Konoha's frontline camp.
Campfires flickered throughout the camp, casting the exhausted faces of the ninja in alternating light and shadow.
Shin-chan sat cross-legged in the middle of the camp with all kinds of snacks spread out in front of him, looking more like he was on a picnic than at a battlefield.
Jiraiya sat cross-legged opposite him, his expression complicated.
"So you drove Satori insane by talking about how to make tonkotsu ramen and the ten secret ways to eat chocolate sticks?"
"And how to properly chill pudding," Shin-chan added. "That part is important."
Jiraiya had seen countless kinds of ninjutsu in his life—Fire Style, Water Style, Earth Style, kekkei genkai, secret techniques...
But he had never heard of anything like a "Gourmet Mental Pollution Jutsu."
"The intelligence division is already tracking Satori's escape route," Hatake Sakumo said from the other side, his short blade resting across his knees. "The last direction it was seen heading was northwest of the Land of Grass."
"Northwest?" Jiraiya frowned. "That area is under Iwagakure's control."
"If Satori falls into Iwagakure's hands..."
"Satori won't 'fall' into anyone's hands." Sakumo shook his head. "That thing can read minds. Unless someone can confuse it with thoughts as chaotic as Shin-chan's, sending more people after it will only get them killed."
"I can go talk to it again." Shin-chan raised his hand. "This time, I can explain seventy-two different variations of curry rice."
"No." Jiraiya immediately stopped him. "Your 'Gourmet Mental Pollution Jutsu' may be effective, but we need a more reliable plan."
Shin-chan wore an expression that clearly said, My plan was already very reliable.
Sakumo's expression remained serious.
"Until we find a more dependable solution, we need more intelligence. Satori came out of the Box of Ultimate Bliss. What exactly is the box? How was it sealed? Does it have any weaknesses? Those are the important questions."
"There are very few records about the Box of Ultimate Bliss." Jiraiya spread his hands. "Even the ancient texts of Mount Myōboku only contain fragments. They say it was an ultimate weapon from the era of the Sage of Six Paths, capable of granting any wish to the person who opens it."
"Any wish?" Shin-chan's eyes lit up.
"In theory."
"Then could I wish for a mountain made of chocolate sticks?"
"..."
"Could I wish to eat five bowls of ramen every day without getting fat?"
"Shin-chan."
"Mm?"
"That thing can read minds, eat people, and turn the entire Land of Grass into ruins. What does any of this have to do with chocolate sticks?"
"Because chocolate sticks are important," Shin-chan said as though it were obvious. "Besides, that wish-granting thing has to be fake."
"How do you know?"
"Because the people of Kusagakure opened it. They must've made a wish, right? But did their wish come true?"
The tent fell silent again.
Jiraiya and Sakumo exchanged a glance.
If the Box of Ultimate Bliss could truly grant any wish, Kusagakure would not have been destroyed by Satori, and its leader would not have died at Satori's hands.
That so-called "ultimate weapon" had been a lie from the very beginning.
Or rather, a trap.
...
Deep inside an abandoned mine.
Satori was curled up in the darkest corner of the tunnel, its enormous wings wrapped tightly around its body.
It kept muttering under its breath.
"Tonkotsu broth must simmer for twelve hours... there are eleven ways to eat chocolate sticks... pudding must be chilled for at least three hours... dango should be freshly steamed, with thin skin and lots of filling..."
"Shut up!"
It suddenly slapped a claw against the enormous mouth on its abdomen.
"Stop thinking! Stop thinking about it!"
Satori was the ultimate weapon of the Box of Ultimate Bliss.
It fed on fear and delighted in despair.
But now, merely hearing the word "tonkotsu" made its entire body tremble.
"I'm finished." Satori buried itself deeper inside its wings. "A twelve-year-old brat destroyed me with a ramen recipe."
It tried to recover its former grand ambitions.
Conquer the ninja world.
Become the god of the new world.
Make every human kneel and tremble at its feet.
But every time that thought appeared, another sentence automatically followed in its mind:
If you eat ramen while kneeling, you'll spill the soup.
Satori let out a miserable howl and clawed wildly at the ground.
"Kill me! Someone just come and kill me!"
Outside the mine, two Iwagakure reconnaissance ninja were patrolling.
"Did you hear something?"
"It sounded like... screaming?"
"It came from inside the mine."
The two exchanged glances and cautiously entered.
The deeper they went, the clearer the voice became.
"Tonkotsu, miso, shio, soy sauce... all four broths have their own advantages... chashu should be made from pork belly, with the perfect balance of fat and lean meat..."
"Stop... please, stop..."
"A soft-boiled egg has to marinate for an entire day before the flavor really gets in... the noodles need to be springy... slurp, slurp..."
"AAAAAAAH!"
The two reconnaissance ninja looked at each other.
They cautiously peeked around the corner.
What they saw was something they would remember for the rest of their lives.
The monster that had been unstoppable on the battlefield was rolling back and forth on the ground, using its claws to cover the enormous mouth on its abdomen.
Yet the mouth continued muttering uncontrollably.
"And curry rice... the curry roux should be lightly fried first, and the onions need to be cooked until transparent..."
"I don't have ears! I don't want to hear this!"
Satori smacked its own abdomen with a claw.
The enormous mouth was knocked crooked to one side, yet it stubbornly continued:
"For red bean dango, the beans should be soaked overnight, then boiled with sugar until soft..."
The Iwa ninja silently backed out of the mine.
"I think we saw nothing."
"Agreed."
"What do we write in the report?"
"Just say... no abnormalities were discovered at the target location."
"Let's go with that."
The two fled from the mine at the fastest speed of their lives without looking back.
...
Among the ruins of Kusagakure, Konoha's intelligence division gradually approached the area.
The team was led by a special jōnin, who found the Box of Ultimate Bliss in the center of the ruins.
An intelligence ninja crouched beside the shattered remains.
"Once whatever was inside escaped, this thing became nothing more than an empty shell."
But their mission was not limited to the box itself.
The intelligence team began a thorough search of the ruins, trying to find any information whatsoever about Satori—its origins, its weaknesses, anything.
Before long, they dug a survivor out of the remains of an underground chamber beneath Kusagakure.
The man was mentally unstable, repeatedly muttering words like "monster," "mind reading," and "black feathers."
When the intelligence division brought him back to Konoha's frontline camp, Hatake Sakumo personally interrogated him.
"You were an elder of Kusagakure?"
"Y-Yes... yes..."
"What did you do?"
"We opened the Box of Ultimate Bliss. We thought we could control it, but... but..."
"What exactly is Satori?"
"Satori is... a creation from the era of the Sage of Six Paths."
Sakumo frowned.
"What are its weaknesses?"
"It has no weaknesses." The elder gave a bitter laugh. "If it had a weakness, why would the Sage of Six Paths have sealed it instead of destroying it?"
The interrogation continued for an entire hour.
The elder revealed everything he knew.
~~~
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