⚠︎ This chapter has mentions of attempted past sexual assault and blood.
♬ 7-2 - MisterWives ♬
"Only when the sky turns red and the rain becomes blood, will the life I stopped living start again."
''I can't believe we're already at the last trimester of the year'', Irene comments as she lifts her heavy bag filled with materials for withdrawing and storing the blood from the Knights of the Morke Kingdom. She proceeds to follow Miyuki out of their laboratory, after they leave the woman places a small magic circle she drew previously on the door, a small diversion spell to stop anyone from entering the lab while they're out at the Kingdom. ''Thank you for accompanying me Miyuki, I have no idea how I would be able to carry all this without ya''. She sighs pointing at the three bags filled to the brim they're carrying.
''Don't worry Miss'', Miyuki says, his voice is soft and his expression is gloomy as usual, however Irene is already used to the man's lack of tone. ''I'm just glad to be of help''.
''Of course you're helping!'' She smiles, once they leave the building the cold wind envelops them, messing her hair. ''Damned weather'', she whispers.
Slowly the two magicians walk towards the teleportation circle. The Prince wants a portable teleportation circle, I have no idea how to even begin it, she thinks, not able to turn off her work brain for not even a second.
''I think I need to save more money'', Irene overhears Dacre's conversation with Prince Nikias once she gets closer to them. ''If I need to rent a place… Damn, I'll never be able to pay off my debts'', the pink-haired boy whines, well, actually his hair is almost fully platinum blonde, only his tips are still colored pink.
''I'll try to build a dorm as soon as possible, in the meantime you could rent out a place with the other ones'', the Prince says softly, his expression is calmer than usual, and even with the terrible weather his eyes shine like precious jewels.
So this is what Dacre said that the Prince's personality changes once they go to the Kingdom. Irene observes.
''We're here'', she finally speaks, announcing their arrival, the Prince nods towards her.
''We're just waiting on Lowe, he's late for a butler in training'', Dacre comments as he gazes towards the sky melancholically.
''I'm here'', Lowe runs, his appearance disheveled and his eyes bloodshot.
''Someone was having fun until late, huh?'' Dacre comments with a laugh.
Lowe blushes. ''That's not… I was in the city earlier with Madam Hannah''. He tries to justify it. ''And I have allergies, that's why I look like this''.
''Oh my, a future Duke and a married older woman? Damn Lowe'', Dacre laughs, continuing his joke, the redness on Lowe's cheek becomes deeper.
''Shut up Dacre'', Irene says with an annoyed sigh.
Prince Nikias speaks, ignoring the banter between his subordinates. ''Let's get going, I do not wish to be late''.
Once they arrive at the Morke Kingdom, Nikias lets out a sigh of relief. The bright sky, the bustling streets, everything is so different from the Empire, yet the suffocating air is more comfortable than there. Although due to his sainthood he feels stifled at a place that carries too much of another Saint's mana, he's slowly getting used to it, or at least he hopes he is.
''Morning, your highness'', Cypress is the first one to greet them, introducing himself to Irene, Miyuki and Lowe and proceeding to speak with the Prince again. ''His majesty is in a meeting, he expresses his deep apologies for not being able to meet you right now'', his tone is robotic and he's clearly annoyed.
Cypress' eyes are deep with the dark circles and his lips are chapped from how much he's biting into them, clearly something is disturbing him.
''It's fine, I'll be going to the Temples to greet the Priests and return part of the books I borrowed'', Prince Nikias says, his eyes showing clear disappointment, even if none of those present notice it. ''Irene and Miyuki, you should go with Dacre to the training grounds meet the Spectres, Lowe, go meet Keres, she's Lyor's butler, if you could show him the way Cypress…''
Everyone nods along, complying to Prince Nikias' orders, and soon enough he's left alone carrying his own bag filled to the brim with books he borrowed the last time he was there.
The weather is nicer today, he reflects as he slowly walks towards the two Temples. There seems to be more merchants around, probably from the Kingdoms that just got conquered… As he walks around some commoners that recognize him bow and a few children notice his presence a bit too loudly. Their reaction is just too different from the Empire, some even act happy when I nod back. A warm feeling creeps inside Nikias' chest, he isn't sure why, but walking those streets alone that morning certainly improved his sinking mood.
After all, it's been nearly three months since he last managed to sleep properly. Would Lyor dislike it if I ask him to sleep with me tonight? He wonders as he arrives at the Temples.
The two Temples are simple, yet they have this shimmer of outerworldness, probably due to the gods' blessings. Nikias approaches the Temple of Darkness first, that's where he borrowed the biggest amount of books and he doesn't wish to keep carrying that heavy bag around. Once he steps into the Temple he can feel a pressure inside his head and his body feels sluggish, that's something he'll never get used to.
''Are you alone, young man?'' As he walks around the Temple a woman approaches him. She's wearing a veil covering her face and is wearing one of the Priest's robes from the Temple. Her voice is cold and calm, with a certain eeriness to it.
''I'm not lost, if that's what you mean'', he says, ''I appreciate it'', he completes attempting not to sound rude, walking away from the woman, but she follows him. For fuck's sake.
''You seem afflicted by something'', she says. ''Perhaps a prayer could aid your healing?''
''I do not follow the goddess of Darkness, so I do not wish to pray to her'', Nikias says, he tries his best to not sound rude to someone he just met, but his personality and harsh words don't help his attempt.
''I see, which god are you a follower of?''
''None''.
