chaos. You managed to quickly put her back up. Adelaide's face was pale, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps. She looked at you, then at the shattered brick, then back at you. Her hands were shaking.
Her father and mother rushed out of the bakery, their faces white with terror. "Addie! Addie!" her mother cried, grabbing her and pulling her away from you.
"We must go, I will grab the things. You kids, go back to your home!" He yelled to you and Emelina, and you gave him a nod. As you rushed to run home, you gave a glance back at Adelaide, who was still in shock from the sudden closure to death. However, with her parents and her united, you knew that, at least, she would be safe for now. Your sister grabbed your arm, her fingers digging into your flesh.
"Don't you dare do that again!" she shouted, her voice raw. But then she looked at you, at the dust on your shirt, at the way you held your arm, and her expression softened. "Just... run."
And so you ran. You ran back home; your house was close to the wall, so you had little to fear from your parents not making it out in time. But in the middle of the road, you spotted them, Eren and Mikasa. Their house was a wreck with a huge boulder sitting on top of it. Then you saw something else: Eren's mother under the rubble, the two kids trying to pull her out.
The sight was a punch to the gut. Eren's face was a mess of tears and anger; he, alongside Mikasa, tried to pull her out. You had a scarce few minutes to keep going, while the Titans began to devour the people closest to the gate.
"Help us!" Eren screamed, his voice cracking from the sheer desperation in it. "Please!" He shouted, finally, recognizing the obvious truth that you were stronger than him...But just how strong were you...Could you really help? Would you risk your life and the life of your sister to save Eren's mother?
'Never,' You thought in your head. You had to do something. Anything.
You didn't look at Emelina. You didn't have to. Her hand released your arm. That was her answer.
You ran. Not away, but toward them. Toward the wreckage. The splintered wood and broken stone of what was once a home. Your boots crunched on the debris. Eren looked up, his face streaked with dirt and tears, a wild hope dawning in his eyes. You saw him. Then you saw the beam. The one pinning Eren's mother, Carla, to the ground. It was thick, heavy, dark with the dust of collapse.
Mikasa was already trying to lift it, her small body straining, muscles quivering with the effort, and so you added yours to the task. You got a good grip on the wood, the rough bark digging into your palms. You planted your feet. You lifted.
The beam didn't move.
You grunted, putting more of your strength into it. Your arms shook. The muscles in your back screamed. A splinter dug into your forearm, a thin line of blood welling up. Still, the beam didn't budge.
"Hurry!" Eren screamed, pulling at his mother's arm. "We almost got you mom!" Though it felt more like a lie to himself than reality.
Carla cried with teary eyes at Eren. "No! Why don't you ever listen to me? Just go! Run!"
But then, the beam began to let up as Emelina, after a moment of hesitation, came to help you. And the four of you together managed to lift the beam just enough for Eren to pull his mother free. You held it there, your bodies trembling with the strain, and Eren dragged Carla from underneath. She was hurt, her leg bent at an unnatural angle, but she was alive. You let the beam drop, and it hit the ground with a thud that shook the very foundations of what remained of the house.
Mikasa beamed up, her tears streaming from her face as she held onto Eren and Carla. However, before anyone could celebrate, a shadow fell over them. A titan. A large one, with a wide grin and a belly that seemed to jiggle with every step it took. It was getting closer, and with Carla unable to run, it was clear that they were doomed.
"Eren. Mikasa." The mother spoke with a heavy heart, her eyes filled with tears. She was about to open her mouth when Hannes, a local soldier, appeared.
"Hannes," Eren shouted, a wave of relief washing over him. "Help us! Please! My mom is hurt!"
Carla looked at him, a small relief on her face, but the stomping of the Titan reminded her of her duty, "Please, take the kids and run. Save them. Please!"
"Kids run! Now! I will carry your mother out of here!" Hannes shouted. Eren and Mikasa finally reacted, while you and Emelina were already moving, but then Hannes stopped. His face went pale. He grabbed Carla by the waist, but the Titan was now close enough that its shadow covered them all. Its grin was impossibly wide, its eyes vacant. For a moment, he hesitated between running and doing his duty. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of Hannes' face.
