[WARNING WARNING WARNING. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE INCEST SCENES. PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER OF RICHRIST.]
An Richard's Room/
The most unbearable feeling is the sense of alienation.
What one doesn't know.
What is unfamiliar to oneself.
What has never been encountered.
What has existed is completely separate from oneself from the beginning.
One cannot endure such things.
Pain can be endured. That was something Christoph knew. He knew what it felt like, how it affected him and what happened because of it. What is known can be endured.
But the unknown, no matter how hard one tries, cannot be endured.
Because it is unknown.
If unknown, one does not know how to cope,
"Alienation...? Well. I never thought much about touching others, but I'm not someone who enjoys physical contact. In bed, it's different, but in daily life, touching others is bothersome. But saying it's alienation. I'm not sure."
A colleague once said coldly.
That colleague, like Christoph, tended to be avoided by others with an uninterested tone.
"But it can't be completely alien. From the moment you were born, your mother-oh, in your case, it was a nanny. After all, a newborn cannot survive without someone else taking care of it. Contact with others cannot be entirely alien."
"But I don't remember."
Christoph said with a displeased look.
"Since I can remember, I've done everything myself. Even though the nanny prepared my meals or clothes, I ate and dressed myself."
The colleague muttered "Well" clearly uninterested. He looked at Christoph as if to say -'What does your business have to do with me?"
Anyway, that man was that kind of person. Christoph didn't speak hoping for anything from him. It was simply because he was the closest person to him and had known him since childhood, so no explanation was needed, making him the easiest to talk to."It's okay. Even if you touch others, you won't get burned or melt. If you want, you can touch others as much as you like. After all, you hate unfamiliar things and only meet familiar people. They will automatically avoid touching you."
Christoph nodded in agreement with those indifferent words.
Actually, it wasn't a big problem. Although there had been many times when he felt uncomfortable because of it, it had never developed into a major issue.
...Yes, it was an uncomfortable feeling.
The alienation felt when touching someone was truly uncomfortable. It was definitely an uncomfortable feeling.
So, just don't touch others. When needed, he could touch himself just like before and there would be no major issues.
So even when he sometimes heard advice to see a doctor, Christoph decided to give up on that.
Most importantly, thinking about having to sit down and the doctor might say "So now, let's see how it feels..." and then touch him was disgusting just to think about.
That was why.
That weakness, the lack of opportunity to get used to it, now pushed Christoph into a terrifying situation.
The creepy and alien feeling made breathing difficult.
"Relationships between men and men are just rubbing, licking and sucking, right?... If it wasn't you saying that, I would never believe it. People like you exist at this age."
It was a mocking laugh.
But there was no reason left to judge; the brain was driven only by the instinct to escape this situation.
If he had thought more rationally, he could have escaped. Even if one arm was tied, there was a way to avoid the worst-case scenario.
But when the large hand held his shoulder tightly and pulled him back from behind.
When his body was pressed against the heat of another from shoulder to back and waist.
His reasoning disappeared.
All he could think was: I must escape this situation. Instead of knocking down the opponent, he just wanted to avoid it.
Otherwise, he couldn't endure this alien feeling of being held tightly.
Don't do that, don't. His lips trembled but couldn't make a sound.
But strangely enough, it seemed like he heard.
"Don't like it? Told vou not to do it?"A voice mixed with rough laughter sounded in his ear, biting hard into his earlobe, causing sharp pain. However, the shiver was even stronger than the pain.
"I don't intend to go all the way... No, I don't. I can't get excited by men. But..."
The arm hugging Christoph tightened even more. He was suffocating.
The arm holding tight never letting go as if wanting to pierce straight into his body.
Like a hungry snake finding weak prey, wrapping itself tightly around Christoph and not letting go of that body.
"Here."
With those brief words.
A shock like a brain shake.
"Nothing else has touched here except waste, right?"
Fingers slid inside the thighs, touching the deepest part of the flesh.
Involuntarily, his body jerked and his eyes filled with terror looked back.
Right over the shoulder, his eyes caught the image of the man using his tongue to slide over the shoulder line. Less than half a palm away.
"Dirty... filthy..."
Words of shock couldn't escape Christoph's mouth.
Christoph who couldn't stand a speck of dust bathed thoroughly at least twice a day, but that place was somewhere he had never touched except when bathing. He had never even thought about touching it.
"Even someone with a cleanliness obsession like you thinks your body has dirty parts? So when men are together rubbing, licking, sucking, you never thought that place would also be licked and sucked, right?"
""
Another shock this time shook his head.
So much so that he forgot the unfamiliar warmth of the other person hugging him.