''Oh, child, everyone is under a god's eye'', her words are as if she's scolding him, ''Let me see…'' she pauses, even if he can't see her face, her gaze is strong on him. ''You're a child of the Sun, those glimmering eyes… Shouldn't you be where your god's blessings reach?''
Nikias stops, he doesn't want to chat with the lady, nor wishes to continue this pointless conversation. ''I do not see how this concerns you, Ma'am. My free-will oversteps any blessings the gods may wish to bestow upon me. Where I choose to go, it's up to my choice and my choice alone''.
He turns to continue walking but the woman grabs his hand tightly, he wants to yell or push her away, but once he looks at her the woman has taken off her veil. Underneath is a woman that makes him freeze, she looks eerily similar to…
''Who are you?'' He is only able to ask that.
''You do not belong here child, go back to where the Sun can protect you, this land won't accept you, no matter what you choose to do or how you act'', her words are cold like the winter wind, her eyes are dark and deep, her skin is pale and cold to the touch, her dark long straight hair is glossy and she looks absolutely stunning, most of all, she looks exactly like Lyor, well, with a few different things, but she is, undoubtedly, related to the King.
The Prince is good with hiding most of his emotions, of course he is, he spent years hiding his fear, his pain, his tears. But he doesn't need to hide his emotions anymore, and that is a process in itself. However right now, he wouldn't be able to hide his emotions even if he wanted to.
''Oh my'', he states, smiling, he's practically laughing. ''You're the goddess herself''.
Amaya, the goddess of Darkness, the slit pupils she shares with the dragons she mothered, the cold touch she shares with her disciples, and the eerie feeling of being trapped inside a dark room with no exit. It's easy to get to that conclusion, but since most people never saw the goddess' real appearance, no one ever got there.
''Are you Lyor's mother?'' Nikias asks, this time pulling the woman closer so he can see her eyes up close. ''Did you cheat on your god husband?'' He continues asking once the woman doesn't reply. ''That seems unlikely…''
''You're just as crazy as the god you serve'', the woman says, stepping back, letting go of the man's arm. ''It's natural for Saints to share physical traits with their gods, and if they don't, they'll come to''.
And that is exactly it, just like Lyor's eyes - well, he's a different case, of course -, Cypress' green long hair, Nikias' golden eyes, Empress Else's purple eyes - which she hides with mana -, Firuzeh's long blue hair and Jiwon's soon to be stabilized soft pink eyes. Naturally, Nikias' eyes are a legacy from Aelius after he became a Saint, however the glimmer in his eyes that became brighter after he entered the Prince's body, is due to his new blessings.
''Sure, I assume you're right.'' Nikias says, not entirely sure if what she is saying is the full truth. ''You must be here to stop me from marrying your Saint'', he states.
The woman doesn't reply.
''Well, I will marry Lyor regardless, and even if all twenty gods descend onto this land and beg me on their knees to change my choice, I won't.'' His words are strong, but he is bluffing, he isn't sure if he would remain firm in his choice if all gods came to request that of him. But he knows that'll never happen, so the statement is merely a way to make sure the woman knows he means it.
''I know why you're with that child! You only wish to use him!'' She states, her voice unstable.
Gods sure are just glorified humans, huh.
''Of course not, I love him'', he says with a smirk. He's lying, but the woman has no way to know that, she cannot read his mind, nor even attempt to as he is under another god's blessing.
''You're lying, we were there that night! You made a deal, well, we'll make sure he takes part in Vremes' subjugation, you just need to be far, far away''. From all the gods, Nikias never guessed the goddess of Darkness was this… unstable, petty. Maybe it's because she cares deeply for her Saint, however even so. She's crossing a line.
''If you could do that, then surely we wouldn't be in the fourth loop already'', Nikias says, rolling his eyes. The woman freezes.
''How much has that old man told you?'' She's shocked. Just because a soul comes from another dimension doesn't mean they'll know everything, most often they don't. Just like Aelius who didn't even know where he was once he awakened. It was weird how Nikias knew so much about the future, but everyone just assumed Blaze had told him.
''Enough'', Nikias answers quickly enough to not raise suspicion. So not even the gods know everything.
''Even so, you do not need that child''.
Nikias sighs, ''Listen, whatever my feelings or goals are, isn't up to Lyor and I to decide our future? It's seriously starting to piss me off, who do you think you are? For someone who denies so vehemently, you sure act like his mother.''
''We care for the child as our own'', she says.
''But is he? Or does he see you both as thorns in his shoes? Lyor is 22. He does not need someone to butt into his choices''.
''He's only with you because we did not approve!''
Ha. Nikias laughs again. ''Damned gods, you sure are not only selfish but also self-absorbed''.
''What do you want? Riches? Protection?'' The woman asks. ''I can also send you back to your world.''
She's lying, of course she can't change something the universe did directly, but Nikias doesn't know that.
''Go back to that hell? Why would I?''
''I can bring your brother back''.
And there it is.
Nikias freezes completely, his brain filled with the thought of Zerah, his eyes waver and he wants to cry. ''That's low'', he whispers. ''Trying to use my deceased brother for your own selfish desires'', of course the gods would do something like that, something so… cruel. ''You're not even the goddess of Death, so I doubt you can touch his soul since he's far away''. He takes a deep breath, regretting leaving the fairy back at the Palace, he could use her soothing mana right now. ''Please, fuck off, I'm not complying with your request, if you care so much about Lyor, then you'll never show your face in front of me again. He listens to me, you know''. Another bluff, but he just can't take it anymore.