Finally, shook his head and placed Carla on his shoulders, and began to run away. At that moment, you felt as if the entire atmosphere changed. Everything turned cold and pale, Hannes managing to run, while you and the others followed.
"Hannes, you did it! Thank you! You saved my mom!" Eren screamed.
But then, while you ran alongside Emelina, a Titan rushed from a nearby alleyway. Breaking a house that was right on the way towards the exit, you were forced to stop in your tracks. This Titan was not like the Smiling Titan. This one was smaller, leaner, its movements unnervingly fast as it crashed through the building. Dust and debris rained down. The Titan turned its head, its eyes locking onto your group, but its eyes were particularly focused on you and you alone.
The fear that Griffin had once described was now real. It wasn't the fear of dying, but the fear of being eaten. The Titan's jaw unhinged. A wet, fleshy sound echoed through the street. You had to run like you never ran before.
-x-X-x-
The Titan jumps. You and your sister react fast, you both jump to either side while Eren and Mikasa follow Hannes to the escape route.
"Conrad! Emelina!" Eren shouted back, but Hannes kept pulling him forward. "We have to help them!"
"We can't! We have to save your mother!" Hannes shouted back, his face set in a grim mask of determination. Carla gasped with a hand on her mouth and looked back, hoping that the two of you would be alright.
Mikasa merely ensured Eren kept running, as you saw the two disappear down the street. The Titan landed with a ground-shaking thud, cracking the cobblestones where you had stood a second before. You felt a tinge of betrayal from being left alone, with this fear, but even then, your body reacted. You and Emelina didn't waste a second. You scrambled to your feet, but you were separated. You could see the Titan turn around, looking at you both, its movements slow and deliberate. It was a choice. You or your sister.
"Run!" Emelina screamed, but the Titan didn't listen. It took a step toward you. Its foot crushed a water barrel, the wood splintering with a sharp crack.
You looked at your sister. She could run, she could escape. You swallowed your fear and screamed at her, "Emelina! Run! Please, run!" You shout with all of your lungs; it was a disorderly shout as a tear escaped from your left eye.
Then, the Titan turned its head towards her, its expressionless face seeming to consider her. You felt fear, not at your death but your sister's. You saw your sister unable to leave you, and so you did what you had to do. "Hey! You big ugly bastard! Over here!" You shouted, throwing a rock from the ground with all your force and then you ran. The rock hit the Titan's cheek, a small impact that did nothing. But your words did. The Titan's head swivelled back to you. Its empty eyes fixed on you once more. It started to move, its steps shaking the ground. A smile was on your face, a defiant, desperate smile. 'I am not a coward,' you thought.
"No!!!" Emelina screamed, but as the smiling titan approached, she closed her eyes and ran. Her silver hair flying behind her as she ran for the inner walls. You saw her go, and then you felt the shadow of the Titan fall over you. It was obvious, no matter how fast you were, you could not outrun it. 'I am not a coward,' you thought again. 'I am not a coward.' You closed your eyes, trying to prepare for what was to come, but the jaws never came.
Instead, you heard gas from the air, then you heard the Titan's body fall to the ground, and a massive thud that shook the earth. You opened your eyes, and you saw the Titan fall down. While a hooded soldier of the garrison stood at its nape.
"Boy! Are you alright?!" He shouted at you. He was young, maybe just in his twenties, but the look in his eyes was that of a man who had seen too much, too soon. He held a pair of swords, the image of his uniform and the victory against the titan was seared into your brain.
"Yes..." You said, as you looked at your own trembling hands.
"Then go! Go to the inner walls! The titans are getting closer!" He shouted again. And you didn't need to be told twice. You ran, your feet pounding against the cobblestones. You stumbled on the body of a decapitated woman on the street. Then you stared back, and you saw the garrison soldier trying his best to fight against the remaining titans. He cut one more down and kept fighting. You went back to your feet and began to run, but it seemed that your luck would be needed one more time, as an Abnormal titan began to run towards you.
