The Snow Despair
There's a tiny snowflake falling from the sky, dodging all the buildings and trash, slowly making its way toward me. The purest white touches my cheek, disappearing along with the blood. Such a shame—it got dirty.
The first snow is like magic.
Some think it's romantic, some say it's special.
I never thought the first snowfall would ever be important to me—at least not in this way. I counted my last breath in an empty alley, knowing that nobody would even cry after my death, and I would be another unsolved murder case. My last hope for the person to be crying would be the girl I just saved, unless she is ungrateful or doesn't even realise I am dead.
"Wait for me! Let's all go together," a small girl spoke cheerfully in the background.
"It's the first snowfall. I wanna make a snowman," a boy said, giggling as he ran through the streets.
The sky looks pretty. I had never looked up at it before being locked up in school, home, or my workplace. The buildings always masked their beauty, so I had never given them my attention. Watching the clouds move fast and slow, one following the other, merging and forming shapes, and revealing a light blue sky in the tiny space between the alley buildings, the sky sure looks nice. I wish I could see it a little longer.
My life has always been unfair. People who are suffering can't help others. If they do, they might end up like me. All my life, I lived without any love or guidance, losing everything I had one by one and pushing myself to live another day. I stretched out my hand to a girl in need of help, but good people suffer in the end. My wounds are deep—I can feel it this time. This is the last time I'll see the first magical snow.
It's so beautiful that it's making this dark, foul-smelling place look almost beautiful by covering it up. The ice-cold snow masks the other scents.
If there is such a thing as a snow god, I would like to thank her for such a display of beauty in my last breath. I tried hard to open my mouth as everything went numb, and it became hard to breathe. My last words were,
"First snow."
I closed my eyes, as I no longer had the strength to open them again. All I could replay in my mind was the snow, and the snowflake which became one with me.
"It was hard, wasn't it?" A woman's sweet voice lingered in my head, as if someone were speaking inside my mind. I wasn't startled by it. The calmness had overtaken my body.
Someone caressed my head softly, making it ticklish. My body pain had disappeared, but I didn't notice right away. I no longer feel the blood and dust on my body.
I slowly opened my eyes to the purest white and lightest blue stretching toward infinite space. I got up instantly and turned around, looking at the beautiful view.
Next to me was a young woman with silver hair and light blue eyes, wrapped in flowy silk and transparent white and blue cloth, perfectly fitted to her skin. Her figure was clearly visible and alluring enough to draw anyone's attention. Her face was perfect from every angle. Her lips shimmered in light pink, perfectly plump. Her skin was smooth and glowing, even in the cold.
I looked at her without speaking, too shocked to react. Should I run? Am I under a spell? Should I talk? She smiled, as if she could listen to what I was thinking in my head.
"I am granting you a new life filled with people who will love you," she continued, her voice sounding like it was coated with honey.
"Who are you? Where am I?" I asked, looking around the space.
"I am the Snow Goddess. I was moved by your courage, even at your worst. That said, any more questions must be earned through your deeds." She came closer; the scent of lotus lingered around her. She drew near to the point where I could feel her breath.
"What? What?" I stammered, taking a step back from her overwhelming presence.
"Shh." She came closer, and I froze.
She touched her soft lips to mine. I have never kissed anyone in my entire life. Romance was never an option, and money was a necessity. I didn't know what to do, should I kiss back, but my energy is draining, and I could hear my heart pounding. I closed my eyes instinctively, surrendering myself completely.
When I opened my eyes, all I saw was darkness. I instinctively cried out in terror, but my voice sounded like a baby's whine. I remembered all the people who did me wrong in my previous life, parents' death, relatives who turned their back, friends who bullied, teachers who looked down on my grades, and my death by a random street drunk thugs. Nothing but suffering. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop.
Then came the light, and a giant silver-haired woman picked me up. With her was a man with black hair who also lifted me. Trying their best to stop me from crying and gave a warm hug.
That's when it hit me.
I had shrunk and been reborn as a baby.
By the time I was two years old, most of my old memories had already faded.
They didn't disappear all at once. They thinned out slowly, like fog lifting from a field. First, the faces went, then the places, even the feelings lost their shape. What stayed behind were only faint impressions — a sense of cold, a sense of loneliness, and a strange fear of being left behind. But I didn't miss what I could no longer remember. My new life filled that space before I noticed it was there.
My parents named me Eira Lumi.
My mother, Lumi, has silver hair that caught the light like frost and eyes so dark blue they almost looked like the night sky. My father, Peris, had deep black hair and steady brown eyes, the kind that made you feel safe just by looking at them. They were both in their thirties, still young enough to laugh easily and old enough to be patient.
We lived on the outskirts of the kingdom, far from stone towers, banners, and noble estates. Our home was small but warm, built mostly from wood my father had shaped with his own hands. The floor creaked in places, and the door never quite shut straight, but it was ours. There was always food on the table, always clean water, always a fire burning in winter. So different from the life I had lived.
My father worked as a carpenter. He made furniture, doors, carts, and toys for children whose parents couldn't afford to buy them from the city. He worked slowly and carefully, treating wood like something alive that needed to be understood rather than forced. My mother kept our home, cooked simple meals, and cared for anyone who needed help. She had no magic, being from another land, but she had a quiet strength that didn't need it.
I had no siblings, but we were never lonely.
The outskirts were peaceful in a way the city could never be. Fields stretched wide and open. Small huts stood scattered among them, each with a garden, a fence, and a few animals. People knew one another's names. They helped without being asked. Children ran between homes freely, chased small animals, and played by the river until their clothes were soaked and their hands wrinkled.