The woman doesn't say any more, only disappearing as if she was never there to begin with.
❥
Although they're on the last day of October, the Exos Empire is experiencing the hottest day of the year. Such a phenomenon is due to the anger of the Sun god. ''What gave you the fucking right Amaya?'' Blaze's hands move before his words as he grabs the woman by her clothes, his whole body glowing in a yellowish light and the atmosphere around him is hotter than the Sun's surface itself. ''He is my Saint, you cannot approach him as you please!''
''He was at my Temple'', the woman answered calmly. ''If he wishes to live under my skies, then he shouldn't act so mightly''.
''Ha, you're both impossible'', the man whispers to himself, pushing his long golden hair back, the temperature rising in the skies where the gods reside.
''Calm down before you melt us all!'' Kenka, the goddess of War complains as she uses a small ice mana stone to cool her face. ''Why don't you two just punch each other and be done with it?'' She complains again. ''I hate the heat''.
''Didn't you said last week that you love sweating?'' Ahava asks, as she sits down near the War goddess, her blood red eyes are apathetic.
''A good workout sweat is different from this'', the woman points towards herself to get her point across.
''I see no difference'', Ahava comments as her dull eyes rest on the Sun god. ''Just place a restriction ban on her if you're that mad''.
A restriction ban is a way the gods are able to control each other, stopping one from exerting too much power in the human world, this way they'll be temporarily unable to descend, be it physically or with prophecies and messages. The ban needs to be placed by four or more gods to work, to avoid unfairness. Those who once already received a restriction ban were Blaze himself, Lucifer, the god of Nature, and Rohit, the god of Destiny.
It's extremely hard to convince the other gods to approve a ban, since most of all, they all hate each other.
Well, of course with some exceptions.
''I mean, messing with Saints should be a line that shouldn't be crossed'' Ahava says, chewing on what seems like dried persimmon.
''Well, that I can agree'', the sluggish voice of the god of Love, Xinyi, is heard but he takes a while to appear, his hair is on a long braid and his clothes are nothing more than a white nightgown.
His appearance makes the War goddess wince, probably pondering if she should leave or stay there, as they're known to not get along due to their ideological differences. Although they're more similar than they think and would like to admit.
''You just say that because your Saint is under our influence'', finally Uri appears, with a flash of light per usual, his bright white eyes stare coldly at the Sun god, although he doesn't move to help his beloved, as no one would dare approach Blaze when he's mad so openly, after all there is a reason he and Heather survived the mass extinction of the Ancient gods.
''Not really, I just don't like you'', Xinyi says, yawning. ''And if you'd like to know, your Saints are already too tangled, even if you tried to separate them, it wouldn't work, ask the hermit and you'll know''. The hermit in question is the god of Destiny, Rohit, who entered seclusion after a fight with both the god of Chaos and the goddess of Death, his location is unknown even to the other gods.
''What do you mean by that?'' Amaya asks, her voice hoarse and her body is burning red due to the proximity to the scorching Blaze.
Xinyi looks at her, his pink eyes showing clear annoyance, as if he's thinking the couple of gods are stupid. ''Their souls are connected by love, and as far as I can see, the only realities they wouldn't meet would be when one of them simply does not exist''.
Uri flinches and Amaya sighs, they might know they cannot force neither of the boys to back off, however for their child's safety, they must try even if it makes them cease to exist. Even if they both try to control each other, deep down they're both thinking the same.
What if the other boy didn't exist then?
''Don't you even dare!'' Blaze yells again, his body glowing so much his features are hidden behind it, making him look like the sun itself.
''I think everyone is being way too extreme'', the one to speak is Lucifer, the drama queen himself, the one that is petty enough to curse the creatures he once created just because they didn't follow his orders.
''Oh please, as if we need to hear you on not being extreme'', Kenka laughs, the mana stone she was using to cool off is now melted on her hands. ''Where's that damned old woman when you need it the most?'' she mumbles to herself, referring to Heather, as the Moon goddess might just be the only one able to withstand Blaze's heat.
''Says the woman that still requires human sacrifices from her followers'', Lucifer says, rolling his eyes.
''If they want to show their devotion to me with their flesh, then who am I to deny them?'' She answers with a shrug.
''Aren't we going way out of topic?'' Ahava says, still chewing on her dried fruits. ''I vote we make a strict prohibition of contact with other Saints, like, I would react exactly the same as the grandpa if it was my Saint''.
''For that we should schedule a meeting with everyone'', speaking for the first time is Farzan, most often silent during his colleagues' discussions, the god of Wisdom cannot remain silent this time. ''With the changes in the flow of destiny, we should do that either way''.
''Sure, and how you suggest we find Rohit for this supposed meeting?'' Kenka asks, skeptical.
''I know where he is'', Xinyi says, yawning again.
''How?'' Uri asks, slowly walking towards his wife to take her away from the Sun god without him noticing.
''He's the one that weaves the threads of destiny, and I can see them'', he points towards his pink eyes, ''So I can see where they come from''.
''And how's that supposed to ease the fact that Amaya directly not only contacted my Saint but also threatened him?'' Blaze asks, his anger not having subsided even a bit.
''Yeah, using his dead brother was low'', Ahava says, checking inside the bag she was eating from, disappointed to not find anything else inside it. ''Not even the warwhore would do that''.
''What did you just call me?'' Kenka asks, an axe appearing on her hand alongside her words.
''W-a-r-w-h-o-r-e'', Ahava repeats, this time spelling the word.
