Jim, who was sitting at a table with an ice pack held against his forehead, said angrily, "What do you and your snake friend want?"
"Good question. A better one is 'why are you getting medical treatment from the groundskeeper when we have a fully stocked infirmary staffed by a professional mediwitch?' Then again, forget I asked. I'm sure the answer is ridiculous. Anyway, Little Brother," Jim practically snarled at that, "we're here because Theo and I noticed that you were having problems with your broom, and we were curious at to Hermione's thoughts as to the cause." He looked directly at Hermione and smirked. "I'm practically burning with curiosity."
Hermione crossed her arms and huffed at him in annoyance, while Neville pretended to cough to cover up his laugh. It was Ron who answered, though.
"I'm surprised you don't know, snake! It was that greasy git, Snape! He hexed Jim's broom!"
"Here now," said Hagrid, who was busy setting out a pot of tea and looking about for some extra cups. "Tha's jus' nonsense. Snape's a Hogwart's perfessor. Why would he want to harm Jim?"
"Quite right, Hagrid," said Harry cheerfully, as he picked up one of the cups, inspected it briefly, and began to wipe it clean with the hem of his robe. "It's ridiculous to think that Professor Snape would do such a thing."
"Harry," said Hermione regretfully, "I know he's your Head of House, but it's true. I saw him. The whole time Jim's broom was being jinxed, Professor Snape was staring at him without blinking and muttering to himself. You have to maintain constant concentration to maintain a jinx against the protective wards on a Quidditch broom." "Oh, I know that full well, Hermione," Harry said amiably as he poured tea for everyone.
"After Daddy sent that Nimbus 2000 to Jim in the front of the whole school during breakfast last month, I took an avid interest in brooms and especially in how susceptible they might be to jinxes, hexes and curses. Just personal curiosity, you understand." Jim and Ron looked at Harry as if he'd just confessed to plotting murder. Hermione merely rolled her eyes while Neville shook his head.
"Dammit, Harry, you promised!" said Neville reproachfully.
"We agreed no death, dismemberment or permanent injuries, Neville. I was simply investigating whether it was possible to hex a Nimbus so that the rider's clothes would vanish if he ever got near a Snitch."
"You son of a bitch!" exclaimed Jim furiously.
"Jim!" exclaimed Harry. "That's our mother you're insulting! Anyway, such magic is currently beyond me. For the moment, at least." He smiled evilly at his brother. "The defensive spells on a Nimbus 2000 are state-of-the-art and so strong that only someone skilled in the most obscure of Dark Arts would be able to jinx one at all, let alone in a truly dangerous way."
"Das' very true, Harry," said Hagrid. "Rock cake?" The huge man held a plate of dark brown ... things out to Harry and Theo. Behind him, Hermione and Neville frantically started waving their hands back and forth while mouthing "No!"
"You're very kind, Hagrid," Harry said smoothly, "but dinner will start soon, and Theo and I shouldn't spoil our appetites." Hagrid looked disappointed but then shrugged and bit into one of the cakes himself with a frightening crunch.
"Be that as it may," continued Hermione, "if anyone at Hogwarts is capable of such Dark Arts, it's probably Professor Snape."
"Yes," said Harry, "unless it's, oh I don't know, the Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor, maybe? Who, by the way, was also maintaining unblinking eye contact and muttering the whole time Jim's broom was bucking like a bronco, at least until you knocked him over en route to your little arson attempt."
Hermione sniffed in annoyance. "Honestly, Harry. It was just Bluebell Flames. There was no danger of actually burning Professor Snape. You make me sound like a pyromaniac or something."
Jim interrupted at that point. "Hang on, forget about the blasted Bluebell Flames. You're saying Quirrell was the one who tried to kill me?"
"I'm quite certain of it. Hermione, you were distracted by your focus on Professor Snape, but from my vantage point, I could see the whole thing. As soon as you knocked Professor Quirrell over, the interference with Jim's broom stopped immediately." He considered for a moment. "You know, looking back on it, it was very fortunate that the two were seated as they were. It would have been just ... tragic if you could have gotten to Snape without passing by Quirrell first. You might have distracted the man casting the counter-jinx, leaving the actual jinx in place, in which case Little Brother here would be a gory splat all over the Quidditch field turf."
Hermione blanched, while Jim raised his chin defiantly. "I'd have survived. There were plenty of wizards who could have caught me if I'd fallen."
"That's a good point, actually," said Neville. "Whether it was Snape or Quirrell, what did he hope to gain by making Jim fall off his broom in front of nearly a thousand witnesses, any number of whom could have easily caught him with a Levitation Charm?"
Harry took a sip of tea and then shook his head. "Oh, I'm sure that wasn't the plan. Professor Quirrell was actually quite clever, but he didn't anticipate someone noticing him and blocking his jinx. I imagine his goal was to take direct control of the broom and then just fly it into the ground at its maximum speed, thereby splattering Jim all over the turf like a sack of overripe tomatoes." The Gryffindors looked varying shades of green at his casual description. "Everyone would have assumed that Jim had thought he'd seen the Snitch and flown after it too fast, only to lose control. There is a reason after all, that the school doesn't normally allow First Years to even keep brooms on campus, let alone play on house teams while riding top-of-the-line racing models designed for professional matches. The Boy-Who-Lived would be dead or critically injured in a tragic but perfectly foreseeable Quidditch mishap. So sad. So very, very sad," Harry said in a tone that did not suggest the tiniest bit of sadness. "And then, most likely, the Headmaster would have been blamed for bending the rules to let Jim play at all and probably even be forced out of his position, thereby leaving whatever the Cerberus is guarding more vulnerable."
"How do you know about that?!" exclaimed Ron. Harry gave him an almost pitying look. "Yeah, how d'yer know 'bout Fluffy?" asked Hagrid in agitation. Behind him, Neville mouthed in astonishment "Fluffy?!"
"Purely by second hand knowledge, I assure you," said Harry evenly. "I only bring it up to show that Quirrell is much more dangerous than he appears. And I want you and you," he said pointing at Hermione and Neville, "to stay away from him." Then, he looked over at Jim. "You, on the other hand, can go poke him with a stick for all I care."
Jim just made a face at his brother as Hagrid spoke up. "Well, all of ya's stay away from that corridor and from Fluffy. What he's guardin' is no concern o' yers! It's strictly between Perfessor Dumbledore and Nicholas Flamel! ... I shouldn't ha' said tha'!"
Harry inhaled sharply, closed his eyes and started massaging his temples as Hermione's eyes lit up in excitement. "Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!" he thought. "She's got a research project now! I've got a few months at most before she puzzles out who this Flamel bloke is, and then ..."
"What, the Nicholas Flamel?" piped up a surprised Theo, who had been sitting quietly all this time. "The alchemist? The one who made the Philosopher's Stone?"
"GAAAAAAH!"