"Um, Young Master Robert, please open your mouth."
"So annoying!"
"Ah!"
I instinctively slapped away the spoon that was about to be brought to my mouth, completely unaware that someone had come in and was doing anything.
But after hearing the screams from the side, I saw a strange maid looking at me in terror, hurriedly kowtowing and apologizing.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm really sorry!"
It seems that it's mealtime before I knew it. Marquis Bahod said that he would no longer assign me a personal servant, but for now, in order to help me take care of my health, different maids will feed me at each mealtime on a shift system.
Seeing the maid in front of me humbly apologizing and even on the verge of tears, I realized what I had done.
No, that wasn't my intention. Why would I take my anger out on a maid who's not even involved? Am I such a terrible person?
Wouldn't I become just like the original Robert if I did that?
No! Absolutely not!
I absolutely, positively do not want to become like that!
Oh, right, I need to apologize. I made that maid live in fear, so I have to apologize and say that I didn't mean to.
I tried to calm myself down, raised my head, and looked at the maid...
Maid...
Maid...
Carol!
A strong urge to vomit suddenly surged up, and the memory of that time vividly resurfaced in my mind.
No! Don't think about it!
I pressed my palm hard against my forehead, trying desperately to suppress the nausea rising from my stomach, while also having to accept the fact that my body was no longer entirely under my control.
The maid standing to the side stared blankly at me, who was trembling slightly, looking completely at a loss.
"From now on, don't come into my room to feed me. If you need to bring food, just knock on the door and I'll go get it myself."
I kept my head down, trying my best not to look at her.
"...Yes."
"It's not your fault, so don't worry about it too much."
"...Yes."
I tried to speak to her in a gentle tone, but she still seemed to think I was angry and answered hesitantly.
What am I doing?
After the maid packed up and left the room, I threw off the stuffy blanket.
My body hasn't been active for many days, and I don't want to continue lying in bed like this. I plan to get out of bed and try walking a few steps.
My lower body is still mostly numb, but I think I'll gradually regain sensation if I can stand for a while.
Even though my thighs were trembling as if they were saying they couldn't bear the strain, I desperately tried to move my feet.
Carefully... slowly...
It seemed that my feet had gradually gotten used to the weight of my body. I tried to let go of the wall and straighten my knees.
I succeeded! I can finally stand up again. If I continue with rehabilitation training like this, I will soon be able to regain full mobility...
"Ah."
It felt like a block had been suddenly pulled out of my body, causing my knees to bend uncontrollably, and my whole body to tilt as well.
Helpless and ultimately, I fell to the ground in an unsightly manner.
Even something as simple as this is beyond my current ability!
The mental anguish was far more unbearable than the physical pain of falling.
How could I be so useless?
Such thoughts flooded me like a tidal wave.
Is there a more ridiculous life than this?
I clenched my fists and laughed at myself.
All that talk about adult ambition, and it all amounts to nothing. What was I misunderstanding? I'm just a humble mortal, so why did I think I possessed a powerful will comparable to a protagonist? Why did I think I could overcome any difficulty I encountered?
He's nothing but a villainous nobleman! Nothing but a buffoon! What am I even expecting?!
I slammed my fist into the ground, but I didn't even have the strength to hurt myself.
—So didn't I say this before? Resistance is futile.
Ah, you're right. The more I resist, the more foolish I feel.
The darkness began to further erode my heart, but this time, I didn't want to resist anymore.
Nothing matters anymore...
This family, this world, Robert's life, other people's lives, reincarnation in another world,
Nothing matters anymore...
Creak—
Suddenly, the door opened.
I clearly told the maid not to come in anymore, so who could it be at this moment? My mother? Marquis Bahod?
Slowly, he raised his head...
It's Lia and Aisha...
Why?
Why did they come?
What are they doing here?
They didn't answer, they just stared at me blankly.
What emotions were conveyed in their eyes?
Fear? Anxiety? Sympathy? Pity? Ridicule?
I don't know; I can't tell right now. Because the darkness within me has already given me an answer.
I want to control my emotions, but I can't.
"Oh right, you're here to see me in such a sorry state, aren't you?
Betrayed by the servants, I'm now crawling on the ground like a maggot. It must be satisfying to see me like this! Or are you just pitying me?
I don't need that! Get out of here! I don't know what you might do if you don't!
Whether it's you two or Lucius, or this whole family, I hate you all the most! So don't bother me anymore!"
Are these...the words that came out of my mouth?
Even I find it hard to believe.
As if I were truly being controlled by a demon, I found myself inexplicably getting angry at a little girl much younger than myself.
Oh, I see... I'm no longer "me".
Hahaha, hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Once I realized this, it felt so incredibly relaxing.
Why have I resisted until now? How foolish!
If I had realized this sooner... sooner, I wouldn't have gone through all that pain! Nobody can hurt me! Only I can hurt others!
I am... I am Robert Von Anglus, the second son of the Anglus family!
"Hahahaha...wait?"
What happened to me?
What are they doing?
Thinking has stalled.
Lia hugged me tightly with her body, which was even smaller than mine and Aisha hugged both of us.
I can only think of one meaning for this action. Could it be... that they are trying to comfort me?
The darkness within me began to swell. The anger in my heart surged rapidly.
Push them away!
What a joke, I don't need such cheap comfort.
No one can understand my pain.
No one can heal my wounds.
So don't try to comfort me with an attitude of "I understand you".
Push them away!
They are just kids. Nothing in front of my nearly 30 points of strength. My life experience is several times greater than theirs.
Making such a move is far too presumptuous.
Push them away!
Don't bother me.
Never trust anyone again.
I never want to be hurt again.
So, I've decided to be alone...
Push them away!
I've decided... I want to be alone...
But why...?
Why are my hands trembling slightly?
Why is my vision blurred by tears?
Why... do I feel so warm?
Even though the command to push them away kept echoing in his mind, why was my body not under my control?
Oh yeah... I see...
It turns out that all I've ever longed for is just this.
I do not need any comforting words, nor do I need meticulous care or material comforts. All I want is a hug, to feel the warmth of human connection, and to know that I am not alone.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."
Only Lia and Aisha gave me what I wanted.
Tears were already streaming down my face uncontrollably.
I consider myself an adult, but it turns out I'm just an 8-year-old kid.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."
All I could do was keep apologizing, even when I became so numb that I didn't know what I was apologizing for.
All I know is that, up to this point, I didn't deserve this hug from them.
Be it Lia or Aisha, as their brother, I wasn't there for them when they were going through the worst.
Even with all this, do they still want to save me?
Do I really deserve to be saved?
Such a brother, crying uncontrollably in front of his sisters...
The dark thing in my heart gradually dissolved, and I knew that "he" was about to disappear as well.
—You will definitely regret making this choice.
Probably, but my remaining rationality tells me that pushing them away is an option I absolutely cannot choose.
—Haven't you learned your lesson about the consequences of trusting someone? Next time, you'll fall even deeper.
Next time? That's certainly terrifying, but being alone is also terrifying. I think the two are equally terrifying, so I might as well choose to believe again. Don't just look at the terrible consequences; the probability of a happy ending is different for each.
—I will absolutely not agree with that, and I will come back someday.
...So, you chose to push them away?
He didn't answer; perhaps he acquiesced, or perhaps he was no longer there.
Then you just watch closely. What follows is a completely different life for Robert Von Anglus as a villainous nobleman.
I can't guarantee that my life will be incredibly exciting, but I believe it will definitely be interesting and a worthwhile journey through life.
And all of this will begin from this moment.
...