"Hello, boy…" I said, jumping through the window of Pearl's house and finding my kid in bed with Pearl and Anna.
"Nik…" Jeremy gasped, covering his body and almost exposing both girlfriends. "Damn… I can explain."
From the little I saw when the blanket slipped, both of them were naked and honestly I didn't look much.
They're the women of my good friend, practically my brother.
And I have the hottest woman in the world as my girlfriend.
"Hahaha, you don't have to explain," I said, looking at him with amusement.
He covered them again.
"What are you doing here?" Jeremy asked, completely embarrassed.
"Yeah, when Pearl and Anna wake up, tell them that if Damon Salvatore asks what Mason Lockwood is…" I started to say, then stopped mid-sentence when I noticed Pearl was already awake, watching me from the corner of her eye. Even lying down naked under the blanket, she was in a defensive posture to protect Jeremy.
"They are not supposed to reveal it."
Damn… are you threatening me because of your boyfriend? You're lucky he's my little brother in everything but blood.
She widened her eyes, sighed and nodded.
"Dude, why are you giving them orders?" Jeremy asked, curious. "How did you even get in here?"
"Through the window," I said with a laugh. Pearl sighed and looked at me like she was begging me not to say too much. "And it's nothing, we just have a work contract."
"You didn't…" Jeremy asked, almost hurt.
"Put them as your bodyguards to protect you while pretending to be your girlfriends?" I said, seeing exactly where his mind went. "No. It's more of a service contract. They're paying me. You sleeping with them is just your natural stallion talent."
"Brother… you talked about my sister's boyfriend's brother…" Jeremy asked, worried. "They're vampires too?"
"Yes, they are. Not as old as your girlfriends, but they are," I said, already seeing where this conversation was going. "And be careful. Your girlfriend hurt Damon. It's possible he'll try something against you to get back at her. Or your sister might convince Stefan to compel you to forget you're dating two vampires so you can live a normal life."
"What?" Pearl stopped pretending to sleep and got up. "Can you repeat that?"
Yeah, she was pissed. But unfortunately I've already messed with fate too much and I can't let the main characters die.
"You can't kill Damon. But you can make him suffer a lot and mutilate him," I answered honestly.
"Damn… if he hurts Jeremy, I will kill him," Pearl replied, narrowing her eyes.
"If he hurts Jeremy, you won't have time to kill him. He'll already be dead," I said, tossing the contract into Pearl's hands. "I'm saying this because I'm transferring your secondary ownership to Jeremy. Now he has a percentage of your souls. If he dies, you suffer."
"What? How so?" Jeremy said indignantly. "Guys, the target of the conversation is right here. Can someone update me since I'm the target?"
"NO, this is adult talk," I replied with a laugh.
"Brother…" Jeremy whined.
"Really?" Pearl gasped in joy, letting the blanket fall and exposing her naked body.
"Damn it, cover yourself," Jeremy growled, covering her again and looking at me while I had my hand over my eyes — but my eyes were open. "You didn't see anything."
He basically threatened me. Ohhh they grow up so fast. I'm so proud.
"What do you mean by that, brother?" Jeremy asked seriously. "Ownership? Soul? You own them now?"
"Basically yes. Anna signed a very abusive 1000-year magical servitude contract without reading it," I said with an amused laugh, "to get Pearl out of the tomb, where she was trapped for 140 years. And Pearl, once free and realizing the mess her daughter got into, signed another contract taking most of the abusive clauses onto herself."
"Brother, why did you do that?" Jeremy asked in a hurt tone, like a perfect being in his head was no longer perfect.
"Because I couldn't just let a 500-year-old vampire run around," I answered, opening my arms to free myself from the blame. "And in my defense I didn't know they were dating you."
Pearl was still lost in her own world with a perverted smile on her face. Anna still hadn't woken up.
Pearl stood on the bed with that completely out-of-context smile.
"Really?" she repeated, her eyes shining.
Jeremy pulled the blanket higher.
"Pearl… cover yourself."
She didn't even care.
"This is practically a marriage."
"Yeah… looks like it…" Jeremy answered immediately, blushing. "But you don't have to be forced."
"In my time it was like this," she said calmly, but with the firm posture of someone who could rip someone's head off in half a second if necessary. "But we're in the modern era now…"
"You put me in a weird magical marriage," Jeremy grumbled, irritated. "Not that I'm against it."
"Weird magical marriage," I repeated, laughing. "I'm going to use that as the title of the clause."
He stared at me.
"Brother… even though I'm against what you did, I know you never do anything for free," Jeremy sighed with slight irritation. "And Anna was stupid for not reading the contract."
"I'm glad you understood," I said with a laugh. "Extremely stupid."
Pearl got off the bed, now covering herself on her own but still smiling.
"My daughter's stupidity… gave me something I always wanted. So from now on…" she said, stopping in front of Jeremy. "I belong to you. Take good care of me, my love."
Jeremy took a deep breath, looking at her.
"Are you really okay with this?" he asked, his voice afraid. "I know you didn't have much choice, but are you really okay?"
"Of course. No man has ever done for me in five hundred years what you did in one day."
I made an amused face.
"You're turning my legal engineering into a couple's fetish."
