i dropped you off.
waited till you were safe
behind your door
before i left.
helmet still on,
engine still rumbling,
heart still breaking.
i sat there for minutes
like a fucking idiot—
thinking about the way
your arms felt around me.
the way your voice cracked
when you said "thanks."
and i told myself,
"it's just the drinks."
just the fucking alcohol.
just the warmth.
just the night.
just a moment.
not real.
not love.
not cheating.
just drunk confusion.
bullshit.
because the truth is—
i was sober enough
to remember the way your breath
hit the back of my neck.
sober enough
to drive slow
so i could keep you
a little longer.
but it's easier to blame the drinks.
it's easier to say:
"i was out of my mind."
"i didn't mean to hold her."
"i didn't mean to fall."
but god—
i did.
and that's the part
that scares me the most.