When I was a child, I once heard a very popular saying:
"You only learn to value something when you lose it."
I never paid much attention to things like that, but thinking about it now, it has never sounded so true...
About a week ago, my father was hospitalized due to a serious heart condition. Since then, every morning I had been visiting him at the hospital.
Today, I arrived a bit earlier than the standard visiting hours, but I have already been waiting for about four hours and still haven't been allowed to see him.
Around me, there were lines of people desperately waiting to visit their hospitalized loved ones.
I never liked coming to hospitals. It was a feeling that always made me reflect on the meaning of things. While many are enjoying their lives, flaunting wealth, fame, and glamour...
Others are on the streets, often having to eat whatever they find in trash bins, trying to survive one day at a time.
And others...
Are relying solely on a true miracle, while their families beg the heavens for the person they love to rise from a hospital bed.
I never considered myself a religious person, but this time, I was relying only on... a true miracle.
__
I didn't talk much with my father, so most of the stories about his past I ended up hearing from my paternal grandparents.
He was a former military man, so he had always been a bit more reserved. My grandparents said that, since he was young, it had been his dream to serve in the army.
In a way, he was fulfilling his dream. But on the other hand, he spent long periods without seeing his own family.
After a few years of service, when he returned to England during one of his breaks, he met a Japanese immigrant named Akiko in a small café in Manchester.
Akiko said she had moved to Manchester because she had been accepted into a scholarship at the city's university.
During that time, they started dating, but because of his obligations to the army, he spent most of his time traveling on operations.
In many cases, he would spend months away from home.
When he returned to England after about eight months away, he came across something that would leave him completely shaken.
Upon returning from an operation in Africa, my grandparents told him what had happened during the time he was gone.
Shortly before he traveled to Africa, Akiko had been experiencing constant nausea. In secret, she decided to take a pregnancy test and, to her surprise, the result was positive.
She hid the fact from everyone, except for a college friend.
During a normal day at the university, Akiko had to be rushed for medical help after showing symptoms of fainting. She was quickly taken to the hospital, already about to give birth.
But after giving birth to the child, she couldn't hold on.
She ended up passing away right there, on the hospital bed, shortly after giving birth to her son.
__
Since I never met my mother, I was raised only by my father, who was already in a miserable state after losing her, sinking deeper and deeper into cigarettes and alcohol.
Everything I knew about her came from conversations I overheard when I still lived with my grandparents. But as the years went by, we grew more and more distant from the rest of the family, leaving just me and my father.
Whenever I asked anything about my mother, he avoided the subject as much as possible.
Her death was one of the main reasons that led to his discharge from the army.
Living with the death of his comrades during operations was a risk he had been aware of from the beginning.
But the feeling of guilt for not being close to the only woman he ever loved, at the most important moment of their lives...
That was the real breaking point.
From then on, alcohol and cigarettes became his only companions. Not even his own son could bring a smile to that face.
I remember very well when I was still a child. I tried, many times, to make him smile. I always did my best at school, got the best grades, but in the end...
Everything I tried to do to please him seemed useless.
Mr. Thomas Clark was just an empty shell of what he once was.
I never considered him a bad father, far from it. Because of his own son, the only love of his life had died—would it be wrong for him to blame me?
But even with that cold and distant behavior, I had nothing but gratitude toward him.
After all, I always studied in good schools, and our financial condition wasn't that bad. There was no reason to complain, right?
...
...
Before I realized it, I had fallen asleep for a few hours.
For a moment, I just wanted to keep sleeping. At least while I was dreaming, I didn't have to face the harsh reality I was living.
"Mr. Jason?"
In front of me was a beautiful young woman wearing a medical uniform. She carried an expression I knew very well.
Something was wrong.
"Any news about my father? Is he okay?" I asked, still a bit dazed after waking up.
"I'm sorry to inform you, but Mr. Clark's condition has worsened in the last few hours. Soon, he will be taken to the emergency room."
The moment I heard her finish that sentence, I felt a pounding in my head, as if I had been struck.
"Thump... thump..."
Hearing that, I couldn't help but imagine the worst-case scenario.
My father wouldn't make it.
Suddenly, I felt something running down my face. Tears and more tears flowed uncontrollably.
My hands were trembling so much that I could barely stay on my feet.
"T-tell me... when will I be able to see him, please?" I asked desperately.
Looking at me with a pitying gaze, the young woman replied:
"At the moment, I can't inform you. He is in a delicate condition. For now, Mr. Clark cannot receive any visitors."
"But when his condition stabilizes, we will let you know so you can visit him."
At that moment, I simply turned my back on her and went to the nearest restroom, leaning against the walls so I wouldn't lose my balance.
I looked at myself in the mirror while splashing water on my face.
"I'm really a mess."
Heavy dark circles emphasized just how exhausted I was, the result of countless sleepless nights.
"I just need to rest a bit... everything will be fine..."
__
Leaving the hospital, all I could think about was getting home as quickly as possible.
I had left the car near the parking lot exit. It was an old pickup truck my father had bought a few years ago.
Even mentally exhausted, I still managed to drive home.
We lived in the northern part of Manchester. It was a quieter place compared to other areas of the city, and it also had a wide variety of cafés.
But there was something I simply hated: traffic.
That was exactly what made it take me almost two hours to get home, a small but comfortable apartment in Prestwich.
I remember well when we moved into that apartment. I spent most of my childhood living with my grandparents in Castlefield.
When my father was discharged from the army, I went to live with him, and then we moved into that apartment in Prestwich, north of Manchester.
The building was nothing impressive. To be honest, it was already quite old, built with exposed brick.
But even so, it was my home.
As I entered the apartment, the strong smell of alcohol filled the entire place.
"Aargh..."
Even after cleaning it several times, it felt like that atmosphere would never go away.
After taking a good shower, I felt a bit lighter, although my expression still didn't reflect the same.
While getting dressed, I looked at the time on the clock sitting on the shelf.
'Ah, damn... I completely forgot I had training today.'
Since I had spent the entire day at the hospital worried about my father, I hadn't even remembered my boxing training.
There were only thirty minutes left before the class started. Every day, at 9 PM, I attended a gym a few blocks away from home.
Even on the worst days, I still forced myself to go to training.
It was one of the few moments in the day when I could simply let my problems go. It became my escape.
I quickly put on the gym uniform: a black T-shirt and shorts of the same color.
I put my gloves into a small bag and then rushed out.
After driving for about ten minutes, I could already see the gym. It was a simple building. Anyone who didn't know it would probably think the place was abandoned.
Before going in, I looked again at the time on my wristwatch.
"Eh... this time I'm really late."