Today, I finally deleted all my social media apps...
Before doing that, I posted one last story related to him. Somewhere inside, I hoped he would reply. But he didn't. Not even a single word.
It has been five weeks since our conversations stopped. In between, I had already deleted my account once, but I activated it again just to wish him Merry Christmas. It took a lot of courage to text him. I told myself it was okay, that a simple wish wouldn't hurt. But he only saw my message and chose silence.
Sometimes I wonder—do I really hold no value for him now? Is replying to a simple wish too much to ask? How can someone change so suddenly after becoming such an important part of your life?
Deep down, I had already noticed this pattern. When he became close to another girl, his behaviour was the same—late replies, seen messages, emotional distance. Maybe I was there only when he needed sympathy, not when I needed him.
Now, that same behaviour has returned. Maybe he has found someone new in my place. I don't have proof, and maybe it isn't even true. Still, my heart keeps preparing itself for that possibility.
I waited. I kept hoping. And in the process, I hurt myself. My results suffered because my focus was lost somewhere between expectations and silence. But now, I know what I need to do.
It's time to stop waiting.
It's time to focus on myself.I decided to hurt myself less,
so I logged out of the world.
Deleted the account
that kept pulling me back
to things I was trying to forget.
Now my mind holds only one thought—
Top university entrance exam
Once, my hopes ran somewhere else.
In 2024, I wasted time,
and now entrance exam don't even wait for me.
The dates are out.
Registrations have closed.
Cut-offs are rising like walls
I didn't prepare to climb.
This is the last option left.
It will take effort.
It will take discipline.
It will take courage.
But I still want to try.
Because right now,
I feel a little…
just a little bit…
failed.
I watch my friends move forward,
their lives unfolding,
their steps confident,
their paths clearer than mine.
And here I am—
standing still,
not lost,
not gone,
just… stuck.
But maybe being stuck
is not the end.
Maybe it's the quiet pause
before I finally move again. 🌙