CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN: A LIFE OF MY OWN
There was something strange about waking up and not immediately wondering what Samuel was doing.
For months, his presence had occupied a small corner of my mind without my permission. Whether he was sitting beside me in class, walking past me during break, laughing with his friends, or simply looking tired, I had always noticed.
Even when I tried not to.
But now, things were different.
Not completely different. I still noticed him sometimes. I still remembered things I wished I could forget. I still had moments when a familiar laugh from across the classroom made my heart hesitate for half a second.
The difference was that I no longer allowed those moments to control the rest of my day.
That morning, I woke up before Gift.
For a few seconds, I simply lay beneath my mosquito net, staring at the faint light filtering through the windows.
The hostel was unusually quiet.
Most of the girls were still asleep, their breathing blending into the occasional rustle of bedsheets. Somewhere near the other end of the room, somebody turned over heavily and caused the metal frame of her bunk to creak.
I smiled faintly.
There had been a time when mornings like this would have begun with me thinking about Samuel.
Now, my first thought was completely different.
I had a Mathematics test.
I groaned.
"God."
Gift stirred beneath me.
"What happened?"
I laughed quietly.
"Nothing. I just remembered Mathematics."
She groaned and pulled her blanket over her head.
"Please don't remind me."
I climbed down carefully and began preparing for the day.
As I buttoned my uniform, I caught sight of myself in the small mirror hanging near one of the hostel windows.
I looked tired.
But I also looked calmer.
There was still a softness in my eyes that had not been there during the worst days of my breakup. I no longer looked as though I was constantly waiting for something terrible to happen.
I picked up my comb.
"You're getting better," I whispered to my reflection.
Gift pushed her head out from beneath her blanket.
"Are you talking to yourself?"
I turned around.
"No."
"You definitely were."
"I wasn't."
She smiled sleepily.
"You're becoming strange."
"Maybe I already was."
We both laughed.
It was such a simple thing.
But I realised how much I had missed laughing without forcing it.
By the time we left the hostel, the compound was already alive.
Girls hurried towards the bathrooms. Others carried buckets. A few senior girls shouted instructions as they moved through the corridor. The morning air was cool, carrying the faint smell of soap, wet concrete and freshly swept ground.
For once, I wasn't rushing because I was afraid of being late.
I was simply going to class.
And somehow, that felt wonderful.
At assembly, I stood between Gift and Morayo.
Victoria was on Morayo's other side, whispering something that made Morayo struggle not to laugh.
The principal eventually walked to the podium, and the entire assembly ground became silent.
Announcements followed.
There would be a Mathematics test.
There would be an English assignment.
There would be a hostel inspection.
And there would be another round of sanitation duties.
The moment the principal mentioned the Mathematics test, Gift nudged me.
I whispered, "Don't."
"You're the one who woke up remembering it."
"I've changed my mind."
"Too late."
I smiled.
For the first time in a long while, school felt ordinary again.
And ordinary was exactly what I needed.
The Mathematics test was not ordinary.
It was horrible.
Absolutely horrible.
By the time our teacher called for the papers to be submitted, I stared at mine as though it had personally betrayed me.
Daniel, sitting beside Gift at the far end of the classroom, was looking equally devastated.
Our teacher collected the scripts and placed them on her desk.
Daniel leaned towards Gift.
"I think Mathematics and I need to have a serious conversation."
Gift laughed.
"You've been having that conversation since JSS."
"Exactly. And Mathematics refuses to listen."
I shook my head from my seat.
Daniel noticed.
"You're laughing at me?"
"No."
"You are."
"I didn't say anything."
"Your face did."
I laughed again.
It surprised me how easy it was.
Not because Daniel was trying to make me forget Samuel.
He wasn't.
He was simply being Daniel.
And perhaps that was what made things easier.
He never treated me as though I were fragile.
He never watched me with pity.
He never brought up my breakup unless I mentioned it first.
He simply remained my friend.
During break, Gift, Daniel, Victoria and Morayo gathered near our usual area.
Daniel pulled out his exercise book.
"I have decided that I need academic assistance."
Victoria raised an eyebrow.
"From whom?"
"You."
She laughed.
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"Because the last time I helped you, you copied my method and still got the answer wrong."
Daniel placed a hand over his chest dramatically.
"That was one time."
"It was three times."
"Details."
Morayo burst out laughing.
I watched them for a moment.
There was something comforting about being surrounded by people who could make me forget that life had ever felt heavy.
Samuel walked past us.
He glanced towards me.
Our eyes met briefly.
He gave a small nod.
I returned it.
Then he continued walking.
That was all.
No awkward conversation.
No painful memories dragged into the open.
Just two people who had once meant everything to each other learning how to exist in the same space again.
I realised I was okay with that.
Not completely.
But enough.
After break, we had English.