"So filthy...!"
The man looked at him with satisfaction, seeing his pale face. His eyes narrowed with pleasure.
So unpleasant.
This man always smiled fakely. Even though his eyes never smiled, people still said his smiling face was kind. All were blind.
Just because the corners of his mouth lifted and his eyes slightly wrinkled, they said that cold look was kind. If so, it would be better to gouge their eyes out.
Only when this man's eyes smiled was when he succeeded in performing his vile acts.
"...!! Oh...!"
But then the fingers playing with that filthy place began to slip deeper inside.
His body trembled violently. Down below stiffened.
Don't, don't, don't, don't...!
His stomach churned. He wanted to vomit.
Too close contact with others, fingers playing with that filthy place, fingers slipping deeper inside bit by bit and the fact that the one doing all this was the hated person.
So disgusting.
This man was definitely crazy. Not just a pervert but also a maniac obsessed with filthy things. Otherwise, why touching anywhere made Christoph uncomfortable - would he stubbornly touch that filthy place.
Though an unpleasant person, Christoph never thought he would be this filthy.
Another reason to hate this man even more.
"Don't... don't touch..."
Christoph whispered with difficulty. He felt his voice trembling uncontrollably.
But Richard only laughed. Simultaneously, the finger probing below stabbed deeper.
Christoph's body shuddered once more.
The fingers slowly, carefully penetrating inside then gradually moving faster as they got used to the feeling. Moreover, another finger joined at some point.
The feeling of being stirred inside was like his mind being scrambled. Like the fragile cells in his brain were being spun randomly and becoming a mess.
Meanwhile, his chest was continuously being kneaded, pulled, or pressed hard on the small, soft areas at the tips of his nipples. The swollen, sharp areas each time pressed down made his body reflexively shiver.
What is this?
It's horrible. A chill ran down his spine but even his back was pressed against the man's chest. Sweat flowed making the skin sticky, highlighting the sensation of touching him.
The whole body..
Completely naked.
Covered by this man.
As if something large and overwhelming was wrapped tightly around him, no part of his body was not in contact with this man.Don't do it. Don't touch. My mind is going crazy. It's so nauseating.
"Eugh... Eugh..."
His stomach contracted. The feeling of wanting to vomit surged.
But at that moment, the man whispered in his ear. Richard with a growling voice.
"If touching you makes you nauseous, just because you spread your legs for me, if you really vomit, I'll put you on that vomit and continue pushing in. Don't be nauseous when I touch you."
Christoph's eyes opened wide and filled with physiological tears from the nausea as he looked straight at the man.
He couldn't believe this man's nerves could utter such filthy, disgusting words so calmly.
Christoph realized that he had judged this man too well. This was someone he should never have contacted.
"Thru- thrust in...?"
He thought of something and his face grew even paler. Thinking about being pressed into a pile of vomit made him even more nauseous.
But at that moment, the man suddenly let go of him. The arms hugging Christoph, the hand exploring below all withdrew. The man stepped back.
Reflexively, Christoph breathed a sigh of relief.
His body still trembling, his mind feeling numb but sensing the cold air touching his skin again.
However, Christoph's face just relaxed for a moment.
The man examined his face and smiled faintly. A twisted smile as if feeling insulted by something.
"Not much time. I have to attend a dinner party soon. Licking and sucking will have to wait for next time, but now I'll show you what I said.... The thing you called filthy."
As soon as he finished speaking, he flipped Christoph, who was lying face down. Grabbing his waist and turning him forcefully but his arm remained tightly gripped.
And when Christoph was tied to the table, lying sideways facing the ceiling, he saw the man standing between his legs and Christoph froze.
Christoph could see the thing moving between the man's legs.
It was even more erect than when he saw it earlier. The thick, dark, swollen and veiny object looked like a grotesque weapon.
No, thinking more carefully, there was no reason to think of it as a weapon at all.
Not a gun or a knife, it was just..."...Richard... don't do this."
Christoph's pale lips could only utter a few words.
Even the thing itself was so filthy that he wouldn't want to touch it unless washing or going to the bathroom, but the worst part was that it could also release filthy fluids. Especially when it was erect like that.
Just thinking about letting that disgusting and terrifying thing touch his body and if those fluids got on him...
Christoph's face turned blue.
"Don't do it? Do you know what I'm going to do?"
The man raised an eyebrow. Half amused, half curious.
From that tone, Christoph instinctively realized this man was planning to do things even more horrific than he could imagine.
From his pale lips came a weak, almost inaudible whisper.