''You little…'' The War goddess attempts to jump the other goddess but is stopped by a hand strong enough to hold her in place.
''That is quite enough'', Heather says, her short black hair and low stature are a response to Blaze's brightness obfuscating her own Moon powers. ''You too, Blaze'', even so she doesn't cower, even if the man is taller and stronger than her at the moment. ''You have every reason to be angry, but we shouldn't do anything to upset the universe''.
''I am justified enough for the universe to let my insolence go'', Blaze answers, not calming down.
''Amaya, Uri, you both should stay here for the time being, until the meeting, you shouldn't interfere with not even your Saint, as a temporary punishment'', Heather continues, ignoring the sweat dripping from her forehead. ''Unless you prefer Blaze's way of punishment…''
The Darkness goddess nods. ''I comply''.
''I don't,'' Blaze says.
''What do you want, Blaze?'' Heather asks, looking directly into the man's eyes even if her own hurt due to it.
''A future favor'', he says, his glow fading. ''From all of you present in this room''.
''Ha. Hell no'', Kenka says. ''I have nothing to do with this''.
''I must agree with the crude woman over there'', Lucifer nods.
''I don't mind it'', Xinyi says, yawning again. ''Your Saint is quite interesting after all, he attracts a lot of threads''.
''I have two children under your Saint's protection so…'' Ahava says crumpling the bag. ''As long as it doesn't interfere with their destiny, I do not mind''.
''Isn't this favoritism? And why y'all are choosing Saints at that gross Empire?'' Kenka asks, ''Not to mention what do y'all need Saints for?''
''If you saw their souls you would choose one too, it's not our fault the Empire you bless only have murky souls'', Heather says, not even sure what she's defending since she hates all the other Saints and gods as well, perhaps she's upset since the woman insulted her beloved Empire. ''Oh wait, it might be your fault since you're the one blessing them''.
''Fuck off bitch'', the War goddess says, spitting on the other woman's face. ''I don't need a Saint to beat your Saint off''.
''Sure, tell yourself that'', Heather says with a cold laugh as she cleans her face with her local band shirt.
''It is wise to accept it,'' Farzan says, ''A fourth loop would make your son cease to exist'', he says to Amaya and Uri, then turns to Kenka, ''and would ruin your Empire's future'', finally he turns to Lucifer, ''Not to mention your Saint would be dead if it weren't for those two's son''.
The god of Nature winces, upset over the truth spoken by the god of Wisdom.
''Fine, whatever favor you want, I may comply'', he gave in, followed by the other gods that were hesitating.
Blaze finally subdues his anger and his glow fades. ''Very well, but I won't tolerate a second affront like this. Leave my Saint alone, or I'll show you newcomers why I survived the cleanse of the universe'', he gazes at the couple of gods again, anger shining in his eyes, before leaving.
❥
After the unpleasant meeting with the goddess, Nikias had a very tiring afternoon, from talking with the priests to receiving lessons from them on the religious culture of the Morke Kingdom. Such things as the celebrations of the Light and Darkness Solstices, why every King must be a Saint and the purification process the spouse of the King must partake in.
Including the very annoying condition that the spouse must be 'untainted' - a virgin. These old guidelines should be abolished, who marries a virgin in this day in age? I mean, I am one but I could very well not be. As he walks out of the Temple of Light he stops, wait, is Nikias a virgin? Of course there was no mention of such in the novels, if he isn't one, am I also not one even if I myself never had intercourse?
Such worries are superfluous and matter not, after all, it's not like it could be proven. It's more the concept of a clean soul, in that perspective I am as clean as it can get. He's not really.
Once he reaches the training grounds near the Castle, a soft smile appears on his lips, everyone is talking, laughing, without a single care in the world. The two that were badly hurt were there as if nothing ever happened. They bounce back incredibly quickly.
''Your highness'', the first person to notice his presence is surprisingly the only one there without the ability to see. Hayun bows, catching the attention of the others who proceed to do the same.
''How's things going?'' He asks Irene who seems way more tired than when they arrived.
''I got everyone's blood samples, but your highness, there is another person here'', she points towards a person he didn't notice right away.
The woman is tall, and she looks exactly like a picture from his book on the gods. Especially her long blue hair in a perfect tone of sea blue and her eyes with slit pupils that reveal her identity as a half-dragon. There are a lot of dragon fuckers in this continent, he notices, not saying it out loud.
''Nice to meet you your highness, I am…''
''Firuzeh DuPont'', he says with a nod, interrupting her. ''I am aware of who you are'', even if he says those words, Lyor never mentioned putting the woman inside his special division of Knights.
''Today is her first day in the Spectres, she's just training for now, it's not an official position'', Anwar speaks, per usual he's the most polite one, and he seemed to notice the gaze of doubt Nikias had.
''I'll work hard to make it permanent!'' The woman says, laughing. Her spirit seems quite carefree just like Noor, and her bulging muscles do pass a sense of security in her words. ''I do not wish to go back to that damp cell after all''.
She's probably referring to the dungeons of the Castle. He did say she was a prisoner of war.
''Let her out for now'', he says with a sigh.
''Out of what?'' As quick as humanly possible, Nikias turns, just by hearing those words his face immediately lights up. Lyor appears with a smile on his face, he's wearing more fancy clothes, as Cypress mentioned he was in a meeting. I wonder what it was about, Nikias thinks, as Lyor passes his arm around his waist. ''I'm sorry I'm late'', he whispers in the Prince's ear, making him blush slightly.
