(Greek Mythology) The Abyss of the Underworld
Chapter Sixty-Three
Having learned from his previous mistakes, Zeus, now back in battle, no longer acted recklessly. He dutifully played the role of a ranged attacker. One day, however, he cheated again, and Zeus finally began his counterattack.
Moreover, because he used lightning to attack, the sound and light effects during Zeus's battles were exceptionally impressive, reminiscent of a Hollywood blockbuster. The mythological description of this scene is also very sophisticated and high-class.
Zeus, armored with clouds, shielded with thunderbolts, speared with lightning, arrows with thunderbolts, and charioted with time, charged straight down from the heavens. Phoebus, the god of terror, and Demos, the god of fear, accompanied him on either side. Nike, the goddess of victory, held up her shield in front, and the four wind gods were at his command.
The gods of the underworld: This is a perfect display of power! We give it full marks.
Zeus had an advantage, while Typhon had a disadvantage. The outcome was predictable: Typhon and Zeus fought and fled. When they reached the region of Treca, Typhon lifted Mount Hermes and hurled it at Zeus, but it was struck by lightning and sent the mountain crashing back down on Typhon himself. Finally, Typhon tried to escape across the Sicilian Sea, but Zeus summoned Mount Etna and buried him beneath it.
This story teaches us how important it is to understand physics. Otherwise, if you don't even know the law of gravity and throw things into the sky like Typhon, you're bound to get crushed.
"Seriously, don't you guys think Zeus's weapon 'Thunderbolt' looks like a stun gun?"
"It does look quite like one," Amyra agreed with Hemera after a careful examination.
"A stun gun with adjustable power, shaped like an asparagus," Eris succinctly summarized.
"I don't know if you guys feel the same way, but I always had this feeling that Zeus only defeated Typhon because of his weapon," Hemera said, expressing her feelings about the battle.
Looking at the whole battle, Zeus used his weapon "Thunderbolt" from afar to unleash lightning, gaining an early advantage. Then, when Zeus lowered his weapon to engage in close combat, he was immediately defeated. After learning his lesson, Zeus, having regained his strength, began attacking from a distance again, finally defeating Typhon with the help of the goddess of fate (a fake drug dealer).
So, if Zeus hadn't had his weapon, wouldn't this battle have been game over from the start?
"Not only are they lacking in intelligence, but their fighting strength is also insufficient. Is their only purpose to be a joke?" Ai Miye scornfully remarked to the Olympian gods whose fighting power plummeted to a mere five weaklings after removing their equipment.
"And there's also the courage to be the denominator, trying to lower the average in various aspects," Eris indicated, suggesting they still had other uses.
"Hemera, do you remember where your symbiotic artifact is?" Aimira suddenly asked.
"Symbiotic artifact? You mean that harp? It should be... uh, I forgot." Hemera hesitated, then awkwardly admitted she didn't know.
She only played it occasionally when the mood struck; otherwise, she ignored it. Who knows where it is? Anyway, Aether would remember for her.
So, gods can't be compared. Look at Hemera like this, and then think about the first generation of gods.
Tartarus's Mirror of Life, its function is basically equivalent to a television.
Gaia's Bottle of Life, containing the Seed of All Things and the Fountain of Life. The Fountain of Life is very effective for watering flowers; Gaia says she uses it very conveniently.
The Bottle of Life, reduced to a flowerpot: Please have mercy!!
Erebus's spear is quite sharp. He used it when he and Eros were punished by Tartarus to plant flowers; it makes a dent with a single thrust, very effortless.
He's always felt that spears are unlucky weapons, after all, spearmen are historically considered unlucky. No wonder Erebus was so thoroughly outmatched by Nyx.
Nyx's fan—who would have thought that the fan Nyx wields, more for show than practical use, is actually his signature weapon?
Eros's golden bow, once gathering dust in some unknown corner, is now a child's toy, wielded by Cupid, the son of Eros and Aphrodite.
Amy's Sword of Norclice—sorry, she hasn't used it yet.
"The difference seems a bit too great," Eris remarked solemnly after the comparison.
"Indeed," Hermes replied, indicating she understood what Amy was implying.
