It started small—tiny moments I barely noticed at first. The way Loki laughed at something ridiculous I said, the way her hair caught the sunlight in the dorm hallway, the way her eyes lit up whenever she talked about anime. I told myself it was nothing, just admiration, just friendship—but deep down, my chest tightened every time she was near.
Being in different dorms made it complicated. We still found ways to talk, laugh, and joke, but every casual interaction suddenly felt like more. A simple hallway conversation or a shared glance during class sent my thoughts spinning for hours. And somewhere in all that, I realized it wasn't just friendship anymore—I was crushing hard.
Of course, the L's were real. Like the time I tried to casually show her a gaming clip I'd made, only for the file to crash mid-play, leaving me awkwardly muttering while she laughed—not at me, but still… the embarrassment burned. Or when I misread a joke and ended up replying completely wrong, leaving the conversation hanging while I internally screamed. Every L felt amplified because she was there, and my brain kept reminding me: every little misstep mattered more than usual.
I tried to act normal, to not let it show. I teased her when I could, played games with her, and debated anime plots like nothing had changed. But inside, it was a storm. Every compliment she gave me, every laugh we shared, every little joke made my heart race. And every L—awkward pauses, jokes that fell flat, moments I froze—reminded me that crushes are brutal.
Even in group moments, she dominated my attention. Watching her interact with others, seeing her laugh, seeing how people were drawn to her confidence—it was beautiful and terrifying. Every time I tried to make a clever remark in front of her and it completely flopped, I felt the L hit harder than any math test ever could. My brain kept reminding me: she's amazing, she's playful, she's unbothered—but my heart didn't care about logic.
Gaming together, talking about anime, walking by the seaview—everything became charged with meaning. And yes, the L's were always there: me accidentally saying something dumb in the wrong moment, losing at a game she was watching, tripping over words in a conversation. Each moment was a tiny defeat in my own mind, but somehow, even in the L, the bond strengthened. Every laugh we shared, every glance, every awkward stumble made the feelings more real.
I didn't know when—or if—I would ever tell her. For now, I kept it locked inside, letting our friendship grow, letting me observe, let me feel, let me cherish. Being near her was enough for now, even with the L's, even with the awkward, embarrassing moments that made me want to disappear. The Loki Saga had grown into something more than laughter and shared interests—it had become a rhythm in my life, and my heart had joined it, beating faster every time she was near, L's and all.