''Remember the artifact I mentioned last time?'' Nikias says, his gaze directly onto Lyor's eyes, ''The one for communication? We need blood to be able to make some of the functions'', he proceeds to explain everything Irene had told him before, the man listening to him quite attentive.
''I understand'', Lyor says at last. ''So, do you need my blood as well?''
''If possible, yes'', Irene is the one who answers, although neither the Prince nor the King look at her.
''I do not mind, however, could we do it later? I wish to talk with Nikias alone right now'', Lyor smiles, finally looking at the others present there.
''Of course'', Irene says with a sigh.
It takes them twenty minutes from the training grounds to Lyor's quarters. His room is not as fancy as Nikias, but it's just as comfortable and it's clear to be a King's room, the decorations, the very comfortable sheets and the expensive wine at the room's table even if the Kingdom itself is going through financial difficulties.
''Do you want a glass?'' Lyor asks, opening the wine, he looks visibly nervous, taking longer than it should to open the bottle, spilling a bit as he serves the wine and not looking Nikias in the eyes since they left the training grounds.
''Sure'', Nikias says, sitting on the bed, the mattress isn't as soft as mine, he thinks, trying to not let Lyor's nervousness affect him as well. The man extends the glass of wine to him, taking a seat to his side, their bodies touching really lightly.
''I'm sorry for not telling you about Firuzeh, it was a really extensive decision, and I just never remembered.'' Lyor says, playing with the half-full glass on his hands. ''I missed you'', he says those words shyly, his eyes lingering on the glass and his hands even trembling.
''I don't really care'', Nikias says after a small pause. ''I do not tell you every choice I make and every move I take'', he continues, taking sips between his words to drink the wine. It tastes good, I wish I knew more about wine, but this one is undoubtedly good quality. ''If you apologize and tell me either way, then it's fine''.
Lyor tilts his head, resting it on the top of Nikias' head. ''When is that operation you told me about in your letters?''
''Less than a week'', a sigh leaves his lips as he hits the glass onto his lips, lost in his thoughts. There's so much to do and so little time, the operation is in Raphael's hands, but still, I can't help but feel restless about it. Should I partake in it? If I do, will I be completely safe from harm? I do not wish to be in danger, yet I am considering going on this dangerous mission… Since when do I disregard my own safety like this?
''Are you worried?''
''Of course, I just…'', he sighs again. ''What if something goes wrong and I'm not there to guide them?''
''Didn't you choose them based on their capabilities?'' Lyor's words make complete sense and it's obvious that Nikias is being way too distrustful of people whom he chooses himself. Yet it's inevitable. ''Just trust them'', the King mumbles, taking deep breaths, his mind only filled with thoughts about how Nikias smells like the sun.
''Yes, I am aware of that, I just ain't sure I fully trust them''.
''Isn't this a great opportunity to trust them for the first time?'' His question drives Nikias speechless, he wants to refute but the King is right.
''I do not know if I'm able to do that'', he finally says. ''Trusting people is hard''.
After a few seconds of silence, the engine inside Lyor's brain is almost too loud, he places his glass on the floor, passing one arm around Nikias while with the other he holds the Prince's hand, and finally places a kiss on the top of his head.
''Do you want to talk about it?''
''Not really'', his answer is quick and self-conscious, ''But I guess I should'', he says with his golden eyes resting on the hand Lyor's holding. As usual his skin is freezing, but the cold is nothing but comforting.
He turns the glass of wine down his throat, drinking all of the liquid at once, the alcohol burning on his throat and finally he places the glass next to Lyor's on the floor.
''When I ran away from home…
…My life on the streets wasn't that bad in the beginning, due to my good-looks. People pityied me easily, but as days went through I noticed people passing me as if I'm invisible. Quickly I became just another homeless person there, their pity was temporary and their help was minimum.
I didn't need much to survive, just a loaf of bread could last me a week, but food wasn't the hardest part of living outside. The cold, the heat, the rain, the snow… Everything seemed engineered to make me suffer, I was just 15 I didn't know the universe wasn't against me personally. It took me what? 3 months? To consider going back home, even the fear of being beaten to death wasn't as painful as the frostbites all over my body.
That was when I met a group of other homeless teenagers, they were close in age to me and they seemed happy? It was almost a community. Nowadays I don't even remember their names, but I joined their group, innocently thinking they would help me.
They didn't. I stayed with them. What? 6 months? During that time they used me to steal from the elderly, to enter other people's houses and distract the authorities. Sure it isn't hard since we lived in a place the police didn't really care much about, but still, I was their scapegoat.
And since I had a pretty face, quickly the leader of the group became interested in me, well, I was quite the catch.
Nikias laughs, pausing to look at Lyor, wondering if his words could affect the man somehow. After all, no one enjoys their partner talking about past loves, but if he doesn't tell him that, he won't be able to finish his story properly. Lyor's face is clear as day, and that makes relief wash over Nikias' body. All the man seems to be listening to him attentively and his fingers are massaging his hand, as if he's telling him it's fine and that everything is in the past.
So he continues.
I never had thought about my sexuality by then, but I guess it was obvious I was gay, and I was, honestly, interested in him as well. It wasn't exactly love, I just admired him as a person for being able to survive so long and still smile so brightly. So we started hanging out more intimately, but never crossing the line, I guess I wasn't that interested in it either so I didn't find it strange how he always drew a line between us.
