What would my life be if I lived in a perfect world?
Perhaps like the scenes I've watched in films, or the chapters I've devoured in books. Would I drown in it? Lose myself to its relentless perfection? And honestly, who wouldn't?
"Girl! Have you read Underground Associates yet? I'm absolutely drowning in this story!"
The shrill cry of one of my classmates cut through the morning air. We were huddled in our classroom, killing time before our first professor arrived. It was far too early for that level of volume. Their conversation revolved entirely around fiction—worlds that didn't exist. While I'd heard the whispers about the book, I remained indifferent. I wasn't much of a reader; I knew better than to chase a perfection that wasn't real.
I refused to let myself hope for a story like that. I knew they were lies, yet it was impossible not to dream, to wonder what life—especially a love life—would be like if it were written by a professional.
Damn. Even my parents weren't perfect. Nobody was.
"Look at Queenie. It's the crack of dawn and she's already spiraling," Sage muttered, leaning into my space to peer at the notebook I had just handed her. "You'd think she actually met Perseus Matheo Villamor. Did you climb inside your phone, sis?"
Sage was currently scribbling down the answers for our first subject, shamelessly lifting them from my notes. She and the others had "forgotten" to do their work after hitting a bar the night before. Apparently, it was a varsity player's birthday, and the drinks had flowed without regard for the time.
Sage was the campus sweetheart, while Xael was the lead vocalist of a band—the very band that had played at the party Sage attended. They were both exhausted and hungover. Meanwhile, I had spent my night at home. Uninvited.
"Lord! Strike me down!" Xael laughed, shaking her head as he copied my notes. "The moment Pierce lays eyes on her, she'd probably drop dead on the spot."
I watched them in silence. They were obsessed with the author of Underground Associates, a writer known as Hannah, or "Honibee." Yet, despite their fandom, I'd never actually seen them hold a physical copy of her books. Especially not Xael, whose hands were usually reserved for her guitar.
"Hey!" Berna shouted, skidding toward us.
She looked like she'd been chased by a stray dog. Her bag was agape, belongings spilling out, and her clothes looked like they hadn't felt the heat of an iron in weeks. She looked haggard, yet somehow still managed to look expensive—tired, but with pockets clearly full.
"I saw something on Bookface and Tweetie!" she chirped, hopping with excitement before flanking my left side. She peeked at the notebook Sage was monopolizing. "What's that?"
"Homework," I replied tonelessly, propping my chin up with my hand. "They were too busy last night to be productive. Now, I'm the one saving them."
"Yeah, well, Ensley refused to come with us," Sage smirked, her pen flying across the page.
I frowned, massaging my temples. "If I had gone, we'd all be failing this morning."
"Berna was there anyway," Xael added, snapping her notebook shut. She was finished, and now she turned her full attention to us, making Sage anxious about her own pace. She began teasing her, warning her that the professor was just around the corner.
"Good grief! Then I would've been the one missing out!" Berna grumbled.
"So, what did you see on the internet?" I asked, trying to steer them back.
Berna pulled out her phone and showed us a screenshot.
Meet and Greet with your favorite author, Honibee! Creator of Atty. Perseus Villamor and The Zadkiel Associates! Book signing: April 23, 2 PM at SM Baliwag, Bulacan. See you there, co-associates! Bring your UA books!
I read the announcement aloud, triggering a miniature riot from the two on my right. Berna joined in, jumping beside me until my head throbbed from the sheer noise. It was a cacophony that felt like a physical weight in my ears.
"That's today! Let's go! Are you in, girl?" Xael asked, his eyebrows dancing in a silent plea. They knew I wasn't interested, but that never stopped them.
"Come on! You always flake on us!" Sage added.
I sighed and began packing my bag. The professor was officially a no-show. "You guys, Serafina Ensley Dela Merced is a scholar. Don't be such bad influences," Berna teased, standing up as she realized I was leaving.
They followed me like a loud, persistent tail all the way to the library.
"Look at her—so clever," Sage whispered as we stepped inside. "She knows we can't scream in here, so she hides in the library."
The elderly librarian immediately glared at her. I smirked as Sage ducked her head in shame, while Xael and Berna took turns swatting at her. We moved through the towering aisles of books—not just academic texts, but sections for manga, fiction, and pocketbooks.
