Japan. Park.
Sunday. 5:10 PM.
"103, 104..."
His mental count was interrupted by loud voices. More precisely, at first they were normal, but at some point they became too prominent amid the general... silence?"
"Where did all the people go?"
"Listen, Issei-kun... to celebrate our first date, would you do me a favour?"
"Could it be... a kiss..." thought the perverted schoolboy.
"Wh-what favour?" he asked, blinking rapidly.
"Could you die?" she puzzled him.
"Hmm, is that trendy now?" thought the medieval man in the cool scarf.
"Huh? What? Sorry, Yuma-chan, could you repeat that?"
"Could you die?" she repeated with a certain enthusiasm.
"Oh, these 21st-century dates."
"I really had fun. Even though we didn't spend much time together. But it's fun to hang out with such a naive kid. And I'll keep that trinket you bought me. So...
"Yuma-chan?
"Please die.
Getting up from the bench just in time, Dodge let the bloodied spear pass between his legs. It seemed like the date was over.
"Damn, these Japanese are really crazy. Is this their kind of foreplay?"
Something winged flew away. Dodge looked around for the guy. Maybe he had some change in his pockets? No, that's not looting — he wouldn't need it anyway.
Unfortunately, he was overtaken by some red-haired beast. Leaning over him, she tried to shove something into him. What was that, chess pieces?"
"Can chess pieces cure a hole in your stomach? Maybe they've learned how to fly into space here?" thought the trickster, smiling to himself as he watched from the sidelines.
In any case, Dodge was frustrated by his slowness. No, seriously, he could be earning money right now!"
He walked over to the vending machine, took a 100 yen coin and inserted it into the machine, then pressed the button he was interested in. With a characteristic sound, a can of soda fell down.
"At least that's something."
Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened the can. Closing his eyes, the protagonist listened to the sound of the bubbles popping, sniffed the divine smell of the strawberry-banana liquid, and felt the coolness of the metal can with his hand, on the front of which was engraved: "Mazer." At moments like this, you really want to live.
"Forget everything," the red-haired vixen in front of him snapped her fingers. Taken by surprise, the trickster accidentally closed his eyes.
Snapping her fingers again, the girl walked back to the guy lying on the ground.
"They really are crazy," thought Dodge, tilting his head back and letting a few millilitres of fruit juice flow into his mouth. After sitting on the bench for another five minutes or so, he crumpled the can, threw it in the bin and headed back to his usual haunt.
There were no parties on the beach tonight, so sitting on the sand and looking at the moon was the only way to pass the time.
***
The next day, Dodge had a strict plan of action, which he drew out with his foot in the sand. The plan was as follows:
1. Find money.
2. Find money.
3. Find a place to stay with a bed.
4. Find a barber.
The first task was to find a certain amount of money for drinks, because the change left over from yesterday wasn't enough to buy anything tasty.
The second task required money so that he wouldn't have to look for money later. That's about five thousand yen.
The third task involved finding a permanent place to live with a soft bed for proper rest.
And get a haircut. Although he doesn't have a beard, his hair makes him look like a Neanderthal.To disguise himself, the whole plan was written in Arabic, and crookedly at that, although that wasn't really necessary for the disguise. Getting up from the sand at 9:00 a.m., Lovkač headed to the only place where he could find money.
"Oh, you again? What, you don't like the clothes? We don't take money back!
"Oh... do you have any work for me in your shop, like a robe and bast shoes?
"Lapti? Is that something Russian? I have a brother studying in Russia on an exchange programme, and now he drinks vodka almost every day! You look scared. How are you at maths?
"The root of the number 'one' is equal to one," — and no, he didn't understand what he had said. The phrase had been uttered by some schoolchildren passing by a couple of days earlier.
"Wow! I need to step away for an hour, just to study. Can you cover for me?
"Ah...
"Great! Thanks! And don't forget, anything bad will be deducted from your pay.
"But I don't have any...
But the chatty 17-year-old girl had already left the shop. Dojyu had nothing to do, so he stood behind the counter. Since the cash register didn't look suspicious, he couldn't rob it. Ten minutes passed, and the shop was empty.
"Capitalism, that's what it's all about," he thought, remembering the harsh laws of the market.
He had once read an interesting article in a French magazine: "How to rise from stove fitter to pastry chef." At first, he didn't understand the meaning, as he thought the words "stove fitter" and "pastry chef" were the same. But, ignoring these minor details, he buried himself in the pages of the text. And he understood a few things about business:
1. Never give up. It is not the person without money who is poor, but the person who does not try to earn it.
2. Decorate your creation. Toys, vases, paintings, carpets — buyers will appreciate it!
3. The better it smells, the better! Even if it's inedible.
4. Never reveal your source of income. The main thing is that it is edible.
5. Taxes are lower on farms than on shops. Get a goat and combine business with pleasure! And if it can deliver your bread to your customers...
