"Arabian niii...." Music plays in the background.
Sound of typing on a keyboard.
"And here's level 19, phew." A minute of silence "Man, how low have I sunk? Playing on the starter version of WoW?"
"Eh, I hope that year-old guide about a community and guilds of perverts playing on the starter version wasn't lying! Plus, I bought Shadowlands. And with the new level squish, I have access to 60-70% of all locations! At least I'll check out what was in Battle for Azeroth—I didn't play it. Alright, minute of self-motivation over." Taking a sip from his favorite 2-liter mug of tea with lemon slices, he stretched lazily and finally paused the Aladdin movie playing from the minimized YouTube window that was covering the chat window. "What a great invention of modern times! Minimizing a playing video into a small window that crawls to the corner—makes grinding mobs less boring."
Scratching his head a bit, he lazily climbed out from behind the desk and headed to his white friend. And along the way, he pondered that his passion for MAGIC! Specifically for mages, was still strong in his blood, but it was easier and more convenient to play as a druid.
The exception was Shadowlands when they added the legendary necklace that gives three shields right away! A mage shield thicker than all your HP—that's still a cheat!
Healing still isn't there, and I don't count the Ice block or the table with food for it! Though things like "Balance" and a powerful shield reconciled me to reality—so I finally leveled a mage!
Tried arenas, realized—cat is still closer and more pleasant to me, and standing in place casting is torture! That's why I never played owl either. The only consolation was that I at least did the Legion class storyline—yeah, mages have an awesome fortress!
But all the content and Keeper of Wisdom twice over, I cleared as a druid anyway! Bird form and Starfall sped up location clears to a truly cosmic level! And cat Invisibility, combined with bear form's thick skin and its Healing—let me solo old Dungeons no problem!
Flashbacks briefly raced through his mind about starting as a paladin, faith in good and justice... but harsh reality, mass condemnations, mockery of paladins, growing up, cynicism, and Pandaria! Yeah, Pandaria spared no one! It all did its dirty work anyway.
Settling on the white throne and striking the pose of a great thinker, he continued his musings, but now out loud. "Eh, if only I could start everything over... not in the sense of leveling another character! But like, completely over! Become a transmigrator? Knowing myself—harem's not in the cards, but at least I won't repeat past mistakes! Maybe even get a childhood friend girlfriend? And this time not stupidly drop communication with her! And magic, yeah."
He pondered magic and its variations. "Into Harry Potter, but not as the glasses kid! As some half-blood or Muggleborn—I don't think I'd meddle in the plot! But I'd try to snag Hermione or Luna... yeah, Luna's pure cutie concentrate!"
You can forgive cuties a lot! Even madness... though girls usually call it an "accent." In some ways, I have to agree! A unique worldview and perception of reality really are part of her charm.
For a moment, hundreds of HP fanfics flashed in his head, and the thought of a fem version of Harry—Harriette. "Khm, or Harriet. Though then I'd probably have to dive into canon and go kill the Dursleys! Oh yeah, I can already see it—a little brat 7-11 years old storms Dursleyville and saves the princess... nah, nonsense! Though killing the Dursleys in principle would make the old prick move his ass and ship her off to the Weasleys at least! Whether they're bastards or not, it'd still count as improving the housing situation!"
He mulled over his own statement and decided to add. "Well, housing... more like treatment of the person and food! Which ain't nothing! In any case, I'd definitely count that as a good deed! And sleep better."
From behind the wall comes a sound like a drill.
"Fuck, knocked me off track... what was I? Oh yeah, transmigrators! Take KonoSuba with Aqua! Pretty decent world too—real RPG, all sorts of leveling, Magic! And cutie Eris/Chris..."
Sigh.
"Nah, on screen it's all perfect! But that's another girl with an 'accent'—kleptomania in this case! Wonder if catching a goddess's avatar—supposedly luck or whatever she is? On theft and thanking that same goddess for luck! While making sleazy hints about her further fate—that'd be wild!? The joke would be perfect! But afraid divine retribution or a spot in hell would be mine right away!" His face spread into a satisfied grin. "My sense of humor is my gift and curse! Shame often only I can appreciate it. Yeah."
The drill sound intensifies and starts sounding like an engine rattling.
He squinted and looked toward the Toilet door—some bad feeling. Drill option's out—this is either a car or a diesel generator? But who needs a generator in a plain panel apartment building? And considering I'm on the 5th floor...
Hm, theoretically, they could be working on the building wall and it's the sound from the builders' cradle—y'know, facade finishing. But a builders' cradle with a diesel generator? Sounds like bullshit.
Eh, whatever—I'm guessing what's waiting behind the door. Half-believing and half-not—in the sense miracle and MAGIC could be! But life taught me—cookie for me, not miracle! Gathering all his courage in a fist, he opens the door.
In the center of the corridor stands a regular Russian KamAZ. The corridor space starts expanding sharply, time slows.
With some mesmerized gaze, he watches the doorframe expand and his hand still holding the doorknob starts lengthening and receding—the thought shoots through—expanded space! Holy...
