Allison's Point of View
I'm tired...
I'm tired. The endless problems that come my way are also tiring. I thought I was stronger in the past. A time when I deceived myself that nothing had happened. A time when I buried myself in a pit.
I didn't think everything would be brought up again.
After all, there is no secret that cannot be revealed.
I want to give up because it hurts so much. The way my brother looks at me—I feel like he hates me. He hates me. But I know, giving up will never be an option here. I have to fight and face the consequences of what I've done. I have to fight for him...
"You're still awake."
I couldn't look back at Aunt Mira. My eyes remained outside the open window where the cold breeze of the north wind was coming in. This was probably the worst Christmas I'd ever had. I couldn't lose just one person.
I felt my aunt sit next to me.
"Is there a problem?"
"When did I last get into trouble, aunt?" I asked back, laughing.
"Is it heavy?"
"Very much, aunt."
As I spoke, I felt a growing sense of heaviness. I was tired of crying. I thought I would never cry again after that night, but I was wrong. The day would come when I would have nothing else to do but cry.
Coming soon...
I already prepared myself physically and emotionally. I hope I can do it... I have to do it.
"After a long time, finally." He touched my shoulder and it seemed like it was a touch that made the tears I had been holding back fall. "I'm sorry but I waited for this for so long. I waited for the time when everything would be revealed." I looked at my aunt because of what he said.
Even though my vision is blurry from the tears in my eyes, I can still clearly see the edges of the tears in his eyes.
I am confused by his remarks.
"You've waited for me to suffer?"
I laughed at the question.
"Yes, I waited for the time when you would be hurt. But, I'm more excited about what will happen when it's all over because I know you have nothing to hide. You can take a deep breath without worrying that someone might find out my secret tomorrow. I hope so, Allison. Stay strong."
I couldn't speak at that moment. I hope that when all this is over, everything will go back to the way it was, even though I know it's unclear. There will probably be a lot of changes after all this.
God! I don't think I can face tomorrow.
"I'm sorry, aunt." Those were the only words that came out of my mouth.
I couldn't do it all myself so I told my aunt everything. I whispered everything that happened to me to her and I am very grateful that she didn't abandon me even though she almost hated me at that moment.
"Shhhh. I understand."
I hugged him in those moments. I felt like that was all I could do.
"Auntie, will Sister Samantha forgive me?"
"Have you found Samantha?"
I was stunned when I saw mommy at the door, and behind her was Zein who didn't even react. It was like someone had poured cold water on me because of the fact that... he heard.
"M-mommy..."
"Answer me, Allison!" I was surprised by mommy's scream as tears started to fall like water from the faucet that flowed from his eyes. "Have you seen your twin?" he asked again.
I looked at my aunt who just nodded at me.
"O-oro..."
I saw the joy in mommy's eyes because of my answer and my heart felt like it was beating even harder. God! I didn't think it would hurt this much. It's fucking hurts like hell... scorching hell.
Zein shook his head at me as if warning me not to speak anymore but I couldn't take it anymore. I've been holding everything in my whole life, maybe it's time for them to find out. I didn't think it would be so soon.
"W-Where's your twin?" She smiled at me and held my hand. "I want to see and hug my son." She whispered in the middle of her crying.
I froze in my seat. Aunt Mira did nothing but lean against the wall and cover her mouth while Zein just stared straight at me, waiting for what I would say next.
"Tell me, Allison, where is Samantha?"
I bit my lip before shaking my head weakly. Mom frowned, confused by my shaking.
"Where is your brother? We've been separated for a long time. You were only seven years old when he disappeared on our outing. I want to see him and hug him. I want to make up with him and make him feel my love."
I'm crying because it's unlikely that he'll be able to hug his sister. It's unlikely that he'll be able to make her feel his love because... because Sister Samantha is no longer here.
"W-Sister is gone..."
"What's missing?" He asked confusedly. "Is he missing again?" He asked next. "Come with me, we'll look for him." He tried to pull my hand but I didn't move. "Where did you see him? Maybe he's still there." My heart ached with every word he said.
I don't want mommy to be like this. I witnessed how she suffered during the times when we couldn't find Ate Samantha anymore. I witnessed how mommy mourned so much that she rarely ate for weeks. Zein didn't see that because he was just a year old. I, I was the one who saw how mommy and daddy became confused because of the loss of my sister. I was the one who heard mommy and daddy's screams every night that almost led to a divorce.
