"3 years together all gone to waste …. " Lighting the cigarette in his hand he chuckles lightly before shaking his head. " I know it happens, I know it is supposed to hurt so why ."
Heaving a deep sigh he stares at the full moon in the sky. Shining bright and overshadowing the stars around it making their light look dim in comparison.
" The moon looks beautiful tonight doesn't it." Speaking to himself he shakes his head before getting into his car and driving off. As the cigarette slowly flickers out letting the darkness settle with only the moon keeping it at bay.
Arriving home to the now empty room. The photos and all their memories thrown away. Just like the dreams and future that they would speak of. All the stories of kids that they would have. All empty promises meant for the sake of saying it. The days they stayed by each other's side telling each other that it would be okay and that we can work it out. All gone to waste. By the simple words but incredibly cruel I don't know if I want this relationship anymore. It happened on a regular day. There was no big sign. No talks or maybe there were and I just didn't pay attention. Maybe I was too focused on making sure that everything went great and that we were comfortable. Or maybe I was just too arrogant and self centered to notice as we slowly fell apart. Maybe there weren't signs is what I would like to say but sometimes the signs are hidden while other times they are not.….. We just chose to ignore the signs.
We fell out of love …
It happens be it for good or for bad. We went from being the two people closest to each other's life to complete strangers in less than 2 weeks . I wish I said I hated it. But after the first week I won't lie I cried I wanted to win her back. Stupid I know what can I say I fell for her hard. That was until I noticed that the necklace that we gave each other as presents. one of the first presents we ever gave each other. She was no longer wearing it. That hit me like a punch to the gut I'll be honest. I didn't expect … that's not quite right. I just didn't want to believe that we were over. I didn't want to give up on the possibility of what could be and what the future could hold. Until that moment I understood that she had already decided. There was no talk. No trying to work things out together. There was no going back. So I did the same. I started systematically deleting her from my life . I started with the photos on my door. Imagine this photos of the happiest moments that you had in your life. The happiest memories I had while I was in the military were all with her. All of the memories layer every corner of my door. Each one with an amazing smile. While carrying an emotional barrier at the same time. Grabbing them one by one and tearing them off. All I could think of was that there was no going back. With every photo I took off one more was added to the trash. With every photo I took off I threw another memory away. The weirdest part was I felt calm when I did it. I no longer felt that sadness, I just felt calm about it. I no longer forced myself to care about her whims. She told me we should be friends. But I didn't nor was I going too. I no longer saw her as someone who meant the world to me . To me she was now just another person I once knew . The her in my memories was already dead. The connection we once had has been severed. Because in all honesty as much as I loved her if she didn't love me there isn't a point of being together.
The next day she saw the photos gone from the door. When she say that her smile dropped she was no longer happy. Seeing that I honestly didn't care she didn't mean anything to me anymore.
" Why didn't you tell me you were taking the photos off the door . Where did you put them ? " she asks with a slight anger in her voice as she says that .
" I threw it away ." I told her, answering calmly I wasn't angry , I wasn't upset. I was okay with it.
It no longer bothered she was upset. That didn't have anything to do with me; she's a stranger in my life now. I went and sat on my bed as I stopped paying attention to her. I turned on my tv and I sat down ready to watch it only to hear her scream.
" Why did you do that !" Her eyes wide and angry tears in her eyes as she said that.
" because it doesn't matter anymore we aren't together ." I shrugged my shoulders as I went onto Netflix . And calmly started watching a show.
" You are impossible you know that. I can't believe that you did that ." Hearing her scream I honestly got annoyed.
" Can you stop screaming? It's hurting my ears . You know" I no longer paid attention to her. As I raised the volume of the TV. I was surprised I didn't feel anything at all when I did that I was pretty logical honestly . It was no longer my problem .
She left angry
I was confused about why she was angry. Isn't this what she wanted. I stoped caring about it pretty quickly tho as I watched my show. It was interesting you might know or you might not know it but the show is interesting to say the least . It's called You.
She told her family what happened. They were upset to say the least. I no longer bothered with it tho . I had better things to worry about . Be it school work . I honestly didn't have many friends. Not because I wasn't good at socializing. I am pretty good at it. I'm just quite used to seeing the leaves. Most of them die in the military or the commit is suicide because they can't deal with the stress that the military induced. It's weird seeing a grown man break down and cry because the train is difficult but being able to understand because at one point I was in that position. I remember one of my friends, an amazing dude. Honestly, he was a very stubborn guy. Hard headed and very how do I put it . ….. straight forward . He tried to hang himself by using a pull up bar, not the smartest idea honestly. Having to get him down from there was a struggle but he lived. However he was so messed up mentally that the military literally couldn't keep him anymore. He committed suicide 10 days after getting out. I knew another kid who dolphin dived out of a 3 rd story building. But unlike the games you don't just get lightly hurt. He landed head first and his head split open like a watermelon the bones cracked loudly. The way it sounded was different it sounded like whenever you bite very crunchy cereal you can hear in your ears even tho the cereal is in your mouth. But multiply the noise by 3. After that happened the chose some of us to go clean the red brownish stain off the floor.
Maybe this is too dark . Maybe I should write about something else. Or maybe I should write more stories of what I know. What I've experienced or have seen. I could write more about the relationship and the time we spent together honestly I don't know .
I guess I'll just post my thoughts.