[Location: Tazuna's House]
It took us an hour to drag Kakashi's unconscious body to the house. The man was heavier than he looked—mostly dead weight and guilt.
Tazuna's house was a humble wooden structure built on stilts over the water. It smelled of salt and fish, but it was sturdy.
"Tsunami! I'm home!" Tazuna shouted, kicking the door open. "And I brought guests! And a corpse!"
"Father?"
A woman walked out of the kitchen.
I froze in the doorway, Kakashi's feet still in my hands.
[Passive Skill: Anatomy Scan - Active] [Target: Tsunami (Tazuna's Daughter)] [Measurements: B96 - W60 - H90.] [Status: Worried / Motherly / Widow.]
Jackpot.
She was beautiful in that unassuming, domestic way. Simple clothes, an apron, hair tied back. She radiated an aura of warmth that made you want to confess your sins and ask for a head pat.
How did the drunk old man produce this genetic miracle? I wondered. Must be a mutation.
"Oh my goodness!" Tsunami gasped, rushing over. "What happened? Who are these people?"
"Ninja from Konoha," Tazuna explained, dropping his bag. "They saved my life. This one with the mask passed out after fighting a demon."
"Please, bring him to the guest room!" Tsunami ordered, her voice gentle but firm.
I watched her bustling around, getting water and towels.
[System Notification] [New Target Acquired: The Lonely Widow.] [Mission: "Comfort the Hostess" (Optional).]
"Don't mind if I do," I whispered.
*****
[One Hour Later - The Guest Room]
Kakashi was laid out on a futon. We sat around him in a circle like a cult.
"Ugh..."
Kakashi groaned, his eye fluttering open. He tried to sit up but winced.
"Don't move, Sensei," Sakura said quickly. "You used too much chakra. You need to rest."
Kakashi blinked, looking at the ceiling. "I'm... alive?"
"Barely," I said, leaning against the wall and eating an apple I found in the kitchen. "You face-planted into the mud with zero dignity. It was inspiring."
Kakashi sighed. "Zabuza... what happened to the body?"
"The Hunter-nin took it," Naruto explained, waving his arms. "He said he had to dispose of the secrets and then whoosh! He vanished!"
Kakashi stared at the ceiling. The gears in his brain began to turn.
"Dispose of the secrets..." Kakashi muttered. "Hunter-nin usually destroy the body on the spot. They don't carry heavy corpses away. And..."
He paused.
"And he used senbon needles," I finished for him, taking a bite of the apple. "Needles meant for acupuncture. Unless he was trying to cure Zabuza's back pain, hitting the neck with those usually induces a temporary death state. Not actual death."
The room went silent.
Sasuke's eyes widened. "You mean..."
"He's alive," Kakashi confirmed, trying to sit up again. "Zabuza is alive. That Hunter-nin was an accomplice."
"WHAAAT?!" Naruto screamed. "But he checked the pulse! He said he was dead!"
"It's a fake death state," Kakashi explained grimly. "It stops the heart momentarily to fool pursuers. We've been played."
"So he's coming back?" Sakura asked, her voice trembling.
"Yes," Kakashi nodded. "Once he recovers. Zabuza is a monster. He won't give up."
"Great," Tazuna groaned, burying his face in his hands. "So I'm still a dead man walking."
"Relax," I tossed the apple core into the trash bin (precision throw: 10/10). "Zabuza lost his sword. I have it. An executioner without his blade is just a guy with anger issues."
Kakashi looked at me. "You kept the Kubikiribōchō? Where is it?"
"I have put it in a sealing scroll," I patted my pouch. "I'm holding it hostage. If he wants it back, he has to ask nicely. Or pay me."
Kakashi sweat-dropped. This kid tries to extort a Demon.
"Regardless," Kakashi struggled to his feet, using a crutch Tsunami had found. "We need to prepare. Zabuza will need about a week to recover from that injury. In that time..."
He looked at us with a serious eye.
"I will train you."
"Training?" Naruto pumped his fist. "Alright! What are we doing? Super cool jutsu?"
"No," Kakashi said. "We're going to learn... Chakra Control."
*****
[The Dining Room - Dinner]
The mood at dinner was heavy.
Tazuna sat silently. Tsunami served the food with a forced smile.
Then, a small boy walked in. He wore a bucket hat and had the eyes of someone who had listened to My Chemical Romance on loop for three years.
Inari. The grandson.
He looked at us. He looked at our headbands.
"They're going to die," Inari said flatly.
Naruto choked on his rice. "Hey! Who asked you, brat?!"
"Inari!" Tsunami scolded. "Be polite! These ninja saved your grandfather!"
"It doesn't matter," Inari sat down, staring at his plate. "Gatou is going to kill them. Just like he killed Kaiza. There are no heroes. Anyone who tries to be a hero just dies."
He pointed a chopstick at Naruto.
"Especially the stupid-looking ones."
"WHY YOU LITTLE—!" Naruto lunged across the table. Sakura held him back.
"Listen here, you gloom-cloud!" Naruto shouted. "I'm not gonna die! I'm gonna be Hokage! I'm gonna beat Gatou and Zabuza and prove you wrong!"
Inari scoffed. "If you don't want to die, you should go home."
He stood up and walked out, slamming the door.
Tazuna sighed. "Forgive him. He... he wasn't always like this. Ever since his stepfather was executed..."
The room got depressing again. Tazuna told the story of Kaiza, the hero of the village who was publicly executed by Gatou to break the people's spirit.
Naruto looked down, furious.
I continued eating my fish.
"Kid has a point though," I said casually.
Everyone looked at me.
"Kenji?" Sakura asked.
"Heroism is a fatal disease," I said, picking a bone out of the fish. "Kaiza tried to fight an army alone. That's not brave; that's mathematically unsound. He died, and now the village is broken."
I looked at Naruto.
"If you want to win, Naruto, don't be a hero. Be a winner. Heroes die for their morals. Winners survive to write the history books."
Naruto stared at me. "I don't care! I'll prove it! I'll be a hero and a winner!"
"We'll see," I smirked. "But first, eat your vegetables. Heroes need fiber."