After reading this, Dodge realised that he could become a great businessman and buy everything he wanted. However, selling stones didn't work out. So all five stones, which had been collected with great effort (he had to bend over and carry them in his pockets), were thrown away. After that, Dodge never traded again.
But now, almost two centuries later, his moment of glory had arrived. He could feel it in every fibre of his being. Or maybe it was just a cramp.
"Eureka!" he thought as he looked around the street.
He didn't like the book seller right away. He wore glasses, was fat, and was always reading some colourful magazines. Outside the shop was a sign that read "Manga."
When he entered the shop, the salesman looked up from his magazines. There were about six people in the shop. What a rush of customers.
"Are these colouring books? They look... uncoloured. Girls in revealing outfits..."
"Hands off!" warned the fat man as Dodge reached for a magazine.
Selling colouring books was good business. Dodge hid in the far corner of the shop where the fat man couldn't see him. Now he had to figure out how to get them out legally (or not so legally)...
"Hey, Totomara, the new magazines have arrived, take them to the warehouse?" asked the girl who appeared from the back door.
"Is the new manga about 'Ghoul' there?" the fat man transformed instantly.
"Yes.
"Can you give me one magazine?
"There are only ten of them.
"So what? I'm the boss here, I'm first and I'll read it...
Going outside, Dodge saw a small truck from which a guy was unloading boxes. Standing next to the car, leaning against the wall, he waited for the right moment. Box, box, box, another one...
A small box, that's what he needed.
Approaching from behind, Dodge lightly tapped the mover on the shoulder. As expected, the mover turned his head to the right, and Dodge slipped past him on the left, unnoticed. Taking the box, he stepped behind the truck. The mover turned back, scratched his head, picked up the largest box and headed for the store.
Returning to his workstation, he unpacked the box and kept one magazine for himself. Maybe this colouring book would help him understand why the Japanese kill each other on first dates?"
After arranging the remaining magazines in the most visible place, the protagonist drew a crude sign: "New 'Gul', only here!" and hung it right at the entrance to the shop.
Within a minute, there were about twenty people in the shop. Mostly girls.
"I'll give you two thousand yen!
"Three!"
After haggling for 100,000 yen, Dodge was ready to rejoice. But that's not all:
"Oh, the main character has this blouse! Look!
"The jacket! The jacket! It's even torn in all the right places!
"These jeans smell like dirt! How atmospheric, give me four!"
All the main junk in the shop was also sold to fans as "manga clothing." A total of 150,000 yen and a half-empty shop. Throwing the sign into the bin, Dodge sat in his place for the remaining hour and counted the money...
"Five thousand yen? I didn't even know such bills existed..."
At the end of the second count, he remembered the magazine. Opening it, he saw the colouring pages already coloured in.
"Oh, did I sell them used goods? Well, we don't give money back..."
To his surprise, no one came to return the money. Shrugging his shoulders, he rolled the magazine into a tube and stuffed it into his jeans pocket. Maybe there was something else to colour in. He just needed to find some coloured pencils somewhere.
At around 12:00 PM, the chatterbox arrived.
"Oh, you ate all my goods?
"I sold them.
"Sold them? Ha ha, don't make me laugh, a single pen shop makes three times more than I do.
However, the proceeds, prudently stuffed into a transparent plastic bag (because the cash register was incredibly difficult to use, according to the protagonist), told a different story.
"YOO-HOO! Where did you get all that money?! Are you a thief? My mother Sakura, that's enough for me for the rest of my life!"
The girl made a hasty attempt to hug Dodge. Naturally, she missed slightly.
"Hey, don't you like hugs? You're so cute! Okay, here's your share, you don't have to come back because I'M LEAVING...
After handing over the fifteen thousand yen she owed, the girl picked up her phone and started dialling a number. Dodge left the shop and looked around. A couple of minutes later, the chatty girl came out of the shop with her bags, locked the door and ran off somewhere.
"Flying away? Ah, right, there are airships in this century."
Returning to the beach and deleting the first two lines, he went for a walk around the city. Sometimes he saw advertisements offering him an apartment to rent, but:
"I wouldn't even have enough for a soda."
After standing and thinking for a while, he decided to put the third item on his list a little lower in priority.
"Maybe they'll give me a free apartment for my good looks?"