Just what sort of sick joke was this? You gritted your teeth and continued to run as fast as you could. Your heart hammered against your ribs. A scream tore from your throat. You didn't care. You just ran. The titan was gaining on you. The ground shook with each of its steps. You could feel its hot breath on your neck. You could hear its teeth grinding together. You were going to die. You were going to be eaten. You had to think fast one last time. 'I am not a coward.'
Your legs began to hurt. Every fibre of your being was screaming at you to stop. To give up. But you couldn't. You wouldn't. You kept running, your lungs burning, your muscles screaming in protest. The pain was almost overwhelming as you gained what little extra speed you could, and when the Abnormal Titan jumped at you, you ran for the side street and managed to avoid getting crushed.
The titan crashed into the two nearby houses, a piece of rock hitting you in the head, leaving you bleeding and with your eyes starting to get dizzy. A hit like that should have knocked you out. But you stayed conscious. You fell, but you scrambled to your feet. You saw the titan's head, its eyes now looking for you. Its movements were slow, almost clumsy. It was disoriented. You had a chance. But you were also losing blood. The world began to spin.
And then once more, the hooded garrison soldier appeared. He shot a web of steel at the titan and began to approach to strike at his nape. But then you saw as the Titan's hand grabbed him mid-air, and then...the soldier screamed in pain. But as he saw you, he smiled one last time, teeth clenching against one another as the Titan's fingers squeezed his body.
"I thought I told you to run, you stubborn brat." He said, coughing up blood, "What are you waiting for...Run!" The soldier screamed in pain once more, and you nodded profusely as you mustered the last of your strength to run. "Brat...Remember my name! Griffin! My name is...Griffin Ilzos!" He said, as the titan's teeth bit down on his torso, and then the Titan threw the lower half of his body aside. You froze.
Griffin Ilzos. The author of the journal. He was here...He had managed to survive...and he had saved you...twice. He was...He was not a coward! Tears began to fall down your face as you mustered the last of your strength and ran. You had to make it. You had to survive. For him. For your sister. For Adelaide.
You ran. You didn't look back. You didn't dare. The world was a haze from that moment on. You only remember seeing Emelina and your parents before; your father grabbed you into his arms. You did not wake for three days.
When you woke up, the world was different. The bed beneath you was hard, the blanket scratchy. The air smelled of dust and too many people. You were in a refugee camp inside Wall Rose, specifically in the Trost District. The ceiling above you was a canvas tent, patched in several places. Sunlight filtered through, creating shifting patterns on the dirt floor.
Your head throbbed. You reached up, your fingers finding a bandage wrapped around your skull. You had survived.
Your eyes shot open. You sat up, ignoring the wave of dizziness. You had to see them. You had to know.
"Conrad!" Your mother's voice cut through the tent flap. She rushed in, her face a mixture of relief and worry. "You're awake! Oh, thank goodness." She pulled you into an embrace, her hands clutching at your back. Her body trembled against yours. "We were so worried."
"Emelina," you managed to say, your voice rough.
"She's fine," your father said, standing in the tent's entrance. He looked older, the lines on his face deeper, the dust from Shiganshina still clinging to him. "She went to get our food rations. She'll be back soon."
You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. Emelina was safe. You looked at your parents, at the makeshift camp around you. At the faces of other refugees, hollow-eyed and silent. You saw it then. You saw the failure. The cost of your survival. Griffin's face flashed in your mind. His smile as the Titan's teeth closed around him.
"Adelaide," you said, pushing yourself to stand. But your father's hand on your shoulder stopped you. "I need to—"
"Sit down, son," he said, his voice gentle but firm. "She's with her family. They made it out...She is with Emelina, so are Eren, Mikasa and that blonde kid."
The relief was a physical thing, a weight lifted from your chest. You sank back onto the cot. You looked at your hands. They were clean, but you could still feel the grit of the beam, the splinters digging into your skin. You could still feel the phantom weight of Adelaide in your arms as you shielded her from the falling brick. But what you remember the most was Griffin's face.
