Chapter One
The First Crack
Ava's pov
I didn't expect to see him. At least not there and that soon. I couldn't get my eyes off him as I watched him lean against one of the pillars at the entrance of the school, his phone pressed against his ear, and his shoulders relaxed like the noise and chaos around him didn't exist.
He didn't look like a student—he has never looked like one.
Julian Cross. My best friend's older brother, the first man I ever learned to watch and memorized in pieces without being too obvious—his hands, his voice, the way he looked at people with his squinted eyes like he was scanning through their minds. I sometimes wonder why I was in love with him when he barely noticed me.
I hadn't seen him in almost two years since they moved from my street to another city, and when I finally gained admission into the university in that same city, I couldn't be more happy.
It was never a dream for me to go to school in New York but it became a dream the moment I heard Lena, my best friend, schools there. I know that's how I would be close to Julian.
I couldn't stop counting down the days until I finally met him again.
He looked even more handsome and that weakened my knees. He smiled at something said on the phone, and that small curve on his lips tightened something deep between my thighs.
His eyes lifted, and my heart skipped as our gaze met. He was surprised at the sight of me. But I couldn't tell whether he felt what I felt at that moment too. At least he could recognise me, I'm glad.
I had spent years pretending I didn't think about him.
Pretending I wasn't looking forward to seeing him every day.
It's just unfortunate that he sees me like a little girl.
I had told myself that I was just being childish too but seeing him again, I still can't help it.
He ended the call without breaking eye contact.
"Ava?" He called and walked closer to me. My name sounded sexy coming from him. Like I haven't heard any guy call my name before.
"Julian," I answered, my voice steadier than I felt.
For a second, I felt the air in my throat seize, and I could hear my heart beat echo loudly in my ears.
"Where is Lena?"—"What are you doing here?" We both asked at the same time, but his question pulled me back to the present.
"I…I moved in a few days. I'm now in this school, I was searching for Lena actually," I stuttered, struggling to get my words out in one piece as though his presence was suffocating me
I arrived in New York City not long ago. My father's driver came to drop me off but never asked if I was sure of the location.
He never did. His job was to deliver, not question.
I was standing alone on the sidewalk now, one suitcase at my feet. Heavy. Packed with clothes my mother chose, shoes meant to look elegant instead of useful, and a version of myself I was meant to maintain. Trying to figure my way around the city, I saw Julian unexpectedly.
"I… I am going here," I said, gesturing toward the campus behind me. "University of Arts."
Julian's brow lifted slightly. A faint smile touched his mouth.
"Of course you do."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"It means Lena was right," he said. "She said you'd end up somewhere like this."
Lena. My close friend growing up. My only safe rebellion.
The only reason Julian had ever existed at the edges of my life without crossing into something forbidden. So I thought.
Like I've desired. Not sure he does. Even though I don't care.
"And you?" I asked. "Lost?"
That sounded funny to him.
"Dropping my sister off."
He finally said after the laughter
Relief slid through me, followed by something tighter. I didn't want him gone yet. The thought surprised me with its honesty.
Around us, the campus buzzed. Students spilled across the steps, laughing too loudly, touching too freely, living without permission. The University of Arts stood tall and glass-fronted, unapologetic.
I felt exposed standing there.
I had been raised to believe control was love. Following rules kept me safe. That obedience made me worthy. Even now, in this place that promised freedom, something in me is expecting my father's voice to cut through the crowd and call me back.
Fortunately, It didn't,
"You look different," Julian said, his eyes studying me like he was comparing memory to reality.
"So do you," I replied.
His smile deepened. "Careful. That almost sounds like a compliment."
I had imagined this moment before. More times than I wanted to admit. What I would say if I ever ran into him again. How I would act calm, distant, unaffected.
But I failed.
"Still arrogant," I said instead.
"And you," he replied quietly, "still pretending you're not braver than everyone thinks."
My throat tightened. He had always seen too much. That was part of the problem. Part of why I watched him from a distance instead of letting myself get closer to him.
"Ava!"
Lena's voice cut through the moment, and then she was there, colliding with me in a fierce hug that grounded me. "You're here. You actually came."
"I did," I said, laughing despite the tightness in my chest.
She pulled back, eyes shining. "You look amazing."
"Don't exaggerate," I said, though I smiled.
Julian cleared his throat. "I'm still standing here."
Lena rolled her eyes. "Unfortunately."
He grinned, but his gaze flicked back to me. That felt like pressure against my skin
I had always felt him watching, even when I pretended I didn't. Even when he wasn't.
Coffee was suggested. I hesitated. Coffee with Lena was safe. Coffee with Julian felt dangerous in some way.
"I don't want to intrude," I said.
"You wouldn't," Julian replied.
The words settled deep inside me
I hated how much they mattered.
The café just off campus was loud and crowded, steam clinging to the air. Lena talked about the school and the city.
Julian listened and thought he wasn't aware of what she's saying.
I tried not to watch the way his hands moved, the way his jaw tightened when he focused.
I failed once again.
"So," Lena said, stirring her drink, "how does it feel? Being free?"
The word landed hard.
"I don't know yet," I admitted. "It feels unreal."
Julian leaned back. "Freedom usually does."
I looked at him. "You sound like an expert."
"Experience," he said simply.
Our eyes held. The noise faded. At that moment, I understood something I hadn't wanted to name.
I wasn't afraid of Julian.
I was drawn to him.
I had always been.
That scared me more than any rule I had ever broken.
That night, lying alone in my room, the city humming outside my window, I replayed the day again and again. The way he said my name. The way his eyes followed me. The way my body reacted before my mind could stop it.
I told myself it meant nothing. That he was just a familiar face in a new life.
My phone rang unexpectedly. Not my mum or dad neither was it Julian or Lena.
It was an unknown number.
"Hey" he said, immediately I picked the call.