"If... if you dare to urinate on me... I swear... I will kill you."
Christoph said in a low, threatening voice.
He really intended to kill him.
In fact, just what had happened so far was enough to drive him almost insane. He had told himself countless times that if he could escape this situation, he would kill this man.
If he did those filthy things...
Just thinking about it was enough to make him want to scream. He might really go mad.
In front of Christoph who was frozen with a pale face the man said nothing.
He looked at Christoph for a long time, his face expressionless as if he had been struck, then suddenly rubbed his forehead slowly. He also lightly massaged the space between his furrowed brows.
"...Trying to make it wither...?"
Christoph looked at him with wary eyes, not understanding what his mutterings meant.
'Make what wither, Christoph thought, looking at him with confusion, wondering if it was some disgusting slang.
The man suddenly looked up at Christoph. Slowly, from head to toe, his eyes roamed over Christoph's body. A gaze that felt like it was licking every part of him.
"Not much time. I have to attend a dinner party soon. Licking and sucking will have to wait for next time, but now I'll show you what I said.... The thing you called filthy."
As soon as he finished speaking, he flipped Christoph, who was lying face down. Grabbing his waist and turning him forcefully but his arm remained tightly gripped.And when Christoph was tied to the table, lying sideways facing the ceiling, he saw the man standing between his legs and Christoph froze.
Christoph could see the thing moving between the man's legs.
It was even more erect than when he saw it earlier. The thick, dark, swollen and veiny object looked like a grotesque weapon.
No, thinking more carefully, there was no reason to think of it as a weapon at all.
Not a gun or a knife, it was just...
"...Richard... don't do this."
Christoph's pale lips could only utter a few words.
Even the thing itself was so filthy that he wouldn't want to touch it unless washing or going to the bathroom, but the worst part was that it could also release filthy fluids. Especially when it was erect like that.
Just thinking about letting that disgusting and terrifying thing touch his body and if those fluids got on him...
Christoph's face turned blue.
"Don't do it? Do you know what I'm going to do?"
The man raised an eyebrow. Half amused, half curious.
From that tone, Christoph instinctively realized this man was planning to do things even more horrific than he could imagine.
From his pale lips came a weak, almost inaudible whisper.
"If... if you dare to urinate on me... I swear... I will kill you."
Christoph said in a low, threatening voice.
He really intended to kill him.
In fact, just what had happened so far was enough to drive him almost insane. He had told himself countless times that if he could escape this situation, he would kill this man.
If he did those filthy things...
Just thinking about it was enough to make him want to scream. He might really go mad.
In front of Christoph - who was frozen with a pale face the man said nothing.
He looked at Christoph for a long time, his face expressionless as if he had been struck, then suddenly rubbed his forehead slowly. He also lightly massaged the space between his furrowed brows.
"...Trying to make it wither...?"
Christoph looked at him with wary eyes, not understanding what his mutterings meant.
"Make a wither' - Christoph thought, looking at him with confusion, wondering if it was some disgusting slang.
The man suddenly looked up at Christoph. Slowly, from head to toe, his eyes roamed over Christoph's body. A gaze that felt like it was licking every part of him.
"Do you think you can kill me if I do that?"
The man asked in a calm, almost amused tone.
"I will kill you. No matter what, I will kill you."
Christoph replied with a firm voice, though his body was still trembling.
The man's expression didn't change. He continued to look at Christoph with those cold, calculating eyes.
"Then I'll make sure you never have the chance."
With those words, he moved closer, pressing his body against Christoph's and Christoph's mind went blank.
He felt the man's hands moving, touching him in places he never wanted to be touched and he wanted to scream, to fight, but his body wouldn't respond.
The man's hands were everywhere and Christoph felt like he was being consumed by darkness.
"Please... don't..."
Christoph's voice was barely a whisper, a desperate plea that he knew would go unheard.
The man didn't stop. He continued his assault and Christoph's world faded into a haze of pain and humiliation.
When it was over, Christoph lay on the table, broken and defeated. The man stood over him, looking down with a satisfied smile.
"Remember this, Christoph. No matter what you think, no matter what you want, you belong to me."
With those words, the man left, leaving Christoph alone in the darkness, his body and soul shattered.
Christoph lay there for what felt like an eternity, his mind unable to process what had just happened. He felt empty, hollow and completely lost.
In that moment, Christoph knew that he would never be the same again. The man had taken something from him, something he would never get back.
And as he lay there, tears streaming down his face, Christoph made a silent vow.
He would find a way to escape this nightmare. And when he did, he would make the man pay for what he had done.
No matter what it took, Christoph would have his revenge.