The river was slow and wide, cutting through the land like a silver ribbon. People washed clothes there, fished there, and swam there in summer. It was where news was shared, arguments were settled, and laughter echoed longest.
Trade was simple. We traded eggs for bread, cloth for tools, milk for grain. Coins existed, but few of us needed them. We had had enough. That was all we wanted.
I went to a small learning hut with other children. It was a round building made from wood and clay, with benches along the walls and a board scratched with chalk. We learned numbers, letters, how to grow food, and how not to poison ourselves with the wrong plants. No one taught us about war. No one taught us about monsters. No one taught us about danger. Those things belonged to the city or deep in the forest, or so we believed.
This world was different: magic, royalties, a kingdom, and mana beasts. Ranking of magical energy went from E rank to A rank and then S rank. The highest authority is the king in this nation, who lives far, far away from us. Thankfully, I am not living nearthe border or near King to be afraid of attacks; no one here knows about wars and cruelty. People here usually have an E or D rank. If there's any problem, they reach out to guilds nearby and take care of it. Last request was made 30 years ago, when the thieves were hiding in the forest. They were caught within a few days. It's a funny part of the kingdom that is chaos, and I get to live happily and normally, free from any sort of suffering.
I was five when I met Neo.
She climbed a tree she wasn't meant to climb, got stuck on a high branch, and started crying. I climbed up after her, scraped my knee on the bark, and helped her down. She stared at me like I had done something impossible.
From that day on, she followed me everywhere. I ignored her for a couple of days, and then she cried her eyes out that I was being mean. She hung out with my friends, and we were pretty much inseparable.
Neo had black hair and bright green eyes that always looked curious, always searching for something new. She talked too much, laughed too easily, and trusted too quickly. I didn't talk much. I didn't laugh much. I didn't trust easily at all.
She didn't seem to care.
If I walked away, she followed. If I sat alone, she sat beside me. If I was quiet, she filled the silence. She didn't ask permission or wait for an invitation; she simply became part of my life.
By the time I was ten, Neo felt like a part of my family and part of my happiness in this new world.
And then everything changed.
It happened on a clear day. The sky was blue. The fields were bright. Children were running and shouting, while adults continued their work as usual. Then the clouds came. Not gray, but red — thick and heavy, blocking out the light.
The air changed. The ground trembled. A deep roar rolled across the land, loud enough to make people drop what they were holding and cover their ears from the roaring sounds of the monsters.
Something massive passed overhead; the chaos was starting.
A dragon, red-scaled with dark edges, flying high and far away, but close enough to terrify us, monsters were gigantic. Each monster is the size of a building, even from far. Smaller shapes followed — sharp-winged creatures that moved too fast to track, screaming through the air like living blades. The scrying shook us all, terrified of what we just seen, unlike anything I had ever seen in my entire life. Monsters attacked everything, as if they went rogue.
Soldiers and mages rose into the sky from the distant city, fighting them, trying to pull the battle away from the villages. But one small creature slipped through. We all ran towards our home, all we could see were red flame swollwing feilds, people running in chaos, and screaming in terror.
Kids ran desperately to find an adult who would know what to do, where to hide, and people who would protect these young lives. They ran as fast as they could, tripped and fell, but got up without whining, running to save their life. Eira and Neo were at the last; Neo wasn't able to keep up. Eira matched Neo's pace, analyzing the situation at hand.
Something came; it was black, bat-like, thin, and fast.
It bit Neo in an instant, before she could even realise that something was near her. Then it was gone in an instant. We didn't see it coming. I only saw a flash when it bit her, and I couldn't track where it went. For ten years, I lived a peaceful and happy life, and Neo was part of it. Her cheerful face now filled with unknown emotion, terror taking over. I couldn't do anything; I couldn't even keep up with it.
Neo fell, blood sweeping from her neck, and everything crashed down. It was over in an instant, and I couldn't scream or shed a tear.
I ran to her, lifted her into my arms, and there was no time. The other monsters were flying this way. I carried her home as fast as I could. Heart pounding and everything became quiet and slow, but I knew I was running. I held back all the emotions. I wanted to save her; that's what matters. We found the adults just in time; they took us to safety while the mages fought and won the battle against monsters.
She was breathing. Her eyes were open but unfocused. She didn't respond when I called her name. She never did again. They called it eternal slumber. A condition with no cure and no treatment. Her body lived. Her mind never returned.
My world went quiet after that. Not peaceful — just hollow.
Neo lay in a bed near the window, sunlight touching her face every morning. I visited her every day. I talked. I told her stories. I told her what the animals did, what the children said, and what the river looked like. She never answered. Before I knew it, I was attached to her; these feelings were new, and I didn't understand if it was love or friendship or if I saw her like a sister. Even if I understood what exactly I want her to be in my life, she is never going to wake up.
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When Eira finally had the strength to sit up, his eyes drifted past the open shelter and into the village beyond.
Houses were carved from packed snow and pale stone, their roofs curved to keep the weight from collapsing them. Thin trails of steam rose from vents where warmth was carefully guided through the walls.
People moved slowly, wrapped in layered cloth and fur, careful but not fearful. Children played quietly, their laughter muted by the snow, while elders spoke near small fire pits fed with blue flame.
It didn't feel like a battlefield or a refuge—it felt lived in. Built with patience. Built to last. For reasons he couldn't explain, the sight made his chest ache.