"I called him a coward," You told your father. "In my head. I thought he was a coward for running."
Your father sat beside you on the cot. The canvas creaked under his weight. He didn't say anything; he didn't completely understand you, but he understood loss. He had lost colleagues back in the quarry.
"He wasn't," You said, your voice barely above a whisper. "He saved me." You looked at your father, the dust on his clothes a reminder of home. A home that was gone. "...I..." You felt your voice choke, and no words came out as your tears finally made an appearance. Your father's arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you close. His hold was strong. The scent of quarry dust and sweat filled your nose. It was the smell of home.
"Shh," he said, his hand rubbing your back in slow circles. "It's alright. Let it out."
You cried. You cried for Griffin, for the soldier who died twice, once in his journal and once in front of you. You cried not only for him, but because of the fear that you had held out. For all of your short life, you knew you were strong. But now, for the first time, you knew that you were also weak. The tears turned into a gasping sob. You buried your face in your father's shirt, the fabric rough against your cheek.
Your father just held you. He didn't say anything else. He didn't need to. The sounds of the camp filtered through the tent flap: crying babies, coughing fits, the murmur of a thousand worried voices, all overlapping into the emotions that your father would not name.
Then, the tent flap opened again. Emelina stood there, a wooden bowl in each hand. Steam rose from one of them. Her silver hair was tied back, but stray strands framed her face. Her expression was unreadable, a perfect, smooth mask. She saw you crying, and her eyes widened, just for a second, before her face returned to its usual calm.
"You're awake," she said, her voice level. She stepped inside, setting the bowls down on a small crate. "I got the rations. It's soup. Again."
Your mother pulled away, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Emelina. Your brother's awake."
"I can see that," Emelina said. She dipped a spoon into one of the bowls, stirred it, and then held it out to you. "Here. You need to eat."
You took the bowl. It was warm against your cold fingers. The soup was thin, a watery broth with a few floating vegetables. You took a sip. It tasted of salt and little else. You ate it anyway. The warmth spread through you, chasing away the last of the dizziness.
"I told mama and papa how stupid you were," Emelina said, her back to you as she handed the other bowl to your father. "Throwing rocks at Titans. Really, Conrad. What were you thinking?"
Your father took the bowl. He didn't say anything, just stirred the soup, watching the vegetables swirl in the brown liquid.
"I-I was thinking I didn't want it to eat you," you said.
Emelina turned around. Her face was still calm, but there was something in her eyes. A flicker of something you couldn't quite read. "And you wouldn't have had to do that had you just listened to me. If we had run when I told you to, we would have been fine."
"Maybe," you said, and then you told them everything. About Griffin. About the journal. About how he died saving you.
When you finished, the tent was silent. Your mother had her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide. Your father had stopped stirring his soup. Emelina... Emelina just looked at you. Her expression was still unreadable, but there was a new tension in her shoulders, a tightness around her mouth that hadn't been there before.
"I won't forgive you....Not yet, but I guess...It all turned out all right." She said, her voice quiet. "But it was still stupid, so...so...so stupid!"
You agreed with her, as you watched tears flow down her eyes for the first time, she turned around and tried to wipe them away, "B-But I am glad you are fine," She said, hugging you tight. Her arms wrapped around your neck, her body trembling against yours. You hugged her back, her silver hair tickling your nose.
The family sat there for a long while, with your parents finishing their soups as you simply held onto your sister. Then, you noticed Adelaide's family had come over to check on you, along with Eren and Mikasa. They were all there, standing at the entrance of the tent, their faces a mixture of relief and concern.
"Conrad! You're awake!" Eren shouted, rushing into the tent, with Mikasa following closely behind him. He stopped in front of you, his eyes wide. "We heard you got hurt! Are you okay?!"
Mikasa didn't say anything. She just looked at you, her expression as usual unreadable, but there was a softness to them that you had not seen before. Then, Adelaide stepped in, her face pale, her hands wringing the hem of her apron.
"We were so worried," she said, her voice soft. "Emelina told us what happened."