"This is why she's so smart. This girl reads every second she gets," Xael remarked, though she ignored the book in her own hands.
"That's what being a scholar entails, isn't it?" Sage whispered back.
They continued their hushed bickering while I tried to focus on a single paragraph. I must have read the same line ten times, but their presence made the words blur. Berna was busy on her phone, while the other two were locked in a cycle of teasing and shoving. No matter where I took them, they brought the noise with them. It was their greatest flaw, and perhaps the thing that made them most precious to me.
"But really, Ensley," Berna whispered, sounding genuinely wounded. "Don't you want to come? It's a waste if you don't."
I stared at the page, then back at them. They wouldn't stop until they got the answer they wanted. I exhaled slowly. "Fine. But only for a little while."
"YES!" they yelled in unison.
Predictably, we were kicked out of the library five seconds later.
xxx
"So, that concludes our lesson for today. Any questions?" our final professor asked, gathering his things.
"Me!" Xael's hand shot up as if she were in a race. We all turned to her, surprised. She had been quiet all class. My friends were like that—they looked like slackers, but they were naturally gifted. They didn't need to study half as hard as I did to survive.
"I am the victor! I have hidden my sorrowful heart!" Xael and Sage began to sing at the top of their lungs.
I felt a wave of secondhand embarrassment, yet I couldn't stop the smile tugging at my lips. After three years, I should have been used to their theatrics, but they still managed to catch me off guard.
"You absolute idiots!" Berna shouted, and the room erupted in laughter. Even the professor was chuckling as he walked out the door. At least they were charming enough to get away with it.
"It's almost two! We still need to buy the physical copies of UA!" Sage shouted, sprinting toward her black Honda Civic.
In our circle, I was the outlier. I was the one who commuted. I was the "poor one," the scholar whose wallet had very strict boundaries. Sometimes I wondered how I even fit into their world of ease. Xael headed for his white Camry, and Berna hopped into her red Honda Accord.
I stood in the middle of the parking lot, looking at the three cars. "Where am I supposed to go? You know I don't have a ride."
"Here!" they all shouted at once.
We spent five minutes arguing over who got to take me—a common ritual that always made us late. Eventually, I climbed into the passenger seat of Sage's car.
"Put some lipstick on! You look like a ghost, Ensley!" Sage panicked, finally finding a moment to fix her own face.
I rolled my eyes and took the peach-toned tube from her. It suited my skin well enough. As we sat in the mall parking lot, Sage suddenly went quiet, staring at her phone. She looked troubled, and I knew she had wanted me in her car for a reason. She needed to vent.
"I don't get it, Ensley. Men are so stupid, always looking for something else. Am I not enough? I mean, look at me."
I reached over and rubbed her back, hoping to offer some small comfort. Even someone as vibrant as Sage could be fragile. "Men flock to you, Sage. You're loud, you're fun, and you aren't timid. Most guys prefer the 'playful' type."
She laughed, the tension leaving her shoulders. "I guess you're right."
I checked my reflection in the window. I was wearing a simple white shirt tucked into boyfriend jeans and black sneakers. It was modest and local compared to Sage's designer jumpsuit and gold jewelry. My old Casio watch looked like a relic beside her.
"About time! We almost missed the books!" Xael met us at the bookstore. "I bought them while we waited."
"You actually used your brain? Impressive," Sage teased, swatting her with her new book.
We took our seats at the back of the event space. "They're such a mess, aren't they?" Berna whispered to me. "Good thing you and I are the sane ones."
I raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? You're one of them. I'm the only quiet one here."
Berna pouted. "Fine. You're just the 'Grandmother' of the group, Old Lady Serafina."
"Exactly," Xael chimed in. "Even the name 'Serafina' sounds like it belongs in a Victorian novel."
Before I could retaliate, the organizer announced that the signing was starting.
"Here, 'Grandma' Serafina. Here's your book," Berna said, handing me a copy.
I gave her a mock glare. "I'm going to hit you with this book."
The queue was long, filled with schoolmates and fans. Even Queenie was there, making a scene. People were chanting "Honibee!" and "Perseus!" like they were at a rock concert. The noise was a physical ache in my head. Were they all on energy drinks?
