July 7th
Started keeping this because Jean suggested it might help with "processing my situation." Whatever that means.
Trained alone in my room today, with all the curtains closed and the door locked while I sat on the floor.
The cursed energy is still strange, almost like something alive inside me that I have to convince to cooperate. It doesn't want to cooperate most of the time, and instead just sits there, heavy and restless, waiting for me to figure out what I'm doing.
Tried to do what I've been practicing by compressing space and making it dense. The problem is that I can't feel where I'm applying the pressure, because Gojo's techniques come with an instinctive sense of spatial awareness and I'm working blind here, literally just pushing cursed energy around and hoping something happens.
I got it to work three times, although each attempt felt different and unstable.
Jean hasn't seen any of this, and none of them have either. That's probably for the best.
Synchronization is still 21%, and everything is locked except basic cursed energy control. This is going to take longer than I thought.
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July 9th
Figured out something today. When I close my eyes and focus, I can feel the space around me better, not by seeing it but by actually feeling it.
It's like there's something responding to my presence, because the air gets thicker wherever I pay attention.
This might be part of Blue, although not the actual technique yet, but something foundational that I haven't figured out completely.
I tried again and managed to compress a cup without breaking it, just making it crumple inward like something was squeezing it from all directions.
Then I got excited, lost focus, and the thing exploded, leaving me with an hour of cleaning ceramic pieces out of the carpet.
I need to be more careful, because I can't have anyone finding evidence that I'm doing... whatever this is.
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July 12th
I've been training every night, and the cursed energy is getting easier to manipulate even though the precision is still terrible.
I can make things dense and compress things, but I can't control exactly where the pressure goes, so it's all or nothing most of the time.
The other students keep inviting me to do stuff, including movie nights, training sessions, and eating together, but I've been making excuses.
I can't focus on being social when I'm still trying to understand what's happening inside my body.
Logan noticed I've been tired during training and asked if I was sleeping okay.
I said yeah, even though he clearly didn't believe me.
He didn't push it either, and that's probably the most Logan version of care I'm going to get.
---
July 15th
Something changed today while I was meditating on the floor, just sitting with the cursed energy and trying to understand its shape, when I suddenly felt something underneath it.
It felt like another layer, something older and deeper than the energy I've been manipulating.
The sensation lasted maybe ten seconds before it disappeared, and I still don't know what it was.
Synchronization might be doing something, because maybe the template isn't something that simply unlocks abilities one by one.
Maybe the abilities are already there, waiting for me to become compatible enough to claim them.
I need to keep watching it and figure out exactly what's happening.
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July 19th
It's definitely changing, because the cursed energy responds faster now and the compression technique is becoming more stable.
I managed to crumple a book without destroying it today, holding it suspended in space and squeezing it until the pages compacted before releasing it without causing any further damage.
There's something else too, because my eyes have been feeling weird.
They're not painful, but they feel strangely aware, almost like they're noticing things they shouldn't be able to notice.
The edges of my vision seem sharper, and I can track movement faster than I could before.
Maybe that's part of the template too, but whatever it is, I'm not telling anyone.
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July 21st
Something happened while I was sitting on my bed and not even training, because I suddenly felt the shift as a rush through my entire body.
For a second, I thought the cursed energy had gone out of control, but then the system appeared.
[GOJO SATORU ASSIMILATION: 32%]
[CURSED TECHNIQUE - BLUE: AVAILABLE]
[SPECIAL TRAIT - SIX EYES: AVAILABLE]
Available, but not mine yet.
I could feel both of them inside the template, almost like doors that had appeared in front of me, but neither one was open.
The cursed energy surged toward Blue first, and this time I didn't stop it.
I claimed it.
The sensation was strange because Blue didn't explode into existence or overwhelm me with some massive transformation. It simply settled into me, like something that had always been waiting for the right moment.
I understood more than I did before, although not everything, but enough to know that the compression I'd been attempting wasn't quite what Blue was.
Blue wasn't simply squeezing things because it was manipulating space itself.
Six Eyes remained untouched, and I'm leaving it alone.
My eyes aren't something I can explain if they suddenly change, especially when nobody has properly seen my pupils here and I have no idea what Six Eyes would do to them.
So Blue is mine, while Six Eyes can wait.
---
July 23rd
I've spent the last two days trying to understand Blue, and the technique is strange because the template gave me the foundation while actually using it is another matter entirely.
I can feel the technique and understand what I'm supposed to do, but my body doesn't have Gojo's experience, which means I'm still me and I have to learn it myself.
The compression technique is still useful, even though it's crude compared to Blue, and I've gotten better at controlling it.
I think I'll call it Collapse because simple names are easier to remember.
Blue is about pulling, while Collapse is about forcing everything toward a point, so they're based on different principles and function as different techniques.
Both are mine.
---
July 26th
I've been thinking about the rescue operations, because the X-Men don't only deal with fights.
They rescue people, including mutants, civilians, and anyone caught in the wrong place when something goes wrong.
Sentinels have also been showing up more often lately, which gives me an opportunity I hadn't considered before.
I asked Xavier if I could accompany them on their next rescue operation, and when he asked why, I told him that I wanted to help.
That wasn't a lie, because I do want to help.
There's just another reason as well.
If I encounter a Sentinel, I can make use of the situation, because I need an explanation for why I suddenly have to cover my eyes.
Something physical would work, and an injury would give me exactly that.
A serious injury involving my eyes would be enough to make the bandages believable, and I could let the Sentinel damage them badly enough that everyone believes I've lost my sight.
Then I could heal naturally without anyone seeing what actually happened.
It sounds ridiculous when I write it down, probably because it is, but I don't see another clean way around the problem.
---
August 2nd
I'm still practicing Blue, and the technique is getting easier as I become more familiar with how it responds to my cursed energy.
I can manipulate small areas of space now without losing control, which is considerably better than where I started.
The Six Eyes are still sitting there in the template, and I haven't touched them because I'm not going to until I have a reason to hide what they do to my eyes.
The rescue operation is coming up soon, and I've already decided what I'm going to do.
I just need the right moment.
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