After ending the call, Shizuka took a deep breath and asked:
"So, how did all this happen?"
Darius stood upright, his finger pointing toward the two girls in front of him with full righteousness:
"Report! Yukinoshita is suspected of illegal violent building demolition, and Yuigahama is illegally possessing weapons of mass destruction! As the only normal person, I'm applying to quarantine and interrogate them! Oh, and while we're at it, request a budget for installing blast-proof doors!"
Shizuka took a deep breath for the second time, her fists crackling. Putting this person into the Service Club was really like throwing a depth charge into a fish pond.
"Darius..."
"Present!"
"Go write a ten-thousand-word reflection essay! Title: Analysis of Why Door Panels Won't Crash Into Themselves On Purpose!"
"Sensei, from a quantum mechanics perspective—"
"IRON FIST EXECUTION!"
*THWACK!*
Shizuka's fist fell with a whooshing sound. There was no dull flesh-hitting sound as imagined, only a crisp sound like slapping jelly.
Darius perfectly avoided the impact point, then bounced back to his original position.
"Physical Evasion check successful."
Darius adjusted the position of glasses that didn't actually exist, then stared seriously at Shizuka's fist frozen in mid-air.
"Sensei, according to the Revised Newton's Third Law, as long as facial skin is thick enough, force action is unidirectional. What you just hit was the 'Air Wall' called the Teacher-Student Bond. Does your hand hurt? That's condemnation from your conscience."
The vein in Shizuka's temple protruded and hardened rapidly. She felt like she was hitting cotton filled with steel needles.
"Darius..." Shizuka's voice lowered, "Do you think killing someone while mentally ill isn't against the law?"
"Law is the lower limit of morality, while I stand outside that limit." Darius answered with full conviction. "Besides, your anger stems from anxiety about not being married at thirty. This anxiety transforms into aggression, trying to gain a sense of control by beating up minors. My suggestion: drink more warm water and watch fewer matchmaking shows."
The air instantly froze.
Yukino stepped back, her eyes radiating admiration like watching a hero departing to die. Yui covered her mouth in horror, her gaze alternating between the iron fist and Darius's neck.
"Good... very good."
Shizuka laughed from anger. She withdrew her fist, took out a cigarette, but her hand trembled so much she couldn't light it.
*CLICK!*
A blue flame spark was offered right in front of her. Darius held a lighter shaped like a miniature flamethrower.
"Sensei, this cigarette is the last line of defense for your sanity. Light it, otherwise, this school will experience a gas explosion from your rage."
Shizuka stared at the high-temperature flame, took a deep breath, then crushed the cigarette in her palm.
"Service Club." She returned to absolute calm after her great fury. "Starting today, Darius officially joins. Yukinoshita, this is an order."
"Rejected." Yukino answered firmly. "This place isn't a supplementary rehabilitation center for mental hospitals."
"Rejection rejected. Besides you, no one can suppress this disaster. For the safety of the entire school, consider yourself sacrificing to tame a tiger."
Shizuka turned to leave. When she reached the door, she added a cold line without looking back:
"Darius, if you dare mention 'thirty years old' and 'unmarriageable' again, I'll put you in a rocket launcher and shoot you to Mars."
The sound of her high heels faded away. The club room fell into total silence.
"Um..." Yui raised her hand weakly, "Should we hold a welcoming party?"
"A party on top of ruins?" Yukino glanced coldly at the chaos on the floor. "Or do you want to celebrate by eating that 'Anti-Matter Grenade'?"
Yui immediately hugged her cookie bag tightly, her eyes full of respect for the deadly weapon.
"Don't bother."
Darius walked straight to the chair across from the club president and sat down. His hands interlocked, his gaze sharp like an eagle.
"Since the organization has decided, I will reluctantly take over this place. First, let's redefine the nature of this club."
Yukino said coldly: "The purpose is to help people."
"Shallow." Darius shook his head. "What are called 'difficulties' are all BUGS in the world line. Starting today, this place is renamed 'Anomalous Phenomena Containment and Control Center', codename: SCP Sobu High Branch."
"Allow me to call the police." Yukino pulled out her phone.
*KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!*
The sound of knocking was elegant and polite.
"Level one alert." Darius narrowed his eyes and lowered his voice, holding a marker in reverse like a knife. "Hiratsuka's attack animation was too short, this must be a second-stage transformation. Yuigahama, prepare to throw the grenade."
"Eh?! Really have to throw it?" Yui panicked and grabbed a piece of black charcoal cookie.
"Please come in." Yukino ignored the two crazies. Right now she desperately needed a normal person to dilute the concentration of chaos in the air.
The door opened. What entered wasn't Shizuka, but a sight that brought even greater pressure.