Finally, it was our turn.
"Hello! Names, please?" asked a woman with a sharp, shoulder-length bob.
One by one, my friends gave their names and engaged in enthusiastic small talk about the series. I just stood there, nodding along to things I didn't understand.
"And you? Why so quiet?" the author asked, smiling as she took my book. "You look like you were dragged here against your will."
"I was," I admitted with an awry smile. "I'm not really into this kind of thing."
She paused, her pen hovering over the page. She seemed to take an unusually long time. Was she drawing a masterpiece? A map?
"Why?" she asked, her voice sweet. "Don't you want to escape this cruel reality?"
"Who doesn't?" I replied. "But reading books just makes you blind to what's actually happening right in front of you."
My friends went dead silent. Their jaws practically hit the floor as they watched me "debate" their idol.
"Thank you so much! Please excuse our friend," Sage said, grabbing my arm and pulling me away. "She's just stressed with school!"
Berna and Xael bowed apologetically as if I had just committed a crime. I hadn't been rude; we were just talking.
"It's okay," Honibee called out, still wearing that hauntingly sweet smile.
Once we were back in the safety of the crowd, they surrounded me like a tribunal.
"Good grief, Sera! Why did you have to be so sarcastic?" Sage hissed.
"Yeah, that was way too deep," Berna added.
"I wanted to smack you! Were you trying to start a debate?" Xael asked.
"It's just my perspective," I said, shrugging. I looked at the stage; the line was still out the door. I checked my watch. "I have to go. I'll be late for my shift."
"I'll drive you," Berna offered.
"No, stay. Enjoy the event. I told you I could only stay for a bit." I stuffed the book into my bag and walked toward the terminal. I didn't look back. My mind was already shifting to work.
xxx
"Ira! Nachos for Table 4! They've been waiting!" I shouted, pivoting back to the cashier to face the next customer.
I worked at a milk tea shop near my house—a convenient walk, at least. I took orders, scribbled notes, and ignored the ache in my feet. Kulas, my coworker, passed by me with the tray of nachos.
"How are you holding up, Ensley?" he asked, eyeing the queue.
"I'm fine," I lied, turning to the next person in line.
Eventually, the rush died down. Kulas leaned against the counter as I wiped it down. "Seems like everyone from the book signing ended up here. I've seen dozens of those UA books today."
I stayed silent. My shift was 4:00 PM to 8:30 PM—a grueling end to a day that started with 7:00 AM classes. Being a freshman was expensive.
"Where were you before this?" Kulas asked.
"The mall. Getting a book signed," I said, putting the rag away.
Kulas laughed. He hadn't expected the resident skeptic to join the fray. He helped me close up, and we walked together until we reached my front door.
"Thanks, Kulas."
"No problem. It's late, and it's not safe for a girl to be out alone, even if it's a short walk. You're... noticeable, Ensley. People might take advantage."
Before I could respond, a sharp voice pierced the air from inside the house.
"Oh, look! Your precious daughter is finally home, Fernan!"
I sighed and bid Kulas a quick goodbye. I stepped inside and performed the mano for my parents, who were slumped on the sofa.
"Ofelia, leave her alone and feed her! Stop with the gossip!" My father took a long swig of the liquor in his hand. He turned to me, his eyes bloodshot. "You got any money, kid? Just for a quick bet."
"Yeah," my mother added, hovering over a bowl on the table. "I lost everything you gave me this morning. The cards weren't kind."
I looked into the bowl. There was half a piece of cold, fried fish. My stomach churned, but not from hunger. I knew there was no rice left. They hadn't saved me dinner; they had just left their scraps.
"I don't have any money. I gave you everything this morning," I said. My mother's face soured instantly. "And I'm not hungry. I already ate."
I climbed the stairs to the sound of them beginning to argue with each other. After a quick shower, I collapsed onto my bed and pulled the book from my bag. I hadn't intended to read it, but my eyes fell on the inside cover.
Hi, Serafina!
Start dreaming and live in it. Sometimes dreaming is better than dealing with reality. It's the perfect escape.
All the love, Honibee.
I frowned, the words echoing in the quiet room. A strange heaviness settled over me, a mixture of exhaustion and a rising fever, as I finally allowed the darkness of sleep to take me.