Our teacher divided us into groups for a class exercise.
This time, Daniel ended up in my group along with Victoria and two other students.
We were supposed to discuss a passage and identify the themes, characterisation and literary devices.
Daniel stared at the passage.
"Why does every English passage sound as though the characters are suffering?"
Victoria laughed.
"Because you're incapable of reading anything deeply."
"I read deeply."
"You read words."
"That is literally what reading is."
I laughed.
Our teacher looked towards us.
"Daniel."
He immediately became serious.
"Yes, ma."
"Would you like to share the joke with the entire class?"
"No, ma."
"Then concentrate."
"Yes, ma."
The moment she turned away, Daniel whispered, "She doesn't understand my genius."
I covered my mouth to hide my laughter.
For the rest of the lesson, we worked.
And unexpectedly, I found myself enjoying it.
Not because the work was easy.
It wasn't.
But because I was beginning to realise that my life was made up of more than one relationship.
There were friendships.
Classes.
Arguments.
Laughter.
Exams.
Hostel gossip.
Morning assemblies.
Assignments.
Little jokes.
Future plans.
Family.
Dreams.
And somewhere within all of that was me.
Just me.
Not somebody's girlfriend.
Not somebody's ex-girlfriend.
Not the girl who had been heartbroken.
Just Floral.
I liked the sound of that.
That evening, I went to the locker room with Gift to collect my books.
The locker room was crowded, as usual.
Girls squeezed between one another, searching for textbooks and notebooks while complaining about missing pens and misplaced socks.
Gift opened her locker.
"Have you seen my blue exercise book?"
"No."
She searched again.
"It was here yesterday."
"Maybe somebody borrowed it."
"I didn't give anybody permission."
"That has never stopped people before."
She looked at me.
"You're becoming sarcastic."
"I learnt from you."
She smiled.
Then she suddenly became quiet.
"What?"
She closed her locker.
"Nothing."
"Gift."
She sighed.
"I was just thinking."
"About?"
"You."
I frowned.
"Me?"
"Yes."
She hesitated.
"You're different."
I leaned against the locker beside hers.
"How?"
"You laugh more."
I smiled.
"That is a good thing."
"It is."
She looked at me for a moment.
"And you're not always looking around for Samuel anymore."
The words were not cruel.
They were simply honest.
I looked down at my books.
"I noticed."
Gift smiled.
"I think that's good."
"It is."
There was a brief silence.
Then she added, "I'm proud of you."
I looked at her.
Something warm spread through my chest.
"Thank you."
She shrugged as though it was nothing.
But it meant something.
Months ago, Gift and I had barely known how to stand beside each other without tension.
Now she was one of the people helping me become myself again.
Life was strange.
Sometimes the people you expected to remain distant became the people who stood beside you when everything else fell apart.
That night during prep, I sat with my books open in front of me.
For once, I wasn't pretending to study.
I was actually studying.
I worked through Mathematics questions, corrected mistakes from my previous exercises and revised my English notes.
Across the room, the other girls were equally occupied.
The atmosphere was quieter than usual.
A prefect walked past our row, inspecting the tables.
I continued writing.
Halfway through my revision, I paused.
I suddenly remembered something Samuel had once told me.
You think too much.
I almost laughed.
He had been right.
I did think too much.
But perhaps thinking wasn't the problem.
Perhaps I had simply allowed my thoughts to revolve around one person for too long.
I closed my notebook for a moment.
I wanted to do well.
Not to prove anything to Samuel.
Not to make anybody regret losing me.
Not to impress Daniel.
Not to show Gift that I had changed.
For myself.
I wanted to look at my results one day and know that I had worked for them.
I wanted to become somebody I could be proud of.
And that desire felt stronger than anything I had felt in weeks.
When prep ended, everyone began packing their books.
As I stood, Daniel approached from the far end of the classroom.
"Floral."
I looked at him.
"Yes?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Did you understand that last Mathematics question?"
I stared at him.
"Which one?"
"The one involving simultaneous equations."
I smiled.
"You didn't understand it?"
"I understood the question."
"That isn't what I asked."
He laughed.
"Fine. I didn't."
I shook my head.
"You're hopeless."
"Help me tomorrow."
"Maybe."
"Please."
"We'll see."
He grinned.
"That's basically a yes."
"It isn't."
"It is."
He walked away before I could respond.
I watched him go for a second.
Then I smiled.
It was a small smile.
Nothing dramatic.
Nothing that meant more than it should.
At least, that was what I told myself.
As I left the classroom with Gift, I noticed Samuel standing near the corridor.
He looked towards me.
For a second, I wondered whether he had seen Daniel talking to me.
But Samuel simply looked away.
I continued walking.
I did not turn back.
Not because I was angry.
Not because I wanted him to notice.
I simply didn't need to.