The first thing visible was long legs wrapped tightly in black pantyhose, the lines smooth with a subtle sheen. The gaze moved upward, revealing a Toyogasaki High uniform, slender waist, and a beautiful yet proud face.
Kasumigaoka Utaha.
Popular author from Toyogasaki High, a genius girl with a sharp tongue.
She surveyed the surroundings: the destroyed door, blackened floor, pink-haired girl trembling while holding charcoal, Yukino who looked like she'd given up on life, and—a young man staring sharply at her thighs.
"I'm Kasumigaoka Utaha."
Her eyes lingered briefly on the marker held in reverse by Darius, the corner of her mouth curving into a meaningful smile.
"I met Hiratsuka-sensei downstairs earlier. She said there's a 'Logic Genius' here who could solve my writing block... It seems the rumors are true, the Service Club is indeed very 'distinctive'."
She ignored the wood fragments, walked to the front of the desk, and slammed a thick stack of manuscript onto the table.
"I'm experiencing creative block. My editor says the plot logic is inconsistent. I want to request 'honest' feedback from you all... especially from that perverted gentleman staring at my legs."
She smiled mockingly, hoping the young man would show an embarrassed expression. However, she was disappointed. Darius wasn't embarrassed, he actually looked terrified.
He suddenly stepped back, pointing at those beautiful black-stockinged legs and shouting:
"Warning! High-concentration dark matter leak detected! Those aren't stockings at all, that's a containment device for an 'Absolute Field' that seals an Evil God!"
Utaha's smile froze: "... Huh?"
"Don't move! Once those stockings tear and the gravitational field collapses, the entire school will be sucked into a black hole!"
In her seventeen years of life, this was the first time Utaha heard someone call stockings a "Dark Matter Containment Device."
She took a deep breath, maintaining her proud persona: "So this is your advice? Using chūnibyō delusions to attract my attention? Too bad, I'm not interested in cheap tricks like this."
"Delusions?"
Darius sneered, circled the table, and carefully pinched the first page of the manuscript like defusing a bomb.
Koisuru Metronome.
After a quick glance, Darius's face turned deathly pale.
"Good God... this isn't a novel, this is clearly a remnant page from the Necronomicon! An incantation to summon the Great Old Ones!"
"That's a romance novel!" Utaha finally lost her composure.
"Romance?" Darius pointed at a descriptive paragraph and shouted, "'Heart pounding as if wanting to jump out of the chest cavity'—this is a classic early symptom of an Alien parasite bursting through the chest! And this line 'his gaze made her breathless'—this is Thalassophobia! The female protagonist is a Deep One!"
He raised his head, staring at Utaha as if looking at a madwoman:
"You're spreading extinction prophecies disguised as romance novels? How cruel!"
Utaha was suddenly speechless. (The logic is tightly sealed, irrefutable.)
"Yukinoshita." Darius's voice sounded tragic. "Contact the Foundation immediately, otherwise, this school will become the next R'lyeh."
Yukino massaged her temples, feeling like her head would explode: "Kasumigaoka-senpai, I'm sorry, this person's brain has holes. Please just ignore him."
"No..."
Utaha suddenly laughed instead. It was the madness of a creator discovering a new continent. (Love is a parasite? Heartbeat is fear? This sick and distorted perspective...)
"Interesting." She approached Darius, her long black-stockinged legs moving with pressure. "Since you've seen through my disguise, what will you do, Mister 'Normal Person'?"
She was provoking, collecting writing material. But she forgot, in the world of the mentally ill, there's no such thing as "joking."
"Since you've been exposed..."
Darius's eyes flashed with determination. He removed the marker cap—this was the "Sacred Tool" he used to draw talismans in the mental hospital.
"To protect humanity's common sense, the source must be sealed!"
"What?" Utaha was stunned.
*SWISH!*
Darius knelt on one knee with lightning speed. On those expensive black stockings, he drew a large, messy red cross mark with great force.
"Sealing Technique: Holy Light Cross!" Darius shouted. "Begone, demon!"
Silence. Utter silence.
Utaha looked down, staring at the glowing red cross mark that smelled of ink on her thigh. Her brain suddenly crashed.
(He drew... on my stockings? On my leg...)
Shame accompanied by the sound of sanity shattering exploded instantly.
"AAAAAAHHHH!!!"
The scream split the dusk.
"YOU... PERVERT!!!"
Utaha tremblingly raised her bag and swung it at Darius.
"This is a sacred exorcism ritual! You can't repay kindness with ingratitude!" Darius ran away in panic while protecting his head.
"Yukinoshita, restrain her quickly! The Evil God has manifested! Yuigahama, throw the grenade! Bomb her to death now!"
"Don't throw it!!" Yukino screamed in a desperate tone.
That day, the Service Club welcomed its most utterly destroyed dusk.
Utaha did find "honesty." Only, this honesty cost her a bit in stockings.