Hoping so, he went to look for a barber. Unfortunately, in half an hour, Dodge couldn't find a place to get a haircut. There were some shops, toilets, game centres, and hairdressers. He didn't know the meaning of the last word, by the way.
"If coloring books are manga, then what is a barber shop? There's no point in going there!"
Sitting down on one of the street benches, he took the jar of Meiser he had saved from his pocket. Maybe I should shorten it to Meize?"
"However, if I had the right to name this drink, I would call it what it is now."
A large vehicle pulled up to his bench. It was a bus. People began to get out. As it turned out, it was a bus stop.
"People don't like walking? Some people are even lazier than me."
The magic made him wary. The soda, half-drunk, was placed on the edge of the bench. Dodge focused on the exit of the bus.
A few seconds later, he saw a girl with a very interesting inner world.
"It's like an angel fell from heaven. And she's trying to hide among people?"
The girl stopped at a bench a few metres away. She noticed Dodge staring openly at her.
"Ahem..." she coughed.
Spitting, Dodge went back to his soda.
"So, magic comes in different forms..." he thought, sensing that there was nothing demonic about this girl.
"Who are you?" she asked.
Dodge didn't care about her question. He was thinking about where he could find a damn barber.
"Hey, can you hear me?" she took a step closer.
"The closer you get to me, the more I hate you," thought the trickster lazily, clenching the can in his hand.
"Answer me!" Her hand suddenly turned into a sword. A sword at his throat.
"Where can I get a haircut around here?" he asked, straightening his right arm.
"What?" And at that moment, the soda can flew into her questioning face. Taking a couple of steps back, the girl shook herself.
But the shop was already empty.
"What the hell is going on?" she asked, probably to herself.
"So you don't know where the barber is?"
The girl turned around, not forgetting to swing her blade-like hand. To her surprise, the blow missed. As always. Sometimes it even annoyed Dodger.
An inner voice told the fallen woman that such opponents were still beyond her power. Transforming her hand back to its normal form, she fixed her suspicious gaze on Dodger.
"Straight ahead. The barber shop," she said cautiously.
"Barber shop? Oh, I should have guessed," he said indignantly, smoothing his hair.
The girl became alert. But her fears were unfounded. He simply walked up the street. Taking a deep breath, she stretched out her right hand and removed her shield. The city was once again filled with voices. Then, with the same hand, she took her phone and dialled...
She wanted to call. But her phone, like her wallet, had disappeared without a trace...
"What is this iron box? Hmm, it looks silly. Just a black flat surface. Okay, I'll figure it out later."
The 500 yen from her wallet was a nice windfall. When she went to the barber shop, the protagonist did indeed see people getting their hair cut. Wow!"
The money was successfully handed over to the young man who claimed he would give Dojyo a "fashionable" hairstyle. But the trickster had a special condition:
"Don't touch my skin. Just my hair."
So, for the first time in the next couple of months, he looked at himself in the mirror. The last time the trickster had a haircut was six months ago, but the whole thing was more like "grab as much hair as you can and cut it off." Now he was putting his hair in the hands of a stranger. Dodge thought that such intense activity on his head in six months was not normal.
"If only it grew once every thirty years..."
In any case, the person staring back at him from the mirror was typical Dodge. Of unknown nationality, with short, thin, sparse arched eyebrows and grey, low, empty eyes. An ordinary nose, lips slightly darker than those of most people. Dark, straight hair, no moustache or stubble.
"Relax, I'll have to do something about those growths on your head.
He had plenty of time. Glancing at the clock at the far end of the room, the protagonist began to wait. As a rule, when he needed to pass the time, Lovkač simply forced himself to stare at one spot, then slowly began to think about people, life, drinks, why the sky was blue and the sun wasn't shining as brightly as yesterday. Time passed. Dodge stood still. Everyone grew old and died. He lived.
"The sword from his hand. I doubt it was a friendly gesture," the trickster realised only now, remembering the girl.
He stared at one spot for about another half hour, after which the barber solemnly said:
"Done!"
Coming out of his stupor, the protagonist looked at his new hairstyle. His thick, damp hair was slicked to the side.
"It suits you!
"Thank you," he said the rehearsed phrase without much intonation, getting up from the chair.
Stepping outside, Dodge noticed a familiar girl out of the corner of his eye. She was standing in the distance, clearly watching him.
"A fan?" Dodger thought jokingly, tensing up a little.
"Ding! Ding! Ding!" Something vibrated in his pocket.
The metal box showed signs of life. Some numbers and two buttons. "Answer" and "Reject."
Not knowing what to do, Dodger decided to press buttons at random. He hit "Answer."
"Closer," said the phone.
