I ate slowly, more out of habit than appetite.
The dining hall was still loud around me—chairs scraping, people laughing, trays clattering—but I stayed at the edge where it felt easier to disappear.
I told myself it didn't matter.
Ethan didn't see me. That was all.
Simple.
Normal.
People missed each other in crowds all the time.
Still, I couldn't stop replaying it in my head.
The way I had almost waved.
The way he had turned away without noticing.
It shouldn't have felt like anything.
And yet it did.
I pushed my food around my plate and forced myself to focus on something else.
Anything else.
My phone buzzed lightly beside my tray.
I didn't even need to look to know what it was.
Ryan.
Of course.
For a moment, I just stared at it.
Then I flipped the phone over and ignored it.
The silence that followed felt louder than the notification.
I exhaled slowly and looked around the dining hall again.
That's when I noticed something else.
Ethan was still there.
But now he was sitting at a table with the same two guys, leaning back in his chair, laughing at something on one of their phones. One of them nudged him jokingly, and Ethan shook his head like he was trying not to smile too much.
He looked… comfortable.
Not like the quiet version I used to see in the dorm.
Not like the guy who awkwardly offered me snacks or asked if I was okay when I was quiet.
This version of him fit here.
With them.
I looked down quickly at my plate again.
A strange feeling settled in my chest.
Not exactly jealousy.
Something closer to being left behind.
I didn't even realize how long I was staring until I forced myself to look away.
Right.
That was normal too.
People moved on.
People found their spaces.
I just… hadn't found mine yet.
I finished my food faster than I expected and stood up, carrying my tray to the return station.
As I walked out of the dining hall, I kept my head down, weaving through the crowd.
Outside, the night air was cooler.
I pulled my hoodie tighter around myself and started walking back toward the dorm.
The campus lights blurred slightly as I passed groups of students sitting on the grass, talking and laughing like they had nowhere else to be.
I slowed down near one of the paths.
Somewhere ahead, I could still hear faint laughter from the dining hall behind me.
Ethan's laughter too, maybe.
I wasn't sure.
I stopped walking for a second.
Then kept going.
Because there wasn't really anything to do except go back.
Back to my room.
Back to quiet.
Back to whatever version of college this was turning into for me.
And as I walked, I realized something I didn't want to admit out loud.
I wasn't just getting used to being alone.
I was starting to get used to not being seen.