The baker and his wife also came in, their faces etched with worry. "Thank you," the baker said, his voice thick with emotion. "For what you did for our daughter. This is twice now." He held out a loaf of bread, the crust golden brown, the smell of it filling the small tent.
Your father accepted it with a nod. "I guess my son has a knack for saving the day."
The baker's wife bustled forward, her hands flying to your forehead. "Does it not hurt? You should be resting." Her fingers were cool against your skin.
"I am fine," You said, and then you looked at Adelaide. She was looking at you, her cheeks flushed. She gave you a small, hesitant smile.
"We're glad you're okay," she said, her voice barely a whisper.
The group lingered for a while more, Eren recounting their own escape with a theatrical flair that seemed to be his way of coping. You soon learned that his father had not made it, and his mother, while weak, was slowly recovering her legs. Eren's declaration to join the Survey Corps was no longer a childish boast. It was now a vow. A vow that you had also made, albeit silently. Then, you noticed Mikasa's gaze. She was looking at you. Not at the others, but at you. Her expression was as unreadable as ever, but you felt the weight of it.
"Everything turned out all right..." You muttered, more to yourself than to anyone else.
"No," The voice of Armin interjected. He had been standing near the back of the group, half-hidden by the tent flap. "It didn't." He stepped forward. "Shiganshina is gone...Humanity is now enclosed within Wall Rose and..."
"Shhh," His grandfather placed a hand on his shoulder, "Let them rest, the lot of you."
Armin's grandfather turned to your parents, "We will be taking our leave. Please, call if you need anything." The old man gave a small, tired smile, and with that, the group began to disperse.
Adelaide was the last to leave. She lingered at the tent flap, her hands still twisting her apron. She looked back at you, her lips parted as if to say something, but then she just shook her head and left. You watched the flap fall closed behind her. The scent of her father's bread lingered in the air.
Night came. The refugee camp did not sleep. Crying, coughing, quiet conversations. Your family huddled together on their cots, the thin blankets doing little to ward off the night's chill. You lie on your back, staring at the canvas ceiling. The world outside the tent was a symphony of suffering, but one that you managed to avoid for now.
The next days were filled with the monotony of seeking food and shelter. Lines for rations were long, and tempers were short. You saw fights break out over a single piece of bread. You saw a mother give her last sip of water to her child. You saw humanity at its worst and at its best.
Emelina took to the new reality with a frightening ease. She learned which lines moved fastest, which soldiers were more lenient, and which families had hidden stashes of food. She did her best to manipulate, to blackmail corrupt guards, and to make sure your family had more than the bare minimum. She was your sister, still, but there was a new hardness to her, a sharpness that made even your parents hesitate to question her methods.
Adelaide remained the beacon of light that she always was. She shared what little her family had. She tended to the sick, her hands gentle, her smile a balm to the weary souls around her. She spent her free time with you and Emelina, often bringing small treats—a dried apple, a piece of hard candy. She never spoke of that day, of the falling brick, of your arms around her. But sometimes, when she thought you weren't looking, you would catch her watching you. You wondered why.
But as for you? You swore to yourself that you would live up to Griffin's sacrifice. After all, if he had managed to overcome fear, then so could you.
However, life would not be so simple as to allow you to train and prepare for what was to come. The refugees were a burden to Wall Rose. Food was scarce. Tempers flared. You and all of the refugees were sent to work the fields, to reclaim the land from neglect. The work was hard, the sun was hot, and the pay was nonexistent. It was survival. You found yourself in the fields of a small town, just outside the Trost District. The soil was hard and dry, and the tools were crude. You were assigned to plow a field, your bare hands wrapped around the rough wooden handle of a hoe. Sweat dripped from your brow, stinging your eyes. Entire families worked, including your own.
But even with your family's extraordinary strength, it was an exercise in futility; the soil was too hard, the tools were too crude, and the sun too hot. You worked from dawn to dusk, your back aching, your hands blistering. You saw the hope drain from the faces of the other refugees, day by day. They went through the motions, their bodies moving, but their minds were elsewhere. They were ghosts, haunting the fields, haunting the walls. There was not even enough food to fuel the work. The bread was hard, the soup was thin, and the meat was a rarity. You saw children with bellies swollen from hunger, their eyes too big for their faces.