The very name "divine artifact" sounds incredibly prestigious, and "accompanying divine artifacts" are even more so. While the first generation of gods all possessed one, in reality, very few deities actually possessed an accompanying divine artifact.
To obtain an accompanying divine artifact, firstly, you had to be powerful enough—this alone was enough to eliminate most deities; secondly, you had to be incredibly lucky, which would further eliminate most of the other candidates.
With such stringent conditions, accompanying divine artifacts were naturally far superior to Zeus's Cyclops-forged "Thunderbolt," since one was innate, the other acquired.
As a result, the deities who possessed accompanying divine artifacts didn't seem to care much about them, while those who didn't valued them. Therefore, their contempt for Zeus was quite justified.
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The good news was certainly uplifting. Having witnessed the entire disastrous ordeal in the realm of the gods, the gods of the underworld were in a state of euphoria for a long time. Even the backlog of official documents and the increased number of undead after the Battle of Typhon couldn't dampen their spirits, and their work efficiency was exceptionally high.
Hades, observing his subordinates' work, pondered. The balance between work and rest was excellent; it maintained their work ethic without affecting their workload. It seemed he could give Zeus more trouble in the future. (Are you sure it wasn't just because Tartarus enjoyed watching the drama and disliked Zeus?)
In contrast to the harmony in the underworld, the atmosphere in the realm of the gods was less pleasant. Although they had defeated their enemies, everyone knew that the Battle of Typhon was entirely caused by Hera's jealousy; they just didn't say it outright.
The Queen of the Gods was the wife of the King of the Gods. Although Zeus had many wives, this was, after all, his principal wife, and it wouldn't look good for Zeus to say it out loud.
So, to cover up the truth, various rumors began to circulate under Zeus's secret instructions. The most widespread was that Typhon was actually the child of Gaia and Tartarus, and that Gaia had instigated Typhon's attack on Mount Olympus.
Gaia had a long history of involvement in the downfall of the first and second kings of the gods, Uranus and Tartarus, so most beings easily believed the claim that she had instigated Typhon.
Gaia, the scapegoat: ...
Hera had initially prayed to the Heavenly Father, Earthly Mother, and Tartarus, but the Heavenly Father, Uranus, the first king of the gods and god of the sky, had long been imprisoned in the abyss and could not answer Hera's request. Therefore, it was Tartarus and Gaia who truly granted Hera's request. Thus, Typhon carried the laws of the abyss and the earth.
Misled by Zeus, the uninformed onlookers, seeing this, exclaimed, "Wow, Typhon really does possess the laws of those two! There's photographic evidence! Okay, it's the truth! Your Majesty, we believe you!"
Zeus, having successfully shifted the blame, was quite satisfied.
Upon hearing the news, Hades felt inexplicably uncomfortable. After some thought, he attributed it to his disapproval of Zeus's actions.
"Aren't you angry?" Hades asked Tartarus, whose expression remained calm.
"It's just a rumor. There's nothing to be angry about. Anyone with good connections knows the truth. Those words only deceive ordinary gods and other beings," Tartarus said nonchalantly.
"Moreover," Tartarus smiled, sensing the entry of an outer god into the Underworld, "most of the gods, even those unaware of the truth, will soon be able to guess the gist of it."
Seeing Hades's questioning gaze, Tartarus explained, "I just sensed an outer god entering the Underworld; it seems they're preparing to imprison Typhon in the Abyss."
Perhaps Tartarus's prison was too infamous, the gods of the realm had made it a habit to cramm gods there, so when it came to dealing with Typhon, they didn't even hesitate, simply deciding to shove him in.
"Tartarus, you're right, they really are brainless." Hades felt utterly hopeless about the intelligence of the gods.
You claim Typhon is Tartarus's child, yet you plan to imprison him in the Abyss? Who would imprison a defeated enemy in their father's territory? Are you preparing to give the enemy a chance to recover and rise again?
Although the father-son relationship is just a fabrication, at least most of the gods don't know it. Couldn't you have paid a little more attention?
#On the Practice of Self-Contradiction in Greek Mythology#
#Let's Talk About Those Stupid Gods Who Can't Even Make Up a Good Rumor# Chapter 63