You need to understand Lyor, I never learned how to properly have a romantic relationship with someone. The only reference of love I ever had was Zerah and his care for me was brotherly and my love for him was innocent. So I didn't think much about what I wanted to do in a relationship, I just wanted to be cared for and to be free from the abuse my father put me through.
At that time my memories of Zerah were fuzzy even, so I didn't feel the guilt I do now.
That boy, one day, asked me if I loved him. Honestly, I don't remember what I answered, I think I probably said yes, thinking he would help me even more if I said it. I don't think much about it, but that was probably when I started mistrusting people so much.
It was going to make a year since I started living on the streets. I had picked up a few skills and another kid taught me how to fix machines as a way to make me his assistant in jobs to earn some side cash when we weren't able to steal anything. I had a few encounters with disgusting men and I ran from a good portion of them as they started getting handsy.
That's the bad part about being good looking, I guess.
They said I looked too much like a girl back then, well, that was before I had my growth spurt so I guess they meant I looked like a child.
After I felt safe and stable, glad I left home, he approached me with hugs and kisses, saying he loved me and if I could do a favor for him. He said he was almost getting a house from a guy that was moving cities, and that if he managed to convince him, we would be able to sleep inside next winter. So he asked me to talk with the guy, since he had a precious appointment and couldn't go.
'We can't manage to make him angry', 'we're depending on this house', 'the others can't bear another winter', 'you love me, so will you do this for me right?', 'you don't want to be the reason we lose someone else to the coldness of winter, do you?'. He threw so many of those phrases at me, compelling me to feel guilty if I anger the man or do anything that could possibly stop him from getting that house.
I don't even know if I should be more angry at him or myself. After all, I believed him.
So the next day I went there, at that house.
Nikias pauses again, this time he can't bear to look at Lyor. He believes every word he says, not only the other's intentions, but also how he felt. He never loved someone romantically or felt enough affection to sacrifice his own well-being to others, all he wanted was the benefit of being with that person.
He doesn't even remember the boy's name, and it hasn't been that long. To be fair, not a single relationship he had as Vahe lasted, be it due to his lack of trust or because of his lack of true emotional commitment. He is trying hard to be different with Lyor, and it's easy with him, to tell the truth, to stay in his orbit, to trust his words, to care for his reactions and emotions.
This story is just one of the many reasons why he has a hard time trusting people, after all 3 years in the streets is just enough time to meet every kind of person out there, even good people, although those were extremely rare.
After taking a deep breath, he finally finishes the story.
When I arrived there, the story was quite different. I tried talking with the guy, but all he would do was touch me inappropriately, so I told him I wasn't interested, and tried to not anger him. But as I refused his advances he grew more and more angry, then he told me the truth. I wasn't getting out of there, that boy had offered me as payment for the house, saying the man could do whatever he wanted with me. Ha.
What a joke.
As if someone could sell me, especially when they don't own me in the first place.
We fought, I was really weak since I barely ate anything back then, I was pure skin and bones, so he tossed me around quite roughly, trying to take off my clothes and everything. But you see, nothing beats a calm, collected and smart brain in times of need.
In a moment he thought he managed to pin me down, I used his own weight to trip him and escape just time enough to find something to knock him out with.
So I hit him with a lamp I found, it broke in a lot of pieces and my hand became soaked in my own blood. But I kept hitting him until he stopped moving.
After saying those words, he finally turns to look at Lyor. ''And that's my very first story of betrayal. I have a few more, but they're all just as bad'', he smiles. ''Once I even woke up to a guy trying to shove his dick in my mouth, and of course I cut it off''.
He shrugs.
''That's why I'm not good with relationships I guess, I'm not well-versed in psychology''.
In Nikias mind, a hurdle of thoughts rush in, that Lyor might find him disgusting, that he was put off by his story, that the fact that he killed someone for survival was bad or even that he's finding stupid excuses to justify his poor personality.
Such thoughts never crossed his mind before, he never felt guilty for killing someone for his own survival before. But the clear eyes of Lyor, his imposing atmosphere and his righteous personality, everything is overwhelming, and it makes him feel, even if just sometimes, inferior.
A few moments of silence take place, and he can't bear to lock eyes with the man. But when Lyor embraces him in a tight hug he feels the most pure form of relief.
''It must've been hard'', Lyor says to his ear. ''I'm here now, you're not alone''.
Huh? I never said I was alone, he thinks, but even if his mind is rational and deep down he knows he never cared for the company of those disgusting older men, tears flow from his eyes way too easily. Perhaps he was truly lonely in the end.
''You did well, you did everything you could to stay alive'', Lyor continues, patting Nikias on the back. ''Those people didn't deserve you''.
''Maybe I was the one in the wrong, don't you think so?''
Lyor doesn't even hesitate. ''There's nothing you could've possibly done wrong to warrant such terrible things''.
Nikias doesn't want to continue crying, he didn't even cry when those things happened to him, why is he crying now?
Nothing makes sense, why is his chest so tight, why is his breath unstable and the tears won't stop flowing from his eyes?
♕
Being embarrassed is the last of Nikias concerns right now, after the small open heart moment he had with Lyor, talking about parts of his past he never really thought much about , he cried like a baby for hours, hugging the man as if he was seeking a comfort he isn't ready to understand. Later on they slept together, hugging, and it was also the first time Nikias saw Lyor in pajamas. He was so unfairly good looking, he thinks as he steps onto the magic circle.
Although they didn't even kiss, he felt comfortable in the man's presence and embrace, so much so he even forgot to mention his meeting with the goddess to him. I should write him a letter once I arrive, and I should've kissed him at least once, he thinks, regretful.
