Today... There aren't many people around. Is it because it's the rainy season? They say the sea isn't beautiful this time of year. I don't really understand how people decide whether the sea is beautiful or not. For me, the sea looks the same every day.
But the sky... it's never the same, not even for a single day. And yet... It's just as captivating every single time. The sky begins to turn a brick-red hue as the sun nears the horizon. I lift the camera hanging around my neck and snap another photo. I've lost count of how many pictures I've taken here today.
I probably won't be coming back here for a while. Might as well take these pictures to keep as memories. A gentle sea breeze sweeps past me. I don't know where it picked up this feeling of melancholy, but it's enough to leave me feeling adrift. My gaze drifts to the farthest edge of the sea I can see.
The scene before me sparked a question, one that I've never been able to answer. Are we looking at the same sky?...But even if we're not, it's okay. Back then... I must have been only ten years old. In an old, abandoned fisherman's storeroom, there was no better
place to serve as our "secret base" than here. Together, we snuck things from home to decorate the space until it became our private haven, swearing to each other never to tell anyone. I sat down, leaning my back against the wall, and glanced at the overcast sky, which was releasing an endless stream of raindrops.
Soaked to the skin, I hugged myself tightly to fend off the cold. I bit my lip hard to stifle the sound of my sobs. But I couldn't hold it back for long and eventually let myself cry again, burying my face in my arms and letting the tears flow unchecked. This was the only place I wanted to be whenever I felt lost, because I didn't want to go home.
Bang!!
I jolted violently at the sound of thunder.
No.
No thunder, please! I thought I heard the sound of a door opening and quickly looked up. Standing there was a boy about my age. He was slightly taller than me, with bright, fair skin. Although he was holding an umbrella, he was completely soaked, as if he had rushed through the rain to get here. His expression was anxious and worried. He was the one person I had hoped would find me. And he always did.
"It's dangerous to be here at this time of day, especially when it's raining like this," he said. I immediately stood up and ran to hug him.
"Were you scared of the thunder?"
"Mm-hmm," I murmured.
"It's okay now. I'm here," he said softly.
He held me close, comforting me, and gently stroked my head. P' Tonfah was one of the few people who knew exactly what scared me, and what didn't. One of my greatest fears was thunder. Even though I was "Typhoon ," I was terrified of lightning and thunder.
"Typhoon ."
"Yes?" I answered.
"Why are you here?"
"..."
"Don't you want to go home?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm scared."
"Scared of your mom?"
"Yes. Mom's scary."
"Why is she scary?"
"She turns into a monster," I mumbled into his embrace before P'
Fah gently released me. I lowered my head, unable to meet his gaze. "Mom is scary."
"Typhoon ."
"Look up at me, will you?"
I looked up, and that familiar kind smile was waiting for me.
"It's okay. P' Fah will go back with you."
"But P' Fah has to go back anyway, right?"
"No, I mean I'll go back with you."
"..."
"Does that sound good?"
"But…"
"Let's go back together, okay?"
"No, Mom will hit me. It'll hurt," I said, biting my lip tightly. The memories were terrifying. I didn't want to be hit again. I still remembered the pain all too well. "Today, I was a bad kid. Mom doesn't like me."
"How were you a bad kid?"
"I failed my math test."
"Failing a test makes you a bad kid?"
"Yes."
"Well then, I guess P' Fah is a bad kid too."
"Why? Did P' Fah fail a test too?"
"No," P' Fah said, shaking his head slightly.
"But I also snuck out of the house today."
…
It was true. His parents had forbidden him from leaving the house when it was raining, but he had snuck out anyway just to look for me.
"P' Fah, go back now! You'll get in trouble. It'll hurt," I said anxiously, trying to push him toward the door. I couldn't let him get punished like me. It hurt too much. But before he could leave, P' Fah grabbed my wrist.
"Are you not going back?"
"I don't want to be hit by Mom."
"Then I'll get in trouble with you."
"No!" I stubbornly refused.
"Fun will be worried about you," P' Fah said, his expression and tone becoming more serious. "Fun won't eat dinner if you don't go back."
"Fun is worried?"
"Yes."
"Will Fun cry?"
"Yes."
"I don't want Fun to cry."
"Then come back with P' Fah, okay?"
"...Okay."
"Good boy."
