4:26 PM — First Week Back
Winter break is over.
I tried not to count the days.
I filled them with noise — games, series, friends, anything to keep my brain busy.
Anything to stop imagining ski slopes and hypothetical strangers.
First day back at school, I was nervous.
I hated that I was nervous.
What if distance changed something?
What if he felt different?
What if I did?
But when I saw him in the hallway, it was… normal.
Easy.
Like no time had passed at all.
During break, when we were alone behind the science building, he kissed me like he always does.
So I guess we're okay.
That should have calmed me more than it did.
Because she's not okay.
She still won't commit.
But she won't let go either.
I messaged her a few days ago.
Just checking in.
Didn't want to push.
After a bit of careful back-and-forth, she admitted something.
She's afraid of regression.
That things will go back to how they were.
That the progress he's making now won't last once comfort returns.
She doesn't know if she dares to trust it yet.
I understand that.
Fear of history repeating itself is real.
But they haven't even spent time together properly for months.
Only calls.
Careful conversations.
Distance layered over distance.
At what point does caution become avoidance?
I shouldn't think like that.
It's not my place.
Still… I can't help wondering.
If I were him, I don't know how long I could live in that in-between.
Waiting to be chosen again.
Waiting to prove something that already changed.
And then I caught myself thinking something worse.
That maybe he shouldn't wait forever either.
That maybe she should be careful not to stall so long that he eventually moves on.
I erased that thought immediately.
That's not mine to carry.
This isn't my relationship.
But watching them has taught me something uncomfortable.
Growth is fragile.
Trust is slower.
And waiting…
Waiting tests both.
Spring is here.
Everything looks like it's starting again.
But not everything does.