The forest was swarming with ANBU within minutes. Iruka was treated, Mizuki was carted off to the T&I department (good luck with Ibiki, pal), and Naruto was reprimanded but ultimately given his headband.
I slipped away into the shadows using [Presence Concealment] before the elite squads arrived. I didn't need the hassle of anbu questioning. I am not Naruto, if they find me here, I will for sure be invited to the interrogation department.
*****
The night air was cool against my face as I slipped back into my apartment through the window. The excitement of the Mizuki beatdown was fading, replaced by a greedy, trembling anticipation.
I locked the window, drew the curtains, and sat cross-legged on my bed.
"System," I whispered, my voice thick with avarice. "Show me the goods."
[DING!]
[Mission Complete: Scan the Scroll of Seals] [Data Processed. The following Forbidden Jutsus have been recorded in the Database:]
A list scrolled down my vision, shimmering in gold text. It was beautiful. It was lethal. It was enough to make a Kage weep.
[Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu (A-Rank):] Mass physical replication.
[Reaper Death Seal (S-Rank):] Soul sealing. Cost: Your life. (System Note: Not recommended unless you have a spare life).
[Impure World Reincarnation / Edo Tensei (S-Rank):] Resurrection of the dead.
[Flying Thunder God / Hiraishin (S-Rank):] Space-Time Teleportation.
[Four Red Yang Formation (A-Rank):] Barrier Ninjutsu.
[Exploding Tag: Infinite Darkness (A-Rank):] Self-replicating explosions.
I was practically drooling. My hands shook.
"Edo Tensei..." I muttered. "I could summon Madara. I could summon the First Hokage just to ask him about his wood... release."
But then, the System crushed my dreams.
[System Alert: Host Capacity Limited.] [You may choose ONE Jutsu for 'Instant Mastery'. The rest will be stored in the Library for manual learning (Years of study required).]
"Cheapskate," I cursed. "Fine. Let's think."
Multi-Shadow Clone? No. I already stole 10% of Naruto's chakra, and I know the theory. I can learn that manually in a week. Edo Tensei? Too messy. I don't feel like kidnapping people for sacrifices (yet). Reaper Death Seal? I like living, thanks.
My eyes drifted to the S-Rank holy grail.
[Flying Thunder God (Hiraishin).]
The signature move of the Second and Fourth Hokage. Instant teleportation.
The ability to teleport instantly to any marked seal. No speed limit. No travel time. The ultimate escape. The ultimate attack. And most importantly... the ultimate way to sneak into places you shouldn't be.
"That's the one," I grinned. "Speed is weight. Speed is power. Speed is... peeking without getting caught."
"System. Select Hiraishin."
[Acknowledged. Integrating Space-Time formulas...]
My brain seized. It felt like someone had shoved a hot poker into my skull. Geometric formulas, chakra coordinates, and dimensional theory flooded my mind.
Then, it settled.
I looked at my hand. I grabbed a pen and drew a quick, sloppy seal on my bedpost.
I walked to the other side of the room. I focused.
Zip.
The world blurred for a microsecond. Suddenly, my nose was touching the bedpost.
"Heh," I chuckled, touching the seal. "Yellow Flash? No. I am the Pervy Flash."
*****
[The Next Day: The Academy]
The classroom was loud. The tension of the exams was gone, replaced by the buzzing excitement of graduation.
I walked in, headband tied around my arm, and sat in my usual spot.
"Hey! Look who it is!"
Naruto slammed the door open. He was wearing his new headband proudly on his forehead, grinning like an idiot.
The class went silent.
"Naruto?" Shikamaru blinked. "What are you doing here? Only graduates are allowed today."
"Heh heh!" Naruto pointed to his forehead. "Look! Look! I passed! Iruka-sensei gave it to me! We went out for ramen and everything!"
"No way," Kiba muttered. "The dead-last passed?"
I leaned back, enjoying the show. If only they knew he beat up a Chunin last night.
Naruto rushed over to my desk. "Kenji! I did it! I'm a ninja!"
"I never doubted you, Disciple," I said, giving him a fist bump.
Naruto then spotted Sakura. His eyes turned into hearts. He rushed over to harass her, only to be shoved aside as she squealed over Sasuke.
Then, The Moment happened.
Naruto jumped on the desk, staring Sasuke down. "What's so great about you, huh?!"
Sasuke glared back. "Get lost, loser."
They leaned in, sparks flying.
Behind Naruto, a random classmate bumped his elbow.
Gravity took the wheel.
Smooch.
Naruto and Sasuke locked lips.
The class froze.
I activated my [System Camera].
Click.
[Rare Event Captured: The First Kiss of Destiny.] [Saved to 'Blackmail' Folder.]
"My eyes!" Sakura screamed. "Sasuke-kun's first kiss!"
"Ack! Ptooey!" Naruto gagged, wiping his mouth. "My mouth! It tastes like brooding and tomatoes!"
"I'll kill you, Naruto!" Sasuke roared, wiping his own mouth, looking ready to murder.
I laughed. This world was absurd, and I loved it.
****
Iruka walked in, restoring order. He looked happy, especially when he saw Naruto.
"Congratulations, everyone," Iruka smiled. "Today, you stop being students and become Genin. You will be formed into three-man squads... or in rare cases, special configurations."
"Squads will be led by a Jonin commander."
He started reading the list.
"Team 1..." "Team 2..."
I tuned him out, playing with a kunai. I knew the canon teams. Ino-Shika-Cho for Team 10. Kiba-Shino-Hinata for Team 8.
"Team 7," Iruka announced.
Naruto perked up. Sakura prayed. Sasuke looked indifferent.
"Uzumaki Naruto." "Haruno Sakura."
Naruto cheered. "YES!" Sakura groaned. "NO!"
"And... Uchiha Sasuke."
Sakura cheered. "YES! True love wins!" Naruto groaned. "NO! Not him!"
Iruka paused. He looked at the paper, then at the class. He cleared his throat.
"And..."
The class went silent. And? Teams were always three members.
"Sato Kenji."
...
Silence.
Pin-drop silence.
Sakura stopped cheering. Sasuke's eye twitched. Naruto's jaw dropped.
"FOUR?!" Kiba shouted. "Since when are there four-man squads?!"
"Silence!" Iruka barked. "This is a special directive from the Hokage. Due to the uneven number of graduates this year... and certain compatibilities... Team 7 will operate as a four-man cell."
He looked at me. "Kenji. Try not to corrupt them."
"I make no promises, Sensei," I saluted lazily.
I sat back, my mind racing.
A four-man squad? Me, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura?
This was unprecedented. This was a massive ripple in the timeline.
Why?
I narrowed my eyes, analyzing the Old Man's logic.
I'm the extra soul. The odd number. They had to put me somewhere.
But why Team 7?
I looked at my teammates.
Naruto: The Jinchuriki. The Nuclear Bomb. Sasuke: The Uchiha. The Flight Risk. Sakura: The Civilian. The Chakra Control specialist (and currently useless fan-girl).
And me. Kenji. The "Civilian" with unknown potential and a terrifyingly high influence over Naruto.
Hiruzen, you old fox, I thought, a smirk touching my lips.
Naruto grabbed my shoulder. "Kenji! We're on the same team! This is awesome! We can practice the Sexy Jutsu together on missions!"
Sakura turned pale. "Oh god. There's two of them."
Sasuke sighed, looking out the window. "My life is hell."
I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hands.
"Don't worry, Sasuke-kun," I purred. "I'll watch your back. Specifically, your lower back. You know... where your chakra points are sensitive."
Sasuke flinched, instinctively covering his butt.
I grinned.
Oh, this is going to be fun.