You thought about Griffin's journal. You thought about the food they had, the maps, the tools. You thought about the hope they had, even in the face of certain death. You thought about the hope you had, the hope that you had lost.
Perhaps you would survive. Nonetheless, this year, you learned more about the world and how to make a living.
-x-X-x-
In the coming months, you decided to study Griffin's journal religiously, reading every page, every word, every drawing. It wasn't just about the Titans. It was about seeing the world through Griffin's eyes, understanding his mistakes and his fortes. You said that you would not make the same mistakes as him. You didn't train your body, but your mind. Your father noticed the change. He saw you reading by candlelight, your brow furrowed in concentration. He saw the way you'd stare at the maps for hours, tracing the routes with your finger. He didn't say anything. He just made sure you had enough candle wax.
One evening, as the sun set over the fields, painting the sky in shades of orange and purple, you were sitting by the campfire, the journal open on your lap. You were so engrossed in your reading that you didn't notice Armin approach until he spoke.
"Is that...?" he began, his voice soft, hesitant. He pointed a trembling finger at the journal in your lap. You looked up. The firelight danced in his eyes, making them seem even larger, more vulnerable. He looked like a startled rabbit.
You closed the journal, your fingers tracing the faded gold leaf on the cover.
"I didn't take you for a reader," Armin said, taking a cautious step closer. He wrung his hands, a nervous habit you'd noticed before. "Eren... he's more about the doing."
"Its a new habit, picked up after I nearly got eaten," You said, the words flat. You tapped the cover. "Its that journal we found. Griffin's."
Armin's eyes widened. "You kept it? I thought it was lost when... when we..." He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
You didn't respond.
"But you shouldn't read just one book," Armin said, taking another step. He was close enough now that you could see the dust on his clothes, the smudge of dirt on his cheek. "You should read many and try to look at the bigger picture. I read my grandfather's books, and there is so much out there, so much we've forgotten! The ocean, deserts of ice, fields of fire... we can't give up on all that, not for a few monsters."
You looked at him. At the fire in his eyes, a fire so different from Eren's. Eren's was a burning house, loud and destructive. Armin's was a candle, small but steady, illuminating the world through curiosity. To think that both of them should be friends.
"I think I agree," You replied. You tapped the journal again. "This one is just the start."
Armin's face lit up. He sank down beside you on the ground, not minding the dust. "What have you learned? Did he write about their weaknesses? About how to kill them for real?"
You nodded. You turned to a page near the back, where Griffin had drawn a diagram of a Titan's nape. "There are a few ways to get there, a few manuevers he mentioned that his seniors were able to pull off...It is really a team effort most of the time."
Armin leaned in, his eyes scanning the page. His finger traced the lines of the drawing. "So... that's it. That's the only spot? The nape?"
"If he wrote it, I believe it," You told Armin, your eyes staring at the journal as well, "I think I owe him at least that much."
Armin looked at you, then at the journal, and then back at you. "He died saving you. He must have been a good soldier."
"He was," You said, your voice flat. You closed the journal. The fire crackled, a log breaking apart with a shower of sparks.
"Then we will honor him by learning from him," Armin said, his voice firm with a resolve that surprised you. "You know, most of the omnidirectional manuever equipment is based on mathematics and physics. If we know how it works, I bet we could find new ways to use it."
"Perhaps, do you have a book on that?" You asked him.
"Heh...Not one." He laughed. "But I bet we could find one in the trost archives. If we could just get our hands on a real library book, we could learn so much."
"Then that's the plan," You said, and you saw the same fire that was in Eren's eyes reflected in his, a fire of hope that you had not seen in a long, long while.
