Chapter 19
Anti-Necromancy Horticulture
The breach opened at 3:12 AM.
Of course it did.
Jake woke to a low, wet groaning noise.
Not wind.
Not pipes.
Groaning.
He sat up slowly.
"…That's not a cow."
Mew floated up from the foot of the bed.
"Mew."
Outside—
The soil pulsed sickly green.
A crack split open between the pumpkin rows.
From it—
A gray hand clawed upward.
Then another.
And another.
Jake stared out the window.
"…We do not sell brains."
The Breach
Barbara's tablet pinged from downstairs.
Kara landed in the yard seconds later, in full "just a normal farmhand who flies" mode.
From the crack in reality—
Zombies emerged.
Shambling.
Moaning.
Classic model.
Some wore traffic cones.
One wore what looked suspiciously like a bucket.
Jake blinked.
"…Are we being invaded by satire?"
The lead zombie groaned:
"Braaaains…"
Jake crossed his arms.
"You are in the wrong agricultural sector."
Mew floated beside him, eyes glowing.
The leyline beneath the farm reacted.
Grass shimmered.
The soil trembled.
Then—
A sprout emerged.
Bright.
Golden.
Smiling.
A radiant sunflower burst fully from the ground.
Glowing cheerfully.
Plants vs. Zombies logic had entered the chat.
The sunflower beamed at Jake.
And produced a glowing orb of sunlight.
Jake caught it instinctively.
"…Okay."
Another sprout popped up.
Then another.
Rows of plants emerged in rapid succession.
Not corrupted.
Not undead.
Defensive.
The First Volley
A bulbous green plant rotated its head.
Locked onto the nearest zombie.
And fired.
A perfectly spherical pea launched forward.
Direct hit.
The zombie staggered backward.
Jake blinked.
"…You've got to be kidding me."
More pea shooters sprouted along the row.
Coordinated.
Disciplined.
Kara stared.
"…Your farm just grew artillery."
Jake looked at Mew.
"Did you—"
Mew shrugged.
The leyline shimmered again.
Another plant emerged.
Wide-mouthed.
Violet.
It inhaled deeply—
And swallowed a zombie whole.
Jake winced.
"…That's efficient."
Escalation
The breach widened.
More zombies crawled out.
One with a ladder.
Jake pinched the bridge of his nose.
"We're escalating props."
Barbara jogged out onto the porch.
"I'm calling this Anti-Necromancy Horticulture."
"That sounds funded," Jake replied.
A tall spiked plant burst from the ground.
Zombies stepped on it.
Instant regret.
A frozen wind swept across the field.
Blue peas now launched alongside green ones.
Jake stared at the glowing sunflower.
"You're adorable."
It beamed harder.
Produced more sunlight.
He tossed the glowing energy toward another empty patch of soil instinctively.
Another plant erupted.
A wall of thick, sturdy nuts.
The zombies ran face-first into them.
Jake blinked.
"…We're tower defense."
Kara cracked her knuckles.
"Do you need me?"
Jake looked at the field.
Then at her.
"…Standby."
She smirked faintly.
The Hybrid Question
One zombie stumbled too far forward—
Crossed into the densest leyline concentration.
The ground pulsed violently.
The zombie froze.
Vines shot upward—
Wrapped it—
And instead of corrupting the plant—
The plant assimilated the necrotic energy.
The zombie collapsed.
A new plant sprouted in its place.
Dark petals.
Glowing veins.
Still smiling.
Jake nodded once.
"Okay. That's metal."
The sunflower glowed brighter.
Counteracting the corruption.
Balancing it.
Not undead.
Not possessed.
Weaponized botany.
Reinforcements (Optional but Dramatic)
A portal flickered briefly above the barn.
Doctor Strange glanced down.
"…You appear to have this handled."
Jake waved without looking.
"Crop rotation."
The portal closed.
Raven's voice echoed faintly in the wind:
"Seal the breach at the root."
Jake turned to Mew.
"Can we?"
Mew nodded.
Floated above the crack in reality.
Psychic energy surged downward.
The sunflower emitted a brilliant pulse.
All plants glowed simultaneously.
The leyline harmonized.
The breach shrank.
Zombies stumbled backward—
Dragged with it.
The final bucket-wearing zombie raised its arms dramatically—
Then vanished.
The crack sealed.
The soil smoothed.
Silence returned.
Aftermath
The field was intact.
Mostly.
Pea shells littered the ground.
A few bite marks in the wall-nuts.
The sunflower hummed happily.
Jake crouched in front of it.
"You're getting a name."
It sparkled.
Kara approached.
"You didn't panic."
Jake shrugged.
"I've seen weirder."
Barbara stepped into the field carefully.
"Leyline stability has increased."
Jake blinked.
"…Wait. Increased?"
"The plants redirected the necrotic flux into sustainable growth."
Jake stared at the rows of weaponized agriculture.
"So being invaded made us stronger."
Barbara nodded.
"Apparently."
Jake looked at the sky.
"…Anti-Necromancy Horticulture."
Mew floated down beside him.
The sunflower produced one last bright orb of light.
Jake caught it gently.
The farm stood quiet again.
Armed.
Happy.
And faintly humming.
Somewhere very far away—
In a dimension now missing several zombies—
Something growled in confusion.
And took notes.
End Chapter 19.