"... — this thing is talking, damn it.
"Closer," the voice grew louder as Dodge held it closer to his ear.
"[Indistinct incantation in an unknown language]. Now turn left and walk to the corner.
This amused him greatly. Yesterday, some beast had tried to convince him that he had forgotten something, and now an iron box was telling him where to go. He hadn't seen anything this funny even in the Roman zoo. However, out of curiosity, he decided to follow the instructions. The road led him to a girl holding another iron box in her hand.
"Because of you, I had to take a phone away from a kid. Give me back everything that belongs to me.
Did he need the junk that was telling him where to go? Of course not. Dodge handed over his mobile phone without hesitation.
"Where's my money? Don't you dare lie to me.
"Stop bossing me around, seriously..."
"At the hairdresser's," Dodge decided to play along.
"Go and get it from him. And everything he has. All his money.
"Why?" he raised an eyebrow.
At that moment, the girl's expression changed from "satisfied" to "fearful."
"Subordinates don't ask such questions," she said, remembering the spell. Had she used the right words? Had she gotten confused?
"Very interesting..." He rubbed his head. Now scratching his head felt much more pleasant.
"So he's not a human, not a low-class demon, not a low-caste angel..."
"Who the hell are you?!" she asked in a loud whisper, taking a couple of steps back.
"Dodger, nice to meet you. Can you spare some change?"
***
Japan. Park.
Monday. 5:00 PM
The trickster was sitting on a bench as usual, slowly sipping his drink. The fallen woman had turned out to be smarter than he thought, and so she had simply vanished. Intuition had led him to the park, by the way. True, a man had been killed here just yesterday. But it was worth noting that there was no sign of the police.
A familiar figure appeared in the distance. A twisted boy was walking quickly towards the fountain. Seeing Dodge, he became a little wary.
"What kind of day is this, everyone looks so suspicious. Didn't he die yesterday? But why am I surprised...".
"Hello," he said, standing five metres away from the bench.
He received no reply. Dodge was still slowly sipping his Meiser.
"Damn magic again. It's like some kind of holiday..."
He moved closer. He had changed. The magic was coming from this boy.
"Did we meet yesterday?
"[Nod]
Ise looked a little under the weather. Deciding to freshen up a bit, the pervert bought himself a can of soda. Meiser, what else? Sitting down on another bench, he greedily gulped the cold liquid from the can.
"Well, well, what do we have here!" exclaimed... it's hard to describe.
"What kind of mythical creature is that?"
A fallen angel appeared next to the fountain. Grey feathers, wings, looking rather old. Was this some kind of anomaly zone?"
"I hope it doesn't kill me with radiation."
"What the hell?" the boy perked up, getting up from the bench.
"You bastard, how do you even exist...
The boy slowly backed away.
"Running away, are we?" the old man smiled.
"I don't understand what the hell is going on here!
"That's why I can't stand the lower class. No master, no companions nearby. I don't sense any magic, so you're alone. A stray wolf.
Dodge scratched his head again. Had he suddenly learned how to become invisible? No, I don't think so...
"Die.
A light spear aimed at a schoolboy would most likely be fatal. Shivering as if it were below freezing outside, he simply waited for his death. A stupid death.
"Don't spill it," Dodge said coolly, changing the spear's trajectory with a blow of his palm. No one even realised how he had appeared in front of the boy.
"What? You can see us? But you're human!" The fallen man seemed seriously surprised. "In any case, it's time to finish you off, boys.
"You won't lay a finger on him," said the red-haired girl who had appeared in the park.
"R-Rias, my mentor," stammered the schoolboy.
"Who are you? Red hair... you're from the Gremory family!" the fallen angel said with some fear.
"How are you, Fallen Angel?" asked Gremory without any friendliness.
"I didn't know you were patrolling this city.
"If you so much as touch this boy, don't expect mercy.
"My name is Downashiku. I hope this was our last meeting.
The fallen angel disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. Snatching the soda from the pervert's hands, Dodger was annoyed to find that it was empty.
"All that effort for nothing," thought the trickster with some anger, throwing the empty can into the trash can with force. "I wanted to avoid spilling the greatest drink on the planet, and instead I accidentally saved someone's life. And for free!"
The boy fainted. The red-haired girl ran up to him, grabbed him by the shoulders and teleported away. In the end, Dodge was left alone again...
"And now it's raining. Oh..." he thought, looking at the sky and feeling small drops of water on his face.
He spent the rest of the day and night in the park, drinking a can of Meiser every half hour.
"Well, that's it, the end of the adventure," he thought, realising that he had run out of money and it was the middle of the night.
***
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