Jeremy ignored me.
He held her face.
"So you're mine now."
He was completely lost in the role, running his hand down her face and neck.
Pearl bit her lip, clearly satisfied.
Anna was still passed out on the bed.
I pushed myself off the wall and walked toward them.
"I'm still here," I said with a hint of irritation. "Let's test it."
Before Jeremy could ask anything, I pulled a blade and cut his arm.
It was fast.
Blood appeared.
Pearl screamed.
"JEREMY!"
Then she froze.
Looked at her own arm.
The same cut.
Bleeding.
Her eyes widened.
"What—"
Both wounds began to close at the same time.
Jeremy looked between his arm and hers.
Pearl touched her own cut, shocked.
"I felt it…"
"Yes," I said calmly. "One of the clauses is that your bond is spiritual. All the damage Jeremy takes passes to you."
Jeremy was still breathing hard.
"And if she gets hurt?"
"Nothing happens to you."
On the bed Anna woke up screaming, holding her arm.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"
She looked at the cut already healing.
Then at Jeremy.
Then at me.
"You made me feel that while I was sleeping?!"
"Functionality test," I replied.
Pearl was still holding Jeremy's face, now looking at him like he had become something sacred.
"Our souls are connected… a true marriage," she said softly.
"You also don't let him die," I added.
Jeremy looked at me and laughed.
"You're a psychopath."
"An efficient psychopath."
Anna fell back on the pillow, still dazed.
"I hate this contract… but that was… useful."
Pearl hugged Jeremy tightly.
"My husband."
"My wife," he corrected.
I was already at the window.
"Working perfectly," I said before jumping. "Protect my little brother."
And I vanished.
---++--
Three days later I was drinking peacefully at the Grill when Damon showed up.
"He's a werewolf," Damon sat in front of me. "But you already knew."
"Of course," I said with an amused smile. "So what did you do to him?"
"I ripped his heart out," Damon replied, trying to provoke me.
"Great," I answered, smiling back — and he widened his eyes.
"You wanted me to do that," Damon growled, frustrated.
"I don't know…" I replied mockingly. "But Elena — did you make peace with her?"
"I also know why you don't kill me," Damon said with a smile.
"Do you?"
"It's Elena. It's not a coincidence she looks like Katherine."
Ohhh he's smart. The show didn't overestimate him.
"But you know Katherine is here, so it's not Katherine. Katherine probably looks like someone else," Damon continued. "And since there's no record before Elena… we're talking about a vampire at least a thousand years old that Katherine resembles."
"Why do you say that?"
The glass was still half full when Damon leaned forward.
"You still don't kill me."
"You're still breathing. Everyone wins."
"No. You don't do anything without a reason. And I figured it out. Elena."
I pretended to think.
"She has that effect on you too. Complicated."
"You don't like her," he continued. "But no one ever touches her. Never. Not even when they should."
"Should?" I asked.
"She's always at the center of everything… and always comes out intact."
I swirled the bourbon.
"The city has its lucky charms."
"You," he said. "You're the reason."
I smiled slightly.
"Tell me how I do it. I want to patent it."
Damon leaned closer.
"You keep me and Stefan alive because we protect her."
I laughed quietly.
"So human. So predictable."
"You really think two vampires under 300 years old have power over someone like Elena?"
His jaw tightened.
"So… there's someone powerful behind her?"
I brought the glass to my lips but stopped before drinking.
"Do you know what a magical artifact is?"
He frowned.
"Artifacts are magical mechanisms with defined functions and a defined owner… like your blood. In someone else's hands it only heals. It doesn't give your power. It can turn someone, but it won't be the same power. But there's a rare type of artifact — the ones that look human. In the hands of their true owner they can perform miracles."
Silence.
He tried to put the pieces together.
"She's one of those artifacts? She has an owner?"
"All artifacts have an owner… even if they were created by a mistake."
"What mistake?"
"A very old one born from a betrayal. A story someone tried to erase… and failed."
He rubbed his chin.
"Katherine."
"One of many."
"And Elena?"
"Just another pretty face among many identical ones."
Damon stared at me.
"You're protecting her from what? If she's one of those artifacts, are you the owner?"
I shook my head.
"I'm not. I don't even have twenty years."
"Then who?"
I leaned on the table.
"Let's say there's someone who doesn't forgive when you touch what is… personal."
"You know her owner?"
"..."
He exhaled through his nose.
"You're afraid."
"No. I'm just not stupid."
Damon was silent for a few seconds.
Then he smiled.
"Elena is in love with you."
I rolled my eyes.
"Tragic."
"You don't touch her."
"I also don't touch exposed wires. Survival instinct."
"But you keep her safe."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even get near her."
He narrowed his eyes.
"You're the reason she has never been in real danger."
I shrugged.
"Maybe the city likes her."
"You don't."
"I don't need to like someone to stay alive."
"You're lying," Damon growled.
"Of course I am," I said with an amused smile. "Now which part is the lie and which part is the truth?"
I smiled.
"When you figure it out… you'll realize you asked the wrong question."
"What's the right question?" he asked.
"I don't know… that's for you to discover."
Damon slammed the table, drawing everyone's attention, and left the Grill.