And so, you embarked on a new journey. A journey of knowledge. You spent your days in the fields, your body moving automatically while your mind wandered, thinking about strategies, about logistics, about the very nature of the Titans. Trying to learn as much as you could about the world and how it worked, though, it did raise a few glances from the military police; they were busy handling the refugee crisis that only seemed to worsen. Starvation and disease were now the new enemies of humanity.
You soon heard whispers from the refugees about the King's plan. To retake Wall Maria. But it was a suicide mission. They were sending the refugees, the elderly, the weak, to their deaths. A fifth of the population. It was the most obvious solution there was and the most cruel.
Armin's grandfather was chosen to go. The old man accepted his fate with a quiet dignity that made your chest ache. You saw him say goodbye to Armin, a hand on his grandson's shoulder. Adelaide's father and mother were lucky that a cousin took them in as a baker's apprentice; your father, a good man, managed to keep a job at the quarry. However, you felt someone else's influence behind your family's luck.
Eren's mother, Carla, never regained full use of her legs, but also somehow managed to be kept out of the "reclaiming" force. Eren's shouts about joining the Survey Corps became more frequent, more desperate. He fought with other boys in the camp, his fists flying, his face a mask of rage. Mikasa was always there to pull him away, her face a blank slate, her grip on his arm unyielding.
One night, you sat in the tent thinking that your sister, as usual, slept unusually close to you. She had begun to pick up the habit after Shiganshina's fall. Her body had grown leaner in the past year, the softness of childhood giving way to the hardness of adolescence. But as you lay there, you noticed her breathing was too even. Too controlled. Her eyes were open, staring at the canvas ceiling.
"You're awake," you said.
Her head turned toward you, silver eyes looking at yours as if questioning the very statement you had just made. "So are you."
.
------->
.
You waited. "Can I ask you something?" you asked, your voice not too loud but firm.
"Maybe, depends," She said, her leg kicked out to hit yours lightly, a silent admonition for your late-night thoughts. But then she merely rubbed it against your leg in an apology.
"Why are you sleeping so close?" You finally asked her.
Emelina was quiet for a long moment. The only sound was the distant coughing from another tent. Then, "You're my brother," she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I can't ever lose you," She moved a little closer, "When you...told me to run, I didn't want to."
You remembered it. The Titan's shadow. Your shout. The way her silver hair had looked like a blade in the smoky light as she disappeared down the street. You'd pushed her away to save her.
"I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if you had died because of me," she whispered, her voice so low you had to strain to hear it. "So I'll keep you close. Always. Understand?" Her fingers found yours in the dark, lacing through them. Her grip was, as usual, very strong.
You squeezed back. "Understood." The guilt behind her words, the guilt of leaving you, was the same that you were now experiencing for making her feel that way. A shared pain. Her thumb stroked the back of your hand, a slow, repetitive motion.
"I know you are strong...But, you are not me, and I am not you." She said, her fingers tightening around yours.
"What does that mean?" You asked her.
Her thumb stopped. "I am more selfish," She said, and then gripped your hand until it hurt. "...I would have let Eren's mother die in that house, you know. I would have been fine with that. Who cares about her? I only care about you." She confessed, as if she were telling you a secret that she had kept for a very long time.
"Emelina..." You started, but she cut you off.
"No, I am right," she insisted, her body shifting, turning to face you fully in the dark. "You saved her because you are a good person. I wouldn't have. I would have kept running. And I would have pulled you with me. You would have hated me, but you would have been alive...But you know why I didn't?" She asked.
You shook your head.
"Because you would have hated me," she repeated, her voice cracking just a little. "And I couldn't bear that. So I let you be you. And you almost died for it."
A silence paused the moment between you two. The night air was cold, seeping through the thin canvas of the tent. You could hear your own heartbeat. A slow, steady drum. Hers too, you thought, through the pressure of her hand on yours.
"Maybe, next time...I won't mind you hating me." She said, her voice extremely low but confident and determined. Her grip on your hand loosened after those words. "Now go to sleep, brother." She closed her eyes again, dismissing any further prying into her mind. You watched the rise and fall of her shoulders, a steady rhythm in the dark.
And with that, you slept. However, you did not know if you felt comfortable with her words.