There's a joke they tell in the Military State.
At the State Research Institute, where they study every field imaginable, the ergonomists who study the human body and the material scientists who explore the properties of materials share the same building. As the story goes, they sometimes accidentally walk into each other's labs, but they don't realize their mistake until it's time to go home.
It's a really terrible joke.
Jiiiiirrrrrr—.
A painful shriek assaulted my eardrums. The fact that they're still intact after being abused like this every morning means either my eardrums are tougher than I thought, or the State's scientists did their job properly.
To bend, but not to break. The motto of the State's material scientists. How much effort must have gone into creating that one sound? I'd rather not imagine.
"Ugh, I hate this so much…"
Why? Why must this alarm clock be the one to greet me every morning? Why must I start my day in misery?
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I buried my face in the hard pillow and yelled.
"Somebody please shut that damn alarm clock off!"
"Woof!"
"Huh?"
I wasn't expecting an answer. Who was that?
I mumbled stupidly and lifted my head, only to see the sight of Azzy flying through the air. Azzy leaped up in a single bound, kicked off the wall to launch herself higher, and raised a paw to swat the screaming alarm clock.
CRASH!
Did I once compare that alarm clock to a steel cicada?
The steel cicada that had tormented me every morning with its shrill cry was now crushed beneath the paw of a four-legged beast. Gears resembling guts scattered in every direction, and the thin, flat metal plate that produced the sound crumpled with a final death rattle.
The alarm clock was flattened, half-embedded in the wall. To remove it, I'd have to dig into the stone itself.
A chaotic flurry of gears and metal fragments drifted through the air. As I stared blankly at the scene, Azzy trotted over to me, wagging her tail as if expecting praise.
"…What, you want me to praise you or something?"
"Woof! Woof woof!"
"Yeah, good job. You did a great job. You've finished off the evil alarm clock that tormented me every morning… so thoroughly it can never be fixed…"
The main components were completely smashed. Unless there's a blacksmith somewhere in Tantalus, there's no way to salvage it.
I swept my hair back and grabbed Azzy by the shoulders.
"But you know what, Azzy? The real thing that torments me isn't the alarm clock that screams every morning. The alarm clock is just a scout. The true mastermind is the morning itself, the very thing that makes the alarm clock cry."
"Woof?"
"That's right. The mastermind behind it all is the morning. The damn morning that forces me to repeat the day I just barely finished. I appreciate your noble deed, but this changes nothing!"
After listening to my long-winded speech, the first thing Azzy said was.
"Stupid?"
"…?"
What did I just hear? As I stood there, mouth agape, Azzy looked at the ceiling and said.
"Sun, no see. Dark here. Morning, not here!"
"No. Even if the sun doesn't rise, morning is still morning."
"Woof! No see, not morning!"
No sun means no morning, huh. Should I call that a positivist viewpoint, or just a load of crap?
"Sleepy, then sleep! I, like sleeping!"
"Yeah. I'd love to sleep forever, too. But I have things to do, so I can't."
"Woof? Things?"
"Like cooking and cleaning. If I don't get up in the morning, there's no one to make you breakfast, is there?"
At that, Azzy's ears perked up. She jumped onto the bed, grabbed the hem of my clothes in her mouth, and started pulling. My body was dragged helplessly out of bed.
"No! Get up! Food! Foooood!"
"Alright! I'll make it, so let go! Wait!"
Leaving the frantically scurrying Azzy behind, I got myself ready. I roughly swept the broken alarm clock into a corner with my foot and wiped my face with a wet towel.
"Haaah. Now that the alarm clock is broken, how am I supposed to wake up starting tomorrow?"
There was only one reason I never smashed the alarm clock, despite all the suffering it caused me. Without it, I simply can't wake up.
This is the Abyss, a place with no sunlight and no roosters. A place cut off from the world, where time is meaningless. Since the morning never comes to greet you, there's no way to sense the passage of time. And the one alarm clock I relied on was just smashed by some dog.
"Isn't there anything else that works like an alarm…"
I raised my hand to flick Azzy on the forehead, but then gave up and sighed.
Ehh. Still, she did it for my sake. And honestly, it was pretty satisfying to see that clock get smashed.
The hand I'd raised to flick her changed course and started scratching her under the chin. Azzy beamed and rested her head's weight on my hand.
So innocent… A face without a single worry. I guess that's only possible because she's an animal who doesn't know any better.
Though I suppose that's the advantage of having a pet.
I reverse-summoned the Clothing Packet I was wearing and took out a new one. A reverse-summoned packet can be reused by either washing it in a laundry room or soaking it in water and wiping it clean. The former makes it good as new but requires special equipment; the latter takes some time to dry but can be done anywhere.
After changing into clean clothes, I took my hand away from Azzy's chin. As if it were stuck with glue, her face followed my hand for a moment before stopping.
