Chapter 14: The Queen's Transfer and the Potion of Perpetual Peril
The dust had barely settled on the Rating Game when Lucian Gremory, still smelling faintly of medicinal herbs and ozone, stepped out of the infirmary. Waiting for him in the hallway, leaning against the cold stone wall, was Yubelluna.
She was no longer the "Bomb Queen" of the Phoenix peerage. Her flames were gone, her signature dress was tattered, and her eyes held a hollow, haunted look. When she saw Lucian, she didn't lash out. She didn't scream. She simply handed him the transfer scroll.
"Riser... he dissolved the bond," she said, her voice a brittle whisper. "I am no longer a Queen. I am a nameless piece."
Lucian looked at the scroll, then at the woman who had spent years as Riser's most loyal tool only to be discarded like a broken toy. He signed the parchment with a flourish of crimson mana.
"Then it's a good thing I'm not looking for a piece," Lucian said, handing the scroll back. "From today, you're my personal assistant. Your name is Yubelluna, and you're alive. That's enough for now."
He took her to a quiet restaurant on the edge of the academy territory. Over a steaming plate of pasta, the silence was thick enough to cut.
"I don't know you, and you don't know me," Lucian said, leaning back. "Days ago, we were trying to erase each other from the census. So, tell me. Who are you when you aren't a human bomb?"
She hesitated, then spoke—not as a warrior, but as a person. She talked about her birth, her struggle in the Underworld, and the misplaced loyalty she had felt for the Phoenix house. Lucian listened, nodding occasionally.
"I'm not here to brainwash you," he said finally. "You're free to be yourself. I only ask for one thing: don't betray me. In exchange, I'll give you a place where you aren't just a number."
"Where... will I stay?" she asked.
"The Occult Research Club has an extra room. I'll take the sofa; you take the bed."
Yubelluna blinked. "But you're the Master. I should be the one serving—"
"Do you want Rias to explode in my face for 'mistreating' a guest?" Lucian groaned. "Take the room. I'm comfortable on the sofa. I've slept in worse places, like battlefields and library floors."
The Potion of Peak Ecchi
Lucian left Yubelluna to settle in and headed toward the main clubroom, expecting a quiet afternoon. He should have known better.
Inside the ORC, a different kind of war was unfolding. Akeno had brewed a "Character Refinement Tea" intended to fix Issei's perverted nature, but Asia—sweet, innocent Asia—had accidentally served it to Koneko.
As Lucian pushed open the doors, he was greeted by a sight that bypassed his brain and went straight to his fight-or-flight response.
"Ojo-sama... yours are so beautiful..."
Koneko, usually the stoic, quiet Nekomata, was currently pinned to the wall by a very confused Rias. Except Koneko wasn't punching; she was groping. Her tiny hands were buried in Rias's chest, her face flushed with an uncharacteristic, feline lust.
"Koneko! Stop! That's extremely wrong!" Rias squealed, her face a bright crimson.
"More... I want to feel more..." Koneko purred, her cat ears twitching wildly.
Lucian stood in the doorway, his eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. He saw Rias, Asia, and Koneko—all in various states of disarray from the struggle.
"I saw nothing," Lucian whispered, his voice cracking. "I am a blind man. I have transcended the mortal coil. Lucifer will kill me. He will roast me in lava. He will fry me like a gyoza."
He turned around and started walking away like a robot. "I am a ghost. I am not here. I am a figment of my own imagination."
"LUCIAN! HELP ME!" Rias shouted, trying to pry Koneko off her.
Tamamo popped out on his shoulder, laughing hysterically. "Master, it is affirmative! The Great Satan will definitely toast you. I've heard the lava in the seventh circle is quite lovely this time of year."
"Quiet, fox!" Lucian hissed. He did the only logical thing: he pulled a black bandana from his pocket and tied it over his eyes, effectively blinding himself. "Okay! I'm coming in! I can't see anything! My eyes are closed! My soul is pure!"
The Blind Bishop's Struggle
Lucian stumbled back into the room, arms outstretched. "Asia! If you can hear me, run! Go get Kiba! I'll handle the... situation!"
Asia, crying in embarrassment, scrambled out of the room. "I'm sorry, Lucian-san! I didn't mean to!"
With Asia gone, Lucian was left in the room with a groaning Rias and a hyper-perverted Koneko. He felt a soft, warm body collide with his chest.
"Lucian-senpai... you smell like Destruction..." Koneko purred, rubbing her head against his stomach.
"Lord Lucifer, Lord Lucifer, Lord Lucifer," Lucian chanted like a mantra.
"Why are you saying my brother's name?" Rias panted, finally managing to pin Koneko down with a binding spell. The effect of the tea was starting to wear off, leaving the Nekomata unconscious.
Lucian kept the bandana on. "I don't want to be implicated! You have sisterly protection! If Sirzechs finds out I was in a room with three naked—or partially naked—High-Class Devils, I am toast! I saw what I shouldn't have seen!"
"Oh, really?" Rias's voice dropped an octave. It was no longer a scream; it was a purr.
Lucian heard the click of the door lock. He heard the rustle of clothes.
"Lucian... the potion's effect on Koneko is over," Rias said, her voice dangerously close to his ear. "And Asia is gone. We're alone."
She reached up and slowly pulled the bandana off his eyes. Lucian blinked, his vision coming into focus. Rias was standing inches away, her crimson hair draped over her bare shoulders, her eyes dancing with a playful, predatory light.
"Rias... this is extremely wrong," Lucian choked out, his nose beginning to drip blood.
"Last time you said I was engaged," Rias whispered, stepping into his space and burying his face into her chest. "This time... what's your excuse? Hmm?"
Lucian's brain short-circuited. The "bouncy balloons" were no longer a joke; they were a death sentence. "No excuse... just... leaving... I am leaving the room now..."
"Won't you take a bath with me, Lucian?" Rias teased, cupping his face. "You worked so hard in the Rating Game. You deserve a reward."
"I am a Bishop! I am a man of god! Well, a man of devils! Get lost!" Lucian yelled, his face a supernova of red.
Rias leaned in and nipped his ear, a sharp, playful bite that made him jump a foot in the air. She laughed, finally letting him go as she wrapped herself in a towel. "You're so fun to tease, Lucian. No wonder my brother likes you so much."
The Final Sentence
Lucian practically fell out of the clubroom, gasping for air. He checked his phone. There was a single magical contact message from Grayfia.
> [Grayfia]: Sirzechs-sama has finished his paperwork early. He is currently heading to Kuoh to 'check on his dear sister and cousin.' If he finds even a single hair out of place, I cannot save you. Good luck, Lucian.
>
Lucian stared at the screen. His soul left his body again.
"I'm dead," he whispered.
Tamamo appeared, hugging his arm and giggling. "Master, we are both going to die! It'll be a beautiful funeral. I'll make sure they bury you with your favorite light novels."
"You're overreacting," Lucian said, though his knees were shaking.
"Master, you don't know how protective a Sis-con Satan can be," Tamamo countered. "If he knows what happened in that room today, you will be toast in five minutes."
"He's my relative! He wouldn't do that!" Lucian argued weakly.
"You know exactly what he does to relatives who 'corrupt' his sister," Tamamo reminded him.
Lucian looked at the ORC doors, then at the sky where a crimson magic circle was already starting to form. "Tamamo... pack the bags. We're moving to the Vatikan. I think I'll have better luck with the Pope."