The morning came bright, with hot winds swirling through the room.
Kaelen sat on the edge of his bed.
His ears rang with an unfamiliar silence after all that screaming.
Light finally slipped past the invisible barriers that used to keep it out.
It had been so long since he'd spoken with someone normal that he started counting.
The supermarket incident, the statue room and meeting everyone, the first day at work, the last day at work.
"Four!"
"Damn, it felt like a week."
But what's next, he wondered. He was too deep in it, and yet not deep enough. How Rowan operated, how rituals worked, how gods controlled, how they got their powers. Kaelen knew none of it.
"Ahh, fuck." Kaelen got out of bed.
He felt it on the first step. He wasn't Kaelen anymore. Not entirely. His body and mind had changed in ways his own brain couldn't follow. The way he walked, the way he thought, his vision, his ability to notice things. All of it had changed. And not just changed. Improved. But was it truly better? There was no way to answer that. If he'd lived a normal life, his family and friends could have helped him figure it out. That was the cost of chasing himself.
His movements felt more true to himself now, but whose self was that? It felt like standing in the body of a stranger who only had his recent memories. Still, something in him knew he didn't want to lose himself. Then the question hit: how had it even happened? Nothing came to mind. He couldn't place what exactly was different in him.
He tried convincing himself it was fine, better even, but he couldn't shake the feeling of not knowing himself. The answer. It gnawed at him every second, running underneath everything else in his mind.
The tears flew off with the wind as he passed the window.
The room that used to feel comfortable disgusted him now. Those walls belonged to a prisoner of fate, someone who had to keep winning just to earn the right to serve another day.
The paint had lost its shine.
The scariest part was that he would never know what he'd lost. And even if he did, it would mean forcing a stranger's past onto himself.
Something unfamiliar opened the door to the hall.
Aurelion sat on a chair in the kitchen, holding two cups of coffee. He signaled Kaelen to have one.
Kaelen took a sip. His tongue retreated. And on top he couldn't complain. He hadn't heard the word for it recently.
"Bitter?" said Aurelion.
"Maybe too bitter for myself."
Kaelen stared at him, his mouth open. "How did you know?"
"Your face." He said, unsure his voice came with breaks.
Kaelen looked down and gave a small laugh. "Yes, my face."
Aurelion's face tensed up as he looked at Kaelen differently. "What?" he lifted his head.
"Nothing," said Kaelen, avoiding eye contact.
"How did you get stuck in this?" Kaelen asked.
Aurelion took a sip. He shook his head, "I don't know." He stopped and shook his head again. "I am only a fragment of myself. My origin and how I got here are something I will never know."
"I only know who Aurelion is. I don't know who is the guy they refer to as the slave of duty or War's nightmare." He clicked his tongue.
"A price that I paid for being myself. Something we need to pay for it. Ourselves. Our old selves. It could be mentally, physically, or at cosmic level. It doesn't matter." He raised the cup of coffee and took another sip.
Aurelion reached for something below his chair. Kaelen ducked under the table and a file was coming out of a bag.
The file was in front of him when he came up. "Read it," Aurelion quickly added.
Kaelen opened the file. The first page destroyed him. It wasn't just the main character or the map or the story. Even the things he never put on paper. The game he never created exactly in the form he wanted. And the speeches he had practiced. Cut out from a newspaper. "What is this?"
"I thought you would wanna know why you couldn't go back to your life."
"Because they replaced me?" Kaelen had expected that to hit hard. It didn't.
Aurelion observed Kaelen. "You still remember what happened?" He followed with a long hum.
"Remember what?"
"Oh. I do. So you did know." Kaelen slammed the table lightly.
"Yes, I wanted to check how severe it is. I am sure Rowan has all your memories, they should come back in a month or two."
It hit him again. The numbness. It used to come when he felt grief. There wasn't any now, what could it possibly be for. His only explanation that made sense was blaming it on Rowan.
Aurelion took another sip before he replied. How much coffee is in his cup? Kaelen peeked at it. Empty.
"It also explains why they are so hard to track. They can be anyone. I could die and be replaced the same day. Our lives matter the most. The priority of our plan must be the security of our lives." Aurelion took another sip.
Kaelen took his 2nd sip. Better. Even though bitter than the last one. His tongue didn't give up on him this time.
"What if I am one of them?" Said Kaelen with a long smile on his face.
Aurelion stared at him, blinking longer than ever. "You're so dumb," he said, forcing his lips together.
They took a sip at the same time. Aurelion's face had lost every expression it held before the sip. His mood, which Kaelen recently learned to read, changed as well. "I guess you really like coffee."
Aurelion nodded and took another sip. "It's the way you drink it. I can't taste. But once every day when I drink coffee, I can feel its absence."
Kaelen turned the page. It was even worse.
He looked at Aurelion. "Did you hire a five-year-old to draw these?"
Aurelion turned his face away.
"Mhm," said Kaelen.
Knowledge that humans should have never gotten. The world above them that should have belonged to them. Only the consequence of a genius's masterpiece. And the mercenary with the longbow who killed the first god. That led to humans being unable to ever reach void.
"We have killed gods?" Kaelen pulled the page into his hands.
"Yes, but not the gods you know. What? Wh—" He had too much to say in his mind that he stopped mid sentence.
"What do you mean?" Kaelen questioned immediately.
"Keep reading," he signaled to the file.
Kaelen turned the page. The page had exhausted him more than it should have.
Guilds, cults, religions. All of them made to fuel their gods. Kaelen found it similar to Ravus's power. Belief was the foundation in both cases. Those humans that managed—.
Kaelen covered his mouth. His eyes darted everywhere. As he realized those gods were just. Successful Ravus. And he would have been inside this world. Stronger than any other threat. And Kaelen killed him, alone. The strongest fell to the weakest.
Rowan had everything. And Kaelen killed him. How? Kaelen was still. The surroundings were removed. Rowan had everything and that was his curse. The ego, the legacy, the obsession, the price he paid, the responsibility. It got to him. And he wasn't the only human. The gods and Aurelion are suffering a similar and longer fate. They were no different at all. Greatness came at the same cost for everyone. You will return to your baseline, or you will stay there your whole life. For a moment, the second option felt better. Until it didn't. Fook it Kaelen said in his mind. Enjoying the peak, the way to the peak, and the downfall is what he will do as long as he is above that line.
Aurelion patted him on the shoulder. "The next page will put it all together."
Kaelen turned it. His hands were shaking.
His eyes followed the particles covering the drawing. They shouldn't have existed here. He knew that. He had felt them before in the void.
Those humans who called themselves gods. They had trapped themselves in a place with no reference to time or connection to the human world other than messengers. Hoping that true gods will never reach them. With the messengers, they accidentally connected every higher being, even those above the true gods.
At the top of the superiority chain. There stood a single person. But multiple variants of him.