What happened next was the opposite of what had happened at the institute.
There, I watched.
Here, I moved.
I don't know whether it was the contrast or my mind still carrying the weight of months spent hesitating.
Maybe the brain remembers silence and tries to correct it aggressively. Or maybe ego, once fed, starts demanding space.
I had just come down from the CEO's cabin.
As I walked down the steps from his floor toward ours, my body moved easily, but my mind argued loudly behind it.
This wasn't fear slowing me down.
This was ego deciding how it wanted to arrive.
Each step carried a different thought.
Don't talk to her now.
Why not?
She just joined. Let her settle.
She's a junior, she'll come to you for doubts anyway.
You'll have control then.
That thought felt safe.
Too safe.
Another voice cut through, sharper, impatient.
Or talk now.
Ask questions.
See how talented she really is.
The CEO's words returned without warning, another you.
My ego didn't like that.
I told myself I was only being practical, that I wanted to understand her background, her strengths. But the truth was less polite.
I wanted to measure her.
The question took shape as I descended the steps, fully formed and unapologetic.
How talented are you, really?
I almost stopped walking.
Don't be stupid.
You can't ask that.
Then don't talk at all.
Restraint tried to take control.
Then the ego leaned forward.
Or talk now, before you do what you always do.
Before you wait.
Before you watch from a distance again.
By the time I reached our floor, the decision had already been made.
This wasn't courage.
This wasn't confidence.
This was ego acting before it finished thinking and no glamorizing.
I looked toward her cabin.
The trainer wasn't there.
And my feet turned without asking me again.
_________
I walked up to her desk and stood beside her.
For the first time, I saw her face.
And immediately, my mind betrayed me.
She didn't look extraordinary.
Talented, maybe. Intelligent, yes. But not the way the CEO had described. Not another me.
It was ridiculous to judge ability by appearance, but ego loves shortcuts. It reaches conclusions before evidence arrives.
She looked up at me, confusion clear on her face.
I smiled.
"Hi, this is Karthik. Are you Jessy? I just had an interesting discussion with the CEO about you."
She blinked once.
"Hi… yes. I'm Jessy."
"Which year did you pass out?"
"2014."
"Branch?"
"Electronics and Communication."
"Good," I said, nodding.
"Thanks."
"Welcome to Neon Technologies."
"Thank you."
"The CEO said you're very talented."
She hesitated, then spoke honestly.
"Actually, I don't know much about software development. I only studied electronics and communication. The interview mostly focused on that, so I did well. But I didn't really understand what the trainer explained today."
For a brief, ugly second, something inside me relaxed.
My ego felt validated.
I hated that it felt good.
I sat casually on the edge of her bench.
"Don't worry," I said. "I'll introduce you to the other juniors later. Everyone's still learning."
"Okay," she replied softly.
"We'll try to learn together," I added. "Help each other."
She nodded.
"Where are you from?"
"Nellore."
"You?"
"Tirupati," she said. "Did all my education at the foot of Lord Venkateswara."
I smiled without planning to.
She smiled back.
From the opposite cabin, Devi madam, the team lead, looked up and smiled. She had heard the conversation. The smile felt observant. Measuring.
Just then, the trainer walked in.
"Hi Karthik," he said. "Ragging already?"
I stood up immediately.
"No sir, just introductions."
"I'm kidding," he said, grinning. "Did you meet the CEO? He was looking for you."
"Yes sir, just now."
"So what's the hot news?"
I answered without thinking.
"It's Jessy."
Both of them looked at me again. So did Devi madam.
"The CEO mentioned a new trainee joined," I added quickly. "Asked us to share learnings and help her ramp up."
The trainer nodded.
"Okay."
I looked at Jessy.
"See you at lunch."
The trainer noticed my smile.
I noticed his.
I walked away.
__________
Something about that interaction stayed with me.
Not excitement.
Not attraction, at least not yet.
It was comfort.
A strange, refreshing ease, as if I had stepped into a version of myself that didn't hesitate, didn't retreat, didn't wait for permission.
The day moved on. Work resumed.
_________
I didn't realise it then, but the moment I chose to walk toward her instead of away, ego stopped being my shield, and became the very thing that would expose me. It also portrayed me as something I am not.
_________