The KamAZ lurches forward and starts rapidly approaching.
Even with his poor eyesight, he manages to make out the bumper, where instead of a license plate it says—Isekai! Thoughts race fast—don't wanna die, but I'm ready! In what sense I just wished for this! No fear, no friends or family either...
A thought flashes that he doesn't have much money anyway, so nothing to lose.
Just let there be Magic! Andiii... fuck, this'll be the most shameful death! Pants down on the Toilet! But someone clearly went all out! With all this expanded space, and doubt I can run anyway. Gotta amp up the drama! Come on already! Spreads arms wide and...
Squeaky voice of a Japanese schoolgirl. "Nani...
Somewhere, unknown how much time later.
Where is everyone?! I've been hanging here for about an hour! Something tells me that pathetic 'Nani' at the end was extra! Came out like a scared schoolgirl... fuck, they're probably sitting there laughing now! I mean gods, who else could pull this off!
And can't even twitch—literally no body sensation, can't speak either... tried looking around and turning, but all around is darkness! So I'm not even sure I could turn in place—to look around.
There's nothing here to latch my gaze on as a landmark! Which really complicates surveying and makes me wonder—am I still looking where I was at the start? Or did I manage to turn?
By feel, several hours have passed—still darkness and no one! Thoughts start creeping in that the shawarma I bought near the house was spoiled, causing hallucinations! From which I died of... I don't even know. Poisoning, probably?
The thought that rescuers/police or whoever breaks into my apartment on the weird smell—will laugh for a long time. I can already imagine what the death report will say: cause of death—Rectal stroke!
Deep in my soul, I console myself that I outdid Kazuma in epicness! He only died trying to save a girl by jumping under Truck-kun, but couldn't see because of the sun it was an old tractor and died of fright! Rectal stroke is clearly more epic—I'm still waiting for the promised Isekai!
No idea how much time has passed. A week maybe? Hard to tell. To not go mad and preserve my personality—trying to recall my life, it's creaky. Even in life I rarely remembered what was a week ago—no, there were bright moments!
About how I managed to crawl through a window on a bet or got mad and pushed a girl off a swing... that moment still haunts me, and it's been 20 years! So I start recalling movie plots, games, books.
Not even trying to count time anymore and gave up. More and more thoughts that this is purgatory or something—where the soul slowly loses memory and vanishes into nowhere, or gets purified to the core and sent for reincarnation.
Still frantically cycling through everything I remember, but more often pondering the point of continuing this torture? Like—relax and forget everything! And done—you're a corpse, completely, you're gone! But faith in MAGIC, miracle, and reincarnation with memory intact is still strong. Trying to view it philosophically—in many fanfics there was a moment with such a trial.
Unknown where and when.
I'm still here. Starting to wonder—maybe I already reincarnated and now I'm Illidan? Like, he was blind too, chained in prison and... hadn't seen women in 10,000 years! Though to be fair, there were women there, maybe even naked. The wardenesses. Eh, guess I'm not Illidan after all—he could talk! And had some sight—magical even!
And company! He could've at least tried seducing the wardenesses while slowly going mad! Might've escaped. Or had someone to talk to—which in our similar state, ain't nothing!
On the other hand—bitches sitting in a dungeon 10,000 years guarding a magical prison powered by the prisoner... Can't imagine a more autistic and pointless job! Like, they're just not needed there!
Sure, Legion showed demons and other "demon hunters" prisoners—then maybe it made sense. Though Illidan was under Mount Hyjal, and that complex is right by Suramar on islands—that were flooded before!
So no wardenesses there. If you think about it—canon inconsistencies. If islands were flooded, where'd tauren kin come from? Though they lived on some mountains that were flooded—so islets, stretches it, and other areas were sub-flooded. Gods justify the MMO expansion—as far as I'm concerned, all WoW after Lich King is forcing an owl onto a globe!
Speaking of Liches, more often thinking I was wrong to call necromancy and Liches trying to survive that gimped way—cowards. Turns out sentient peop... khm, LICHsonalities!
Anyway, yeah—you're dead, but kinda still here! Alive and can do stuff! Though for some reason they don't try regaining flesh and enjoying life. Consciousness distortion? Undeath changes personality?
Hm, but ghosts love possessing and taking bodies. Paradox. Or shell dependency on consciousness? Ghost is kinda pure consciousness—not distorted by new body.
Unknown where and when.
For a while now, I'm not pondering and just enjoying—nothing, waiting for the end? But isn't the thought itself an attempt to preserve consciousness?
Fuck, why not hell? At least some torture! Could hate someone! And chat with devils.
Suddenly a white dot appears far away, slowly approaching, turning into light.
No words, just emotions! Finally waited for something! Khm, pull it together—main thing now is shut up, don't twitch, don't curse, try to make a good impression! Repeating this attraction my consciousness... or what's left—definitely won't survive!
Sharp pain, light around—I flail arms. Holy... I have arms! And feel something else, phantom, barely consciousness-graspable... and it suddenly rushes into my head! Understanding comes—someone slaps my ass hard. Oh, guess I was born. "Aaa?"