Ever since I was 7, I've felt this raging need inside my heart to run away.
To run away from everything around me.
It always felt to me like being seen was a curse, like I would die if someone saw me alive. The feeling was so strong that even talking to too many people made me breathless.
My memories before I came here were always a blur, and my ability to hide from people's perception is an even greater blur to me.
But as I looked into the blackish, golden eyes of my shadow, I knew it.
…it was all for a reason.
A reason that I'm about to know soon.
I still couldn't move, unsure if it was the shock or the fear of this strange shadow that held me in place.
My back was still pressed against the wall, my body numb and stiff.
The thing in front of me, my shadow…it was no longer just a shape. It wasn't something flat, something lifeless that followed me around.
No.
It was standing.
Its form flickered, like it couldn't decide what it wanted to be. One moment it looked like me, the next it stretched into something longer, thinner, and morally wrong. Its edges kept breaking apart and forming again, like smoke that refused to disappear.
And those eyes—
They weren't supposed to be there.
Golden, and dull, but burning at the same time as they locked onto me.
I swallowed, my throat dry.
"…what the hell…"
My voice came out lower than I expected but the shadow didn't respond.
Not at first.
Then, all of a sudden, it moved.
Not like a person or like anything I'd ever seen.
Its body twisted suddenly, jerking to one side as if something had pulled it apart from the inside. Its arm stretching, then snapping back into place, phasing through the wooden wall like it wasn't even there.
A sharp, silent scream seemed to ripple through it.
And although I couldn't hear it, I was sure that the shadow was screaming…screaming in agony.
The shadow started thrashing again, more violently this time. Its entire form flickered rapidly, breaking, reforming and collapsing into itself before rising again. It slammed into the wall, then into the ground, phasing through both like they didn't exist.
But it kept moving…struggling-
Like it was trying to get out of something.
Or into, I didn't know.
"…stop."
I didn't know why I said that but it didn't listen.
Of course it didn't.
The movements got worse, faster and more desperate. Its form stretched across the wall, then snapped back into something vaguely human. Its head tilted at an unnatural angle before correcting itself with a sharp twitch.
And all of it…all of it felt wrong.
My breathing grew uneven as something inside me began to twist.
It was a familiar feeling.
Something that I had felt many times before.
Just never like this.
I clenched my fist slightly, trying to steady myself.
"why does this feel…"
The shadow stumbled forward suddenly, collapsing onto what should've been the floor. Its body flickered, edges unstable, like it was breaking apart from exhaustion.
It didn't get back up again and just stayed there, twitching.
And for some reason…my chest hurt.
A sharp, deep ache that didn't feel physical.
My breathing slowed as I stared at it.
Really stared this time.
And that's when it hit me hard and clear.
"…this is me."
The words left my mouth without thinking.
Not in the way it looked or moved but in the way it felt.
That pain.
That constant, restless, suffocating feeling.
The need to run and disappear.
Every single bit of it was right here in front of me.
I didn't step back or try to run.
For the first time in a long time…I didn't want to.
The shadow stopped moving, like something inside it had finally burned out.
It lay there, its form barely holding together as it lifted its head, just slightly as those golden eyes met mine again.
This time they were calm.
Not empty or dead...tired.
I felt my throat tighten as neither of us moved.
It was like staring into something I had been avoiding my whole life.
Something I didn't want to understand.
But couldn't ignore anymore.
A few seconds passed or maybe longer.
I couldn't tell.
Just then, a chime rang inside my head as I flinched slightly, my eyes widening.
"What-"
The sound echoed again, cutting through everything else.
[Congratulations!!!]
My heart skipped a beat.
[You have been chosen for a trial.]
Everything around me went still as I stared at my shadow.
At those golden eyes that didn't look surprised.
Like it had been waiting.
My breathing picked up again, uneven.
"…no." The word came out quietly.
Almost like I didn't believe it myself.
"I didn't-" My voice faltered.
I took a step back instinctively.
The shadow didn't follow.
In fact, it didn't move at all.
It just kept looking at me.
And for the first time…I felt like I couldn't run.
***