"What's up, Allison? Come with me to the s---"
"S-Sister is dead..."
Mom let go of my hand at that moment, as the vase she was leaning on broke as she almost fell. Zein and Tita Mira came to her aid while I stood there motionless.
"Samantha... forgive me."
Mom sobbed as she repeated those words. It was like a needle piercing my heart.
Everyone started crying, except for mommy. But, nothing. She was crying and the pain was my fault.
"W-When did you find out?"
"It's been ten years since I—" I was stunned when I felt mommy's warm palm on my cheek.
I only felt the pain for a moment.
That's because the pain inside me quickly increased.
"Isabelle! You're hurting your child!" Auntie shouted.
I was left with no words to say. I was just stunned because it was the first time mommy had touched me. I can't say it was painful because I felt more than pain. It's not just a physical pain, it penetrates my deepest organs and stabbed my barely breathing heart.
"You know all this?" Mommh asked Aunt Mira in disbelief.
Aunt Mira couldn't answer.
Mom's glaring eyes looked at me again. "Because you hid this from us for ten years... it's like you killed him." She said.
"Yes, mom. I killed her."
"Sister!" Zein shouted.
I shook my head and wiped the tears from my eyes in annoyance. I've been hurt and I don't think anything can hurt any more. They need to know everything so that the pain will stop. I just hope I'll be numb after all this.
"Y-You killed your sister?" Mom asked in disbelief.
"Why?" I asked them laughing.
"Do I look like an angel to you? Is that how you see me?" I looked at Zein. "Do you admire me?" I laughed again and looked at the white ceiling because tears were about to fall from my eyes again. "You're wrong. I'm a demon, heartless bitch, traitor, useless... I killed my sister." I whispered.
I couldn't look at them anymore because I was afraid of seeing the disgust and loathing in their eyes.
"You're not Allison," Zein's language.
I looked at him. "I told you, I'm a demon," I replied softly.
"Allison, that's enough..." Auntie said.
"I accept that... Samantha is dead," I looked at mommy because of what she said. "Samantha died at the same time as you." Silence enveloped us in those moments.
"Mommy!" Zain shouted.
"Starting today and in these moments... Zein is our only child."
Mom left us after saying those words. Mom is no longer here, but the last words she said keep coming back to my mind.
I'm still alive but I don't feel anything anymore...
Aunt Mira followed mommy so Zein and I were left behind.
"You're not Allison," Zein again.
"Leave me alone, Zein." It felt like something was stuck in my throat. "I might kill you too." I sat on the bed and watched the stars in the sky outside the window.
It seems like just now I was thinking about the things that could happen to me. I still can't believe it all happened and the funniest thing is that no matter how many times I thought about it, nothing matched. I didn't expect all of this to happen.
"I can't believe you're this weak, sister."
I laughed because despite everything that had happened, it felt like my sister and I were still whispering.
"You can kill me now, Zein."
I fell silent when I felt the muzzle of a gun on my head. There was no need to turn around because I knew it was Zein. My eyes remained fixed on the stars twinkling in the sky, oblivious to the gun pointed at me.
"Don't you dare to move..." He whispered. "Let me hug you." He suddenly hugged me at that moment.
"Does it hurt, sister? Is it too much? Can you still do it?" he asked. "You've done us a lot of wrong, you still lied," he whispered.
My son just smiled and felt my brother hugging me despite everything.
"You didn't kill her..."
"That's it, Zein."
Despite everything I've done, he still managed to embrace me. He embraces my mistakes. They're right,
My sister is a different kind of woman.
"It's funny, right? I want to be mad at you but I can't. I want to slap you but I hug you instead. Do you know why?" He turned me around. "Because you're my sister, my brother, and I love you. I love you so much, sister." He wiped the tears from my cheeks.
Shit!
"I-I don't deserve your love..."
I pushed him away and ran away, ignoring their calls to me.
Where should I place myself? I don't know.
I stopped running as I fell to the ground. My leg was bleeding from the gunshot wound.
I felt someone cover my eyes and mouth as I slowly began to lose consciousness.
"Gotcha..."
——