Azzy's eyes went wide, asking why I'd stopped. She tilted her chin toward my hand, demanding more. It seems she thinks of me as some kind of petting machine, ball-throwing machine, or maybe a food-making machine.
Aigoo. Just my luck. Why am I stuck playing maid to a dog?
But what can I do? She's my dog. I have to feed her.
"Woof?"
"Let's go. Time to eat."
"Woof!"
If the best-behaved dog in the world existed, it would be Azzy on her way to a meal. I headed to the cafeteria with the dog who was only good three times a day.
I'll heat up yesterday's bean stew for breakfast, and I should make something different for the afternoon. Maybe I'll cook some meat for a change. I grilled some last time to win her over, but meat is an ingredient that's often more satisfying when cooked in other ways…
Huh.
Why is the pot empty? I'm sure there were leftovers yesterday.
I turned my head. The little monster was just staring at me with eyes that feigned complete ignorance.
Correction. Azzy has never been the best-behaved dog, not for a single moment. A mutt with nothing but brute strength is a disaster that should never be unleashed upon the world.
"Hey! You secretly ate the stew from yesterday, didn't you!"
"Woof woof?! Woof!"
"Don't play dumb! There's no one else here who would've eaten it!"
"Woof!"
"This morning's breakfast is confiscated!"
"Awooooooo!"
The howl of a starving dog echoed for a long time.
"Today's lesson is on how to handle an ungrateful beast!"
"Woof!"
Azzy, who was lying down in the back of the classroom, barked loudly in defiance. When I glared at her with menacing eyes, she snorted and turned her head away with a huff.
Hmph. As if that would make me bat an eye.
"Fundamentally, beasts know neither gratitude nor reason, so there's no need to do anything for them. It's a loss! Just let them fend for themselves!"
"Woof! Woof! Grrrr!"
The Regressor, who had been watching the war of nerves between me and Azzy with indifference, asked out of a sense of obligation.
"What's wrong?"
Another trivial matter, I'm sure. I'm not even curious, but I guess I should pretend to ask.
Her thoughts were incredibly rude, but right now, I couldn't bear not to vent my sorrow. I pounded my chest and said.
"That mutt ate all the food I'd saved from the day before!"
"Ruff! Grrr, woof!"
Azzy barked back defiantly. She may wear the skin of a human, but what came out was the howl of a beast. This was, in the truest sense of the word, just a dog barking nonsense.
Ugh, seriously. If her thought process wasn't that of a dog, I could read her mind completely and present irrefutable proof. At times like this, it's a damn shame I can't properly read her thoughts.
But the Regressor didn't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.
"So what if a dog ate some food?"
"Some food? What do you mean, some?"
I put a hand to my forehead and sighed deeply.
"You clearly don't understand, Trainee Shei. The reason humans and dogs can coexist is that we can feed them with leftovers. Plus, dogs don't demand that much food. However!"
I pointed a finger at the glutton and shouted.
"That thing not only eats the same food I do, but she eats twice as much! And she even has the audacity to share my table!"
"Just feed her a little more. Don't be so petty about it."
"Petty? Peeetty?"
Easy for you to say! You monopolize all the fortunes and whatnot, so you're loaded with assets and have a shit-ton of items! How can you say that to someone like me who lives hand-to-mouth?!
Besides, you're the one who needs her more! You said Azzy is a piece of the end! Then you, the Regressor, should be the one to take responsibility and manage her! With the great power of regression comes great responsibility!
Is what I almost said. But since I couldn't reveal that I could read minds, all that came out of my mouth was a complaint.
"Then you feed her!"
"Ah, sorry. That's impossible."
I tried giving her food from the Bountiful Table... but she wouldn't eat it at all. There are many dishes, but the portions for each are small, so it's not enough for Azzy anyway.
What surfaced in the Regressor's memory was the Bountiful Table. A feast so laden with food that it looked like the table legs would break at every meal.
Countless plates held morsels that would disappear with a single touch of the chopsticks. It was designed to allow one to taste the widest variety of foods possible in a single meal, within the limited space of one's stomach. The height of luxury, turning even hunger into a resource.
However, true to its name, it was full of spicy and salty food. If you dump that many expensive spices on something, of course Azzy wouldn't eat it. It's so precious a dog can't eat it, so I guess it's definitely not dog food.
I pressed my forehead and sighed.
"Anyway. I was never happy about sharing a table with a dog in the first place. I'm washing my hands of this. I'm not even going to acknowledge Azzy anymore. And with that, class is over."
[Wait. Over?]
"Yes. I called you all here today because I wanted you to hear my grievances. So, class is canceled for today. This isn't an opportunity that comes every day, so please enjoy this precious moment."
The one thing students love most: a canceled class. The surprising fact is that even the provider, the teacher, loves a canceled class. Perhaps a canceled class is the only absolute good that exists in this world.
Having exercised this absolute good, I headed straight for the door.