Next to him Irene seems to have not slept a wink, while Dacre is awfully quiet. ''Did something happen after I left with the King?'' The Prince asks as he waits for the magicians to activate the circle.
''Nikki, so much, so much happened'', Dacre says with a deep sigh, his unusual serious expression makes the Prince even start to wonder what so much could possibly entail. ''Nothing that concerns you, though'', the Knight adds. To those listening, his phrase was awkward and rude.
But Nikias nods, relieved that whatever happened won't affect him in the slightest, as that was what the boy meant with his words.
''But if you wanna know, I learned a lot about everyone's love life, and this time it wasn't because I started'', Dacre whispers in Nikias ear, but the Prince shakes his head in response, signaling he doesn't really want to know. ''I seriously always thought we were the only gay ones at the Palace'', he continues although Nikias didn't really want to know. ''Like, how is it possible that there are more people like us, I mean, logically is possible, but I just always felt as if I was odd, now it feels like I was just blind''.
''Who said I'm gay'', Nikias says, jokingly, even if his face is blank and his eyes display no emotion. It is true, he never explicitly said his sexuality.
''C'mon, I have eyes'', Dacre says, rolling his eyes and hugging Nikias arm as the magic circle starts to glow. ''Y'know, although I have been seeing more same sex couples in the last months than in my whole 18 years of life, I still don't think I would be confident enough to show the world that I like men'', his tone is more serious. ''I don't know how you do it''.
Nikias stays silent. Truth be told. He never thought about it.
He never wondered if people would feel disgusted, annoyed or even see him as something abnormal for liking the same sex. Being gay back in his world was extremely normal, of course there were still those who were rude and acted as if his existence was a crime, but after so many wars, so many industrial revolutions and technological and scientific advances, the world just slowly stopped caring. That was also true for famine, violence and etc, as a collective, people just stopped giving a fuck about others and started living more selfishly.
However that doesn't mean he's ignorant to how others may view him due to his sexual preferences. Perhaps the support he is receiving right now is temporary, but even if it is, he wouldn't care even if someone told him he's disgusting to his face.
He could provide words of care to Dacre, say he'll be by his side as a friend, that he can be more confident. But he's unable to.
''I think everyone knows Dacre, after blowing the third guy in broad daylight'', Nikias says, not looking at the boy who starts to laugh hysterically.
''Oh my, you're completely right Nikki, I guess I don't care as much as I think I do'', Dacre answers with a bright smile. ''Should I have a coming out party? I heard some nobles doing it, it sounded so stupid'', he says, still talkative, the remark the Prince made didn't even make a dent in his confidence. Perhaps they're truly as good friends as one could be to another, as their personalities are perfect in order to never offend each other even if they seem to try. ''I should hire some male prostitutes, rent out a pub and shake my hips around''.
''That sounds unbearable'', Nikias answers.
Dacre laughs even more. ''It sounds fun! You would come, wouldn't you?''
''Of course not, I have duties to attend, and as a Prince it would take a blow to my reputation being seen near such a low-class party'', his answer is as perfect as it could be to sound as a rich sheltered snob kid.
All it does is make Dacre continue to laugh, even drying the tears of laughter. ''Just say you don't like parties Nikki, that would be more believable than trying to protect your reputation''.
Nikias wants to laugh, it is true, he doesn't have a reputation to protect, he's already seen as an useless person. But the laughter gets stuck in his throat once the scenario changes back to the Exos Empire and he sees it.
Right in front of the magic circle is Scarlet.
Her short red hair is soaking wet, her clothes are also completely damp, and her previously grey eyes are now blood red. To match the reason why she's soaked, as it isn't simply water, it is blood. The woman is standing there, completely soaked in blood, so much so that her light grey skin is almost orange in tone now due to part of the blood being dried in her skin.
''Scarlet?'' Irene is the one to speak, her tone is one of concern as she runs to the other girl. ''What happened? Are ya ok?'' The woman asks, grabbing the other's hand. Scarlet seems almost out of it, her eyes are fixated on the Prince.
''I'm fine, it isn't my blood'', she says finally once all the others approach her, with the exception of Lowe, who had to run off to meet the Empress' butler for a meeting.
''Even so! What happened?'' Irene asks again, clearly worried for the woman's well-being.
''Your highness'', Scarlet speaks directly to the Prince. ''I always felt that I was on the brink of going insane'', her words are slow, and she sounds confused. ''But I never truly thought I could truly start hallucination, no, it wasn't a hallucination but I thought it was. My biggest fear always was becoming like my brother'', she continues, her eyes are dull and the tone of blood red is deep almost as if the blood soaking her tinted her eyes as well. ''Ha. I can't believe anything that just happened''.
''Speak clearly Scarlet, what happened?'' Irene is the one to speak again, as everyone else is just too shocked at the woman's appearance and Nikias is just way too deep into his own thoughts as he calmly observes the woman as she speaks.
''A goddess talked to me'', she says with a sigh, closing her eyes. ''She asked if I was happy and said that she was new to having a Saint, that's why she never approached me before'', a short laugh leaves her lips. ''She said i was her Saint since birth, that sounds like a joke, was it a prank?''
''I thought you knew'', the one who speaks now is Miyuki, is rare for him to speak, especially towards Scarlet. ''Your blood is strong in scent, and you don't trigger my bloodlust, that's why you make me… uncomfortable'', his voice is low and he seems scared to speak up. ''The goddess Ahava is a bit shy, and she's not good at being present, it took her 40 years to give us vampires the ability to walk during the day, simply because she didn't know how to help us or grant our prayers''.
