Chapter 28: Pathetic?
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A degrading and negative word, is it really always negative and degrading?
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After the meal, they only took a short while to get ready before heading back outside to continue the training.
"So what were the basics you were talking about?"
Liu, sitting in the grass in the same spot as this morning, waited for Lumian's answer.
"Mm... that's right, what were the basics I was talking about?"
And Lumian, leaning against the same tree as this morning, tilted his head to the side, searching for an answer about the thing he was supposed to have had an answer for since foooorever.
'... seriously? Where did his teacher mode go?'
"Hhaa..."
She let out a deep sigh and resolved to, just like this morning, get the training going herself by asking a few questions to this half-baked teacher. But...
"Weren't we supposed to start working on the Form, or something like that?"
... Milo cut her off in her momentum and brought back a subject Liu hadn't forgotten in the slightest...
'... I don't want to...'
... she hadn't forgotten it. But, she didn't want to.
She'd believed herself prepared, prepared to keep making progress with the Form, prepared to confront a deeper truth, to discover new things about that... thing, that had absorbed her grandparents...
'... not now...'
... but, after the meal, while she was getting ready in her room, the anxiety she'd worked so hard to ignore and stifle...
'... please...'
... that anxiety had fully manifested itself as this exact moment approached.
The time she'd taken to get ready had been more than enough for her to recall everything that had happened to her because of the Form.
'... I'm not ready...'
And as soon as she'd stepped out of her room, a different kind of stress, one she'd never felt before, had completely taken hold of her.
"Mmh..."
Lumian was visibly thinking over the question.
Liu's heart raced as she stared at him, her gaze full of apprehension. She held her breath entirely while waiting for Lumian's next words.
"... hhaa..."
Lumian sighed, looking Liu in the eyes.
"... I'll make an exception because it's the first day."
He straightened up and immediately crouched down so his eyes were level with Liu's.
'...!'
"There are situations where, when you have something on your chest, you need to put it into words so you don't come to regret it."
He sat down facing Liu and Milo, leaving behind the classroom atmosphere that, in the end, hadn't really been any more serious than this one.
And he kept staring at Liu for a few seconds.
'...?'
Before asking her:
"Do you understand?"
"Uh..."
Without nodding, she tried straight away to put together an answer, an answer to what?
Lumian's question?
What she had on her chest?
She had no answer, to any of the questions she was asking herself...
"....."
She closed her mouth again, and searching for whatever help she could find in this situation, she turned toward Milo.
'He...'
... he'd fallen silent, having clearly understood what was happening, the expression on his face, turned toward Liu, was full of apology.
"I..."
"I already told you, suffering now means suffering for less time. The sooner you face the hard things in your life, the sooner you'll get past them."
Lumian cut her off before she could start spiraling again.
"Don't run from difficulties, face them, they won't kill you and it's the only way to move forward."
'.....'
Listening to Lumian's words, she vaguely remembered the moment he'd told her that...
"Your anxiety, your stress, your apprehensions, your fears, your wants... none of that can kill you. It's not facing them that will kill you."
... she'd lived through and discovered too many things these past few days.
She no longer knew where to even begin.
And on top of all that, the fact that she was finally about to seriously start moving toward her goals...
'I... I can't... think like that.'
... made her flee from her goals.
"Is doing it now really going to make all of this end sooner? Waiting one or two da—"
"Pathetic!"
In a voice more powerful and deep than before, Lumian cut her off again, not giving her the chance to finish such a dangerous sentence.
"....."
Lumian didn't say anything more, he simply kept staring at Liu in silence.
'... pathetic...'
A silence that said far more than words. Because, repeating the same thing twice in this situation would have had no other effect than to make Liu retreat further.
'It's true...'
... she was pathetic.
That realization made her lower her head, fleeing along the way from Lumian's insistent gaze.
She didn't feel provoked by that word, not only because she'd realized it was the truth...
"We are always the reason for our own dissatisfaction. And in each one of those dissatisfying moments, the word: pathetic, is our only comfort."
... but because she felt dissatisfied with her own attitude.
'....'
Making her pathetic.
Leaving her with nothing to say or think, only things to dwell on.
"Like anything else, words are tools. Tools for which you have to find a use. A use that depends on the situation. And a situation that depends on you."
Lumian didn't seem angry in the end, and he took the opportunity to teach something.
'... like...'
Which made Liu lift her head back up.
'... like the illusions?'
"Obviously, difficulties are also opportunities. The harder the situation, the more you can draw from it. One doesn't rule out the other. Using, wisely, the meaning you give to things, is one of the basics I'm going to teach you."
Still sitting across from Liu and Milo, Lumian visibly began the training this way.
A rather soothing smile on his face, he went on...
"And for you to understand this basic, we're going to need the Form."
... then he stood back up, without another word.
Liu didn't follow Lumian with her eyes, after getting up, he left her field of vision, heading elsewhere...
'.....'
... leaving Liu, alone with herself, her own dissatisfying thoughts her only motivation.
"Uh... I'm going with Lumian..."
Milo completely broke the solemn atmosphere of Liu's thoughts, he got back up...
"... I don't know if I'm the right person to say this, but what that guy can teach us... is probably worth facing our fears for. Anyway, I hope so, since I don't think I'm ready to face the consequences if it's not."
... and left behind a few words... motivating? Or not? before following Lumian.
'... yeah... in the end he's actually pretty nice and he doesn't seem dishonest...'
"Hhhaaah..."
Liu took deep breaths, motivating herself mentally as well as physically to... face her fears.
"... fffhuuh..."
'... it's worth it...'
... to take action.
Having reached such a conclusion, she got up...
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Negative? Degrading? It depends...
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