It was 2011. I was in Class Nine.
A faint line of moustache had just begun to appear on my face. My daily routine was simple — school all day and hanging out with friends.
I didn't really have much curiosity about love back then. Many of my friends were in relationships — cutting their hands, writing love notes, talking on the phone, and all that.
One Wednesday (07-10-2011), I saw her for the first time. She was standing in front of our class, leaning against the neem tree, talking and laughing with someone.
I noticed something that completely captivated me — whenever she smiled, a beautiful dimple appeared on her left cheek. That was the moment I was truly mesmerized.
As days passed, I started liking her more and more. I shared this with my closest friend, Bilas.
Bilas probably told someone in class, and eventually the news reached my uncle Al-Amin's girlfriend — whom I used to call "Chachi" even in front of the teachers.
She said to me,
"If you like her, why don't you just tell her?"
I replied,
"How can I say it? She's in Class Six. What if she complains to the teacher?"
Honestly, even if she had complained, the teachers probably wouldn't have done much — because at that time, we seniors practically ran the school.
Anyway, the next day Chachi told me,
"Today you must tell her."
After hesitating for a while, I finally said,
"Okay, I will."
Chachi brought the girl and made her stand by the south window of our classroom. Then she said,
"Neel wants to tell you something. Go ahead — I'm right here."
I had no idea what to say…
The girl kept asking,
— "What did you want to say?"
— "No… I mean…" (me)
— "What do you mean?"
— "I mean…"
— "Why are you hesitating so much? Just say it!"
— "Actually… maybe I'll tell you tomorrow?"
— "No, tell me today — otherwise I'm leaving!"
— "Hey, listen…"
— "I… I really like you."
I blurted it out with my eyes closed — and immediately walked away.
A few days later…
— "Excuse me?" (her)
I looked — it was her.
— "You sing very beautifully."
— "Who told you that?" (me)
— "No one. I saw you practicing songs in class with sir the other day."
— "Oh…"
— "By the way… what were you saying that day?"
— "Didn't you hear?"
— "Yes, I did."
— "So… what's your answer?"
She said nothing. Just stood there with her head down, maybe out of shyness.
— "What happened? Say something."
— "What should I say?"
— "Say: I love you."
— "No… I can't."
— "You have to say it."
And she ran away.
After great effort, I managed to get her aunt's phone number. But how would I call? I didn't have a phone, and I couldn't use the home phone.
A few days later, she told me she liked me too. But we barely talked, because her cousin studied in the same school.
Then I bought a phone — just to talk to her.
Our relationship was actually going quite well.
But even talking on the phone was difficult. The first time we spoke on the phone, it lasted 37 seconds. Another day — 53 seconds.
Just those two days.
Every day after school, I would tell her,
"I'm leaving."
And she would say the same to me.
In this way, I moved up to Class Ten.
But suddenly… I don't know what happened — she said she didn't want to continue the relationship anymore.
I went behind the school and cried a lot.
Bilas even went to her class and tried to convince her, but it didn't work.
She clearly told me — she didn't want any relationship with me.
But why — I still don't know.
I asked her again and again,
"Why don't you want to stay in the relationship?"
She never gave me an answer.
Many people like me keep asking the same question —
Why did you leave? What was my fault?
Those who leave usually say just one thing —
"I don't know."
Why they say this… only they know.
And only God knows.