''Doesn't that make her a bit of an irresponsible god?'' Dacre asks, even more confused than Scarlet.
''It doesn't make any sense, I'm not good with mana, and I never saw her before in my entire life!''
''If ya never entered the Blood goddess' Temple, it makes sense'', Irene says nodding, ''Plus, if ya already felt the pressure since birth, then it makes sense for ya to not notice the changes''.
''When you're born a Saint you don't have many physiological changes'', Miyuki completes Irenes' line of thought.
''But why now?''
''Probably because she just learned she could talk with you, don't take her actions as some deep sign'', Miyuki says. ''The goddess is deeply loved by those who worship her, and we all know she is still a newer god and doesn't know much about her duties and abilities''.
''Then why have a Saint at all?'' Dacre asks again.
''Because she probably loves Scarlet'', Miyuki nods, speaking more in 5 minutes than any of them ever heard him to - except for Irene, of course. ''As a child, of course, the same with vampires, she loves us a lot''.
''I just… Ugh, I give up trying to understand this'', Scarlet says, messing her hair with frustration. ''Just, I came to report to you, your highness'', she continues. ''I might not understand what being a Saint means, but if it means I can get stronger, then it is welcomed''.
''Technically you have always been a saint so your strength won't really change'', Miyuki says but stops once Irene steps on his foot with a warning gaze.
''Whatever''.
''That doesn't explain the blood'', Nikias says, his voice is hoarse, another Saint, what does this mean? Why are the gods having so many Saints at the same time? And so close to one another?
''Oh, she said it was a gift and disappeared'', Scarlet sighs. ''She just dumped liters of unknown blood in me and ran away''.
Miyuki approaches her, sniffing. ''It's snake's blood''.
''How many snakes for this amount of blood?'' Irene asks, surprised.
''At least twelve?'' Miyuki answers.
''I really don't want to know, I just don't know how this can be a gift''.
''Oh right, due to being a Saint of the goddess of Blood, then perhaps it's a way to help you tap into your inherent divine powers?'' Miyuki is the one who speaks, but he doesn't sound sure of it.
''I think it's worth the try'', Dacre shrugs. ''Don't you want to beat you brother?''
Scarlet laughs. ''Damn, that's a good motivator to train soaked in blood''.
''Thank you for letting me know, Scarlet, you're free to do as you like from now on, and if you hit any slumps just ask me or Fleuri, as we have been studying a lot about Saints'', Nikias says with a soft nod.
''Being one yourself isn't much of a help?'' Scarlet asks, hesitant.
Nikias shakes his head. ''No, different gods mean different executions of the same principle'', the truth is he has no idea about his own sainthood. And even more, he's even jealous of Scarlet, at least her god communicated with her, even if it is 21 years later.
Everyone leaves towards the training grounds except Nikias and Dacre, that stay there near the gardens. Nikias takes a seat, observing the people working and walking around, he feels mentally exhausted.
''Are you upset?'' Dacre asks, taking a seat next to him.
''About what?''
''That Scarlet's god talked with her''.
''How…?'' Nikias wants to ask, how does Dacre notice these things about him? When he never said or showed those feelings clearly, but perhaps it is a good thing to have at least one person next to him that can so clearly figure out his feelings. It saves him the need to or hide it or say it out loud. ''He is quite mysterious, that's all''.
''Well, he is the oldest god out there'', Dacre says with a nod. ''You're impressive for getting his attention''.
''I do not think he chose me for any noble reason'', Nikias sighs, remembering how much Aelius speaks ill of Blaze's personality in his diary. ''I think he just finds me fun to observe''.
''Regardless of reason, you're still the Saint of one of the strongest gods out there'', Dacre says, his gaze on the sky. ''There's no shame in wondering why or wanting answers from that god himself''
''You're good with your words when you're serious'', Nikias compliments the boy.
''Thanks, and you're not as emotionally constipated as you think you are Nikki'', Dacre looks at him with a sad smile. ''We both have assumptions about ourselves, that's why we're good friends''.
''I never agreed to be your friend''.
''You never denied me just as much, I touch you, call you by your nickname and force you to talk about subjects you're uncomfortable with'', Dacre says, counting the facts with his fingers. ''If we're not best friends then should I think we're lovers?'' His question has a hint of amusement in it. Nikias winces, his expression showing clear disapproval. ''I was just joking Nikki, don't look so disgusted!'', Dacre exclaims with a laugh. ''My point is, you can talk about those things with me, I may not have the same life experiences as you, but if I may be quite bold to say we get each other, you know? When I imagined having friends, they were all like you''.
''None of my imaginary friends were like you'', Nikias retorts, making Dacre laugh even more.
''Damn, right where it hurts.''
After a few moments of silence, Nikias sighs, ''Thanks''.
''It's my pleasure as your best friend, c'mon, say it'', Dacre gets up with a smile. ''Admit we're best friends and I'll uninvite you from my coming out party''.
''Are you seriously making one of those?''
''Yeah, any excuse to dance and get drunk? Count me in''.
Another sigh leaves the Prince's mouth, he fights a smile. ''It is true I dislike your company a little bit less than others''.
''Oh, that's good, I'll take it for now''. Dacre smiles. ''See? We're slowly walking towards a life worth living, isn't that great?''
Yeah, I guess it is.