I reached out to take the hand that was already waiting for mine, stepping under the same umbrella. Slowly, I followed the person leading me home. Along the way, I kept stealing glances at P' Fah. It's okay. As long as P' Fah is here... it'll be okay.
And then, what happened after that? I walked to the end of the path and found the ruins of a place I once knew so well. Our secret base, it was gone. But P' Fah wouldn't know that, would he? I'd heard that soon this spot would be turned into a new storage building.
There wouldn't be any trace left of the memories we shared here. I lifted my camera and took a picture of it. I didn't even know why I bothered…Ah... right. That day, when I got home, Fun burst into tears. She hugged me tightly as soon as she saw me and asked where I had been, if I was hurt anywhere.
Torfun is my older sister, just a year older than me. She's the same age as P' Fah, but I prefer to call her "Fun" instead of adding "P'" like most would. Back then, I wasn't really hurt. I cried because I didn't want to be punished.
But Mom didn't ask if I was hurt. Mom asked... What was my test score? Why does she love Fun more than me...? I used to wonder about that a lot, asking myself over and over. But now, I don't bother asking anymore, because the answer hurts too much.
It's not the wind that carries loneliness to me, it's me who has always been alone. Fun likes... no, Fun loves P' Fah. It's obvious just by looking at her. Because I feel the same way... I've been in love with him for a long time. My parents deeply respect P' Fah's parents, as they've been incredibly kind to our family. Plus, our houses are right next to each other. That's why the three of us have always played together.
As a child, I always watched the two of them. Fun and P' Fah were my entire world. Fun and P' Fah were both so talented, great at everything, from writing to academics, completely different from me, who always seemed to fail at everything in my parents' eyes.
"Why can't you be like P' Tonfah? Why don't you get good grades like Fun? Why are your grades so low? Why don't you study more? Why are you always wasting time on pointless things? Why did you fail again? Why, why, why..."
Yeah... Why? Why don't you ever hug me instead...? But it's okay. As long as I have the two of them, that's enough, or at least, that's what I used to think. No, it was like that for a child who longed for acceptance, for attention. A child who longed for love... like me. Until the day P' Fah had to move away to attend high school at another school, one far beyond my reach, where I could no longer see him.
"Fun, I'll study hard and get into medical school. Then we'll become doctors together, okay?"
"Mm, I'll work hard too. Let's become doctors together."
I stood there watching the two of them say their goodbyes. They both shared the same dream of becoming doctors. Fun even had a gift for P' Fah. But I didn't, I didn't know what to give him. All I had in that moment were feelings of sadness and disappointment. Why did he have to leave me too...?
"Typhoon ."
"..." I looked up when he called my name.
"Take care of yourself, okay?"
"Yes."
"You look like you're about to cry again," P' Fah said as he reached out and gently patted my head when he noticed my sulky expression on the verge of tears.
"Will we meet again?"
"Yes."
"Typhoon , don't cry," Fun said, standing next to me as she gently squeezed my shoulder. "Someday we'll definitely meet again, and we'll all be together like before."
"Mm-hmm."
We'll be together again...
"Good luck," P' Fah said.
Those were the last words I said before we parted ways. Looking back now, I feel like I could have said something better to P' Fah…Suddenly, the sound of my phone ringing pulled me from my thoughts as I strolled aimlessly. Startled, I quickly took it out to check the caller. Seeing who it was, I let out a sigh I couldn't suppress.
…
"Yes," I answered.
("It's almost time," the voice on the other end reminded me.)
"Yes."
("Don't miss your flight. Can you get to the airport on your own?")
"Yes."
("All your belongings are sorted out, including your student uniforms. You've received the room keys, right?")
"Yes."
("Do you need someone to pick you up? Where are you right now?")
"No, it's fine. I'll go on my own."
("You sure?")
"Yes. There's a place I'd like to stop by first."
("Alright, don't take too long.")
I made a quick stop to buy something and headed toward a familiar place, one I always visited, whether in moments of happiness or sadness. Once I leave for where I'm going, I won't be able to come back here again. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but in reality, it still feels unsettling. I wouldn't be able to stay long today, so I just planned to stop by, pay a visit, and say goodbye.
I walked to the same spot as always and slowly knelt down, my eyes fixed on the familiar photograph of a woman. Her sweet face, adorned with a warm smile I missed so much, stared back at me. I gently placed flowers in front of her picture.
"Fun…"
"I'm going to see P' Fah now."