It was Monday afternoon. Stan was walking near the Law Faculty. He liked walking there because the building had free Wi-Fi that leaked into the parking lot.
That was when he met Tolu.
Tolu was a Law student. You could tell because she walked like she was suing the ground for being too hard. She wore expensive perfume and carried a heavy textbook.
"Excuse me?" she said, stopping in front of Stan. "You look... idle. Can you hold this book for a second while I tie my shoe?"
Stan didn't like the word "idle." He preferred "strategically paused." But he took the book. It was heavy.
"Thank you," she said, standing up. She looked him up and down. "You have a good posture. You should be a mannequin."
"I am not a mannequin," Stan said seriously. "I am the blueprint."
Tolu laughed. She liked his confidence. "I'm Tolu. I'm going shopping for the Faculty Dinner. Since you are 'the blueprint,' come and help me choose a dress. I need a male opinion."
Stan froze. Shopping meant boutiques. Boutiques meant money. Stan had exactly 50 Naira in his pocket. A button had fallen off his trousers, and he was using a paperclip to hold them up. He was not ready for high fashion.
But Stan never says no to a challenge.
"Lead the way," Stan said. "But be warned. My taste is expensive. Not in money, but in vibes."
They entered a boutique called "Classy closet." The AC was freezing. The clothes had price tags that looked like phone numbers.
Tolu ran to a rack. She pulled out a shiny, sequined gold dress.
Price: 35,000 Naira.
"Stan, look!" Tolu spun around. "This screams 'Lawyer', right?"
Stan looked at the dress. He looked at the price. He put his hands behind his back like a general inspecting troops.
"It screams," Stan admitted. "But it is screaming too loud. It is noise pollution."
Tolu paused. "What?"
"Look at the sequins," Stan said, pointing vaguely. "They are desperate for attention. A queen does not beg for eyes. A queen commands them with silence."
Tolu looked at the shiny dress. Suddenly, it looked cheap to her. "You think it's too much?"
"It is trying too hard," Stan said. "Like a first-year student trying to impress a professor. Put it back."
Tolu dropped the dress immediately. "Okay. You are right."
She grabbed a pink dress next. 28,000 Naira.
"This one?" she asked.
Stan shook his head sadly. "Too pink. It conflicts with the seriousness of the Law. Do you want to be a lawyer or a lollipop?"
Tolu gasped. "A lollipop? God forbid."
She threw the pink dress away.
This continued for twenty minutes.
The green dress? "Too mossy."
The black dress? "Too mournful. Are we going to a funeral or a dinner?"
The white dress? "Too risky. One drop of stew, and your career is over."
The shop owner was staring at them. He was sweating. Stan was destroying his sales with pure vocabulary.
Finally, Tolu sighed. "Stan, I have nothing to wear. Everything looks wrong now."
Stan walked over to her. He adjusted his polo shirt.
"Tolu," he said calmly. "Do you remember the black skirt and white shirt you wore to class on Tuesday?"
"My normal regulation wear?" Tolu asked.
"Yes," Stan said. "Add a red scarf. Wear your hair up. That is power. That is simplicity. These dresses? They are costumes. You are real."
Tolu stared at him. Her eyes sparkled. "Wow. You really see me, Stan. You are so deep."
"I just know quality," Stan lied. He just knew that her old clothes cost 0 Naira today.
"Let's go," Tolu said, grabbing his arm. "I'm not buying anything. Let's go get ice cream. My treat."
"Your treat?" Stan asked.
"Yes. You saved me money. I'll buy you a double scoop."
Stan nodded. "Acceptable."
He walked out of the shop. He had saved his pocket. He had destroyed a boutique's business. And he was getting free ice cream.
Mission Status: Sugar Daddy (But in Reverse).